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Monday, 20 February 2017

PunIntended: Unsolicited Opinions. Something Wicked: Movie Review & Other Things




 

Review Epilogue (because I’m cool like that)

So, it was Sunday and church was over. The sad reality that I had exhausted my 2 weeks leave and was going to return to that soul crushing black hole of a job the next day, began to dawn on me. In a desperate bid to savor what was left of my freedom, I wanted to do something to lift my spirits. So, like every normal, non-dysfunctional, single male adult, I decided to go to the movies - alone. Still reeling from all the excitement and satisfaction I got from “The Wedding Party”, I decided to watch another Nollywood movie. 


The cinema closest to me is Genesis Deluxe at Lekki Palms. Among all the Naija movies they were showing, I settled for “Something Wicked” for a few reasons: The cast looked verypromising and I had stumbled on a series of tweets the previous day from one of its producers; she was soliciting for support, urging folks to go see the movie, apparently, the movie was made by a trio of independent filmmakers and this was their debut project in the industry. She said the opening numbers were decent but current projections indicated that the movie might be “kicked out” from the cinemas within 2 weeks of release. It was a passionate plea, guys. Anyway, to the review.


Review

The movie tells the story of Hauwa (played by the lovely IretiDoylewho struggles to salvage her business while catering to the needs of her family as a single parent. Her nephew, Abel(Okey Uzoeshi), who was recently orphaned, has just moved into her home. He rarely speaks and struggles to fit into his new family and this is chalked up as a post traumatic symptom from the loss of his parents. Hauwa’s children, Becca (Beverly Naya)Daniel (Gabriel Afolanyan) and Esther (Ivie Okujaye)were characters that formed a subplot which revolved around their sibling relationship. Also, there was the comic relief, Claudia (Adesua Etomiwho was Claudia’s Assistant/friend/colleague?  (It was never specified).


The ‘sweet spots’ of this movie occurred every time the characters exposed their vulnerabilities and because all of the actors are top notch, it was always beautiful to watch. Like Hauwabreaking down in her car because of a failed business presentation after hitherto putting a strong front for her friend. Beverly Naya admitting a secret to her brother who apparently had been concerned about her all along but masked it with his dismissive, big brother charade. 


This movie succeeds more as a family drama than a Psycho drama; a huge chunk of the movie (at least the first 90 minutes), safe for the Abel’s cryptic nuances and periodic nightmares, played out as just plain drama.


As usual, Ireti was outstanding in thisY’all know how she do. Her onscreen presence always shines through. In this movie, she also gets additional credit for speaking the Hausa Language almost fluently, complete with the undertones and intonations (I was born and raised in the North, fam). Her scenes with Adesua brought out her funny side which I’d never seen.


I had a slight issue was Adesua’s character. Although sheinterpreted her role decentlyin a few scenes, she came across as a bit over the top. This is one problem with Naija movies, even the good ones, they sometimes stretch the comic relief thing a bit too thin. Moderation, guys, please.


Also, the director did not do much to utilize the landscape as a character in the story. Hence, it is hard to say what part of Nigeria the family is based in. It is implied that they are a Northern family based in Lagos but then, why did Hauwa speak Hausa to a detective who she’d just met for the first time.

All in all, it was a good movie, if you’re looking to have a good time at the movies, you should check it out. Also, if you’re looking to be a good Christian and epp the filmmakers’ hustle, you should get a ticket.

 

NB: Gabriel Afolanyan, who until today I had only known as ‘Somebody Afolayan’ or ‘The Guy From That Airtel Advert’ is a really, really good actor but I hate that his beard makes mine look like birdflu. Anyway, he is a rich kid, we all know rich people eat good food which possess nutrients that stimulate the hair follicle and make beards connect. Everyone knows this. Read your Biology, guys.


It is also worth mentioning that Beverly Nayawho is currently known as the most beautiful girl in Nollywood – by me and my brother - was also outstanding here and really beautiful. 

Me: Did you watch the movie

My broYupp, Beverly Naya!

Me: Guy!!!

My bro: I swear!!!


Yea, we’re not very articulate, my brother and I. But we do love us some Beverly!

 


As written by blog reader; PunIntended



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Punintended πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Loved this. Great read, I should see this movie soon. And yes, Beverly Naya is bae. I'd just leave it at that so I don't sound gay. πŸ™ˆ





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Dear Thelma... (It's Complicated).




My story may be complicated but Pls be patient with me. 

Few months ago I met a man at my friend's party, he is her husband's friend and it's as if he immediately developed feelings for me. After some weeks of ignoring him I noticed that I was having feelings for him too, so we started to spend more time talking and chatting. Shortly after that he asked me if I'm a relationship, I answered that yes I'm seeing someone. He was hurt and ended the call. 

I have been dating someone for sometime now, but he is married. I know it is wrong and I'm not proud about it, and I keep on asking God why the only man that has ever given me the kind of love, attention and care that I've always prayed for is a married man. I am not the kind of person to cause trouble nd I know that no matter how great our relationship is, we don't have a future together. I'm in love with my boyfriend but I don't want to wake up at 40 years and find that I wasted my best years with a married man so I'm open to moving on. 

My new friend on the other hand came back and said he still wants me in his life so we kept on talking. However last week he put two and two together and realized that the boyfriend I have is a married man. I could immediately feel his disgust and disappointment. He didn't hide it as we were talking on the phone and his voice became very hurt and he said he was done with me and hung up. However shortly after that he sent me a message begging me to explain why someone like me is dating a married man. He said he was disappointed and I nearly brought him to tears, he said he feels it's a very stupid thing for me to do. 

At that point I noticed his feelings towards me changing. He started to talk to me and treat me different. But later he called and asked for us to see, which we did. I explained to him how I found myself dating a married man and he says he understands but he doesn't like it. He then said that he never wants to talk about the married man again and before the night ended, he came out plainly that he does not want a girlfriend, he wants a wife. And I am what he wants in a wife. That he is still believing that we can have a future together. 

Now my problems are these:

Will him knowing that I have been dating a married man, affect our relationship in the long run? I kinda feel that even though he is saying he can overlook it now provided I break up with him immediately, he may later use it against me. I also worry that if we get married, he may have no issues having an affair and rubbing it in my face because after all, I was dating a married man when we met. Thoughts?

Secondly, he is extremely close to his sisters. This is a man that's almost 40 yet he cannot make a single decision without consulting with his sisters., especially his immediate younger sis. For instance, the day I told him I have a boyfriend and he hung up. He immediately called her to tell her. When I admitted that the boyfriend is married, instantly he called her to tell her. When I told him I sometimes drink alcohol, he called her to ask what she thinks. He tells her everything and even forwards our chats to her. Sometimes when he calls me and he is with her, he'll put the phone on speaker so that she can hear the full conversation. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Both when he told her I have a boyfriend and he is married, she asked him to still give me a chance, and that at least I was honest about dating the married man. So, I don't think she is a bad person, but I'm not sure if I'm confortable with the minutest details of our relationship being shared with his sisters. 

Also, he is a divorcee. He is yet to tell me what caused the divorce but it seems that he has moved on, and his ex is remarried too, so there's not much issue there. 

But lastly, and I am also very worried about this. He is from a polygamous home. That kind of home where the siblings don't all know each other, the mothers aren't at peace with each other and some of the siblings don't get along. I have heard a lot about polygamous homes and some not so good things about marrying into them. I would appreciate any advise that I can get on this. 

My fellow blog readers it's all complicated and I feel as if I should just back out, but somewhere in my spirit I believe that this guy really wants to settle down with me, and I would like to get married soon too, and I also have feelings for him. But I don't know if he is the right person. I need your advise please. Thanks. 



Just a recap, advise me on if he will treat me badly because I'm dating a married man, and/or if his sisters can later use it against me. Him sharing every single detail of every event with his sister(s) and depending on them to advise him on what to do. Marrying into a very polygamous family. 

Thank you. 







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Thursday, 16 February 2017

Bob Risky, Tonto Dike & Just Why?





I'm here waiting for my flight, got to the airport early and I've seen most flights leave on schedule, yet while here I've heard three flight been cancelled. Can you guess what Airline...

Arik of course!

My only question is why the flying heck do people still fly Arik?

JUST, WHY?

This has got to be one of the greatest mysteries in the world at the moment. 

So anyhoo, I got here too early and I've got lots of time on my hands to I'd share 3 things I saw on Instagram with you. 

The first is Bob Risky's new look. You like? Seriously though, you like? Some people have this theory that Bob Risky is not gay but created this persona and exploits for attention and popularity in order to sell his bkeaching products. What do you think?


Second is that someone actually Tonto Dike, (formerly?) Churchhill's Wikipedia page. See below. 


Seriously! Some people have all the time in the world. 

Lastly, this CV. 


Job seekers, maybe the reason you've not gotten that job is because you've not upgraded your CV to the new resumΓ© 5.0. 

Just saying...

My flight was just called. BRB. (Pls forgive any typos)

Don't forget to tell me what you think about these...

Throwback Thursday. My First Love...





Last night, on the 15th, I wanted to take down the red and white balloons and ribbons I'd put up in the spirit of Valentine and just as the scissors made the first snip, a bunch of people raged uproariously. I was shocked by their collective protest.

"Don't take it down!" One tall, burly handsome guy said. I was surprised. Mr Macho has been coming around for years and we'd always exchange glances but never speak. He's one of the really masculine manly alpha male types, so I was taken aback when he lunged forward from his chair because I cut off a ribbon. 

"It's still Valentine, can't you see I'm still wearing my red", another cried, truly he wore a bold red shirt. Last I checked Valentine's Day is on the 14th, but okay...

I closed up at about 11.45pm and because it was quite late, I offered to give the DJ a ride to the bus stop. A young lady walked closely behind him, I soon learnt that she's his girlfriend who'd been watching her man play all night. 

"Awww, you guys are still doing Valentine" I teased. I'd expected the DJ to be a bit embarassed as most men would but he wasn't at all. "Yes nau. Valentine is until weekend!" He said owning it. 

Hehe. 

So in the spirit of love & Valentine, I'm dedicating today's Throwback Thursday to our first loves. 

Do you remember your first love? I do. 

His name is Leo*. I was 17 when we started dating and shortly turned 18. He was 23. It was the most beautiful feeling; young love. I'd thought I was grown but when we really started dating, I began to feel more like a woman, more worldly, more knowing. He was also my first Valentine. I still remember the gifts he gave me, and I remember the Paco Rabanne aftershave I bought him, the most expensive thing I'd ever purchased in my life at the time. 
However, I got into the university and I saw that Jambito Rush was in the air, I simply couldn't let that exhilarating experience pass me by... It wasn't just the Jambito Rush to be honest. It was also the intoxicating feeling of freedom. For the first time in my life I was truly free... Or I could have been, but for a boyfriend. 
So... the boyfriend had to be eliminated, I chose freedom over love. Broke a man's heart and the tears he cried would come to haunt me years later. Yes, years later when (blog reader) J's husband's prophesy (I don't think he and J had met or become friends at the time) that I wouldn't find any guy that'd love me the way Leo did in a very long time, seemed to be coming true. 

Well, that's that. Leo and I are (facebook) friends now, he's a father and a husband and our past is history, just a page in the books of each other's lives. 


Now over to you. Who was your first love? How old were you? What was the relationship like? How did it end (if it did)? Are you friends now? Let's talk all about first loves... 😍😍😍

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Wednesday, 15 February 2017

"Are You Deaf?", "Do Your Worst!" & "Marry Me And My Life Will Be Complete" (3 Things They Said To Me).




So I told y'all that I had to take time off everything else and dedicate the next months of my life to running, managing and transforming this great place called Chidoz 😍.

Basically for now it's mine; assets and liabilities. 

I can't go into all the details now but suffice it to say that it's really not an easy business to run, moreso when the majority your customers are not the cool kids that you're used to dealing with. 

I had to let go of some staff and until I hire the kind of staff I need, I remain short-staffed and this means that I have to not only interface but also tend to customers, on very busy nights. 

You see, I don't mind busy nights. Busy nights are good, busy nights mean mo'money. 

And I have never ever wanted to serve customers before, but when a business is in your hands, you will smile and do what needs to be done. 

This sometimes means joining the waiters to cater to customers on busy nights. 

Ok. 

It's actually fine. 

Until I come across some rather special customers. 

Tonight business is a bit gentle, guess most people demolished their wallets yesterday (yesterday was crazzzzayyyy!) so for now I get to sit back and play boss and reflect on the last week. 

Which reminds me of things that were said to me by some of our guests. 


1. Are you deaf? Here's what happened. He asked for a big bottle of Eva water at room temperature. I actually didn't hear that part and thought I was doing him a favour by grabbing the coldest bottle in the chiller and serving it to him, because Lagos heat. 
      Well.... he held the bottle and all but threw it at me. "Onwe ihe n'eme gi n'isi? (Igbo for 'is there something worrying you in the head?'). Are you deaf? I said warm water, what is this!". I was rooted to the spot trying to figure out the worst that would happen if I emptied the bottle of chilled water on his round head. Well, until a waiter appeared, grabbed the errant bottle and ran to get another while I held my head high and walked away with grace and elegance; the hardest thing I've had to do all month... 


2. Do your worst. So this guy bought one large cat fish to eat, all alone. Half way through he realized that he could not finish the meal by himself and asked for a takeaway plastic bowl. The bowl he asked for costs about N350. When he saw that on the bill he said he wouldn't be paying for it. Helpless, the waiters came to call me as madam concerned. When the man saw me approaching he blew a fuse. "Why did they call you? Will you call police for me? Do your worst, am not paying for plastic!". Apparently uncle felt that we should not charge him for the plastic bowl, because... (I have no idea). I don't know how but I suddenly started laughing and teasing him, stroked his ego a bit and next thing I knew, he started blushing, paid in full and even left the change. 
*Pheeew!*


3. Just marry me and my life will be complete! As you can imagine, there's no night someone isn't trying to get my number, woo me or want to get to know me better. But on this one night, this one guy took it up a notch and went to meet my parents who were both there, to tell them that he has found his wife. I went to meet my mum to get some keys, not knowing I was the reason for the gathering. When I joined them this drama king fell to his knees and clasped his hands together as though in prayer. "Nne, just marry me. Marry me and my life will be complete!" This was followed by several incoherent promises which I could cash in on, after the marriage. 
      My parents and I were watching this film show, the guy was very serious, yet animated and it was hard not to laugh. Slowly, I slunk backwards towards where I'd come from, leaving my parents to deal with their son-in-law in a non-existent universe. 


...LOL. 

It's not by any standards an easy business to run, but for the first time in a long time, I'm loving the challenge. There's so much, like sooooo much work to be done. But I'm excited to see God in action. 

It's a bit more challenging because I'm also currently co-planning a conference holding in April (I will invite y'all when time comes) and a wedding around the same period. These were jobs I took on before I knew life had certain other plans for me. Surely, I'm still loving and exploring events management, but Chidoz (I think I'll have to change the name at some point πŸ’­πŸ’­) is my primary purpose right now. 


Sometime soon we'd have a TTB hangout here and you'll eat some real good catfish, the best peppered goat meat this side of town, and drink some chilled brew for the soul. 

Who's here for that? πŸ˜‰


Spunk Or Shrew? You Decide.




Ace director and altogether super woman, Kemi Adetiba shared the mail above which she got from an 18 year old. 

Kemi obviously loved the young lady's straight talking ways and said "Abso-friggin-lutely ❤️ this email. She's got spunk. I gotta work with her somehow". 

Some of Kemi's followers applauded the young lady saying they admire her straight-talking, no-BS ways, others felt that the lady is disloyal and Kemi should not dare hire her! A few others even suggested that she has no "home training".

I read the mail and I felt that for someone like Kemi who obviously gets a tons of mails like this, you've got to find a way to set yourself apart. But "I plan to use you to make me more successful than you" got me wondering. 

Ambition is great but what's are your thoughts on this?

Monday, 13 February 2017

Happy Valentine's Day!





And at this beautiful moment I wish you love. 

I wish you love in your heart. 

I wish you love in your home. 

I wish you love all around you. 

I pray that you also show love. 

What have you awesome people planned for today? 

Are you spending it alone? It's alright, tell me. Are you okay? Are you feeling particularly lonely right now? Are you in a hurry for it to be all over? Are you wondering "when will it be my turn?"? "Is everything around you red yet you feel blue?  

I know only too well how you feel, I've been there many times. It's why I'd like us to talk about it. 

On the other hand, where are the lovers in the house? Oya give us gist, what have you planned for bae today? Come and nack us tory, and we want details too! 

TTB readers, I'm waiting for the day one of you would surprise me, just one! Yes I'm unabashedly vexing. Everytime my blog line rings (since yesterday) I think oh, maybe someone wants to surprise me, but it turns out to be the same "I need someone to talk to, I have a problem...." kinda call. 
      Oh, I love being there for you to talk to. I love that I can help out when you're in need even if it's simply by listening. I love that you think I'm good enough for you to share your problems with. I love that sometimes you call just to check up on me and know if I'm okay, that makes me feel special. And my number is still there so you know I'm still here for you...

But in the spirit of Valentine I'd hoped for a surprise 😑.

More importantly guys, I know the economy is not great but if you've got good stuff you don't use and you think someone else might appreciate, then please mail me and let's have a giveaway on the blog. Oh, just incase you're feeling rather generous this Valentine's Day, money and airtime are very welcome. You can be the one to make someone smile. 


Happy Valentine's Day! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Sunday, 12 February 2017

Goodbye Eric Arubayi.





Your death has been the most shocking and painful thing I've heard all year, yet I did not know you personally. I notice I'm not alone in my pain, I'm seeing several others, who either were personal friends of yours, or like me, knew and admired you from a distance. The one thing we share in common this Sunday morning is our shock. 

When I saw your pictures on my instagram feed this morning, without reading the captions I'd simply believed that today must be your birthday and i muttered a birthday wish as I scrolled passed. Yet one caption caught my eyes; you will be missed. And I rushed back to the top of my feed, surely you were leaving the country that's why you'd be missed, surely you could not be dead. 

But it turns out that you are. The tears came. Because it simply makes no sense. The death of such a young, vibrant, handsome, talented, God-loving, God-serving, God-fearing young man makes no sense whatsoever, especially when they say the cause of death is malaria, or taking expired drugs for malaria or something senseless like that. 

How cold death is!

I used to watch you lead worship sessions at House on The Rock, crossed paths with you a few times and each time I'd think "What a man. What a complete man!". Your presence, talent and person could never be ignored, you were a rare one! Really, your death makes absolutely no sense. 

I pray that God consoles the young family that you left behind. Your beautiful young wife and that cute little son of yours. I pray that God consoles your loved ones. I pray and know that He will welcome you with opens arms. Surely He must have really needed a good one like you up there, that's why He let you go. 

Rest in peace sir. You will be remembered, your memory will never fade, you will be greatly missed. 

Saturday, 11 February 2017

The Non-Hebrew Woman?




"Currently 16weeks pregnant. I remember when i and my husband was shopping for a hospital in which I could register for ANC. We went to different hospitals and then my husband will only ask for “normal delivery costs”. When he is done, I will then say “how much does it cost for CS?”. The first time I did that, he was taken aback and did not talk to me throughout the drive home. Few minutes after we got home, he asked “babe why did you ask for cost of CS” and I told him that was because I was actually considering elective CS because mi o le wa ku on top deliver like an Hebrew woman. He started lecturing me about how I do not have faith and how CS is this and that. I sat him down and told him then no dey give award for normal or CS birth and at the end of the day, it’s my choice. He has now resigned himself to the fact that I am going to do elective CS.

In church on Sunday, I was talking to a close friend of mine. She is also preggy but two weeks ahead of me and she is carrying twins. We were talking about somethings and she said she was afraid of episotomy(sp) so I (who's opted for elective CS) said oh, no need. You may likely deliver through CS since you are carrying multiples. If you see the way my friend did the hand-round-my-head-while-snapping-te-fingers sign of rejection, you would think I wished her death. She actually sent me a WhatsApp message later in the day to warn me not to wish her CS anymore. I sha apologised and say toh, no vex. I no know say you like pain like that".


Last week I read of a young woman who had just died while trying to deliver her baby. The doctor strongly suggested they carry out a Caesarian section on her, but the mom-to-be refused even more strongly. Apparently she's a Jehovah's Witness and as we know by now, CS is against their doctrine. So in an attempt to birth her baby like the "Hebrew woman", or why ever else they do what they do, mother and child both lost their lives. 

I don't mean to knock on anyone's beliefs but I think God wants us alive and well...

Moving forward, bizarre as it may sound that this happens in 2017, I find this more acceptable and understandable than people who still view birth through CS as something to be ashamed of. When I read the post where I culled the above comment from (on   ) I couldn't believe the comments I was reading. 

Please are awards given for vaginal deliveries or something? I always thought it was a no-brainer, in fact, I used to think, albeit naively, that it would be the preferred course of action for most women. It turns out that I'm terribly wrong.  

One would think that what matters is that both mother and baby are well and healthy. And that a mother should do what's best for her and the child. But apparently, women who are cut open are viewed by some weaker, and less than. 

Please my people help me make sense of this. Do the pains of labour and pushing a baby out of the vagina bestow some honor upon a woman, than the woman who took the "easy way out" is not entitled to? 

Besides, is Caesarian section really the easy way out?...



Photo credit; raw vibes
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Ugh! I Hate People Who Hate Valentine's Day!




I just hate them, those people who say "it's just vals day, what's the point?" "I don't celebrate Valentine's Day because everyday should be Valentine's Day". "What happens when he treats you bad on every other day and then decides to spoil you for just that one day, does it make sense?" "Valentine's Day is just a scam for people to make money".  

And I notice that most of the people who go on like this are single. 

Look, I get it. It's just one day in a year. But it's the day set aside for L.O.V.E. "It's like saying love yourself everyday so why should you celebrate your birthday?". Crap, love yourself everyday but that one day marks a special day in your life so by all means celebrate yourself if you want! Or worse yet, like saying "Why should I buy a gift or call my mum on Mother's Day? After all I love my mum everyday". Duuuuuh!

Likewise, Val's day is the day you or your love can be officially extra in expressing love. 

And yes, people in business would grab it as an opportunity to make money. But what's wrong with that? If you're in business and you don't seek out and seize opportunities to maximize your profit then my darling, you should not be in business. Everyone, from commercial banks to the baker next door is latching on to this, and it's not a bad thing. 

Please don't listen to the Debby-Downers that make you feel bad about wanting something special on Valentine's Day. If many of them had the opportunity to be spoiled silly with gifts, spa dates, love, Tender Loving Care and over the top romantic gestures, they would grab it with both hands... And feet!

Now, if you're single and don't have someone to spend the day with, DO NOT FEEL BAD! First off, love yourself passionately and feel free to do something special for yourself on that day. And remember that you have many many many more Valentine's days ahead of you. So do not feel bad, or envious of anyone else. I'd even suggest, if you can afford it, take a cake to work/school for everyone, or just do something nice for yourself and others.
     On Tuesday I'm going to be all alone, working. Because I'm in a long distance relationship of sorts and it happens to be on a Tuesday so travelling wouldn't be expedient at the time. Of course I'd want to be boo'd up and doing all the sickly sweet things lovers do but I can't. However, I'm going to enjoy the day and feed off of the love in the air!

Because why not? Why shouldn't I grab every opportunity there is to be happy and joyful and lighthearted?

And that's my point exactly? Why not just enjoy the moment, celebrate it, be happy for those who have someone to celebrate it with. Just be HAPPY! Celebrate love. 

No, it's not a do or die affair, and nobody is saying that if you're in a relationship then you must empty your bank account. But even the tiniest gesture on that day could go a long way; as long as thought is put into it. 

Anyways, rant over. I really wanted to let off steam from reading all the "Who Val's day epp?" comments I'm seeing online. 


So guys, how would you be spending the 14th? Like I said, it's going to be a busy day at work for me. I'm running my family's restaurant & lounge business and I'm going to spend the day running around and catering to people. And when I have the time, I'd seat back and watch other lovers enjoy their Valentine's day. (I'm rescheduling my Valentine's Day 😊😊😊). 

You?

Friday, 10 February 2017

He Must Really Love Me...





Love!

That beautiful irrational giddy feeling. Nothing else feels quite like it. Not closing the business deal of the year, not acing your exams, not making your first millionsssss, not arriving victorious after a long winded legal battle...

All these are truly great feelings but they're very different from the feeling of being in love and loved in return. 

I've been lied to, cheated on, deceived, disappointed... But I've been loved. Lord, I've been loved!

I've dated more guys than I care to remember, I've been told "I love you" by many of them, but I (think) I've been loved by only two men. 

So I'm here with this goofy grin thinking of the times that I said to myself, this guy must really love me.

I'm thinking of so many "he must really love me moments" in my life that I don't even know where to begin. So let's start with you. 

At what points in your relationship/marriage has Bae made you say "he must really love me..." Or "she must really love me"?

Was it when he proposed? Was it when she said yes? Was it when he cut off all his side chics for you? Was it when she let you be her first πŸ™ˆ? Or perform some sexual act that she has never ever ever ever ever done or could do with another? Was it when he defended you to his family? Was it when she ignored her friends' and family's advice that she deserved someone better and still stood by you? Was it when he/she gave you their ATM password or even their phone password? Was it when he drove all the way from Lagos to Accra just to see your face? Was it when he made you breakfast in bed? Was it when she dropped her "feminist" ways just for you? Was it the times he's been extremely generous with you even when he is naturally stingy (LOL)? Was it when you noticed that he keeps talking about you to all his friends? Was it when she made that big sacrifice for you? Was it when she saw something in you that other ladies didn't, and nurtured you from that scruffy boy to that suave man you've become today? Was it when he invested in your future and paid for that expensive course for you? Was it when you woke up to find that you'd wet the bed πŸ™ˆ and he/she just kissed you and helped you clean up?

It could be anything really. So what was that moment for you?

I pray for you, that you'd find someone that loves you so much that these moments in your relationship will be just too many, you wouldn't even know where to start from to talk about it. Amen. 

But, let's talk! 

CONGRATULATIONS Kene Francis, The Latest Pharmacist In Town!




Read the mail he sent to me. 

Hi T, I got inducted/sworn in into the pharmacy profession yesterday and have been issued a provisional practicing licence. It dragged longer than I thought all the way since last year but it has happened now and I can't complain. Thanks for the kind words then and to all of TTB. I'm  just telling as many people as I can so that I don't explode from all the excitement.😁

Awww, congrats Kene! I'm so happy that this happened. See some pictures below. 


Kene with his only sister. 

Kene taking the oath. (With Mz Adah beside him)

Kene with another TTB reader Mz Adah


We at Thelma Thinks blog are so proud of you. I remember months ago when you were quite distraught that this hadn't happened when you'd expected it would. But seeing that smile on your face, I'm sure you know by now that "all things work for good..."!

We celebrate you!!!!!!! 

Tuesday, 7 February 2017

"Spiritual Prostitution"...





"On Wednesday, Brother Jonathan goes to MFM’s Midweek Service. (Because) After two days during the week, at work, at home, he might have been exposed to demons, standing in his way of his development. On Thursday, he goes to the Abundant Life Fellowship. He will sing hymns. He will sway from side to side. He will whisper praise and thanksgiving for the projects he is working on. On Friday, he will go to night vigil and an all-night prayer session. On Sunday, John takes it down a notch. He will go to the church that takes elements of the world, to attract the young to the church. There will be a dance session during praise and worship, where attendees can strain their flesh against skinny jeans, and off-shoulder tops. There will be a motivational speech-sermon. Afterwards, John will catch up with fellow churchgoers for brunch or maybe a movie. The blessing that is secured by being in fellowship with God’s children is assured". 

Excerpts of a post written by Do Better With Douglas for Bella Naija. The post was tongue-in-cheek. The writer was being sarcastic about his friend Jonathan who gallivants from church to church. However, it so happens that most of the commenters for whose reading pleasure he wrote this piece, are more like Jonathan. 

"I do that with Dunamis, Winners, MFM, Christ Embassy, House on the Rock. Online; Creflo Dollar, TD Jakes and Paula White. Afterall scripture says work out your own salvation….. After all some top men of God submit to so many prophets, bishops, pastors very quietly but they only mention a few on the altar…. Is it not same God? Anyone arguing with me, where is it in the scripture that you siddon one place?….", said one. 

Another said "I wonder if this guy was joking or made it up but this is actually my real life.

Sunday-My funky *hip hop hurray* church
Monday-“rest” day
Tue-Praying church
Wed-MFM
Thurs-Showers.
Friday-vigil
Sat-“rest” day"


When I attend House on The Rock one Sunday and Salvation Ministries another, I feel guilty because I still carry the guilt of that "Spiritual Prostitute" notion that I heard so much about when I was young. Basically, they said if you attend more than one church, worse yet, you attend many, it's spiritual prostitution and God hates that. I always wondered what part of the Bible said this but never found. Yet I thought that they were older, wiser and holier so they must know better.  

On most Tuesdays I attend the interdinominational women's prayer meeting at This Present House and I really love it, but it also makes me feel even more guilty. Hmm, there was a guest pastor at the last meeting; Busola Jegede. I fell so in love with her sermon, personality and spirit that I started courting the idea of visiting her church but quickly chastised myself! 

A few weeks back, I woke up missing HOTR one Sunday morning so I decided to worship there but a friend of mine seemed rather upset. He called me disorganized and said I'm feeling like a liberal and free thinker who can just attend whatsoever church she wishes abi? He said if I want to attend HOTR I should attend HOTR and stick to it. If I want to attend Salvation Ministries I should go there and stick to it. Basically I should pick a side and stay there!

He argued that this would help me live a more organized and functional life, and I can actually see sense in what he was saying. 

But sometimes, one church is serving amala and ewedu, but your spirit hungers for cornmeal and oha soup. Or that's just how it feels... 

For instance, Paul Adefarasin is a great teacher but David Ibeyeomie is a deep thinker and both impart me greatly. Online, I'm an avid consumer of Joyce Meyer, Joel Osteen and David Oyedepo (his leadership and business sermons are fantastic). Each of these awesome spiritual leaders just brings so much to the table. So much so that it feels like attending a lavish banquet, visiting the food laden buffet table and walking away with only a serving of white rice. 

(Jeez, I read through this post and saw all the food analogies. No wonder I'm a fatty bumbum πŸ™ˆ). 


People who attend different churches say they have their reasons. Those who don't have theirs too. 

What church or churches do you attend? Where do you stand? Are you a loyal devoted member of one church, or do you have a few that you attend for different reasons. 

And why? Why have you chosen devotion to that one church? What are your reasons? Why do you think there's something not quite right about attending others... And for those who attend a few, tell us why too.

Lastly, and I don't ask this rhetorically or sarcastically, does the bible say anything about this? If yes, please share with us so that we can be better guided. 




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Deji: My Struggle With Low Self Esteem.




I once saw a quote that read "the happiest people are the loneliest."


The first time I saw it, I *yimu'd* at it thinking people always have to find something negative to say about any good thing.


I battled low self-esteem as a child for many years. I always felt my parents didn't like me and maybe I was adopted. I always felt the need to study hard and pass my exams so maybe that would earn me small love/respect/bragging rights. But it did little to make me feel better about myself.


As I grew older, the only way I knew how to fight it (low self esteem) was to not care about what people think/say about me.


Unfortunately, I got so used to it, it became (still is) apparent in everything I did. The way I walked, talked, and dressed especially. I just didn't care. No one would notice anyway. It's not like it would make me more beautiful or appealing to people so why bother? 


Another thing that kept me sane was having a goal/plan and working hard enough to accomplish it.

It sort of helped replace the self-derogatory talks in my head at the time with something to look forward to. That helped and I became happy and content. It worked amazingly.


Quite frankly, it's been a while I fell into that horrible hole and even though there's been times when I almost fell, I just pray and say positive to myself. 


I thought I was over it until today....


It started like a joke, someone made a comment and I laughed about it... And then someone else made another comment which almost hurt but I smiled through it... And then someone wanted to use my picture for something and I looked through over 6000 pictures on my phone before I could find 6 that I even liked or would work for what he wanted to use it for.


At that point, all those comments came rushing back, even some I didn't even pay attention to at the time. 


I started sobbing uncontrollably. I was shocked. I was so upset with myself that I was crying but I couldn't stop. I couldn't help myself. 


I might cancel a trip with my 3 best friends in the world because one of them likes me and I feel like if we all go, and he sees my other friend in person, he'll feel like he made a mistake because they are quite close too. 


So I feel they should go without me so whatever happens in vegas stays in vegas. Can you imagine? Even I know something is wrong with my line of thought but I just can't help it. Insecurity of the hardest order! 


Which begs the question am I really a happy child? Or is it just a coping mechanism. Am I hiding under a smiley mask meanwhile I'm struggling with stuff underneath? Have you ever had to deal wit low self esteem and insecurities? How did you make it go away?





PS: It took a lot of guts to write this and even bigger guts to send it in.


but i feel better... share your thoughts with me.




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Saturday, 4 February 2017

How We Met...




Guys, you all know what this month is right? It's none other than the 2nd month of the year, the first month of the year when capitalists smile, the month that some ladies swoon and others may sob. It's the month of love. Yes, in a few days we'll be celebrating VALENTINE!

I don't care what you say, I think Valentine's Day should be a holiday. Don't ask me why. 

In the spirit of love I'll be talking about love a lot this month and right about now, I'd like to talk about how we met our lovers/baes/partners/boyfriends-girlfriends/spouses. And not only that, but how we made the move from friends to lovers. 


I would like to tell you how I met this really awesome, amazing, stubbornly optimistic, brilliant, inspiring, generous, hilarious, fascinating guy I'm dating, but unfortunately I cannot remember. 

Weird, right? 

I know. 

I know I got acquainted with him when I was about 19 or 20 or 21 and then I suddenly started hearing from him many many years later thanks to facebook. We still didn't become friends until much later and then he started to toast me. I didn't take him seriously as I was dating someone else but on the day I snooped and found out that the guy I was dating was engaged, had done his introduction and his lady was heavily pregnant, I needed a place to drink the pain away. 😊

And so I remembered this guy who'd been on my case like kilode. I called him to please get me a room somewhere very nice, I needed to be alone somewhere I could cry in peace. 

LOL. 

Well he got the room and I ended up not crying much because he didn't get the memo that I wanted to be alone πŸ˜’, and what was the end of one relationship was the start of another. ❤️❤️❤️


So that's my story people. Please share yours. How did you meet? Was it online, at a wedding, through a friend, at work, on the road, in church...? How did you start dating? Was it love at first sight, were you friend-zoned, did you snatch πŸ™ˆ ...? I am sooooooo eager to hear what you ALL have to say. And if you're single right now, let's hear how you met and started dating your last love

If you've never been in a relationship, well read, enjoy and be inspired by the stories you read. 

Everybody must talk, or else... πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‹




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Extreme Liberalism or Great Parenting? You Decide.





The below are excerpts of the interview with Lawyer, activist and ex-Chairman of the National Human Rights Commission, Chidi Odinkalu, where he shares his fatherhood story with Gbenga Adeniji and its a very interesting read. You can't be Nigerian and not feel some type of way while reading it. Good some type of way or bad some type of way. Let's read. 


How do you discipline your children?: I had a dad who wasn’t averse to sometimes enthusiastic laying of hands for disciplinary purposes. So I grew up with an instinctive aversion for that. I believe children are very perceptive. I am very much against beating or spanking. My children get when I am unhappy or need something addressed with urgency. I don’t need to scream or shout about it. It’s in a bond and skill of communication. Sometimes it is unspoken indeed; at other times it’s humour. Sometimes their privileges are tampered with; at other times the tone of communication does it. Discipline also can happen in knowing when not to say anything.
What hardest punishment have you meted out to any of them?: Believe it or not, it’s keeping quiet; ignoring them. They will usually trigger a discussion. Parenting in my view is about enabling children to trust themselves, their values and their judgement. It means encouraging them to have and find voice. They can’t do that if I beat or scream it out of them.
On what his kids call non-biological ‘aunts and uncles’: For instance, my children don’t call anyone “auntie” or “uncle.” In our house, everyone has a name and when they meet you, they will find out your name and you will be called by Mr. or Mrs. or Dr. or Chief your name but not “uncle” or “auntie” etc. There is a good reason for that. A lot of child abuse is done by “uncles” and “aunties”; by people who are insinuated into the lives of the children through titles that import authority and familiarity but who should not be in those positions. In my own life also, I have come to the conclusion you can’t hold anyone accountable whom you cannot call by their name. “Uncle” is not a name, it is an institution. The burden of holding an institution accountable for abusing you is too much for a child to bear.
On sending children on errand: I remember when my daughter was seven, my perfectly healthy sister-in-law came to the house, finished eating, sat down and asked her to go take down the plates. My daughter quietly told her to please take her dishes down to the kitchen and wash up and that her dad had warned her against child abuse. I sat quietly through it. My sister-in-law knew better than ask me. The following morning, my sister-in-law left the house. Children deserve respect and a voice. We can’t reduce them to fetching and carrying merely to satisfy the vanities of adults.
On speaking to his children about sex education: Daddying up a daughter is a fascinating experience. In my house, it was my place to explain to my daughter what a period was and to prepare her for it. Her mum was like: no one prepared me for it but my view was, well, that was then. So she said: ‘okay then you go do it.’ We worked out a way to do it. With our son, his mother taught him how to use a condom. For us, sex education is central to living a healthy life and also to being truthful with your children. ”
***
Read the full interview at punch.ng.com
Guys, I think he's going to raise some very solid stand-up individuals but I couldn't help but wonder how many grown folk are ready to have an 8 year old call them by name and ask them to take the dishes to the kitchen themselves and do the dishes. But... His house his rules. 
Which got me thinking, what happens when they're guests in someone else's houses? Do the same rules apply? 
Oh, and teaching a boy how to use a condom... Apostle must hear this! πŸ˜³πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
But hey, you read the interview, share your thoughts. Great parenting or extreme liberalism? 

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