I 'wander' about love, life, lifestyle, relationships, current affairs, literature, people, romance, celebrities, your story, my story, the past, the future and everything in between.

Wednesday, 29 June 2016

The Answer Is...?



We Are All Going There.





My posting has been rather erratic of late and for the most part it's because I've been moving around quite a lot. Late last week I travelled to the south south and after the weekend I went over to the east to be with my friend who recently lost her husband as the burial was early this week. We were kinda in the thick of the village so no internet service whatsoever. I came back to "township" late last night.

The night before the burial we laid in bed and talked late into the night. We were in her husband's family house, in his room, and the last time they were there was during Christmas when they came to the village. I listened to her reminisce. She talked about how they'd just made the bed and bought the mattress and how even though they were in the village, as far as they were concerned they were at The Oriental. She talked yet again, about what a fantastic husband he was. She would tell me little stories about that time he did this and that time he did that. Her voice not solely of one who's mourning but of one who feels blessed to have been privileged to know such a person. She continued to recall little incidents, memories, moments they shared together. She talked, not emotionally, but merely factually, telling me things as they were. Apparently he had many great virtues, which I'd already gathered a while ago. But the part that touched my heart was when she began to talk about the non-virtues, the flaws which she must have once wished away yet now she smiled as she talked about them fondly. She said "Nwando, he wasn't perfect and I used to have madness but when I heard and read about other husbands, I knew I had the best". 

And when she said "Life is funny, just when you think you're finally settled, this happens." i wanted to cry. 

You see, she was one of those who unashamedly wanted to settle down. It's something I knew right from way back when in uni. Now, there was a little issue, my friend wanted to get married but she was adamant about marrying someone from her tribe. As though that's not limiting enough in this era of few good men, she wanted someone not only from ther tribe, but her state and her village. Yes, he had to be from her village!

I was secretly worried for her. Men indeed were scarce, and for someone who really desired to start her own home ASAP, how was she going to do it. But somehow it happened, even in that (good) husband scarcity, she was found by one just as her heart had desired. Not just from her very own village, but tall, handsome and good in a ramifications of the word. 

I've never understood why the good ones die young, it makes absolutely no sense. It makes even less sense that a vibrant young man of 35, healthy and hearty, ambitious and driven, kindhearted yet strong, is here today and gone tomorrow.  

We laid in bed in the dark as the gen had long been turned off, and we talked and reminisced. Her in-laws would walk in intermittently with word for her. She was advised to wake as early as 5 and take her bath, because a lot of people would troop in the next day to see the young widow. Therefore, although we were both wide awake, I had to remind her that she had a long day ahead and a very early start, and it was already well passed 1am. She immediately turned over and in a few seconds she was snoring gently. 

I on the other hand was up for the next one or two hours. How was she doing it? The last time she was here they were here together and she never imagined that the next time she'd be here it would be with Nwando, or that it would be so soon, or that it would be without him. 

I watched my friend don her white dress the next morning and it was a sour feeling. I wondered not just about her but my peers. I remembered us in school, how easy and seamless we thought life would be. Just work hard in school, be good, graduate, get a job, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. Little did we know that just a few years down the line this thing we call life will spring some crazy surprises. Damn, life has thrown some of us the craziest, most unpleasant curves. How many times have I cried because someone lost a pregnancy, or even worse; a child, a life, a spouse... I don't really understand this thing called life. 

A few hours later his body was brought in and that was when it dawned on all that truly, this thing had happened. As he was lowered there was weeping and howling, as expected. The lady beside me looked up to the sky with tears running down her face, and then she smiled and said "It's ok, we are all going there". 

There's nothing are definite and inevitable as death, yet I was shaken by those words. Sometimes one wonders what the point of it all is, to be given life only to have it taken. 

My darling friend, I'm lost words. I know the road ahead will be tough but then so are you. It breaks my heart to watch you go through all this but I know that you will be fine. I know someday you will find peace and I'm certain that you will be happy again. For now take it a day at a time, don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it although you might be strong. Don't underestimate the power of prayer, for as impractical as that might seem, yes praying will not bring him back to give you arms around you when you're cold at night, yet it could bring you strength and comfort in a way no one else can. Find joy in the little things around you, those two little ones are going to need you to be in great mental and physical health, you're all they have for now. 

As Onyeka Onwenu sang, only the good die young. God knows best why he called him home early, maybe that little joke we tell little children is no joke after all and Heaven really needed one more angel?

May the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.  

Monday, 27 June 2016

Chronicles of an EDO Girl- (Episode 1- Mr. Skinny)





Togliti i vestiti” (take off your clothes)
Isoken had lost count on the number of times she’s heard ‘Italian locals’ use this phrase. She even hears it in her head at times when she’s all by herself. She hissed silently in her mind as she stares at the haggard looking Italian man, profiling him as she usually does.
He was a very tall man, in his early 50s. He looked quite pale and skinny with grays all over his UN-shaved face. His wrinkled face spelled stress and this somehow gave her a bit of relief as this means that he would spend most of the night ‘sleeping’.
The way they hooked up that night was quite dramatic. She and her ‘bestie’ Rosie were chatting outside at their usual club, La Cabala in Rome; Antonello Venditti was doing his thing on stage. It was a beautiful Thursday night at the club.
Just outside the club, were many ladies literally naked hoping to get a good catch for the night.
Isoken didn’t feel like going out that night because she was a bit under the weather; but Rosie wouldn’t let her be. They have been BFF for over 2-years now and she would do anything for her because she loves her dearly. She was like a sister.
Three desperate Nigerian ladies who practically wore nothing were chatting in Yoruba as Mr. Skinny walked past. They waved at him; he stared at them briefly as he made his way into the club.
Getting attention from men was normal for Isoken and she didn’t need to dress nude anymore to get men staring at her over and over again.
She wasn’t surprised when she got a note from him through his aide requesting to take her home for the night. Again, she got ‘the man’ effortlessly without breaking a sweat. Back in the days when she just got to Italy, some jealous girls have actually accused her of using charms. She had no idea why she is that gracious and lucky. Meanwhile, Rosie winked at her giving her ‘thumbs up’ as she stood up to go with the aide.
‘Mr. Skinny’ had her for the night as he had surprisingly paid the 500 Euros ‘standard fee’ back at the club without hassle. His looks didn’t quite fit his profile.
She was a bit surprised when he started kissing her immediately they arrived at the hotel room. He was a good kisser, there was something warm about him, and she loved every moment of the short kiss. She wanted more. She wahs horny and didn’t even realize it.  He ran his hands through her body causing her to moan a little. They were both very aroused now.
“Sei una ragazza molto sexy; Togliti i vestiti” (You are a very sexy girl; take off your clothes) he said, sensually with lust in his eyes.
With nothing else on, but a see through lingerie, she offered him a sensual massage to get things started, hoping that it would help ease the stress on his face. She ‘worked’ on his body while ensuring he enjoyed every bit of it by carefully putting her skills’ to work . They made love twice that night and she surprisingly enjoyed it too. He was a good lover no doubt and she ensured he had a nice time with her.
The night went by normally, even better than she had imagined because ‘Mr. Skinny’ was an experienced lover without weird fetishes.
It was a very good night and to think that she initially didn’t want to go out. She wished every man, every client, could be like this.
Gone were the days when Isoken would cry after selling her body for money to random men. Then, she would scrub her skin so hard after sex, hoping it would wash off every scent of strange men she’s slept with.
She has been a prostitute in Italy for 7 years now and has gained her independence. The days when she had to report to her ‘madam’ were over. How relieving, she thought, smiling. Being a very beautiful girl, with above-average height, lovely light skin and a shape to die for, put her over her fellow prostitutes.  It gave her several opportunities to meet with big names and faces. Her growth phase in the prostitution business was a fast and unusual one. Thanks to God for rightly endowing her.
Gaining her independence 3-years ago, she has amassed good money for herself, exploring her wealthy clientele. She wasn’t a low-class prostitute anymore, as she has successfully raised her standard over the years. Her life in Italy was a peaceful one, as she was doing relatively well for herself.
However, as they say, you can never have it all… there was something that often gave her sleepless nights.
Iso! Isoken!
Her dads’ voice always sounded good to her ears. She was a daddy’s girl any time. She smiled as she heard her dad’s voice calling out to her. His voice was her favorite song.
She woke up and realized that she was still in the hotel but Mr. Skinny was gone.
He left his business card on the table, on top what looked like a cheque. She couldn’t believe it. It was a cheque of five thousand Euros.
The sound of her dads’ voice had felt so real and she would give anything just to hear his voice again…
To be Cont’d

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Written by Female Mondial. To read more visit her blog femalemondial.wordpress.com where she shares her thoughts and stories on the woman experience. 

#Frankly Speaking: The Oil Deception.





Recently, the President of Ijaw Youths Congress, Eric Eradiri  revealed that President Buhari has indicated interest in personally leading negotiations with Niger Delta stakeholders that will include, governors, traditional rulers, activists and some key militants and ex militant leaders.

President Buhari is only taking the same steps that Presidents, Obasanjo, Yardua and Jonathan all took. But these are the same temporary measures that allows the federal government to continue drilling oil while empowering a few in the Niger Delta.

In the next few weeks after the negotiations , bribes will be released to some strong men of the creeks in the form of ransoms fees and the pipeline vandalism will reduce while critical issues like true federalism and even the host community funds will not even be considered .

In the next few years, the future Presidents of this country will also face similar crises and take same steps by empowering the 'strong men' in the Niger Delta while the majority of the people will wallow in abject poverty.  New strong men will emerge by their ability to create maximum chaos in the oil industry.

Remember it was the Presidential Jet reception to Dokubo Asari and Tom Ateke that inspired new strong men like Boyloaf, Boma George, Osama Bin Laden , General Africa etc.

Nigeria will fruitlessly, keep trying to develop critical infrastructure for 200 million people, with 2.2 million bpd as our project funding system of building a 3km road in three years will continue.

The next two presidents after PMB will still come and offer to provide electricity and build roads. Nothing much would have changed. Insecurity will continue as we'd still have a lower security budget than even groups like Hezbollah.

There is something deceptive about  Nigeria's so called oil wealth. We just know we produce oil , but what is our comparative advantage with oil when you take into consideration the number of people the oil money is meant to cater for?

For example, with a a population of less than 2 million people, Qatar produces 1,240 barrels of oil per day for 1000 people. Saudi Arabia produces about 371 bpd for each 1000 people. Kuwait produces about 1,100 bpd for each 1000 people. United Arab Emirates is about 663, even Angola that we produce more oil than produces 139 bpd for each 1000 people while Gabon produces 167 bpd for 1000 people.

Nigeria on its part produces 17 barrels per day for each 1000 persons, making her the poorest OPEC country in terms of Oil Per Head, far below the OPEC countries average of 371 bpd.

So we can see that the difference between a country like Nigeria and a country like Gabon is the difference between having three cubes of sugar placed in a 1000 litre tank and having one cube of sugar placed in a tea cup.

Who has more sugar? Of course the person with three cubes. But who enjoys the effect of sugar more? Definitely  man with one cube in a tea cup.

The easiest way to move forward and diversify from this mono economy is to entrench true federalism as this will freeze the feeding bottle in Abuja and states like Jigawa, Ebonyi and Ekiti will realise that they have much more resources than the black gold.

This deceptive assumption of having so much wealth led us into numerous wasteful policies like subsidizing petroleum products until situations forced President Buhari to solve that problem .

Universities can't function autonomously by fending for itself with the fees that students pay, but will depend on hand outs from the education ministry which is never enough and we now have glorified secondary schools as universities. All because we think we are an oil rich nation.

In some states in Nigeria, the government even funds little things like refuse disposal. People are not even allowed to posses the individual responsibility of paying for their own refuse to be disposed. At the end , it's never effective and the state is gradually becoming a garbage city rather than a garden city .

The government will continue to be slow in generating income tax as FIRS remains a less serious income generating institution than NNPC .

Is it not ironical that we have oil wealth and have a per capita income of $2,600 while little countries like Belgium with little or no mineral resources have a pet capita income of over $40,000.

In a country like the United Arab Emirates, States like Dubai manage their oil resources and pay about 2% only to the emirate in Abu Dhabi.
Today, with an Oil production of 60,000 bpd , Dubai have built their city, diversified her economy and developed her human resources to a level where oil now accounts to about 5% of their foreign earnings while Nigeria foreign earnings remains above 90% oil based.

The reason is simple .The wealth of a nation lies more on her human resources rather than on her mineral resources.    

This is why mineral based economies like UAE, QATAR etc are rapidly transforming into knowledge based economies like Israel by rapidly diversifying.

This is why Nigeria with crude oil will continue to import refined products from countries without crude oil like Singapore and South Korea.

Until we move away from this feeding bottle federalism of drilling oil in Abua and sharing the proceeds in abuja, Nigeria will continue to produce leaders that are destined to fail no matter what they do.


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#FranklySpeaking is a new political segment on Thelma Thinks written by a friend of the blog who prefers to remain anonymous. 


Sunday, 26 June 2016

Dear Thelma... (She's About To Make a Big Mistake).




Please I'd like to be anonymous. So here goes my story. My best friend is the kindest and sweetest guy I have ever met. He has been my bestie for seven years and counting. Being best friends means that I meet his girlfriends, some I get along with others not so much. However his present girlfriend and now wife to be has become a dear friend of mine and that's the reason I'm writing this. You see *Kene* is a good person but due to family issues growing up, he battles with some demons. Speaking plainly, his dad was (and still is) a very abusive husband. Kene lived all these years watching his Mum beaten to a pulp and on several occasions he had to rush her to the hospital after his dad's legendary beatings. It's so bad that she uses fake teeth because he has broken most of her teeth. A few years ago she was on wheel chair for some months because her husband nearly crippled her. Once she nearly died and she finally left after many year of beating but after several family meetings and church intervention she went back home. I don't want this post to focus on that because the story is too long.      
        Kene's dad was not only physically abusive but also mentally too. He has made the woman believ she is a worthless piece of shit and raised his children in a home of fear. On the outside k is brilliant and handsome. He left Uni with 2.1, distinction in masters and also has a very good job. He is charming and handsome but very few of us who know him well know that he's dealing with serious issues. I for one know that he's a control freak, I know he has a terrible temper and even though he tries very hard to suppress it, he has tendencies of abuse. One of his ex's confided in me that he beat her up a number of times. Another one complained of extreme possessiveness and control. I also know he's a bit dictatorial in that his girlfriends' movements, dressing, makeup, friendships and even opinions are subject to his approval. He took a break frm dating before he met his current Bae and I know he has tried his possible best to suppress his issues, even though she has made small complaints about control. Now he proposed to her and she's excited but she does not know that his issues are much worse than she thinks. I've tried talking to him but he says he is ok but he know he has a temper issue which he prays about and he now has it under control. I also know he has gone for deliverance a few times but later those issues still surface and sometimes even worse than before. 

Now I'm helping them with wedding planning but I'm very worried about his girl. I love Kene as a friend but knowing what I know about him, he is not someone I will marry or allow my sister to marry. I know it makes me sound like a horrible person and I'm sorry about that. People may not understand how bad it is but I know. I'm just torn between wishing them well and letting them get married or if I should tell his girlfriend what she might be in for and let her decide whether to go ahead or not. I just feel so scared and worried for her watching her do something that she might really come to regret, but then again it's really not my place to tell her as I met her through him and we are not personal friends as such. Please what would you advise? 

Wednesday, 22 June 2016

Choose One!




I love these li'l fun posts 'cause they help me know more about my readers, or they help us know more about each other, like that one about the nice things about our Exs. Really revealed some in house freaks. LOL. 

So this, I just had a totally shitty day, I come home and I'm able to pick only one from the four options above, it's certainly going to be Number 2

The last thing I would do among these four on such a day is Number 4. Like, if I had to come home and face No. 4 I won't even come home at all! Besides, I'd be a pretty lousy lay. *covers my pretty face*. 

Hehehe. 


Now it's your turn.  




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A Personal Guide To Dating Nigerian Men.






A Ghanian lady, Hanna Morgana has, from her point of view, listed the different kinds of Nigerian men and their characters, as a guide for her country women to follow when they want to date a Nigerian man. See below. 

I hear Ghanaian ladies say Nigerian men are the best: they are loving, caring, and really caring (financially).

Truth, is men will always be men. I have tasted and seen. Counsellor Lutterodt says you don’t date for more than fourteen days. So in your fourteen-day quest, it is important to understand your man.

So in case you get involved with a Nigerian guy or intend approving one for your sister, I present to you my personal guide below:


YORUBA MEN (aka Lagos). Have you met a Yoruba Man before? They will make you laugh, very funny people, it is never boring around a Yoruba Man. He can get you Heaven on Earth. God bless his hustle. But will always cheat on you. This is not a matter of you did something wrong, No!!! You didn’t!!! They enjoy cheating. It’s like their Normal Fun. There’s the adage “A dog never rejects Bone.”

This describes a Yoruba Man. They know too much. (Bother their ladies and Guys) if anyone tells you something along the line you later found out it was a Lie; and it leaves you wondering if you were charmed into believing it. Do a research on that person; he is a Yoruba Guy.


IGBO MEN: An Igbo man is ready to take good care of you and buy you the latest of whatever you want. He can buy you a car if you so desire. You just have to let the world know. I mean the Whole Wide world. You don’t refer to Him as your Boyfriend. Hell No.

He Is Your Husband, married or not. And Igbo man will never do all these for you if he has not seen your parents, or if he doesn’t know every single detail about you.

He cannot spend for anything. “Baby on Sunday, we are wearing ‘to match’ to church.” When they see him, they see you. You can’t even cheat on an Igbo man if he wants to be serious with you. All his friends, overseas MUST KNOW ABOUT YOU. Everyone he knows has a picture of you. Igbo men believe in “You give me I give.” No time to waste.!


RIVERS MEN (aka Port Harcourt). They are the people you will say “Know what’s up.” They are Guys who have mastered the art of flirting. Yes they are that Good; they don’t give up. A typical Port Harcourt man will promise to marry you.

They will Love you, but will also accommodate as many as their heart can accommodate. He is not saying he doesn’t love you; he will make you think the ladies are the one after him. So he is trying to explain to the ladies one after the other that you are his girlfriend. They are also called the “ladies men.”


DELTA MEN (aka Warri). Delta Guys don’t Love. If you like cook, wash, clean. On Friday, he will go clubbing and will pick a random girl up. They like it like that. You can’t tell them otherwise. So long you are not a virgin, you are not the village girl that has been kept for them, they won’t attempt to fall in love with you. But they will spend on you: he can buy you anything you want so long as you stay loyal as they want you to. Everything you are doing for them, washing and all that, is out of your own kind gesture. “Nobody send you message” as they normally say. But will be the first to say “Girls are not loyal.” I wonder what they think loyalty means.


HAUSA MEN are shy; they only talk to you when they know the environment is right. I don’t know about 30% of them, but I believe 70% of them are shy and very caring. So long he likes you, sometimes they show you care even before they really fall in love with you. They always want you to be around them; they want you to be happy, so will do anything to make you happy. But one bad side: they are OBSESSIVE. Because their motive is so genuine, they easily get obsessed and that’s where the problem starts. He will call you and your total discussion would be about the imaginary person you are cheating on him with. He can accuse you of cheating 200 times out of 100. They have insecurity problems.


CALABAR MEN (Good in bed Men): They are one of the blunt and really brave Guys. They know quite alright they don’t have a chance with you, but they believe there is no harm in trying. A Calabar Guy will approach a beautiful lady and tells her how much he likes her, how much he wants to see her happy, how happy he would make her feel. They know they got no chance with you, but will try anyway. For example, they will tell you they want you to be their girlfriend (BLUNT), but they don’t have money to take care of you (BRAVE). The Calabar man gets carried away and sometimes forgets to cut their coat according to their size.


***
This lady seems to have done some real field research. 

Do you agree with her or nah? 

Are there men from a particular tribe that you can ascribe some characteristics to? I quite agree with her about Hausa men being "shy", for the lack of a better word. They're not as forward as other men and they do a lot of things codedly. I think I believe that Calabar are skilled lovers too. That's all I can say sha. Hehe. 

You?

Source; Nairaland. 

BAN Commends Nigerian Military, Calls on Militants to Dialogue





In its effort to boost the morale of the Nigerian military to overcome various crises beclouding the country presently, Brothers Across Nigeria (BAN) has called on all Nigerians to unite and support the military, as it commended the Nigerian armed forces for its attempt to prevent the daily bombings in Nigeria.

While speaking with journalists at the palace of Chief Emmanuel Okafor Ngwu, the traditional minister of Umunevo Ogui Nike community in Enugu State, BAN President, Chief Charles Okonkwo, thanked the military authorities for the efforts it had so far put in the fight against terrorism in the country, adding that but for the indomitable Nigerian military, the country would have been overwhelmed by series of crises.

According to him, “We are happy that the days of everyday bombing of churches and mosques have been curbed to a reasonable extent. From recent events, it’s evident that the Nigerian armed forces have greatly limited the ability of terrorists to massacre people mostly in the North-east. The recent sprinkle of attacks are just the spasmodic movement of a decapitated serpent, which would soon be over.”

Speaking further at the lunch of Support Our Troops Against Terrorists (SOTAT)) which took place in Enugu recently, the group’s Board of Trustees (BoT), Chairman and Coordinator of SOTAT also commended the ‘stick and carrots’ approach being used by the soldiers in tackling militancy in the Niger Delta region.

He called on the Niger Deltan militants to sheathe their swords and accept the call for dialogue put forward by the federal government, adding that the wisdom of peace is higher than that of rancour.

On the overall mission of the social justice and non-profit organisation, its leader, Okonkwo, told journalists that: “Brothers Across Nigeria is a group that bonds men across tribes, tongues and religion into a cauldron of unity.
He disclosed that BAN would hold its next zonal conference in Uyo, the Akwa Ibom State capital, where it plans to pay courtesy call on military installations and traditional institutions as well as call upon Nigerians for patriotic duties to their beloved nation.


-Sunday Okobi, for Thisday Live. 

Sponsored content. 




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"You Know Nigeria Is In Trouble When a President's Wife Talks Like This".



The Aisha-Fayose brouhaha has got the whole social media in a frenzy in the last few days. This began when Fayose condemned the injustice and unconstitutionality of a sitting Governor who is provided with immunity having his accounts frozen, in a statement to Premium Times. In his statement, he called on the President and the EFCC to wait until 2018 when he'll leave office and then, they can do whatever they please. He then went ahead to suggest, as many others have, that the President's fight against corruption is simply a veiled witch hunt of the opposition. He said that none's hands are clean and that the "secret" estate built by the President in Abuja is known to "them". He said that even the President's wife, Aisha Buhari was involved in the Halliburton scandal. In his words; Even the President cannot claim to be an angel. The estate he built in Abuja is known to us. His wife was indicted over the Halliburton Scandal. When that American, Jefferson, was being sentenced, the President’s wife was mentioned as having wired $170,000 to Jefferson. Her name was on page 25 of the sentencing of Jefferson. We can serialize the judgment for people to see and read.

Well, this is what led to the First Lady's infamous Twitter rants. 





Some say this is beneath a First Lady. Some say it's a good thing she responded to the allegations. Some say she should have responded, but should have been professional about it. Some have even compared her to the former First Lady, Patience Jonathan, saying Patience was bullied, ridiculed, accused and insulted by many, yet she never stooped so low as to personally brawl with someone on social media. Some say her account must have been hacked. Some say, now they now how it feels to be accused and labelled "corrupt" without a trial or any due process. One said You know Nigeria is in trouble when a president's wife talks like this. 


What say you? 





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Sunday, 19 June 2016

The Nice Things About My Ex...




Haha! This should be fun. But really, not everytime my ex was a douchebag, my ex was a bitch, my ex was a cheat, my ex was a gold digger. Nah, when they do us bad all the good things they were and they did suddenly fly out the window. Point is, there was something we saw in them that made us date them or fall in love with them; there was some good in them, no matter how little. 

For some of us, our ex's were actually great and WE were the douchebags. 

In any case, say something about your ex. 


My (most recent) ex boyfriend had a very high IQ. He came from money yet hustled like a pauper, thus he was $$$. Errr, which in itself was another "nice" thing about him, LOL. He didn't go out or keep late nights like most guys, like he literally hated clubs or bars and seven nights a week you're sure he's home at 7pm. He bought me perfumes, lots of them. 

#okbye. 

LOL. 

Now it's your turn. Tell us the nice thing(s) about your Ex. 

Happy Father's Day!





Happy Father's Day to all the wonderful fathers out there. We know some times, with the way we carry on about our mothers, we could make you may feel just a little unappreciated. But, we really do love you and we appreciate all you do to ensure that we have the best. You're our heroes and our rock!


Happy Father's Day daddy. You're the best father I could have asked for, sometimes you were even a mother too! I love love love you. 

***

Special shout out to all the TTB daddies and daddies to be.

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I'd like to know what kind of fathers you all had growing up. How would you describe your father in a sentence? 

Freeze: I Won't Marry a Feminist. Here's Why...





The Olori of Ife, Her Majesty, Queen Wuraola-Zynab Ogunwusi, spoke what I consider words of absolute wisdom, when she stated her belief that gender equality is hardly achievable in the modern world. While speaking at the Emerging Women Forum on Thursday, June 16, the queen said; I am not a huge fan of gender equality. We can’t be equal, We can’t be men. We have our roles to play. She can’t be more correct and my respect for her has risen 100 fold, hence the proud smile on my face in this picture with her royal highness.

Although feminism in itself is a noble cause, and by definition is “a range of political and social movements and ideologies, that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve equal political, economic, personal, and social rights for women, the way many of my Nigerian sisters are going about achieving this is becoming counter productive. Although I agree that men and women have equal rights I absolutely disagree that they are equal. Each gender was beautifully created by God, to serve a purpose and assist the other. However saying they are equal is like saying a cap and a pair of boxers are equal. If you are in doubt, attempt wearing your boxers on your head and your cap on your butt and then brush your teeth with your belt and hold your trousers together with your toothbrush, then perhaps, my point will be better illustrated.

There was a certain young lady I was once courting, I remember trying to pick her her up and carry her, only to be corrected very sternly “don’t you EVER carry me, I’m a feminist!” ah…. Lobatan! After that day, I hastily put an end to both the courting and the carrying.

I used to know a guy called Akin who was quite unhappy with his marriage, because he had a very controlling, argumentative wife. This guy was posted to Warri by the oil company He was working for, and his wife, who was well educated decided against settling with her husband in Warri, choosing to return to the UK to work with an investment bank. Since he didn’t want to lose his marriage, the guy found himself traveling back and forth, visiting London on a monthly basis. While his wife worked on her career in investment banking, he still paid most of her bills from Nigeria, surviving on noodles and sleeping on a cold bed….. All that changed however when he met pretty Ekaete, who was content with her BSC, wanting her home to be her major investment, indulging Akin in the world of Edika Ikong, Afang, Ekpan ku kwo, piom piom and the likes, tempting him regularly with her 28 inch waist and 44 inch hips; today they have 3 children.

Though some men like feisty, argumentative ‘my way or the high way’ kind of women, I unfortunately don’t fall into that category, as I don’t enjoy relationships where women stand up to me all the time, putting their feet down, it’s something I consider a major turn off.

This is one of the reasons why my work relationship with @kaylahoniwo has been so great, primarily because she always knows how to get what she wants, without being rude, cocky or argumentative, making me constantly tell her how much wife material she is, and how lucky the man that would make her his Olori would be.

***

*facepalm*

Saturday, 18 June 2016

Happy Birthday Chimezie Nwodo!





Happy birthday to a special blog reader and my learned colleague, Barrister Ogenna Chimezie Nwodo. May you reach great heights in your career, may the ink in your pen never run out and may beautiful Eleanor have a big brother by your next birthday!

Best wishes bruv, thanks for being an awesome member of the TTB family.



Olori Wuraola Zynab Otiti - “I am not a fan of gender equality. We can’t be equal… we have our role to play”





She spoke at Emerging Women’s Forum, in Maryland, USA, and she said out of no offense to anyone, she’s not a fan of gender equality, because she thinks that limits women. Her husband the Ooni has his role to play and she has hers.

Olori Wuraola Zynab Otiti_2

“I am not a huge fan of gender equality. We can’t be equal, We cant be men. We have our roles to play here, a very pivotal one.”

Her Majesty went on to speak about the powerful roles women play and how women should tap into their powers by exploring themselves in order to reach extraordinary heights, as opposed to fighting for power with their male counterparts.

“The modern pattern of feminism has succeeded in limiting women of the heights they could reach; gender equality is unrealistic. We can never be equal with men, we are here for a great purpose, we have our roles to play we are powerful and we are a force of nature.”

"Without motivation, we can't be inspired and without inspiration, we can't get to the next level"- Queen Wuraola-Zynab Ogunwusi. #OoniofIfe #QueenWuraolaOgunwusi#TheOoniVisitsAmerica 

"... Relationships are suffering today, because women want to be men...You want to be treated like a queen, but you don't carry yourself like a Queen... " - Her Majesty Olori Wuraola-Zynab Ogunwusi at The Emerging Women's Forum in National Harbor, Maryland. #OoniofIfe #TheOoniVisitsAmerica #QueenWuraolaOgunwusi 

"I want you all to remember as Women, that we are powerful people... We are here for a greater purpose." #QueenWuraolaOgunwusi #OoniofIfe 

Thank You

The above was shared on the Queen's Instagram which is 'run by staff'. 

It saddens me that supposedly educated people cannot grasp such a simple concept like "gender equality". 

Thoughts?


MUST READ. Amaechi: The Shaming Of a MEnister By The People's Minister- Reno Omokri





By now, you probably have watched the viral video of the town hall meeting organized by the ministry of masquerade dressing (otherwise known as ministry of information) in Uyo the Akwa Ibom state capital.  At that event, the mild mannered minister of state for petroleum resources, Ibe Kachikwu, proved that you should not judge a book by its cover as he publicly took on the minister of transport, Rotimi Amaechi and gave him an answer that could not be responded to.

Amaechi, in response to a question on why he appears to want to consign the maritime university Okerenkoko to history, responded thus:

"I am not against the University. I hope you people appreciate that. My argument about Okerenkoko is that the land alone is N13 billion. If you give me N13 billion I will buy half of Lagos. That N13 billion has built the university already so there is no need to spend more money. Let EFCC retrieve the money from them and then release them and we would build the University. I believe the Federal government has no money to continue. When we have money we would continue. The Minister of state for Petroleum has whispered to me that he would look for the money to continue...Minister, bring it to me and I will continue"

In response to this, Mr. Kachikwu said: 

"First let me say on Maritime University, I disagree with the minister of transport. Any facility that is placed in the south south, we should work towards developing it. I don’t care the circumstances under which we are placed… It is not my position to determine whether land was valued at N19 million or N10 million or N3 million. The appropriate institutions which are the court systems will determine that. That has nothing to do with the development of the infrastructure. As far as I know, so much has gone into that property. So much fiscal assets are being developed. We are not going to throw the baby with the bath water. We will deal with the issues but the University will be developed. If he doesn't want it in maritime, I will take it to petroleum" 

Seated with the duo was the minister for budget and planning, Senator Udoma Udo Udoma. The cameras actually caught his smile as he listened to Kachikwu and I tell you, that smile was worth ₦13 billion.

It was the type of smile you get when you watch an Uncle Tom being given a lecture he so badly needed.

An Uncle Tom is defined as an individual who is excessively apathetic to the group interests of his community while at the same time rabidly crying more than the bereaved in support of the group interest of another community with competing interests to his own community within a state or a nation.

I will leave it to my readers to determine whether this definition defines Chibuike Rotimi Amaechi or not.

But since the minister of state aptly chided Amaechi for attempting to throw away the baby with the bath water, it might be expedient of me to bring my readers up to speed about the origin of the term 'throw away the baby with the bath water'.

In medieval Europe up until the Industrial Revolution, water was scarce. You could hardly get enough to drink, let alone bath with, so people did not have their bath regularly as they do today. 

What would happen is that a family would obtain a bath tub's worth of water at great expense and then the man of the house would have his bath right in the bath tub. When he was done, the next ranking male member of the family would have his bath. This would continue until all the men in that household had had their baths according to their pecking order.

Next in line would be the females who, believe it or not, would all have their baths in that very same water, according to their standing in the family.

Finally, the minor children of the household would then have their baths in that same water and bath tub.

As you can imagine, by this time, the water would have become dirty and almost muddy and by the time the matron of the family came to throw away the water, she may not notice that a young child or baby was in the water and in many cases they threw the water into the sewers along with any unfortunate child that was hidden in the water by the dirt.

This historical occurrence is a metaphor for Nigeria.

The precious water in the bath tub represents the wealth of Nigeria, which in this case is largely centered around the oil industry which is domiciled in the Niger Delta.

The bath tub itself is Nigeria. 

The men, women and children who bath with the water in the bath tub are the various ethnic nationalities that make up Nigeria.

The man who first enters the bath tub is the Northern gentleman. He is followed in quick session by the Westerner and then the Easterner and the women are the larger minorities. 

Finally, the children and babies are the smaller minorities that largely make up the Niger Delta.

The matron who attempts to throw the baby away with the bath water are those people close to power and who rather than serve the people from whence they came, prefer to serve the powers that be.

By that standard, Rotimi Amaechi is a matron who must realize that he was not sent to the Niger Delta by President Muhammadu Buhari. Rather, he was sent by the Niger Delta to President Buhari.

Ibe Kachikwu gets this and I wish more people around President Muhammadu Buhari would get this.

In recent years, there has been an attempt by many pseudo intellectuals to try and revise Nigerian history by peddling the false narrative that prior to the discovery of oil in commercial quantities in the Niger Delta, other regions shared their wealth equally within the Nigeria project.

This is simply a lie. 

The fact is that until the infamous Decree 34 (Unification of Assets) was passed by the Major General Johnson Aguiyi-Ironsi administration after the aborted Nzeogwu/Ifeajuna (or Ifeajuna/Nzeogwu depending on who you believe) coup of January 15th, 1966, Nigeria practiced a brand of True Federalism known as regionalism.

The 1960 Independence Constitution arising from the 1957 Lancaster House Conference provided that each of the three regions (a fourth region, Midwest Region, was created in 1963) kept 50% of its income and paid 25% to the central government and 25% to a central pool that was then shared amongst the regions.

So in essence, what Nigerians freely agreed was that each region should keep at least 50% of its income (it could go as high as 75% when the central pool was shared amongst the regions).

Now without consulting the minorities, Nigeria's majority ethnic nationalities, through force of military might, stripped the regions off control over their own resources and vested it in the newly created Federal Government and the minorities have been overruled at every constitutional conference since that time as they tried to reclaim their God given heritage.

On my first ever visit to Bayelsa state in 2012, I saw tens of human bodies that had been burned as if in a nuclear incineration. They had been scooping petrol from a fallen petrol tanker which eventually burst into flames and took them with it to other world.

Why did they do this? Because of poverty. 

These people are so poor, yet Lt. General (rtd) T.Y Danjuma publicly declared that after he sold an oil block given to him by General Abacha, he made $1.5 billion (yes, you heard me right, $1.5 billion not Naira!) and had so much money that 'I did not know what to do with it'!

Mrs. Folorunsho Alakija is the richest woman in Africa with a net worth of over $2 billion. She can afford to dole out millions of dollars through her charitable foundations because, like Mr. Danjuma, she also got an oil block from a military regime.

Not only has the Nigerian state stripped the Niger Delta of its own resources, the state has also used those resources to enrich a selected few individuals to the exclusion of the region that lays the golden egg.

So if Niger Delta oil has made well connected Nigerians over $13 billion in personal wealth, then Mr. Amaechi, what is the big deal if ₦13 billion is spent on the maritime university at Okerenkoko?

Right in Maitama and Asokoro, there are lands and properties that you can buy for ₦13 billion, yet there is not a single drop of oil in the Federal Capital Territory. As a matter of fact, the infrastructure that has made Abuja one of the most developed cities in Africa was funded by petrodollars from the Niger Delta. 

So as my Yoruba brothers would say, kini big deal?

Ibe Kachikwu gets this. One wonders why Amaechi doesn't? The two of them are very unique in that both Amaechi and Kachikwu straddle the world of both the Niger Delta and the Southeast where the Biafra agitation is currently very strong.

They should be telling President Buhari how to resolve both the Biafra agitation and the Niger Delta militancy. 

I am not in support of violence and I urge both the Biafran agitators and the Niger Delta militants to advocate for their cause through non violent means.

I do not think secession is the answer. If I had the ear of the President, I would tell him that the federal government's approach to Biafra agitators and Niger Delta militants is wrong. We should do what the United Kingdom did to Scotland. Pet them. Develop their region. Persuade them they are better off in Nigeria. 

But I do not have the President's ears so I count on Amaechi and Kachikwu to tell him for me.

Someone like Amaechi should know that abandoning a project like the Maritime University Okerenkoko will only serve to deepen the unrest in an already restive region.

The state that contributes the highest resources to the federal government is Akwa Ibom where Kachikwu confronted Amaechi. That state did not even have an airport until the state government built one with their own money! 

Delta state had to build its own airport. The airport in Amaechi's home state of Rivers was named by CNN as the worst airport in Africa in a broadcast on February  1, 2016. 

Is this then the region that Amaechi wants to strip of whatever little infrastructure that she has? 

Amaechi has this all wrong. He will serve  Buhari better by explaining the Niger Delta to him than by explaining Buhari to the Niger Delta. 

Amaechi should not get too carried away. Let him ask himself two questions. Where was President Buhari living before he became President? Was it not Daura and Katsina both in the Northwest? Where has former President Jonathan lived since he left power? Is it not Otuoke in the Niger Delta? Where has former President Obasanjo lived since 2007? Is it not at Ota and Abeokuta in the Southwest?

Abuja is sweet to call home when you are in power but when power leaves you (as it does to even the best of us) you will have no choice but to return to your mother's house.

But one thing is clear going forward. Ibe Kachikwu has turned out to be the star in an otherwise lackluster cabinet. He had taught us the difference between a MINISTER and a ME-nister. A minister ministers to Nigerians while a me-nister ministers to his ego!

Wednesday, 15 June 2016

Linus Idahosa’s Response to the Bill seeking to reduce the age qualification for candidates wishing to contest for elective offices





We often forget that Jesus Christ is our biggest example of a Youth Leader, who at 33 was done and had raised disciples, who centuries later are still influencing and gathering billions of adherents the world over.

My take has always been and will continue to be that Wisdom, Leadership and the Capacity to chart a path to a prosperous nation is not and cannot be the exclusive preserve of those above 40, but it is an inherent quality that providence bestows on one and the challenges of life help to enhance, refine and sharpen in one.

At any rate, no man lives forever and failure to deliberately, conscientiously and willingly transfer power to succeeding generations in their prime is a contradiction and an aberrant life cycle unknown to nature and trust me; nature always corrects itself.

It’s one thing for the bill to be passed; it’s another thing for the Nigerian youth to rise to the occasion, because the system as presently constituted is not designed to give it on a platter; instead it prides itself in creating a generation of Special Assistants (SA’s). It’s entirely up to the Nigerian youth to activate and enforce the strength of its number. 

Shame-Shopping.





About a week ago I walked into a beauty shop, having recently come to the decision that it's about time I started to pay more attention to skincare, beauty regimens and all of that. It's one of these fancy beauty shops where the sales attendants are sharply dressed with full professional makeup replete with facial contours and inch long false eyelashes. And you know how it is, when you look like a diva you begin to think you're one. Ergo, a shop with sales girls who actually think they're Rihanna and treat some customers like poor little Cinderella. I'd spent most of my time trying not to blow a fuse over the shabby customer service that one is likely to experience at such places. 

After I'd picked up my items, admittedly without paying much attention to the prices because I thought I already had an idea of how much they'd cost, I went over to the counter and waited to make payment. 

"29,600 Naira ma" the cashier said to me

"Twenty nine thousand what? How???" I asked, my surprise so apparent that it told in my voice and drew attention from those nearby. 

The cashier exchanged a sarcastic look with one of her colleagues and turned back to repeat the amount to a befuddled me.  

"Twenty, nine, thousand, six, hundred, naira, ma. That is what the machine says ma". She said to me as though talking to a slow child, for the entertainment of our audience. 

"How?" I asked, still not quite coming to terms with how the four tiny items I picked cost almost 30k. 

"Ok ma, let me explain it for you" she said with pseudo patience as she began to list out each item with the amount. 

When she said the small Neutrogena body oil cost N7,500 naira my jaw nearly dropped. That costs about N3000 in Ebeano! 

"So madam, should I pack it for you?" She asked innocently, but the mischievous curves at the sides of her lips belied her geniality. 

I could feel several pairs of eyes on me waiting to know my next move. I remembered the thirty minutes I'd just spent lingering in the shop gingerly picking out each item. I remembered the mini tantrum I threw when I was tired of being ignored when I needed to be attended to. I called to mind the chic and glamorous ladies in the store, picking and paying for numerous items with ease, most of whom happened to be watching me at the moment. 

My fingers hesitantly strayed towards my wallet to grasp my ATM card while my eyes were having a staring contest with the amused cashier, whose beady eyes I desperately wanted to gouge out by the way. But I digress... 

Fuck it abeg! The economy is hard and there's no way I'm spending that much money on stuff I can buy for less than half that amount! 

"Don't bother dear. I'd buy these elsewhere, at a more reasonable cost." I said with sangfroid as I walked out with as much grace and dignity as I could feign. 

Funny how two years ago I would have paid for those items, even if it killed me! Now I just don't currrr. Who shame don epp?


Hehe. 

Who else can relate to this? Have you ever felt "shamed" into paying for something you could barely afford? Have you ever bought something you knew cost way too much just because you were too embarassed to walk away? Most of us have, so let's hear all about it!






Dear Thelma... (She Knows He's In a Relationship So Why Won't She Stay Away?!)





I just want to ask if I'm overthinking things. My relationship is very fantastic and I believe I have the best boyfriend in the whole wide world. There is only one issue in the form of a female friend of his. This chic in question is married with kids but from what I've heard she's having some issues in her marriage. I empathize with her but not enough to allow her be on the phone constantly with my man. They talk everyday, I mean EVERYDAY. She calls him like twice a day, when I'm with him he never picks her calls, which in itself is very suspicious, so last week I answered the call and when she heard my voice she immediately hung up. I thought she had learnt her mistake and will stay away but to my surprise a few hours later she was calling again. The next morning as early as 8am she called again. It's tiring I swear, but he insists that they are just friends and that she just genuinely cares about him, so sometimes he feels the need to reciprocate her care. He says she's also going through a lot in her marriage and he's the only one she confides in, that that's the reason he cannot just turn away from her. He says that is all there is and that he's not having sex with her. I actually believe that they're not sexually active together (partly because her husband seems to be very controlling), but does it mean that I should be fine with their daily calls? The last I checked my boyfriend is a business man and not a pastor or relationship counsellor so I don't understand that crap about being there for her because she confides all her marital issues in him. Please my sisters tell me, how will you feel if your man had a female friend he chats and talks to EVERYDAY? Can you accept it as innocent friendship or is there obviously something more? Please how will you advise me to handle this because i am very uncomfortable with her presence in my relationship. In the past, any time I've had an issue with a girl in my boyfriend's life he respects me a lot to distance himself from her, but this time around he is blatantly refusing, saying that she shows him genuine care and concern and he appreciates and reciprocates it, and besides that, she really needs him. Please please please what can I do about this? 



***
All these female "friends" in our men's lives that are like a stubborn Palm oil stain on a white shirt. No matter how much hypo and Ariel you use to scrub, scrub and scrub, it just refuses to go away. Nawa!

Tuesday, 14 June 2016

True Or False?





In a conversation with my mother today, she dished out, in her usual manner, another dose of wisdom and truth. 

She said: "Nnaa, oo sonso nwoke n'akpatagho ego si na nwanyi richara ego ya".


Translation: "It is only a man who did not make (enough) money who said that a woman finished all his money".

-Chimezie Nwodo. 


Ladies & Gentlemen is this true or false?

I don't know about you but I vote sooooo TRUE! 

Hahaha. 

Dear Thelma... (I'm Married But I Want More).






Hey guys, I don't know who the poster is although she says we chat occasionally. However, this is a no-judgement zone and any rude or judgmental comments will not be posted. If you've got something you'd like to say which you don't want on the blog you're free to mail me. Cheers!

Greetings! I hope you are okay. I just want to commend you on your blog. You are doing a fantastic job.
I have a problem that is making me go cray cray.
First my name is *****, I read your blog and comment under a different name, you and I are quite okay as we have chatted severally. I just need to talk to someone about something that's really on my mind lately.

I am married of course to a nice guy and sex is great, however, I want more. I really want to do it with a girl. I guess I am a little abnormal right. 
I know all the christian doctrines about this, so believe me when I say its not something i am proud of. I have prayed and wished it away but as it is, It has been of no use for now.

The thoughts of sucking another girls firm and full boobs just makes me wet. I don't think I am a lesbian, I just think I am bi-curious.
I did suck a girls breast back in university but it was just once, and we kissed. The feeling was heavenly.
I am glad I did not attend an all girls school, who knows what would have happened.

Even after having good sex with the husband, I still crave rubbing my vagina on another vagina. Please am I okay. This thought takes over me sometimes I watch lesbian porn just to get the feeling off. I doubt I am a lesbian cos I don't think sucking cunt will be my specialty.

My husband does not have an idea about my feelins, I don't want to scare him cos he loves me much.
I just want a fuck buddy I am attracted to, so we can help each other. The craziest part of this my issue is that I feel sluty sometimes and I don't mind being kept and paid by a richer woman.

Goodness Thelma, I need some talking to and prayers. I thought really hard about this before sending you this mail as I don't want to judged and I want to just let this steam out. I don't know if I am alone in this mess. I just can't help myself. I know I want to try it so bad, I know I will enjoy it so so well, I know I won't allow it affect my marriage.

What can I do. I am really desperate.

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