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Tuesday, 25 April 2017

#MomentofTruth. I'm Just a Hater!





Truth time!!!

It takes great maturity to admit that you've got a shameful flaw. Something like, finding out you're a Hater.

I've just admitted that, so on the bright side, you can call me mature πŸ˜‰☺️. 

I'm seeing several definitions of the word/slang; Hater, online and I normally wouldn't refer to myself that way but how else could you explain scrolling through Instagram, seeing someone's picture and it's so fireπŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯! Then you ask yourself what is this one even feeling like sef, and you immediate go and unfollow them? πŸ™ˆ

I hit that unfollow button so hard you'd think I was going to break my phone's screen! 

Then as I continued to scroll down while internally rolling my eyes, I asked myself but Nwando, why? Are you a hater? 

Well it looks like I am. 

LOL. 

Or maybe it's that I'd just walked pass a mirror and caught a glimpse of my drawn bare face which I had meticulously made up an hour ago, makeup that been wiped away by stress, stress caused demanding customers and PHCN living down to our expectations. Maybe it's because pains in my left knee had caused me to limp like an addled old wench. Or then again, maybe it's because I feel long overdue for a vacation and can't take one at the moment, and someone has the effrontery to be lounging on a chaise longue by a pool, soaking up the cool sun and no doubt drinking a chilled cocktail with a very pretentious name 😑😑😑.  

In any case, rebuking the spirit of hateration I quickly scrolled back up and opened her page and followed her back like my success in life depended on it. 

LOL.

I'm proud to say, I'm no longer a hater. ☺️πŸ™ŠπŸ™‹

Shout out to @ugonnaomeruo. She's one of those people whose sense of style I strongly admire, mostly because I don't think I can ever be brave enough to wear some rather interesting pieces that she dons, like Nkiruka Anumudu whom I just love, by the way!

So you tell me, what's the one flaw you're absolutely ashamed to admit to people?

Be Honest!




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PHOTOS: Linus Idahosa & Several Nigerian Governors At The Nigeria-China Governors’ Investment Forum In China





Nigerian State Governors, the Vice Mayor of Guangzhou and Presidents of some of the largest Fortune 500 Companies in China recently gathered for deliberations at the first Nigeria-China Governors’ Investment Forum which took place in the metropolitan city of Guangzhou in China.

Among the 15 governors who were present at the Forum were Gov Samuel Ortom, Benue State; Gov Ifeanyi Okowa, Delta State; Gov. Abiola Ajimobi, Oyo State, Gov. Abdullahi Umar Ganduje; Kano State; Gov. Abubakar Sani Bello, Niger State; Gov Okezie Ikpeazu, Abia State; Gov Aminu Tambuwal, Sokoto State; Gov. Kashim Shettima, Borno State, Governor Rauf Aregbesola, Osun State; Dep. Gov. Anambra State, Nkem Okeke, Dep. Gov. Ebonyi State, Others are the The Chairman of the Nigerian Governors’ Forum and Governor of Zamfara State, Gov. Abdul’aziz Abubakar Yari, Plateau, Kwara and more. The Vice Mayor of Guangzhou, Cai Chaolin; President of GAC Group, Zeng Qinghong; President of Choice International Group, Diana Chan; the Executive Secretary of the NGF, Mr. Shittu, CEO of Del-York International; Linus Idahosa, President of the China Africa Development Fund and many other leaders of Fortune 500 Companies from China also graced the event.

This is the same event where the Abia state governor recently secured a $1.5b shoe factory deal for the establishment of a shoe industry in Aba.

Here are some photos from the event:

















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Monday, 24 April 2017

Dear Thelma (Is This a Red Flag?)





I recently started dating Ayo (not real name). It's still very fresh, less than one month. We're in that honeymoon phase, we like each other a whole lot, I've been very excited because he is the most handsome man I know and now he's even my boyfriend. He's a nice and very hardworking man. But when we were talking last night he said something I found very weird. I was visiting my parents for the weekend and I told him that I was in my mum's room and I would sleep there for the night. He asked why I wanted to and I said nothing, that I just like it. He then said he too he likes sleeping with his mum when he goes to visit her, that in fact when he travels to visit her it's in her room that he always sleeps. I found it strange that a 34 year old man would still sleep in the same bed with his mother but that wasn't even the strange part. He said that he likes sleeping with his mum because he likes playing with that black thing. That he plays with it until he sleeps off. I asked him what black thing and he said her nipple nau. I was shocked and disgusted. He noticed and said why am I surprised, that he even sucks it sometimes when he's bored or having difficulty sleeping. I nearly vomited and I told him that that isn't normal behaviour. He couldn't understand why there's anything wrong with his playing with his mother's nipple after all it's the same breast that suckled him as a child so what was different now just because he is an adult? Honestly I didn't know how to respond to this. I'm 29 and believe in dating with a purpose, and I was hoping that one day we would get married, he too has said he would like to be married soon. But after that conversation I just feel so weird about the whole thing. I was already starting to fall in love with him but I can still break up with him and move on easily because the relationship hasn't gone far. But I want to hear from BVs what they think. Is this one a deal breaker or it is not a big deal? Another thing is that won't this kind of mother that is too attached to her son be problematic to any woman in his life? I don't know, I'm just asking. Please advise me. 



Update; he was not joking. I've called him this morning to ask again and he got angry. He is now saying he'll be careful with what he tells me in the future because I'm showing that he cannot be open with me. 



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Sunday, 23 April 2017

The Best Thing About Dating Me!





Hiii guys (in my mind I always say this in Toke Makinwa's vlogger voice), how's your Sunday going? Mine is going alright, I'm learning how to smile more. I was told three days ago that my stern face and Queen's English is going to tighten men's wallets and I'm going to need to be more engaging, stroke their egos and smile more if I want them to spend more. 

Hmm, Help me baby Jezess. πŸ˜°πŸ˜‚

So it just occured to me that I read many posts with people talking about the worst thing about dating them, and while it's fun reading the comments, people rarely ever talk about the best thing about dating them. 

This is actually a pretty shaky question to ask because most people would either lie, or be under a misconception about their own character and personality. 

So I'm going to answer this question based on things people I've dated have told me, and I hope you do so too. 

They say I'm a "good person", loyal, kind, passionate, a passionate lover *this can be translated as ___________*πŸ™ˆ, faithful, generous and fun to be with. 

I seriously doubt the "fun to be with" part because I'm likely to spend most of the time staring into thin air or sleeping on Instagram. 


So what about you? What's the best thing about dating or being married to you?  




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Saying "I Do" & Things...


  
It's been a very frenetic past few days and I wish I'd been able to take more pictures because these few do not even remotely capture the essence of the conference and how much work and effort was put into it. But, thankfully I managed to take a few. 






The above were taken on Friday, of me and my awesome team of decorators (@folashecrowneventsandmore) during set up. We worked late into the night as we wanted to be done before Saturday, seeing as the conference was to start at 8.45am. 

We kept the decor simple and light as opposed to lavish, because conferences tend to require a much more subtle and quiet theme. 

On Saturday we had loads of vendors (only able to take a few pics πŸ˜”) 

Someone gifted us with this cake. In fact the gifts we got were many. Someone also gave us 100 yummy red velvet and chocolate cupcakes. We got free books, free media coverage, cash gifts, food, small chops etc. May God bless and replenish all the givers. 



My registration team. MJ, Rozay and Blessing. OMG! During down time I had a great time with these ladies. Women, we can talk sha. Lord have mercy πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. 

Mrs Charles O'tudoh and a guest. Her husband gave a fantastic talk. It's the first time I'm hearing him talk publicly and I was very impressed. 

Me with the Oludinmus, the brains behind this movement. And my ushers (in white). Guys! These ushers were amazing. They were very dedicated and served with so much joy. There's really nothing as beautiful as working with people who share your vision and are as passionate as you are. It's my dream (and testimony) to work with staff who are not just hardworking, but are also as passionate about my businesses as I am. Dedication is not something that can be bought or paid for, so I pray for it. 

Yours Truly, CEO Uzuri Events. Events Planner/Coordinator/Manager extrodinaire. Thank you Lord πŸ˜‰☺️


In all, it was a very successful outing. My only regret is that I couldn't get very much out of it because work is at its peak during an event. I would hear the intermittent bursts of applause, laughter, screams, gasps of Ahhhhs and Awwwws, and excited shouts but I'd have no idea what was going on. I know people were very excitable when Charles O'tudoh was talking. And when Praise Fowowe had the floor, people; male and female, couldn't control their excitement. In fact the lectures were so damn real and revealing that a point most of the ushers and workers were like, please I need to be part of this, me too I want to learn and positioned themselves closer to the guests. 

As in, at a point even the vendors who paid for stands, left their stands and went to sit with the attendees. One who brought her daughter along to help, told her to go and join the conference, that she would manage alone. In her words, "Those of us who are married have already entered one chance so there is nothing we can do (not necessarily true), but you are still single and you have the opportunity to learn a lot from what these people are saying". 

When I knew that things had gotten real was when one of the security personnel I hired came and took permission from me to call one of his boys to come and take his place, he explained that he really needed to join the conference. I gave him a big nod. Before then I'd noticed that the conference had held him in rapt attention and he was struggling to divide his attention between work and the lectures. 

There was a booth for private counselling and you should see the way people struggled for this counsel session. It was akin to getting a visa at the American embassy. So many marriages are in serious need of healing. 😰

Oh, have I told you that some blog readers attended? All these silent blog readers, wehdone you hear? I met about four blog readers and each of them began by saying "Are you Thelma? I'm a big fan of your blog, I have been reading it for 3 years now but I've never commented". LOL. 

I love you all the same!

I came back home extremely exhausted and had to take painkillers before I could sleep. I wish I could just stay in bed today and be pampered, but Chidoz beckons. I've got two clubs hosting their meeting there today and you know what that means, it's about to be another hectic day. But I'm freaking grateful! One year ago I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with my life or if it was going anywhere.

But after months (or maybe even years) of confusion, occasional tears, "trials and errors" and most especially; persistent prayers, I'm finally somewhere that's pretty close to the light at the end of the tunnel. It may not be how I'd imagined it, but its obvious that I'm finally getting to where I need to be and I loveeeeeeeet! πŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒ.

For this, I'm grateful. I pray that everyone who's presently in that blurry place receives the direction, guidance and grace required to move to the next dimension of their life. 

Amen. 



Ps; need a dedicated and competent team to plan your social and business events? Call +234-08034927210 . Or mail uzurieventsng@gmail.com 

Please follow us on Instagram: @uzurievents 






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Thursday, 20 April 2017

#ThrowbackThursday. My Absolute Worst!





Hey guys, in the spirit of #ThrowbackThursday lets reflect on our secondary school days. I was just going through my cousin's report sheet and he's got As in maths, biology and physics. And it makes absolutely no sense to me that someone so smart could get an F in English. Like, it simply defies logic!

But looking back at high school, there were those super smart further math geeks who chewed on maths and sciences like it was suya but the just couldn't understand English. I'm still yet to understand this. 

For me, that one subject that I hated, HATED, and never seemed to do well at no matter how hard I tried or how much effort I put into it, it was maths. 

Subjects like English, government, commerce and literature were a breeze for me. But maths, maths... 

Math was my worst subject in secondary school

What was yours?






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Wednesday, 19 April 2017

Big Brother House Is Not An Achievement!





They kept majority of Nigerians entertained for several days and now it's over. I sincerely like that it's a potential platform for starting or solidifying the housemate's careers, everyone needs and deserves that.

But I would be lying if I say I'm not confused about certain things. Like, why were the house mates awarded plots of land in Abuja? Why are they being thrown homecoming ceremonies and given stately welcome? Why are they being honoured?

If you're a fan you may call me jealous, and that's alright. I on the other hand would refer to myself as confused.

To the best of my knowledge, some capitalists called for an audition, picked some people at random, threw them into a house filled with cameras, gave them some controversial tasks to get people talking and days later after days of eating, dancing, quareling, drinking and getting drunk, making out, talking, sleeping etc etc etc these people came out. 

And now they get to be honoured.

Why exactly? 

I saw the image of Marvis' homecoming ceremony and someone who didn't know would think she just returned victorious from a war and her clan is honouring her...

And while we're on the topic, can we address the issue of the kinds of things we celebrate and don't celebrate in Nigeria. Academic excellence for instance. In March just last month, at the 30th convocation in University of Calabar, the over all best graduating student was awarded N10,000. Before you start to wonder at the disparity between 25M naira won for, well, I really don't know and 10k given to an overall best graduant, remember also that the best graduating student in pediatrics (2015) from another Nigerian University, was in March 2017 awarded N250, and after a two year delay. Yes, two hundred and fifty Naira, the 000 aren't missing.  



It was after this that many others started to speak up. A young man shared with us how he was the best graduating student in his class and had been told during their convocation that he had a prize to collect from the school. He was put through several formalities and protocol just to get this prize. It took him weeks until he signed the last form and was given the nod. On the D-day he wore his "Sunday best" and marched to the faculty, his friends and well wishers were already drinking some brew, waiting for him to join the celebration with his loot. On getting there, he was surprised to be handed an unusually light envelope, but he immediately realized it was be a cheque and not cash as he'd thought. You can then imagine his shock and utter devastation when he tore open the envelope to find a dirtied N1000 note!

He said he wasn't sure whether to break into tears or scream. But quietly he trudged back home and switched his phone off, leaving the merrymakers at the bar to wonder. 

This is the reality we find in Nigeria.

I guess that's partly why I ponder on this #BBN issue. let's talk about it. Do you think the house mates deserve to be honoured and celebrated? Whether Yes or No, tell us why? 




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Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Now, On To That Bleaching Business...





So my people, thanks to the stress that I've been experiencing in the past weeks, my skin hasn't been all that great. In fact, the two people in my life who are totally anti skin-lightening started to complain that I was getting darker; my mum and my man. In fact the man sent me money and asked me to go and do whatever it was I was doing before that gave me great skin. 

But you see, I wasn't doing anything! So I was confused. I was also bummed by the "getting darker" talk because, mehn, I'm already dark enough biko. 

It just so happened that while driving around Surulere a few weeks back I noticed that there's a Bismid complex. Exciting stuff, seeing as I'd been looking for one Bismid bath wash I used a year ago and I've only seen fakes so far. The soap didn't lighten me or anything but I just liked it.

And so, armed with my ATM card early Saturday morning, I drove down to the Bismid complex and it's the most fascinating experience I've had in a while. 

The door swung open just as I was about to step in. A neatly dressed guard nodded curtly while a corporate looking man in chinos welcomed me in with an outstretched hand. The place was buzzing with so much activity but still I could tell it was beautifully furnished. The staff wore neatly pressed uniforms and flawless makeup. 

The man ushered me to a sales girl.

"Err, I want to buy one soap I used one time, it was good, it's in a brown bottle, I think. But I still want to know what to use to make my skin look better" I said unsurely 

"Ok, if you want to know then you should talk to our owner for consultation". 

She pointed me towards a door. "Tell the security guard that you want to talk to Bismid" she said. 

I walked towards the door, girls everywhere. Different shades and ages. Different walks of life; the posh, the wannabes and the unrefined alike. I got there to find that there was a scramble to talk to "Bismid". There was a queue. The girls were mainly light skinned or very yellow, only a small handful were dark. Most of them had nails as long as talons and lashes that looked like brooms. Each one eyed the other as though to see who had the best skin of all. 

Each time the door opened there was a fight about whose turn it was to see Bismid next. And people went in in 3s, because we were quite a lot!

I noticed some staff walk around with ice cold bottles of baileys and champagne with wine glasses, perhaps for people at the VIP section, yes there's one. Eventually it was my turn to go in and see Bismid. 

Guys, it was like going in for consultation with a neurosurgeon, and these girls took it just as seriously! 

As I sat across the chubby yellowish lady with a gold tooth in her mouth, I wasn't quite sure what to say. I mean, I'd just sat through the other two ladies' consultations. One was with her mother. Both she and Mum wanted to bleach and they wanted something for their black knuckles and black toes, caused by bleaching. LOL. Bismid furiously scribbled a prescription for them in her notepad, as studiously as a medical doctor would. The other lady had a sun-burnt face and discoloration. She said she didn't want to be lighter but wanted clear even-toned skin. Once again, Bismid scribbled furiously and sent her upstairs with her diagnosis and prescription, ordering her to first do a facial. 

It came to my turn and I suddenly started to giggle. I mean, I just walked in there to buy bath wash! 

"em, so.... I, i,... So I... I used to use one Bismid soap. I I..." 

"What do you want? To bleach or to tone?" She asked casually, cutting in. 

"What's the difference?" I asked her 

"Bleaching means you want to really lighten, whiten your skin. It means you want to completely transform it. Toning means you just want a skin glow, your skin would only get a shade lighter" she said. 

"Toning please". I said. 

She suddenly started to scribble and scribble. One would have thought I'd just hold her I want a Toke Makinwa finish. 

Eventually she handed me the piece of paper and wished me good luck. I was nervous af, because that lengthy scribble looked pretty expensive!

Anyways I went upstairs, was ushered to a seat across another consultant who explained each product to me, what it was meant for, how it was supposed to be used and what I was to expect. 

My head began to ache. I asked her to bring each one, I was suddenly exhausted. 

Well below is a copy of my prescription... Sorry, invoice. 



The chat above shows that I've been using it just as the "doctor" instructed, but if my antecedents are anything to go by, this will be all over in a few days. If you've been reading this blog you'd know that this is like my 5th attempt at this sort of thing. Tbh I'm getting tired already, I really don't think I can keep up, but I really want my skin back to its supple, glowy self! *sigh* 😒 (honestly I think I just need more rest and more water...)

Oh well, if you're interested, the Bismid complex is at Randle street in Surulere, it's off either Itire road or Akerele street, depending on which route you take.

Has any one here used their products? Are they any good? What other products would you recommend? 


And btw, in case you were wondering, bleaching business is BIG business that Bismid lady is cashing out by the millions on a daily! (However I must give her props for how structured and organized her business is, she obviously knows her onions). 




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Monday, 17 April 2017

3 Types of Blog Readers & 1 Thing I Hate About Being a Blogger.





And if you read that title and turned up your nose in a yinmu position saying "this one too thinks she's a blogger" I wouldn't blame you o jare. Me sef, I used the word loosely. 

In any case I'm still posting on this blog so I'll call myself that. 

Yesterday, our darling blog reader, Tiwa celebrated her son's birthday. Hello, Leon just turned 1πŸŽ‚.  Time flies mehnnnn. I still remember that night she gave birth to him when she sent me a video from the labour room. One insanely cute video that made my womb squeal!

So we went to turn up with Leon yesterday and two of my favs from the blog showed up too, Kon and Sunshine. 

This post was inspired by Kon. 

So you see, I've been thinking about it since yesterday. Why was Kon so quiet? I know he's a bit shyer than you'd expect but I notice that after the ice has broken, he would really calm down and open up. At least that's what I noticed when he came for my nephew's 1st birthday in January. He was that way with everyone. Except me. 

He seems quite tense around me and I almost have to pry his mouth open with a plier to get two words out. 

It hit me this morning; Thelma he doesn't want you to use him and do story on your blog.

Aha! *light bulb moment

I've noticed this when I ask some people somewhat personal questions. They clam up and suddenly have nervous ticks. They fall into three categories. 

The first one; they look me straight in the face and say "abeg o! Before next thing now, I will come and see my gist on your blog" after which they will immediately change the conversation. 😭

The second category, they'd start talking, pause, look me in the eyes with fear and uncertainty and solemnly say "Thelma, please I'm telling you this in confidence, please, please, please, it is not for you to go and post on the blog" and then I will hold that gaze and nod my head with equal solemnity and then they download the gist! πŸ˜ƒ

And then the third, like Kon perhaps, would just not even talk at all. They'd keep the gist very neutral, very surface, very safe! These ones don't want Wahala at all, it's like if they see me coming one way they'd walk the other way. Nawa o! If I didn't know better I'd think my name is SDK. 


LOL. 


In the cases of 1 and 2 above I always feel very hurt because most times I'm not even thinking about the blog, I just want to know more about a person and their situation and it's always for harmless reasons. 

So Kon and everyone else who's ever shied away from talking to me, y'all really hurt my feelings πŸ’”πŸ˜­

I mean, I have some of my blog readers' dirtiest secrets and you've never read any here or anywhere else so....

Ok. That's that. 

Sunshine said if I'm not blogging anymore I should just shut down the blog so that people can stop opening it and checking. I feel you sis! I feel you. 

But let's be taking it one day at a time, shall we?


How are y'all doing?




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Sunday, 16 April 2017

Happy Easter!




Happy Easter guys. 
May You find fulfilment Everyday Of Your Life.
As The Angels Rolled The Stone Away, May Every Obstacle Be Rolled Away from You. As The Guards Felt The Quake And Were Filled With Fear... May Your Enemies Hear Your Name and Be Gripped With Fear.
*CHRIST IS RISEN... HAPPY EASTER!*





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Thursday, 13 April 2017

Saying I Do Conference 2017. Register Now!!!




Ladies and gentlemen, I would not forgive myself if I don't share this with you. Not only because I'm the event planner for this conference, but because I strongly believe that you will benefit greatly from it. 

Guys, this conference doesn't only have top-notch, world class speakers like Charles Otudor, Praise Fowowe, Yinka Ogunnubi and many amazing others, this conference is absolutely FREE!

SAYING I DO CONFERENCE 2017

We're excited to announce that this year, @jackietalkz in collaboration with @happyeverafterhub will be holding the 1st Edition of the Saying I DO Conference a follow on from the Before You Say I Do Conference. 

Last year, we held the #BeforeYouSayIDo conference and it was a huge success. The feedback has been overwhelming and humbling. It was an eventful day of fun , learning, networking and lucky individuals went home with choice prizes. 

This year, we've gone back to the drawing board and decided to come back bigger and better. Are you excited yet?

We will be opening up the conference to single and Married Couples who want to get their marriage right!. 

It promises to be a day you won't forget in a hurry. We have lined up a selection of seasoned speakers, fun games and prizes to be won. 

Theme:  Building Your Happy Ever After
Date: April 22nd, 2017
Venue: Lagos, Nigeria (LCCI Alausa, Ikeja). 
Fee:  FREE (But Registration Required)

Registration: www.jackietalks.com/sayingido

For Enquiries: Call Seye - 0809 944 1808 or Ayo 0708 977 2950

 #SayingIDo  #SayingIDOConference  #HappyEverAfter #HappyEverAfterAdvocate #April22nd2017 #JackieTalkz #Love
#buildinghappierhomes


Guys, have I told you about the freebies? Just check this out. 



Wowzers! 

Need I say more? What are you waiting for? Go and register now at 
www.jackietalks.com/sayingido

See you all next Saturday. It's going to be a great one!



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Wednesday, 12 April 2017

The Headmasters & Munchers... 5 Kinds of Guys & How They Go Down.





I have never met a man who would admit to being a bad head-giver. They would swear up and down that women who came across them will be left with shaking limbs and incoherent thoughts. Considering the fact a very high percentage of women I have talked to, have said they have never received a mind-blowing head, something is definitely off somewhere. I have spoken to a number of women on the kinds of heady attention they have experienced and why they will (or will not) accept future offers.
The experiences can be best categorised into five main kinds of guys.
The Munchers
Picture digging into a juicy piece of Shaki. The vigorous biting and sucking and gnawing all so that you can enjoy not only chewing into the goodness but also making sure you syphon all the juice from it. Now, imagine you are that piece of Shaki being attacked by a ravenous lion. Does that make you shudder a little?
These kinds of guys take ‘eating’ literally. They would leave you burning up and not in a good way.
The Thrusters
Somehow, some people got the idea that the tongue is supposed to simulate the ding dong, hence the quick in and out motions. This just feels unnatural and mostly uncomfortable. Having something so soft dart in and out of you is not a pleasant feeling. Plus, it’s absolutely useless and does nothing for anyone.
The Lost Boys
Ah, the lost boys. They have good intentions. They really put in the work and try very hard. It is very unlikely that these kinds are ever told how bad they are because you do tend to feel for them. They are passionate and enthusiastic. But they lack one important thing – actual skill. It’s like they do not know where they are going. Even though they get there, they will drift off again. Sure, you might try to guide them but it’s very unsexy when the bedroom turns into a lecture room. So, mostly, you just let it go – make the oohs and aahs and maybe fake it two minutes in. Then give them a nice pat on the head for all their hard work.
The Gold Diggers
With these kinds, you get the impression that they are down there digging for gold. The attempt to bury their mouth, fingers, nose and sometimes even head so deep inside that you wonder if they are trying to return to where they came from. They are passionate, yes, but unlike the lost boys, they are not gentle. They are hungry and will keep digging deep until they find… what? I’m not so sure.
The Headmasters
Now, these ones we love. Their skill, timing, dedication and enthusiasm will leave you with arched backs and toes so curled they will take days to return to normal. They are never in a hurry. They will make sure they get you there and they will have fun doing it. They know what to do and where to do 
it. They will make you forget who you are and follow them anywhere. They will make you beg, order, threaten, and maybe even cry tears of extreme pleasure. You will be tempted to give them all you have when they are done and very likely, you will never let them go.
But they are rare, so rare. Only a handful of ladies I know has met this kind. They are like diamonds.
And just like diamonds, they come in the oddest of packages. They are hardly ever the good-on-paper guys. They are not usually the six-figure earning, tall-dark-handsome, confident blokes. In my experience, they are usually in the places you never look.
So, if you have never met these guys, you might try widening your search pool. Who knows what you might catch (I’m not talking STIs)?
Share your thoughts. Have you met one or more of these guys? What was your reaction?


Written by Sandra Dairo for Bella Naija
***
Hmmmm... I'd have added a few others but let me first go and come back. In the meantime, Share your thoughts. Have you met one or more of these guys? What was your reaction?


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Tuesday, 11 April 2017

Rueben Abati, This Is Absolutely Wrong!





This article by Rueben Abati brought me out of my blogging-slumber. It's the meanest, most insulting, most demeaning tripe I've read in recent times. Up until now, I've considered this man one of the most brilliant writers of his time. I devour his articles hungrily because I almost always learn from his wealth of knowledge. But on this article below, I say Shame on you sir. You have absolutely not right to write the things written below.  None whatsoever. 


Lesson three: humility pays. At the end of the day, in the last week of the programme, the decision by the viewing public was a moral, sentimental one. The biggest star of the programme was, I don’t know what you think, TBOSS (real name: Tokunbo Idowu), half Nigerian, half-Romanian. She dominated the space with her Jezebelic antics, even got some of the male participants ousted by entrapping and outsmarting them with her sexual wiles. She projected herself as a sex object, the ultimate manipulator, the champion Delilah of the Big Brother Africa series. She even made a joke of the entire Big Brother concept by saying she didn’t need the money and if she won, she would spend it in two weeks to pay off debts, and in any case, she had men hitting on her, offering to take her on a ride in their private jets. She played the role of a female barracuda.

Given her looks and talents, she would have been a perfect winner. She would have looked good on the billboards. But she lost because of her arrogance. Attitude is everything: this is the lesson of TBOSS’s disgrace and humiliation. When she was sent out of the House as the second runner up, the viewing centre in Ikeja, Lagos, including Kemen whose nemesis she was, danced in joy. “They are taunting me?” she asked Ebuka, the anchor. No, sweetheart, they were making a far more serious statement about you. TBOSS is the main star who lost. I hope she was taken out of South Africa with a private jet or maybe a submarine! Beauty is not everything, baby.

TBOSS and the other girls kissed and got groped by the boys on live television putting their upbringing to shame. TBOSS, who claimed she didn’t need the money even exposed her breasts on live television more than once. I have seen better breasts TBOSS. I am not too sure those private jet owners will be excited by your fluffy, South-looking, slightly bigger than mangoes breasts. If the same men see bigger assets, I mean, those interesting Ojiakor-like ones that look like papayas, pineapples and watermelons, they will not send private jets, they will deploy submarines and fighter jets! 

***

Now, I know Tboss wasn't most people's favourite in the house. But this? Really? 

Anyhoo, how are y'all doing? It's been a minute...


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Tuesday, 4 April 2017

The Omo-Onile Issue... Twisting My Arm.




If you've lived in Lagos then you've probably heard of Omo-onile. The children of the land or whatever...

As you can see from the comments I found online (Nairaland), dragging issues with these people would be a waste of time, potentially dangerous and an exercise in futility. 

I just rounded up a meeting with a number of them, where I had to part with about 100k cash, the second time I would be putting my hard earned cash in their hands just this year alone. 

Someone might say, but Thelma, aren't you a lawyer, doesn't the property belong to you people? Don't you have the title documents? 

Yes, yes and yes. 

Which makes it even more painful. 

It's disconcerting; the thought that before you can make improvements on your own property, they descend on you like vultures if you haven't settled them beforehand. For instance, sometime last year when I all needed done was some wood work outside the building, they came and scattered the job, broke the work that had already been done, seized equipments and the workers all ran for their lives and never returned. 

Now, I need to do some more work out there (as I'm trying to rebrand, renovate and restructure Chidoz) and they'd already warned. This work was to start in January, I'd already learnt my lessons so I went to "settle" the family with a mediator we've known for years (it's imperative to have an inside person when you have dealings with these people). However two weeks later I was approached and informed that the family I settled is no longer the ruling family, that leadership had shifted so I had very well dashed those people the money and need to find money to settle the new ruling family, if I wanted to proceed with the work. 

Dear baby Jesus. 

After several meetings with several children of the land, it was decided I pay xxx to Mr xxx. Someone in his camp actually informed me to my face that they do not even care whether we bought this property or that we have the documents, if they want to sell the property to someone else 'today today' they will do so and there's nothing I can do about it. He said I can go to court if I want but we will be in court for the next 30 years. 

I don't know which was more infuriating, that he made this unnessecary subtle threat or that he did so smiling congenially at me...

In any case, work should start soon and I'm grateful to God for everything, I really truly am.  

I'm just not happy that my hand is being twisted this way. Especially when I know that I owe nobody shishi to work on property that's legally ours, paid for in full, and that in a sane country such a thing could never happen. 

But unfortunately the reality is that if these sons of the land are not appeased, nothing gets done. Nobody would even agree to come and work on your property because they know they could get hurt in the process. 

Oh, yes, court. I should go to court, right? In fact, just in 2016 this a bill was passed in Lagos state to criminalize this Omonile ish. But court is their second home. These Omoniles are usually on first name bases with judges and lawyers. As in, they're prepared for the matter. They have their team of lawyers on standby and are ever ready to go to court to slug things out with you in the courtroom. And they know that because of our poor judicial system cases could pend for decades...

Oh well, I've been assured by a "Prince" of the family that I have the go ahead. They have informed their boys that we are "cool" and should not "come near our dwelling". Work starts now but I'm pissed AF! This is arm-twisting on a whole other level. 

I asked the prince to assure me that I wouldn't have this problem the next time I need to paint the building or dig a borehole or fix a fence. He smiled and said "of course not". 

But I know better...


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Sunday, 2 April 2017

Sam's Dilemma; Miss 'Ride or Die' vs Miss 'I'll Only Ride In a Benz'?





This post is on special request. 

A male friend of mine who's eager to settle down (no, not only women are "desperate" to marry) is a bit confused. So he's praying to wed by December of this year and is actively pursuing this goal. He has cut his search down to two young ladies. There were other ladies in the running, some whom he even liked,probably loved more than this two, but they didn't meet the wifey criteria... Like this one he was in love with who claimed that as a feminist, when she's a wife she would continue to go for late night drinks and meetings with clients and prospective clients because if a husband can, so can a wife... This argument arose after she left home at 11pm one night because that was the only time a client was available to meet. She came back after 1am and insisted that it was a part of her job and she had done nothing wrong. Well after that *Sam began to have his doubts. 

Back to the matter. Sam is seeing two young ladies and he swears he loves them both equally (is that really possible?) and would be happy to marry one of them. The problem is that these two ladies are distinctly different. 


*Aramide pushes him to do better. Most men say they want a woman who pushes them to be better and do better. Sam earns about 200k a month and lives in a comfortable one bedroom apartment. About two weeks ago Aramide said to him "But you know you need to get a better job, like, before we go further... I will send you leads on vacancies and also see who I can talk to. You also need to start sending out your CV, you need a better paying job or else..."


*Tolani on the other hand said these words to him one night just a week before that "I know that where you are now is the least you will ever be in your life. But I want you to know that even if it is not, I will always be there by your side". 

Now the question, people, is who among these 2 do you think would make a better wife?

The ride or die one who would stay with him whether in Mushin or Manhattan, whether in a luxury Benz or in a BRT bus, or the goal-getter chic who has high standards and high expectations and pushes and also helps him to go higher? 

In his shoes, who among these 2 would you favour as a wife? 

Aramide or Tolani?

Ladies and gentlemen, Sam needs your help. Thanks. 




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Saturday, 1 April 2017

She's a Beast In Bed. (Tigernut Juice Thingz)





She swears it's the reason he's hooked on her. 

She swears it's the reason he has eyes for only her. 

This makes her giggle like she's drunk, because she says he used to be a dog but her juice has turned him into a loyal doe-eyed lamb. 

She swears it's partly the reason he proposed. She says otherwise he for dey take her dey play, but now he cannot afford to lose her. The thought of another man eating from her pot is too much for him to bear. 

She says she used to be pretty ordinary in the sack, just average. She was rarely ever in the mood for sex and it always took a lot of work to get her body in the mood, you know, that mood. Mood enough to get the juices flowing. But now (in her words) she just dey drip like tap *covers face*. 

She swears she owes it all to Kayanmata. 

Actually it's not really Kayanmata as some people call it, it's simply tigernut juice. 

I'm sure many of you have heard about it and me, I'm curious af!

I've read so many testimonies on some women's-only facebook groups I'm on and many women are swearing by it. Even frigid women say it makes them sooooo horny that they cannot keep their legs closed. 

Many say their husbands even testified when they made loved to them after they drank it. 

Tigernut juice is simply a mixture of tigernuts (ofio), dates and coconut. I hear you soak the tigernuts and dates overnight. The next day you blend it all together, sieve, refrigerate, drink and get ready for some mindblowing sex sessions. 

Please can anyone here confirm this?

I wanted to buy dates a few weeks ago, for my eating pleasure o! And the trader, thinking I wanted it for some sess offered me this pack of tea. He said this is kayanmata, that yes, the tigernut juice is good when a woman is going to "meet" her man, but that this tea... "Ah! Madam if you drink am Oga go open shop for you. In fact e get one of my customer for Chevron, she say her oga buy am new car because of this tea. We get the one wey we dey bring from Kano, the one wey we dey bring from Dubai and India dey too, but I no get that one now. Madam if you drink am you no go forget me lai lai". 

Tempting...

LOL. 

Sensing my liverlessness he urged me to buy the tigernuts, dates and coconut, saying that that one sef go still sweet oga. 

Well... Who else has tried this tigernuts thingy? Some of the ladies said it wasn't just them, that it made their men frisky too. 

Issorai. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜…

Has even one heard of or tried this? 

What's your take?



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So Glad It's "Marched" Away... Hello April!




Damn! Guys, please tell me that a new month is really a new start. Kai, I had the weirdest month ever. Jesus.

March, my birth month. 

Lord!

Where do I ever begin? That month was the weirdest month ever. I cried enough tears to last the whole of 2017. 

It had its good parts, but mostly, it was just a very confusing, weird, torturous month for me. 

Last night I was chatting with one of my favourite bloggers who blogs anonymously and weighing the pros and cons of blogging anonymously vs with your identity. I told her one of the reasons I regret having my identity in the open is that it doesn't afford me the freedom to blog about what I want anymore. 

For instance, if none of you could put a face to the name I would gladly tell you in details how March was for me. But for now, let's just say it's a month I want to never come back. 

I think if I were to let you in I'd say, among other things, I kinda, sorta got proposed to in March... And then the proposal kinda, sorta, was retracted. 

LOL. 

So I've cried and I've thought and I've reflected...

I also got to the really confusing place where I couldn't exactly figure out if I wanted the proposal simply because, well, 32. Or because I love and genuinely want to spend the rest of my life with this someone. 

Anyways, eventually I didn't have to think too hard about it. 

But on a brighter note, Hello April! 

I can see many of you people have marched away. I don't blame y'all at all o! I slacked big time. Dealing with the demands of business and a weird month, I couldn't do much on Thelma Thinks (thanks to everyone who contributed in March, #FranklySpeaking especially), so I don't blame you guys at all.  But biko, March your asses back. Kilode!? You should know by now that I cannot do without you I need youuuuuuuuuu. 😭😭😭

And on that note, I pray that the month of April will be kinder to me and everyone else who had a rough March. 

Amen. 

Above all, I'm so thankful to God for the beautiful gift of life, good health, a loving family, my best friend; *Bishop and great blog readers. I'm very grateful for making it through the first three months. 


Let's talk about your March. Should it march away or march right back???




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Friday, 31 March 2017

#FranklySpeaking: Jungle Justice & The Fallen Witch. WWJD?





As I drove pass Ajip junction this afternoon, I saw a very visibly agitated crowd almost blocking the road. I slowed down and asked a police traffic warden what the matter was and she explained to me that a witch just fell down while flying from a meeting.

I became angry in my spirit. Another Ignorant mob must have snuffed life out of an innocent woman. 

As I expressed my thoughts with some close Christian friends who were subtly endorsing the action, I asked them one question. Will Jesus endorse this sort of jungle  justice?

This malnourished woman was murdered by an ignorant blood thirsty mob. The only sin she committed was that she looked malnourished. Look at the huge stone by her side and you’d see the shape of that stone on her chest. 

Killers of witch, will Jesus do this? I’m a Christian and I think people who did this are in same mould with Boko haram and Killer Herdsmen. 

If you claim she is a witch and you killed her for doing evil, aren’t you worried that her fellow witches will come for you? If you claim she was flying and fell down, arent you scared that whatever has the ability to fly might also have the ability to revenge? 

Liars !!!

You killed her because you knew she was harmless . 

This woman was murdered by society because she was poor, malnourished and weak and unprotected, ironically why her society should have protected her. 

I ask again, will Jesus do this? 

No sir, The Jesus whom I read about in the bible and acknowledge in my heart will not do this. 

If you claim that you did this in the name of Christianity. You are not a Christian. 

You are just a murderer.

My friend pastor Steward captures it succinctly :
"I am strongly thinking that woman must have been in some hole, some prison, who knows? Trapped, kept by someone or something, starved, Tortured and maybe had finally escaped and found her way out. I am thinking she was simply found lying there and the story of her transforming came up because of what she looked like. No one can clearly describe the transformation claimed. She looks hungry, dried, Tortured, more like a victim. Did anyone care to listen to her? Did she say anything? Did she mutter some words? Or were her attempts to speak drowned by shocks and shouts? Did she just show up half dressed and naked and no one thought she must have been sexually abused? No autopsy? Just plain conclusion of witchcraft?

This isn't the gospel we were sent to preach. Humans falling from the sky? I find it hard to believe. I have examined the pictures. I see hunger, trauma, torture, abuse and the cold death of someone who might have thought she had finally crawled her way to life. You don't have to take my thoughts, but that's the way I think. Everyone has a story about her, but has anyone heard her story?



*

But one question I'd like to ask you guys, I know where FS stands, but do you believe that these individuals are really witches? These incidents happen quite often in different parts of Nigeria and the story always goes the same way; bird falls from the sky or a tree or a poll or something up up sha, and lands on the ground as a ravaged old woman like the one in the picture above, they always look like this...

Do such things really exist?




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Thursday, 30 March 2017

Ladies, What Would You Do?





LOL. I honestly don't know what I would do. 

I know almost every guy in this situation would do what his mother says.

But for us women, 

It's complicated. πŸ˜–πŸ˜†πŸ˜΅

So...

What would you do?






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VACANCY VACANCY VACANCY. (Port Harcourt)




Job Tile: Accountant

Location: Port Harcourt 

Responsibilities:

Safe Handling and bank lodgement of cash receipts into the company's bank accounts on a daily basis

Receipt and review of goods, received notes (GRN) and invoices to check for any inconsistencies/ variances in price, quantity and specification before recording and forwarding to Head Office for further processing.

Effective management of units imprest and retirements.

Responsible for administration of Staff lunch funds for the unit and ensure staff satisfaction in this regard.

Receipt and review of invoices to check for any inconsistencies/variances in price, quantity and specification

Trace the usage of materials from stock issue (requisition forms) through production (movement sheets) to sales (till print) on a daily basis; reporting any variances noticed.

Verification of the records kept by operating units to ensure accuracy and completeness by carrying out spot checks, and stock counts or vouching process documents on a regular basis

Provision of adequate change for cashiers to service their customers satisfactorily

Preparing the company's monthly accounts .

Requirements

Must be a female 

Minimum requirement B.sc Accountancy

1-3years experience 

Analytical skill

Attentions to details

Honesty

Good book keeping skill

*****

Job Title: Restaurant Manager

Location: Port Harcourt

Responsibilities:

Taking responsibility for the business performance of the restaurant

Analysing and planning restaurant sales levels and profitability

Organising marketing activities, such as promotional events and discount schemes

Preparing reports at the end of the shift/week, including staff control, food control and sales

Creating and executing plans for department sales, profit and staff development

Setting budgets and/or agreeing them with senior management

Planning and coordinating menus

Coordinating the entire operation of the restaurant during scheduled shifts

Managing staff and providing them with feedback

Responding to customer complaints

Ensuring that all employees adhere to the company’s uniform standards

Meeting and greeting customers and organising table reservations

Advising customers on menu and wine choice

Recruiting, training and motivating staff

Organising and supervising the shifts of kitchen, waiting and cleaning staff

Maintaining high standards of quality control, hygiene, and health and safety

Checking stock levels and ordering supplies

Qualifications and Requirements:

Bachelors Degree or equivalent in any field preferably in Hotel and catering Mgt., Food, Science & technology, Business Administration

Candidate must be able to demonstrate a good level of education to justify grade (Minimum of Second class lower)

A minimum of Four (4) years of similar work experience in the same industry 

Business Acumen and ability to a take a strategic perspective

Excellent verbal and written communication skills

Great People skills

Computer literate (Able to use Microsoft office suite)

Analytical and numerical skills

High level initiative

Proven track record of leadership and supervisory experience

The ability to work long hours, including over weekends and public holidays

 *****

Job Title: Restaurant Supervisor 

Location: Port Hacourt 

Responsibilities:  

Supervising the day to day operations of the Fast food/Restaurant

Taking responsibility for the business performance of the restaurant.

Analysing and planning restaurant sales levels and profitability.

Preparing reports at the end of the shift/week, including staff control, food control and sales

Setting budgets and/or agreeing them with senior management.

Planning and coordinating menus.

Coordinating the entire operation of the restaurant during scheduled shifts.

Managing staff and providing them with feedback.

Responding to customer complaints

Organising and supervising the shifts of kitchen, waiting and cleaning staff.

Maintaining high standards of quality control, hygiene, and health and safety

Checking stock levels and ordering supplies.

Preparing cash drawers and providing petty cash as required.

Helping in any area of the restaurant when circumstances dictate.

Requirements/Qualification 

APPLICANT MUST BE FEMALE 

Minimum of HND/B.Sc. in any related discipline

At least 0 - 5 years’ experience

Excellent communication and interpersonal skills

Must be computer literate

Must be able to work on overnight shifts.

Can work with little or no supervision.

Willing to undergo the company's on the Job training programm. 

Applications should be sent through email: hakaratgroup@gmail.com.

*****


VACANCY!VACANCY!!VACANCY!!! A SUPER MARKET, RESTURANT&FAST FOOD IN PH NEEDA EXPERIENCED BAKERS, CONTINENTAL & NATIONAL COOKS, SALES PERSONNELS, STORE KEEPPER, LOBBY BOYS & GIRLS, SUPERVISORS, CLEANERS, CASHIERD. 

SEND CV TO : hakaratgroup@gmail.com

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