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Wanderings of a Plus Size Diva (3)





It comes as no surprise to me when people judge others who are plus size or overweight or obese, as the case may be, without even getting to know them. We live in a world where we are judged by our appearances first, before who we really are or what we're capable of matters. This is actually not limited to size or weight. That's why packaging is said to be very important and you hear things like "image is everything". You go for an interview and you're already being assessed the minute you walk in. Your appearance matters. Sometimes however, appearance goes beyond neatness and how well put together one is. It could also go as far as including your dress size.
       Since we're on the topic of interviews, let me say this. I never really believed that one's size could be a factor in an interview or employment. So when, sometime back, my mum
begged me to try to lose weight, so that I could have better chances at interviews or with jobs, I thought it was all a joke, or one of her ploys to get me running to the gym (I wasn't working out then). Now I realize that she was serious, and I was naive. Well she was in the corporate sector for decades so I should have known she knew what she was talking about. A friend of mine experienced this firsthand. She went for an interview somewhere on the island where there was a vacancy for a company's sales representative. Once she walked in the lady minced no words in telling her that she did not fit into the image of the company. She did not reflect the brand being built. After the interview, the lady called her aside and told her "I will advice you as my sister, if you want to be taken seriously, especially in a job like this where you will need to go out often, and interact with people, then you need to lose weight. With this size nobody will care much what you have to say." The lady further added that she wasn't being judgmental, just honest, as she herself was formally a size 22 but had to do all it took to come down to her current size 12, because she noticed she was losing out on a lot of things that she rightfully deserved. This made me really think because the girl in question was a size 18, like me!
         Paradoxically, the bigger your size, the more invisible you could be. It's strange really, when you come to think about it, it does not make one less intelligent or less talented. Yet, their size could be an impediment. Sometimes I deliberately look out for plus size people on TV. it's rare to see a plus size TV presenter and even in the movies, that fat lady or gent, usually plays the role of the friend, or the slow colleague, or the silly character who's main role is to provide comic relief. Never the lead. Unless, except the movie is centered around their weight. Of course it's of no consequence that they're just as talented or even more so, than the people who get the juicy roles, while theirs are always peripheral. 
        I guess if I was thinner skinned, I'd often get hurt. I have a friend, *Nkem*, who has a lot of friends, male and female, and loves to play matchmaker. At the constant urging of our other friend, * Lara*, she tried to hook me up a couple of times. I'd seen the guys she had hooked other girls up with but when it came to me, she was quite reluctant and kept hooking me up with her cast offs or guys that (she felt) were not good enough for her and her other friends. Now, here's the funny part, one day when three of us were having lunch, she told us of her friend's ex who was tall and handsome and young and very successful and oh so generous( tales of designer apparel he constantly bought his ex, and trips to Dubai, SA and France, followed) and very single! She said he asked her to introduce him to someone and as she was about to tell us who the lucky girl she'd chosen was, Lara cut in, excitedly suggesting she hook him up with me. I watched as Nkem's facial expression went from excited, to mildly embarrassed, to uncertainty. In one breathe she mumbled several reasons why it won't work then finally blurted out that he'll prefer someone slimmer. What hurt was not that Mr Perfect wouldn't like me ( I couldn't care less about him). What hurt was that my own friend thought I wasn't good enough for a guy like that. 
        Without, feeling bad about it, or feeling victimized, I've, on a number of occasions, being looked down on by "Little Miss Skinny" and I sometimes wish I could read their minds and know just what they're thinking. I think I caught a glimpse one day, when I caught a glimpse of her catching a glimpse of me. Sorry, I just had to do that. Let me explain. I know this lady who detests fat and everything fat. For her, skinny is perfect. Yeah, she's the perfect size 8 who has mastered the art of eating like a bird and has trained her body to run for an hour without going out of breathe, (my role model, LOL). Long story short, one evening we were in a car together, she was in front, I was at the back. Having had nothing to eat that day, I was starving and found respite on the head of Gala seller. I bought two, and tearing open the wrapper I munched hungrily, for some reason I looked ahead, and saw Miss Skinny, who had been fixing her makeup, watching me in her mirror. When I caught her eyes in the mirror she quickly looked away, but not before I saw the disbelief and disgust (you still eat?!? *bbm surprised/confused/huh smiley*) on her face. 
       I've been a number of sizes. I've been skinny. Slim. 'Just ok' (I miss that!). Big. And though at each point people have treated me differently, like when I was in my skinny/slim phase, some people who had never talked to me before were suddenly my friends, I am and have always been the SAME person. Being slim didn't make me smarter, wittier, funnier. It didn't make me a more outgoing person. It didn't turn my introversion to extroversion. It did NOT make me a BETTER person. 
        I guess what I'm trying to say is, before we judge, decide, condemn, we need to 'lift the veil' and know what's inside the box and not make snap judgements and decisions based on its size or shape. 
        I would like to hear your thoughts, have you had any experience pertaining to this post, and suggestions or opinions? Please Share. 

Comments

  1. Thelma I can totally relate to this post. Thanks for the write up. Keep it coming.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well,I'm on the reverse side to ur story...being skinny has its own challenges too! I guess its bout loving u the way u are and a middle finger to those who don't...lols

    ReplyDelete
  3. I totally agree with you. Loving yourself the way you are is key, but unfortunately it's sometimes easier said than done.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow, I've never really experienced weight discrimination but I've experienced it regarding height. I didn't know it at first but I used to wonder why I couldn't get the kinda girls I wanted to date till one of them told me that she wished I was at least 3 inches taller. Lol. That's when I became height sensitive. So sad that people get to be judged based on their appearance because some of the dumbest people I've met were extremely "attractive".

    ReplyDelete
  5. skinny,fat,short,tall are all the same,why i so is because everyone knows exactly what he wants. i got friends who can never date a tall guy no matter what and some who can never go out with the shot ones. Is all about choice and what you want. But for me the inner part of of human being and his presonality are what matter. Thank you Thelma you made me fall in love with your seducing stories,still can't sleep. lol,keep going girl the skye is your beggining.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the encouragement dakween. I really appreciate it.

      Delete
    2. Please where can I meet the girls that can't date tall guys? I hope they are tall sha... Lol

      Delete
  6. Ok! So 4 me this is quite personal! I have had different experiences cos of my weight (lik T, I hve been tru it all) and I have come to realise that I can only get as down as I let others put me. So now I own my body and I ROCK it! Hello this is Me (imma blow my own horn unapologetically hre) I am Fine! I am UberSexy!(Jst sexy is 4 kids *wink) I am a Super Hot, fabu-luscious Diva Queen! I can fuck ur body AND ur mind cos I'm smart like that! And if u don't lik it, imma sit on u with my fabulous size 18 self! Ziggy

    ReplyDelete
  7. i like that comment that you can fuck his body and mind!!!! some pplesay we heavybuilt ladies are bad in bed so howcome they keep coming back for more? thelma you rock!

    ReplyDelete
  8. If it will make you feel better about yourself
    you can lose some weight and at least be healthy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Tessa. But if you've read my other WSPD posts you'll know I'm already doing that. It's not easy but I try.

      Delete

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