Being single in the life of an adult sucks. Especially if this adult is of the fairer sex. But you see, from January to early December we somehow hack it. We put on a brave face. We say we can't be bothered, we don't mind, we don't care, and we actually do a fantastic job at convincing ourselves that we don't. All through the year I don't really care that I'm single, well actually I do, it just doesn't bother me so much, sometimes I even forget. Besides, I tell myself there's still time, the year isn't over yet. But as Christmas draws near, the story changes. Normally I can put on my poker face, or maybe even a joker face. But at the merry scent of Christmas my mask wears thin. I find that my wide grin takes greater effort and cracks somewhere along the way, making it look crooked and
I never seem to have a problem going out alone, Riding Solo, I'm fine going to have drinks by myself, or going to the movies and all those places meant for people in twos or more, alone. But when Christmas comes, town becomes insane, everyone's in a frenzy, the "I just got backs" just got back, people switch from work mode to holiday mode, so it's only natural when people begin to crawl out in pairs, suddenly, it seems they forgot how not to be a couple. And this sucks majorly in the life of the single female!
First off is the fact that we've come to the end of another year. Still single. Again. At this point in time we're feeling very vulnerable and confused. We question what we once believed in. All our days of prayers and fasting, dry fasting and singles seminars and promises and prophesies that 2013 is our year, and yet nothing to show for it. Then we call to mind all that we did (to change our situation), we went to the right places, wore the right dresses, smiled just the right smile; neither shy nor slutty, made just the right amount of eye contact, yet NADA! Add that to the fact that when you go out everyone is in twos... The sight of them makes you think of shoving your fingers down your throat and puking. And any overly happy couple you see is being overly happy, just to piss you off. On a serious note though, I actually believe that.
Earlier in the month I went to see a movie alone. (I'll be honest with you, when I say this, in my mind it's usually accompanied by a bbm "big-grin", "straight-face" or "not-interested" smiley, or a "Kanye shrug". But my people, this time, it's like the "embarrassed" and "sad-faced" smileys shagged and had a love child and dumped her right on my "I went to the movies alone". Terrible!). Anyways, so I was at the movies alone, and y'all need to respect me, I'm brave. It was one of those romantic chic flicks, yet couply comedies that you went to watch not with your girlfriends, not with your buddies, not with your colleagues, not with your classmates, but with your significant other. Thelma aka The Brave One went all by herself as usual. I went early and sat quietly in a corner in order not to be noticed, but my phone won't stop ringing so I had to change seats to one close to the exit. The row was empty save for a couple that were intently watching the movie, almost oblivious to each other's presence. But that change the minute I joined the row. First, they decided it was time to hold hands, then miss-thing put her head on his shoulder, mr man then proceeded to whisper a bunch of gibberish into her ears which made her giggle like someone trying to giggle like an American teenager. As if they hadn't already made their point these two rabbits began to make out! I was furious! How dare they? I hated them. I had not got as much as a hug, nay, handshake from a member of the opposite sex in months and these two.... Hmmm. Yeah, I think they do it on purpose to piss people off.
So the single chic that I am, spent Christmas Eve with a fellow single chic. And of course what do you expect? We bemoaned our status, we recalled love and lovers pasts, we both tried to outdo each other with "I've had more heartbreaks than you" and on and on we went. And as if the fates were entirely against us, NEPA or PHCN or Eko Electric withheld the light, and the generator wouldn't come on! So we sat like this for hours, lamenting, while constantly swatting mosquitoes trying to serenade us with their own Christmas carols and fanning ourselves with our hands as our own sweat threatened to drown us. On we went with out tales of woe that we didn't even know when Christmas came. (That's why I wished you guys a Merry Christmas after 1am, I'm sorry). Then my friend began talking about a certain blogger who's been dating her boo for many many years and is now engaged to him and talked about how the girl is always happy, TOO happy. Next thing I know my friend exclaims "she's just too happy! Fuck her jor, nobody is that happy". I almost collapsed in laughter. I don't know if it was the seriousness on my friends face or that she just said "she's just too happy" and nobody can be that happy but something about it made me laugh for the first time in hours. It leads me to ask, is there anything like being too happy? Personnally, probably because life has made me a little jaded, when I see permanent perfection, no flaws, constant grins and laughter, I believe its "all for the camera".
So back to my Christmas blues, early this morning I left her and went home and I started thinking. I would really like to go out and do something fun , but Christmas, unlike the rest of the year, is not at all meant for riding solo. I would look lonely, miserable, unhappy, rejected, dejected, depressed, morose, forlorn... I would look like I just happened; no family, birth or history. And I'll be the first to admit it, I'm not that brave. And I'm sort of stuck in limbo. You see, I'm a little too old to do the family thingy, my parents have emptied the nest and seemingly like it that way. So I (and several others I know) do not have that to fall back on. So while others do the fun couply things, I lie in bed and type this, this..... I don't even know what to call it. All I can say is at Christmas, being single sucks!
PS, I just got a call that could be all the Christmas present I need, so I'm going to take a short nap to refresh and get ready for my date this evening. And afterwards my friends and I are hitting the clubs.... All I can say is, I'm not driving tonight because it would be irresponsible! Yay! Merry Christmas once again. (I'm suddenly excited, can you tell? LOL)