I 'wander' about love, life, lifestyle, relationships, current affairs, literature, people, romance, celebrities, your story, my story, the past, the future and everything in between.

Monday, 23 May 2016

Ambode Is Finally Working! (Danfo Buses About To Be Replaced With Air-Conditioned High Capacity Buses)






According to PUNCH, the Lagos State Government has announced measures to raise the dignity of commuters and commercial vehicle drivers operating in the state.

It said efforts were being made towards rebranding the public transport system which would incorporate the major modes of transportation. The state Commissioner for Transportation, Dr Dayo Mobereola said the initiative would involve replacing the mini-buses, popularly called Danfo, with high-capacity buses.

He also said the state government would introduce commuter protection number plates and body tags on buses to show their routes and enforce colour uniformity on all public transport systems in the state.

“Lagos State motor parks would be restructured in such a way that alcohol and illicit substances would not be there.

“We are going to teach transport operators in the state behavioural etiquette and how to talk to commuters,” he added.

 According to him, the present administration is determined to have public transport system that supports its megacity status where tendencies for violence are curbed, while drivers and conductors are retrained and registered.

He also hinted about plans to enforce the use of approved uniforms for commercial drivers and conductors, describing such as “a critical rebranding strategy that signposts confidence, trust, loyalty and stability.”

He said the “new vista of professionalism and identity anchored on unique number/dress code” would be implemented by the next quarter.

He said the taxi scheme, rail and water transport systems, would be covered in the transformation arrangements.

He also said that the state government is planning to restructure motor parks in the state and introduce holistic ticketing system, through which people could download from the Internet and use for any mode of transport in the state without any hitch.


***

Can I hear a loud Amen! 

And while we pray let's also pray for our maintenance culture. May this not go the way of almost everything else in this country. The once quite luxurious BRT buses are now no better than your rickety Danfo buses. 

And did they say etiquette? Yes Lord, let it be so! 

LOL. 

Fake It Until You Make it?





"But please explain to me why you want to use your hands to spoil your own thing?"


Ada was visibly confounded. I'd just told her I went out with Mr Perfect and there were some interesting things that happened. It was date 1, where all those questions were asked. That one date that ultimately decide things going forward. It's the same some men have said "It was only the first date but I just knew she was The One". 

And that's my friend's fear. That Mr Perfect would say "It was only the first date and I just knew she was not The One". Well, I agree with her. Here's why. 

I got to the restaurant before Mr Perfect and waited a few minutes before he finally arrived. We'd seen a couple of times since we met but this would be our first real date. Not long after exchanging pleasantries I said I wanted to get something to eat and he asked "You didn't cook today?". No, I didn't. 

"Why? You didn't have the time?". I had the time, I just wanted to eat out. 

"Oh, but you cook?". Err, yes, but not often. Rarely, in fact. 

"Huh?", Mr P was dumbfounded... "It's just that I don't really eat food and I tend to lose my appetite after cooking, and I have no one else to cook for, so I rarely cook. I actually don't enjoy cooking much". I confided in him. 

Mr P was aghast. Maybe I went too far by adding that last bit of information. I've been accused of being too open...

So after Mr Perfect expressed his confusion/surprise/disapproval at hearing me say I don't cook much we moved on to other things. 

Church. 

I'm catholic he said. Yes, me too... But I go to House on The Rock rather often. He didn't seem very pleased to hear this, but not as displeased as when he asked if I'd gone to church the previous Sunday and I said no. 

"Why?" He asked. 

I told him I didn't feel up to it and for the second time that night, Mr P was in shock. 

He berated me and lectured me on how important it is to go to church on Sundays. At some point he said "Well, I don't know how you see it, but I think it's simply madness when a Christian says they do not go to church on Sundays!". 

Mr Perfect was looking less perfect in my eyes by the minute but that's besides the point. 


..."But please explain to me why you want to use your hands to spoil your own thing? Why did you have to tell him all that? Did he really have to know? See marriage staring you in the face and see you using your own hands to push it away!", Ada had said.  

My friend, like many other women, believe that you should keep certain things under wraps in the face of a prospective spouse, until after the wedding. One friend of mine often said "I'm a mad woman but he will never know, until he marries me". A lot say there's wisdom in being he's idea of a good wife, even if those characteristics are not in your nature. When he puts a ring on it, ehen, you can now begin to display your true colours and by then it will be too late for him to do anything about it! 

I actually see sense in this. I sometimes wonder if I've chased prospectives away with my openness. In fact, I've been advised by some boyfriends to keep certain details of my life/personality/character hidden from my husband to be, when I have one, lest he might go from husband-to-be to ex-boyfriend. 

Apparently being stark honest about who you really are doesn't get you very far, especially in this race to the altar. 

So what do you think about this? Ladies are there things that should be kept away from le boo before marriage? Are there things you deliberately did not allow dear husband know about you before you got married? Or do you adopt the "Take me as I am or leave me" stand?

Isn't 'faking' (i.e being economical with showing him the parts of who you are than might make him rethink 'wifying' you) it until you make it a good idea when you've finally been found by the one you want to spend your life with?



Ps; I think men are more guilty of not showing their true colours until after they've married you...

Biko Post Ooooooo! (Translation Please?)





Thelma Biko postuzienu ihe na blog gi. Since Thursday, ihe nkea dikwa egwu. Amam na onwere ike idi busy mana weputatunu obere oge Biko. Ifu otu m si emepe blog gi ka onwee ihe m debere ebe ahu. Every minute, every second. Adim edekarikwa comment mgbe obuna mana m na Agu mgbe obuna. Blog gi na akasim obi. Ara Thelma thinks na agbam mana I no send.  Daalu rinne


***

Hehehehehehe. 

So it's almost 1am on Monday and I open my mailbox for the first time since Thursday. I'd just finished saying my prayers. Yes, most people say midnight is a great time to pray and if there's ever a time I've needed God to hear me loud and clear, it's now. Among the things that are going on in my life in which I feel like I really need some kind of divine intervention, one has got to be Thelma Thinks. 

So earlier I listed out all the things I need from my creator, I had to marshal each one out and hash them out with Him individually, it's that serious! One was "Please rekindle the fire I had for Thelma Thinks". 

I will like to come clean. Yes sometimes I have no time to post. However these days it seems I've become so tired and uninspired and even when I'm flooded with ideas for a post or prose, I cannot bring myself to write, I just think "Why waste your time? Who cares what you have to write anyways?" and with that I move on to other things. 

Last night I went out with a friend and hungrily devoured comments on some of my favourite blogs. My friend looked at me and said "Continue reading other blogs when you've not even opened your own. If like you, they were not posting would you have anything to read on their blog? It's the same way people feel when they open your blog and see nothing new. You're really killing people's vibes". 

I just rolled my eyes and said its not that serious biko... Yet in the last few days I've got calls, mails and messages asking why I'm not posting, so I knew that contrary to what I thought, some people do care. 

I believe God answers prayers so I'm very optimistic. 

That said, there are some changes I would like to make. I'd like to change the name of the blog. I have a few ideas but haven't decided on any yet. I'm also tempted to make it more "mainstream" and less personal, so I hope you won't resent me if it starts to look like your regular gossip blog. In the alternative and better yet, I would love it if I had (regular) contributors (another reason I'd like to change the blog's name). 

The Lady has been awesome in this regard and I'm hoping more people would come on board. I would love to have persons who contribute on politics, relationships, fiction, opinion pieces, sex, current affairs, personal experiences and just about anything else. I feel like the blog has grown beyond me and my personal views and tales. If I have people willing to do so regularly, I wouldn't mind paying a few of them on a monthly basis if necessary, but that's to be discussed if and when they come on board. 

For now, I just want to shallout to Eby for this beautiful mail that I'm scared to read for fear that I may not completely decipher. 

Any of the igbo brethren in the house willing to help me translate? Please do oooo!

Meanwhile, how are y'all doing? Tell me o jare. 


Thursday, 19 May 2016

Dear Thelma... (Help. I'm Out Of His League!)





The post of yesterday made me smile because my case is the opposite. I am madly in love with a man who has refused to give us a chance. We met on a BBM group and somehow became friends. We started chatting and then talking and weeks later I had come to depend completely our daily phone calls and communication. I was in Atlanta at the time so because of call costs for him, we started to skype and that made us much closer. Even though we had never met we decided that we were both in an exclusive relationship. We are both in similar career fields, thus our bbm group, from the same state and within the same age bracket. I admired him for a long time on the group because he was obviously very brilliant and ambitious so it's safe to say I fell in love with his mind before I fell in love with him. You can't even know how I felt when I noticed he had feelings for me too. In December I wasn't planning to visit naij for Christmas and I would have preferred it if he came but I know his salary is not very generous, he also has other financial constraints as he's the first son and is responsible for his younger ones' education so I came to nigeria. I was elated to know that what we felt was real, it was the best Christmas of my life, we met each other's family and in fact spent all the time together. We also became intimate and he checked that box too, in fact he checked all my boxes. In my head I was already planning our wedding and started talking to people about a job in lagos because I felt he was worth me moving back for. Unfortunately when I returned to atl I noticed that I was the one doing most of the calling and we stopped skyping. He claimed to be busy and later he stopped taking my calls completely. I was sad and I thought it was because of distance so I moved back home in March with my parents approval because they too want me to settle down soon. I was lucky to get a job by April but guess what I had not still seen him by then even though he knew I was around. Eventually I had to go to his house unannounced and demand an explanation, I wanted to know if he was dating someone else because that was the only explanation. He swore that he's not seeing anyone but that after I left in December he realized that I'm too high maintenance for him and that our backgrounds are very different. He said he knew he couldn't afford to take care of me or give me the kind of life I'm used to, and that he is too traditional (egotistical) to marry me and let me be the breadwinner. He also said it never works well when the woman's family is rich and the man's is poor so he decided that the best thing is to leave my life. 

I have tried to convince him ever since that I can easily adapt, I will never lord the difference in our finances over him, and irrespective of the differences in our status and income, I will be a submissive wife. But he and all his people don't believe it. The problem is I moved my whole life because of him and I love him desperately that I don't even want to give another guy any attention. I have tried to move on but I can't stop thinking about him and I know he loves me, if only he can let go of his manlying pride. My heart beats for him and I know sincerely that I can be a good and humble wife for him. He says he loves me but we cannot be together. He feels my family will look down on him and I will eventually begin to disrespect him. I have even assured him that with his ambition and skill set he is likely to start earning more than me soon but he's not convinced because even when he does, he is responsible for his family's welfare, so that salary doesn't translate to being more than mine. Friends advise I should just accept the advances of someone in my "class" as it's much less complicated? Do you agree, please what will you advise me to do?

Wednesday, 18 May 2016

Dear Thelma (Help. He's Out Of My League!)





Thelma I know running a blog can be hard work but please don't give up, the Lord is your strength. Please post my mail, I need advise. This is my situation. 

I am 29yrs, a graduate of a nigerian university and I currently work in a small accounting firm. I live a very simple life, I stay on the mainland and I'm currently single. I went to watch a movie with some colleagues from work last month at the palms where I met *Tony. He was very cute and well mannered so I gave him my number when he asked. The next day he invited me for lunch which I agreed to and we got along well. Since then he's been asking me out for a serious relationship and I know he's also looking for someone he can settle down with. My friends think I'm mad to be turning him down because he is every lagos girl's dream man and I can't blame them. 

The reason I'm reluctant is that although he is very nice to me and treats me with a lot of resoect, I feel like we are two different people. I went to Imo state uni, made a 2.2 and I have an average job. I don't have a car so I take a bus from Yaba to work on the island everyday. My parents are quite educated but lower class and I still live at home. Tony is from a very proper upper class background, his father is a Professor and his mother has a phd and was one of the directors of a new generation bank. He got his first degree in Unilag where he made a 1st class, he got his masters in one of the very good universities England and subsequently went to Harvard business school. Right now he owns his own companies and lives in Ikoyi. He travels out of the country frequently for meetings or business or leisure, while I have never even been to Cotonou. 

I'm a good looking girl who knows how to package herself very well but the truth is I feel a bit intimidated by him. I believe I'm smart but I don't feel we are on the same level especially intellectually. We are also on two very different levels of exposure. Some times I'm afraid to be myself around him. I'm also afraid to meet his friends because these people are from a different world. Sometimes I cannot relate to some things he says because I don't have the experiences he has had. He was saying if the NLC strike holds we would go to dubai but I don't even have an international passport!

Last week he took me out and asked me to be his girl. I know he genuinely cares about me and I feel the same. But my mind is not at rest, I feel that he will eventually dump me for someone from his class, or eventually become disappointed when he realizes that I cannot meet up to his expectations. I also feel like I have to pretend a bit when I'm with him so I'm not very relaxed around him, which makes the idea of a relationship with him scary. But I like this guy a lot, he is like my unrealistic daydream come to life. And now that my day dream has come to reality, I'm afraid. 

Please I need advice, what are the chances of a good relationship/marriage for people from two very different classes? 

Thank you. 

The Lady, The Roads and Her Car- The Lady.






For the longest time, I dreamt of driving. Literally. I would dream that I was physically driving a car. Bear it in mind that I had no prior driving experience, but I always seemed to handle the steering well. 

Took a while before I eventually started driving, but now that I do, I cannot have it any other way. The older folks praise my driving as calm and smooth, but deep down, I know that I am a road beast. The only things stopping me is that I don’t drive a beast. Not yet. When I get my Tundra, I will buy a special pair of sunshades and chant‘bow down bitches!’ while I oppress every gaddemperson on the road. I don’t know why, but I love and respect Tundras. I mean, they can crush me and my car, and not take notice. I always give them way unless it’s one rickety model. I will block you!

Two things I hate about driving – Kekes and Slow SUV drivers. How are you driving an SUV and crawling like a snail please? Madam, if your vehicle is bad, take it off the road abeg. I will honk, cross and block you. I take Kekes and I know how slow they move so to an extent, I sympathise with them, but please stick to the outermost part of the road abegThen sometimes, these Kekedrivers take the piss and spread out like a fan on the road. Biko, respect yourselves. Once I see a Keke, I place my hand on the horn and start to count because it’s only a matter of time. Please, who else has noticed the how bright Keke headlamps areHian! I don’t know which is more annoying, Kekes coming at you with full lights or Kekes honking at you. I will just park and block the road. Is my car their mate? In one of my unlady like moments, I told a Keke driver I would crush him. I went home afterwards and prayed for peace.

I lied. I hate more than two things. You know the special breed of idiots who try to push you off the road when you’re carefully trying to navigate a pothole, or the ones who try to overtake you at a speed bump, or the ones who cut in front of you and then don’t move. I will ruin your eardrums. Oh, my horn is the absolute best even though it acts like it has sore throat sometimes. My horn has the special gift of startling you. As the Lady that I am, honk with a smile on my face of course. 

Ehhhhh! Then those oncoming vehicles speeding towards you. ON YOUR LANE. With their full lights glaring! HAAAAA!!! There is a special place in hell for those ones. Right next to those who hog two lanes. I am forever screaming these days because of these latter breed of drivers. Stay. In. Your. Fucking. Lane. (Driving makes me curse.) I am sure you can tell that I am far from being a Lady when I drive. In fact, I curse in the three major dialects when I drive. 


I am also that annoying backseat driver. The type that steps on imaginary brake and gas pedals because … trust issues maybe. There are few I trust to drive me. Fewer, to drive my car safely. It is not my car you will take risks with. Mba! I once had a friend try to double cross one lunatic of a driver. He was driving my car! Like boy, do you realise how much trust I have in you and now you want to ruin that and block some idiot at 6 am on Lagos roads. He is a lunatic yes, but chill bro.


That said, some man blocked me in Lagos in front of a popular market and wanted to beat me atink. That must be the only reason, since he came down from his car and walked to my side of the car. He had a lady in the car and I felt embarrassed on her behalf. I never heard what he said coz I wound my glass up and kept staring at his horrible dentition with a poker face. I knew he could not beat me with all the people gathered. Ntoiiiiiii for him. What did I do? The question should be, what did he do? I was carefully trying to do hopscotch because … potholes, but he was clearly impatient and kept trying to overtake bully me off the road. He was behind me and I refused to be bullied so I kept at it and inadvertently blocked him from overtaking me. 


If I am in a good mood, I block impatient people from overtaking me who try to bully me off the roadThis category is reserved for those who try to overtake me at speed bumps. Don’t care how wide the road is. You and I will do zig zag till someone gets tired. I have been known to give a victorious smile and wave to my opponent when we’re done coz more often than not, the Lady wins. I would not advise you to do that sha.

In all of my road rage, have recently come to the conclusion that my car is my safe space and I guard it jealously. Nobody’s car is neater than mine. I’ve given up on the body, because no matter how carefully you drive, there’s always be someone who scratches your car or bumps into it. I mean, a pedestrian stretched out her hands and somehow broke my side mirror with her bag. I’m still puzzled about how that happened. 

I offered a colleague a lift and not only did she stink up my car, she spoke loudly on her phone the entire journey. She didn’t even get off the phone to mouth say thank you. I did not know her destination either. It was not until I was driving past that she viciously indicated she was alighting at that spot. I hate to stop or turn abruptly. I love to have my destination well mapped out so I know when and where to exit. I am all for driving on the appropriate lane especially at exits. Not here for all that criss-crossing. I would hate to put anyone or myself at risk. I am a careful driver. Best believe. I haven’t agreed to give her a lift since then because I want to keep my space sane. I’ve been toying with putting a list of dos and don’ts in my car: don’t speak loudly on the phone the entire journey; don’t eat (this is negotiable); don’t throw your thrash out the window (are you a pig?); do tell me your stop way ahead (otherwise I will drive past and only stop where it is convenient); and do remember to say thank you when I offer you a lift. I have not had issues with anyone touching my stereo sha and I don’t think anyone will. If they do, I will just smack their hands.



PS: I think Abuja drivers are worse than Lagos drivers.




***

I think Abuja and Port Hacourt drivers are worse than Lagos drivers!

Saturday, 14 May 2016

Happy Birthday Blink!





Blink of life! 

Y'all need to see this babe, she is prettyyyyyyyyyy for days and has got the most gorgeous flawless skin ever. The babe is a real hottie, but even more importantly she's got the most loving spirit, a very generous heart and a kind soul. 

So please join me in wishing Blink, nwanne CCCC a very happy birthday. The mother that raised these ladies did an amazing job! 

Blink my darling, you already know that I wish you the best of the things your heart desires. Stay blessed hun and send a slice of cake over. Muahh! 

Friday, 13 May 2016

Could It Be Me, Or... ?






Guys, I have a problem and I really need you to help me out. I would try to be as succinct as possible because otherwise I might keep you here for much longer than you had planned, and although it wouldn't bore you, as these events have been stranger and even more shocking than fiction, I would really just like to get to it and then hear your take on this because at this point I'm simply lost. The problem however is that I have difficulty going straight to the point, especially when the events that led to this present situation are very instrumental in you understanding exactly what I'm talking about. I therefore find myself struggling with what's relevant and what's not so relevant. Besides that, there's also the issue of me oversharing. What should I say and what should I leave out? How much do I share? I want to share it all, I want to come clean and unburden myself regardless of the consequences, and I will. I know I might come to regret my decisions but honestly guys, that's a risk I'm willing to take right now. Ok, so here's basically what happened. 

Errr, sorry guys I just wanted to waste a few minutes of your time. You should have figured that out by the fifth sentence. SORRYYY! 

LOL. 


Ok to the matter at hand. Guys, is it me or has suicide rate increased since this present administration began? 

I'm not saying one's responsible for the other but I keep hearing about suicides or attempted suicides every week, and it hit me that prior to now it wasn't this way. Then of course I began to wonder, could there be a correlation?

I was thinking I was the only one who made this observation until I heard someone else say the same today. It was then I was bold enough to actually voice my thoughts. Seriously, the suicide rate seems to have risen in the past months and one can't help but believe that it's got a lot to do with the current state of Nigeria. In all my years things have never looked so hopeless. 

Now there's news that Buhari may have finally devalued the naira. Yesterday it was that subsidy has been removed and fuel will now be sold at N145, and even though Kachikwu says in about six months prices will drop (which is very uncertain), how many Nigerians can actually cope like this for the next six months? Bear in mind that the minimum wage is still the minimum wage. Most people aren't getting bumps in their salaries right now instead there are pay cuts and even downsizing, there's still almost no light, businesses are closing down left, right and centre, even our staple foods have become very expensive... People are buying 4 tomatoes for N200 and the cost of a bag of rice has increased by some thousands, a paint bucket of garri has gone up from N400 to almost N600. EVERYTHING is more expensive, from the plantain chips you buy in traffic to the cost of clearing a container at the wharf. 

Nigeria is depressed and a lot of Nigerians along with her. 

In truth, I believe that things will eventually get better. What I however question is how many people can hang on until then? How many Nigerians can survive Nigeria right now? The poor already had it really bad when things were not so bad, how much more now that life in Nigeria is nearly unbearable for even the common man. Maybe that day has arrived. The one they said was coming when the poor would have nothing else to eat but the rich?

But even the rich are feeling the pinch too!

In any case, I'm silently rooting for Buhari. I know I laugh derisively in his face when I remember his $1=N1 boast and all the lofty promises APC made in general, none of which they have been able to keep. Still, I have faith in him. I'm sure he knows what he's doing. I'm sure things will get much better. I'm sure Nigeria will flourish in good time. 

I just hope my people will be able to subsist and survive until then. 


Guys, how are things looking at your end? 


Light Skin Privilege...




I settled in nicely to read a rather interesting post on Bella Naija several weeks ago. I don't remember the title of the post but it was basically written by a light skinned girl telling the world that no, she doesn't get certain privileges simply because she's light skinned, she doesn't get preferential treatment, she doesn't get more notice or attention from guys, and in fact, her life is even harder because of her skin complexion. The comments under that post made me want to hold her and hug her tight, because if you see the insults that followed ehn, you would pity for the girl!

People basically told her to kindly shut up and stop deceiving herself. Other light skinned (and mixed race) girls told her to stop lying, they do get preferential treatment and yes, they get more easily noticed than their dark skinned counterparts. Some even shared experiences where they'd gotten certain advantages all because of their fair skin colour. Not one light skinned reader agreed with the poster that "we are all the same"...

I would never forget that day, during the early days of the bleaching frenzy, when my friend called me to say she needed a good bleaching cream. I asked her whatever for and she said "Babe, this awa colour no dey sell for market again o! I gats buy bleaching cream!". I was confounded and utterly disappointed at her thinking. But then coincidentally I happened to be on a date with this guy who had been on my case for a while. So I asked him "Taiwo*, do you think light skinned girls are more attractive? As in, would you pick one over a dark girl?" 

He umm'd and ahh'd and mumbled incoherently but eventually admitted that yes o, yellow girls have got it going on. And yes, they would most often get more attention from guys. And yes, he would errr, choose a light skinned girl over a dark one... He said, while on a date with me; li'l Miss Ebony. But I couldn't blame him na, after all it was I who asked.

But I know this isn't news to you. You hear stories about aristos specifically asking their pimps/contact for yellow babes, and in the unfortunate event that they can't find any at that time and are eventually presented with a dark skinned babe, you know that she will be paid much less than what yellow-yellow would have received. (I site this because I kinda think it's the reason quite a number of females decided to bleach) 

Or for those of us who used to visit Zenith bank in Maitama, Abuja... Didn't it make you imagine the interview panel and how if you're not of the creamier complexions you might as well turn back at the gate? Or perhaps applicants were asked to attached their RECENT photos to their résumés and let the shortlisting begin! LOL. 

But this post isn't even about the existence or otherwise, of "Yellow Privilege" or colourism. I'd like to think that we all AGREE that light skinned privilege is real, especially in this country of ours. 

Now here's proof. Yesterday I was jejely going to take a cab from Chevron roundabout to VGC when an LR4 pulled up beside me. The passenger seat glass came down and revealed a toothy smile in a pleasant face. "A pretty lady like you shouldn't be under the sun, let me give you a ride", he said.   

I explained that I was going to VGC and he said he was too and asked me to hop in, which I gladly did. Now somewhere between Chevron roundabout and VGC, perhaps in the middle, at Ikota estate precisely for those familiar with the area, this man slowed down and said he had gotten to his destination. 

"But, errr, I said I was going to VGC" I said, confused. 

"I know, but I'm not reaching there" he said. 

I cursed underneath my breath, wishing this man had just let me take a cab in peace. 

I looked ahead of me and I still had several yards to VGC and it was unlikely that I would find a cab now. I noticed he was waiting for me to alight but I was reluctant, the thought of walking the rest of the way was very daunting. 

"But you said you were going that way" I whined. I actually whined, I couldn't help it. 

"Ehn, maybe I said so, but I'm not. Or what do you want? That I should drive you there and come back here?" 

I looked around, the roads were very free and that would have taken less than ten minutes of his time. I think it's what I'd have done if I stopped to offer someone a ride...

"If possible, yes" I said politely, almost pleadingly even. I really didn't want to have to walk!

"Haaaa. Are you fair?" He asked and that got a confused stare from me. 

"How?"

"Are you fair?" He asked again. "You're not fair nau. If only you were fair now I would have gone to drop you anywhere you want, but you're not nau!" He said and burst into the most stupid laughter I've had the misfortune of hearing.

And that was how I opened the door and stepped out with all the calm I could muster. The eejit was actually calling after me asking for my number when I shut the door and kept walking. 

I've been trying to wrap my head around it, around the fact that this mongoloid actually told me to my face that the reason he wouldn't go the little extra mile to drop me was because I'm dark skinned. 

Now let me hear you tell me that there's nothing like light skinned privilege again. 


LOL. 


So you tell me what you think. Is "light skinned privilege" a myth, or something you know to actually exist in our society? 




Ps; just like I knew I would, I ditched the skin lightening products I bought soon after I bought them. I have nothing against lightening but I just couldn't care enough to go through that whole routine everyday. Gluthathione pills, anyone? Haha just kidding! I think...


Thursday, 12 May 2016

Last Night...





Where do I even start to apologize from? Look guys, things are just quite a lot at the moment. I wish I could post more, I really do. I just got home and fell on my bed like a stack of cards and I was drifting off to sleep when I began to wonder why it's 8pm and I'm already sleepy. Then I recalled. 

Last night (this morning) I was up until 3am. Surprising af considering that by 10pm I was in bed and ready to snooze. Then one thing led to another and I went online and found myself on some pages and sites and I couldn't stop reading. I read and read and read and I just couldn't stop. Ever since the death of Ronke Shonde it seems more wives are speaking up about the hell they face in their marriages. Damn it guys! I couldn't stop reading. I cried. I screamed. I shuddered. I stared. I paced. I cursed. I swore. My eyes saw red. 

At about 2am I didn't know when I got up and began pacing my room. Hell. Some women are living in hell. I suddenly fell to my knees and began to praise God. I haven't prayed in a while, I'm ashamed to admit, but early this morning I cried out to God and all I wanted to say was THANK YOU. 

You see, sometimes you will sit in your corner and lick your wounds and think your own is the worst. After reading all I read, mehn my life is freaking perfect, and I can't thank God enough. 

Kai! Nigerian men, why do some of you hate your wives so much? WHY? Bloody hell!

I eventually forced myself to shut off my iPad and sleep, I had a long day ahead. Unfortunately minutes later I woke up in cold sweat. I was wondering if I was having some sort of spiritual attack but I knew I wasn't that, it was what I'd been reading for the past few hours. I kept dreaming of being beat up, being tied to the bed post and beaten with sticks. Being choked with a wire until I'm nearly dead, by the man to whom I said "I do". I woke up and stared at the ceiling. I drifted off to sleep again and still I kept being attacked, molested and wounded. My dreams where nightmares, the nightmares I just read which some women are living through. 

I calmed my nerves and forced happy thoughts into my mind. I eventually slept. It was fitful and uneasy and I woke up feeling like I'd been run over by a train. 

May God heal all women who have been broken by the men they call Husband. 



Tuesday, 10 May 2016

Who Exactly Is God's Anointed?





In 2010 when I was still a law student on Chamber attachment (internship), I attended one of the Full Gospel Business Men Fellowships at The Oriental Hotel VI with my boss. The fellowship was really interesting and they had a visiting pastor who appeared to be simply awesome. He was a very robust and respectable looking man who seemed to be in his early 50s. He was full of fire and energy and his spiritedness was very contagious. I remember him talking about how blessed he was, how he hadn't had a job in years as ministry was his sole passion but God always overly abundantly took care of all his needs and even more. 

He also said, with so much confidence and self-assurance, that there wasn't anyone whom he had prayed for that didn't have the prayers answered. To listen to him, one would think every word he spoke was straight from his mouth to God's ears and voila, like magic; done! And with those convincing words, he eagerly gave out his number. 

When you're in law school and you see some of the smartest students getting a pass, conditional pass or fail, you'd begin to realize that Bar finals isn't only about smarts but also God's grace or sheer luck perhaps. With that in mind I studied real hard but stayed prayed up, even to the point of asking everyone I knew to please put me in their prayers. I then remembered the selfless pastor whose prayers had never gone unanswered. I called him, introduced myself and told him my exams would be starting soon and to please remember me in his prayers. He chuckled and said God had already done it. 

Well eventually Bar finals turned out not to be the rocket science I had expected and I knew I'd do just fine in my result. And when the result came out I still remembered to call him, whether or not success was as a result of my hardwork, grace, my parents' prayers, my loved one's prayers, happenstance or this man's prayers. However unlikely that it was his prayers, I still called him. I re-introduced myself and told him my result was out and it was good and I'm just calling to share the good news and also say thank you. 

And that was when the demands began. 

He sent some text about money for ministry this and that and attached his account details. I remember thinking that it wasn't fair of him to ask someone whom he knew was barely out of school for money, but I immediately sent him 30,000 naira. 

Less than two months later he said his wife was ill and he called on everyone help out. I was broke at the time, remember I was barely out of law school and hadn't even gone for service. Still squeezed out 20,000 naira and sent that same day. 

A few more texts came over the next few months which I ignored, mainly because I was either broke or had more pressing needs for my money, but I remember receiving another text from him about money for ministry and sending about 45,000 naira. 

Over the years more of these texts have come and I have ignored each and every one of them since the last 45k. I was younger, naive and less responsible (or very irresponsible) with my finances. But the older I got the more his texts began to get my goat. I noticed that he was quick to text and attach his account details but would never text back to say thank you.

I noticed that he never sent any other texts, I mean, even during Christmas or Easter or New Year. You would not receive a single Merry Christmas of HNY text from him. But later that month, a text would come in without fail, stating that monies were needed and demanding you to make a deposit into his personal account. 

Also I resented the fact that these were bulk texts and only God knows how many of us he sends these to, and then we will all begin to send money to his "personal account" and enrich this supposed pastor's pocket while some of us got broker. I, for instance. In those times when I sent those monies it wasn't because I had a lot, I remember that 20k I sent was ALL the money I had to my name at the time... 

So for the first time in years, when I got a text from him yesterday, I responded. See below. 



He called me this morning for the first time since I met him. He wanted to know why I had sent "God's anointed" such texts and don't I know I'm playing with fire?


Which brings me to my questions, please who exactly is God's anointed? Anyone that calls himself a pastor? Anyone that mounts and pulpit and can quote the bible in the loudest voice? Anyone that so chooses to be called? Anyone that has accepted Christ as his Lord and Saviour? Who???


Help me out here guys. 


Ps; it 'pains' me that I never once wondered why money for the ministry was always instructed to be paid into his personal account.



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Dear Thelma, (Can My Sister Ever Forgive Me?)






Tee I have been so afraid to send this mail because I know there's no way people will not judge me and insult me. I had to because my conscience is eating me up inside and I can't tell anybody. I will not bore readers with the details so the long and short is that my sister was traveling abroad for a training and she begged me to come and stay in her house to help with her children. She was away for three weeks and that was the first time I noticed her husband started looking at me funny, before then he has never shown any interest beyond treating me like a baby sis. One day when the children were at school he came home in the afternoon when I was alone, please I don't know what came over me but when he started to touch me I did not resist him and that was how we made love the first time. When we finished I started to cry because I was so guilty and disgusted with myself. I never imagined I could do such in my life. When he noticed that I couldn't stop crying he begged me to stop that it will never happen again but the next week we made love again. Since my sister came back I have not been able to look in her eyes, in fact as she came I packed my things and left because if I stayed I fear she will become suspicious because I feel so guilty. So far she has enjoyed her marriage and her husband, and my whole family love him because he's the type we swear can never cheat on her or abuse her. 

I want to confess for two reasons. I am feeling too guilty and it is weighing heavily on me. The other reason is that I cannot stop thinking about the love making. I know some of you might call me a whore but I am not. In my 27 years I have had sex with only 3 men and I have never before now dated or slept with a married man. This is my first and it was never my plan or intention in my life. He has been sending me texts and if I don't report myself soon I know that I will fall into temptation again. But if I tell her can she ever forgive my atrocity? Please your advise is seriously needed, what should I do? 



***
Hmmm, I don't know what you should do but I know what you shouldn't have done; never slept with your sister's husband! Even if you wanted to shag all the men in the world, both single and married, your sister's husband should never have been one. 

Oh well, what's done is done. Guys, any advise?

Monday, 9 May 2016

Hello DSVRT!





It's about time!

This is amazing news. Please spread the word people. A lot of us suffer in silence because we don't know what to do or where to go for help. Please let's kill this culture of silence, speak up and get the help that we need. 

DSVRT was created to handle cases such as rape, defilement, other sexual assaults, domestic violence, child abuse, maltreatment and neglect. 

Please, those of us who say our neighbours treat their maids like slaves or even worse than animals, DSVRT isn't solely for sexual abuse and domestic violence, they also respond to such cases. 

DSVRT also offers medical assistance, legal assistance, counselling, emergency assistance, psychological and socio-social support. 

Please spread the word. 

Late Ronke Shonde's Husband Who Allegedly Killed Her Speak Out FromHiding.





Lekan Shonde, the man who allegedly killed a few days ago spoke with Punch Metro and he had quite a lot to say. Read below. 
He said the last time he beat his wife was three years ago after a disagreement, saying he had never touched her afterwards.
He said, “Since I married my wife eight years ago, she has never bought anything into the house. I gave her N5,000 on Saturdays and N3,000 on Tuesdays for soup. I also gave her money to make her hair.
“She was working with GTB as a marketer, but she got sacked three years ago. For that period, I was the one feeding her and taking responsibility for everything in the family. I would wash her pants, bathe the children and buy foodstuffs in the house. She later got a job with a publishing company owned by her uncle.
“But my wife changed sometime in March, when she started dating the general manger of a publishing company. My wife was going to the office from Monday to Sunday and she wasn’t going to church again, all because of this man. She called him ‘Eyitemi’ (My own).
“Last week Friday, she went to Abuja and came back on Monday. She never told me that the lover was there with her. I learnt later that the lover was there and they slept together in the same room for  four days.
“When she came back, she didn’t know I was inside the house. She started talking with the man on the phone that she really had fun with him and I didn’t know how to make love.  She again said her private parts were paining her.”
He said he confronted his late wife and she confirmed that she was dating the other man, adding that he asked her to concentrate on a relationship.
Lekan said his wife refused to leave the house despite his insistence on her leaving.
Recounting the incident of that night which led to her death, he said they had had an argument over money.
He said, “It was around 9pm on Thursday. We had paid our nanny N20,000.  Then we needed to pay our children’s teachers N30,000. I discovered she had taken N20,000 and when I asked her to return my money, she said she had spent it.
“I was angry because for the past three months, she didn’t allow me to have sex with her. I pushed her hand away from me on the staircase and I left her. She never tumbled or fell. In fact that night, I bought the food that we both ate because she said she didn’t want to cook.
“I didn’t know anything had happened to her until Friday when I saw her on the staircase. I thought she was still pretending. I just left her and walked away.”
“Although I am not a saint, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke. I am a responsible man. The problem with my wife was that she was temperamental. She shouted at me whenever she talked.
“I am a Lagos boy and I can be in this Lagos for the next 30 years and nobody would see me.”

***
Read the full report here on PUNCH

UPDATE 
According to Linda Ikeji's blog Lekan Shonde has been picked up by RRS this afternoon 

Sunday, 8 May 2016

Happy Birthday To 2 Of My Fav Blog Readers; CCCC & Memphis!!!





Today must be a very special day or how else can you explain some of the most amazing people I know, both from the blog and in "real life" celebrating their birthdays today. 

Guys, join me in wishing these two awesomtastic personalities a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

C & M, you're two people that somehow found Thelma Thinks and then you became a special part of my life and a big part of the TTB family. I appreciate you two so much and it's my sincere desire that this birthday brings you lots of love, laughter and joy. 

Be blessed, always!

"She was an outrageous, temperamental and cantankerous First Lady"- Rueben Abati On Lucy Kibaki's Death.


A rather enlightening read...




Lucy Muthoni Kibaki was buried yesterday, 9.12 am, Nigerian time, in Othaya, Njeri County, Kenya in the presence of about 300 guests and family members, after a requiem mass attended by over 3, 000 dignitaries and 20, 000 mourners. She was the wife of President Mwai Kibaki, the third President of Kenya, in office from 2002 -2013. She is definitely, one of Kenya’s most controversial public figures in the last 50 years. 

There has been no other First Lady like her in the history of Kenya and perhaps in the whole of Africa. It was indeed not suprising that her casket on its journey back to Nairobi, from Bupa Cromwell Hospital, South West London, where she died on April 26, was draped in national colours and that she received the equivalent of a state burial. Mama Lucy was that type of First Lady who had she been denied such state recognition and if the dead could rise and return to sleep, would have stormed out of the casket and accuse the government of Kenya of disrespecting her. She was one hell of a woman.  It seems Kenyans are afraid of her, in life, even in death. Ironically, there has been more focus on her positive attributes rather than her frightening negatives, perhaps because it is incorrect to speak ill of the dead. 
 
Since the announcement of her death, Lucy Kibaki has been praised for her love of family values and the sanctity of the family. Some have called her the “embodiment of motherhood.” Indeed, she was a staunch defender of the interests of the poor and the disadvantaged in society, especially women, children and the girl-child. She bravely led the fight against the HIV/AIDS scourge in her country and apart from a misinterpreted statement about her saying young, unmarried men could have sex without condoms, and that abstinence is nonetheless crucial, her efforts at controlling the scourge was noteworthy. She had argued for example that government should enact legislation to compel doctors to disclose patients’ HIV status to their spouses to prevent people getting infected unnecessarily.  She was later recognized for her efforts when she was made President of the coalition of 40 African First Ladies against HIV/AIDS.  She was also Patron of the Kenya Girls Guide Association. She also completed many development projects in many parts of Kenya. 
 
The outpouring of flowery tributes has however shaded the truth about Lucy Kibaki. She was an outrageous, temperamental and cantankerous First Lady. If a list of the worst African Ladies were to be compiled, in the same manner in which some agencies prepare a list of Africa’s Most Beautiful First Ladies, Lucy Kibaki will be the undisputed winner of the first prize, ahead of Aisha Hamani Diouri, Niger’s tyrannical First Lady of the 60s.  Lucy Kibaki’s conduct as First Lady is one of the reasons why students of contemporary African Politics have often argued that the First Lady syndrome, copied from the United States, often without the required finesse and sophistication, should either be abolished or moderated and that elected Presidents and Prime Ministers in Africa should learn to keep their wives in check. Nobody could keep Lucy Kibaki in check during her decade-long season of influence and terror. 
 
She was ungovernable, unapproachable and impossible.  She was the most outspoken First Lady on the continent.  She had no qualms giving the impression that she was Deputy President or perhaps a co-President.  If President Kibaki was uncomfortable with her conduct, he lacked the power or the courage to say so, or show his displeasure. There were rumours that Lucy Kibaki was a husband batterer. She interrupted and overruled him publicly, making the President look like a woman’s wrapper. She also on many occasions, went overboard in trying to take charge of the government.  She humiliated diplomats, government officials, State House staff, her own husband, members of the coalition government, and just about anyone who crossed her path. She was a violent First Lady, with an anger management problem, which could not be cured, until she suddenly dropped out of the limelight (possibly due to failing health) in the last two years of her husband’s Presidency. 
 
Soon after Mwai Kibaki assumed office, the brand new First Lady began to show her true colours by ordering that a bar inside State House, where Ministers and other government officials often tried to have fun should be shut down and that instead of spending time drinking, the Ministers should go and work for the people of Kenya! Within a year, the State House Comptroller and Private Secretary to the President, Matere Keriri had also crossed her path. Without reference to the President, she gave him an ultimatum to resign or be sacked. Keriri had to go. She kept an informal, secret network whose assignment was to report on Cabinet Members. She summoned officials and gave them instructions as to what was expected of them as if she was their boss. They knew better, they would not dare disobey her.  In one of the many post-humous accounts of her life and times, Francis Kimemia, former Head of Public Service and Secretary to the Cabinet reminisces, for example, that 
“Of course if she called you, you prayed to your God that you had not done something wrong. But if you had, she would tell you to your face. She would correct you but she would follow up to see if things had been corrected.” 

 
After God, it was Lucy Kibaki as First Lady. George Satoiti, former Internal Security Minister during the 2009 Sachangwan oil tanker fire tragedy will not contest that either.  He was on that occasion publicly tongue-lashed by Mama Lucy for making insensitive comments, not showing enough empathy over an accident that led to the death of over 200 and many more injured.  When at a public event, a State House official introduced Lucy Kibaki with a wrong name, calling her Mary Wambui, the rumoured hidden wife of her husband, the fellow got a dirty slap, delivered promptly and ferociously. 
 
When the former Vice President, Moody Awori, also had a tongue slip and called her a second lady, (a veiled reference again to the existence of Mary Wambui, also known as Wambui ma Mwai), Lucy Kibaki did not hide her discomfiture. She stood up and walked out of the State Luncheon. In March 2009, amidst continuing speculations that the President had another wife or a mistress, Lucy Kibaki got her husband to hold a World Press Conference on the lawns of the State House, to declare his “one man, one wife” status. She stood beside him, growling like a headmistress with a cane in hand. She later grabbed the microphone and abused journalists who did not like her and her family and were always writing nonsense stories. Imagine a First Lady upstaging a President at a press conference?
 
Lucy Kibaki never liked journalists. She believed that they did not know their job and she always offered lectures on how best to be a journalist. In May 2005, she stormed The Nation Media Group offices in Kenya to protest what she called negative media coverage. She and her bodyguards actually held the media house hostage till 5. 30 am, the following day.  When one of the reporters, Clifford Derrick Otieno, tried to record the ugly scene with his camera, Lucy Kibaki wrestled with him for control of the camera and slapped him.  She was particularly good at dealing out slaps. Later, a member of parliament, Gitobu Imanyara, who had been Otieno’s lawyer, was a special recipient of that same Lucy slap. State House officials were already used to it: any minor mistake fetched them a tingling slap.
 
They wouldn’t dare retaliate when it was open secret that even the President was being battered almost on a daily basis. She would later report columnists of The Nation and The Standard newspapers to the Media Council of Kenya for writing articles that she considered disrespectful. Nothing came out of this eventually, but she just couldn’t stand columnists expressing radical opinions. I recall writing a column in this newspaper, The Guardian (Nigeria) on her anti-media indiscretions. I also got a protest letter and a phone call from the Kenya High Commission in Nigeria. This drew rich laughter from the very bottom of my then emerging big belly. The poor folks at the Kenya High Commission needed to be seen to be doing their job, of course, lest they lost it on Lucy Kibaki’s orders.  
 
What a woman! She once went to a police station, wearing shorts, to report a World Bank official, for playing loud music and disturbing the neighbourhood. The official was holding a farewell party and was a tenant of the Kibakis. Mama Lucy wanted him arrested. Nobody was beyond her radar, not even members of the then Liberal Democratic Party led by Raila Odinga who formed a coalition party, the NARC, with her husband in 2002. When she felt they were not co-operating enough, she told them to go ahead and resign and get lost, because in any case, “Kenyans do not eat politics.”  She loved to give speeches but there was always trouble if anyone disagreed with her. She once shut down parliament building because she felt Presidential Advisers did not appreciate her point of view, which she considered to be in the national interest, while they, in her reckoning, were pursuing personal agenda. She declared the programme ended, and ordered that the building should be locked.
 
 
No other first Lady in Africa has been more insecure and disruptive. Her defenders insist she was motivated by a burning passion to protect her family and relationship with Mwai Kibaki, especially as Mary Wambui, her nemesis, perpetually hugged the limelight and operated as a Presidential spouse. Even a Kenya State House press statement originally denying Ms Wambui was unsigned! Presidents are human beings. Every household has its drama. But when a President emerges, he or she has a duty to serve and concentrate and not disturb us with his or her household politics. Marital melodrama should not stand in the way of governance. What Amina Mama calls “femocracy”: the misappropriation of state power by Presidential spouses, should never be allowed. This is the big lesson of Lucy Kibaki’s legacy. Luckily for President Kibaki, Kenya prospered under his watch, even if ethnic irredentism and corruption as reported by Michela Wrong and John Githongo, cast a slur on everything else. Sadly, he remains known as the smart technocrat and indecisive President, who was always willing to sit on any fence, including Lucy’s.
 
The Nigerian Government should remember to send him a condolence letter. 

Saturday, 7 May 2016

Death Over Divorce?





When I talk now, or say divorce is an option, my married friends would be yimu-ing me and saying "you don't know what you're saying", "it's because you're not yet married", "it's not that easy" etc. I never said it's easy o! I know it's not. 

But just like a post I was reading on Lanre Olusola's blog a few days ago asked; Do you think God deserves murder/death to divorce? I learnt from said post that deaths resulting from domestic violence are a lot more common than we think, and it's always the same case. Domestic violence had been the order to the day but wifey would always stay, or leave and then go back. People would convince them to stay. Parents would turn a blind eye because they're trying to avoid the stain of divorce in the family. Religious leaders would say "God hates divorce". And most of these women would stay and endure, surely they never thought it would get that bad. It's so sad. 

For those who haven't heard about this most recent case of Ronke Bewaji Shonde, here's how Bella Naija reported it:




Ronke Bewaji Shonde, a woman in her mid-thirties, was found lifeless on the floor of her sitting room. She is believed to have been murdered by her husband, Lekan, who is now on the run.
According to reports on Nairaland, Neighbours had to forcefully open the door when their hired help came in the early hours of yesterday morning but was unable to. Upon opening the door, they found her body bruised and battered with blood seeping from her head.
As at the time of this report, the most probable cause of death was from blows received from her husband during a dispute. He later escaped leaving their children to find her body.

Ronke is also said to have suffered domestic violence in her husband’s hands for many years but chose to stay on in the marriage.


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May the soul of this beautiful woman rest in peace. Amen. 

May her brute of a husband be found and Justice served à la Arowolo style. Amen.  

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