Is full disclosure advisable?
My take was that IT IS NOT! And I still maintain that position. My friend who got married the next week, and who, judging by the manner in which she spoke, paid very close attention to all that was taught in marriage class insisted that IT IS.
Now my argument was this; There are certain things that your partner need not know. I have been adviced by older married women, in their 40s and 50s, never to tell a man everything about me, they will only use it against you one day. My friend, the bride, *Amaka, argued that from the moment you guys get married, you become one, thus there should be no secrets whatsoever between you two. Everything that happened in the past and everything presently happening should be discussed.
I insisted that if you choose to discuss stuff that's currently happening during the relationship/marriage that's very fine. But things that happened before you two met.... You don't have to tell him all of it. Amaka insisted he should know.
So I asked, must you tell a man you're dating/about to marry/married to everything? For instance, does he have to know how many guys you slept with in the past? It's ok for ladies that have had one or two lovers but if you've slept with 20, 30, or uncountable men, would you really tell him this? Do you really believe that it would not change the way he sees you? Amaka insists he should know all of it. He's your husband. He has a right to know.
I asked, If you had several abortions in the past, say four or five, do you tell him and tell him how many. Amaka said yes!
*Sandy, who's a doctor said hmmm, the abortion one should be discussed o! She said they've seen several cases in hospitals where the woman could not get pregnant because of past abortions and when it's revealed to a husband (who never heard about these abortions, there's "trouble in paradise"). I understand, but.....
I pointed out, you and your siblings, born of the same parents love each other so much, more than life even, yet it's not necessarily everything you tell them, your own blood. Also you two occasionally have quarrels, naturally. There are times that you might even feel like you hate each other. How much more someone that you formerly did not know from Adam. There are bound to be rough patches. Do you really believe that he should know EVERYTHING??
This argument went on and on and on. Besides the sex and abortion issue, we also questioned if he should know everything about your finances and assets. ( they all said yes. My take is "it depends".)
Yesterday my friend called me. Her fiancé asked how many men she's slept with. She told him three. That's not true. She worries the truth would have scared him off. I didn't know what to tell her. Personally I never tell. Be it 1, 10 or 100. It's not your business. I don't ask either, because honestly, it does not make much difference to me.
My take on the "Full Disclosure Policy" is, as long as it does not put the other person in harm's way, then you're entitled to keep it to yourself if you think you should.
There are however some things I believe MUST be disclosed.
This lady above had cosmetic surgery before she got married and did not deem it fit to disclose this to her husband who eventually found out and sued her for it. I'm 100% percent in support of suing her! That's gross misrepresentation.
Also, if you fall into the category of those who do not have sex before marriage, and you wear padded bras, fake butts and hips, please, let him know this too before you guys get to that bridge.
And men, if you know you're challenged in the penis department, be it in size, performance or what have you, Disclose this to your intended Mrs!
Medical History including STIs, Genotype, Chronic or Genetic diseases is something that must be FULLY DISCLOSED. It is imperative. If you guys end up together, your life and that of your children could depend on whether you have shared such crucial information.
What are your thoughts on full disclosure. Also, do you think my friend should come clean about her numerous past sex partners ?