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Ladies, 10 Reasons He Won't Commit To You.

I stumbled upon this Right Here and halfheartedly read it thinking "here we go again, whatever jor..." But somewhere along the line it began to make some sense. I could see some of these factors in myself, my friends, acquaintances etc. Although I may not agree with all of it, I think it might be helpful so I chose to share this with the (single) ladies. I hope you learn a thing or two.

What are these reasons that men won’t commit to you? What takes you out of the “relationship/marriage material” category? I will describe a few common reasons here:

1. You have no personal long-term goals
Before you can be ready for a stable relationship, you must demonstrate stability in your own life. We need to know that you have some long-term vision for yourself, otherwise we can’t have any long-term vision for a relationship with you. So make sure you have an idea of where you’ll be and what you’ll be doing in the next five to ten years. You don’t have to know the exact answer (we probably don’t either), but at least have some general direction beyond what party you’re going to next weekend.

2. You treat your immediate family members badly
So things might be going well with the new guy you’re dating. You’re super sweet to each other and having a great time. So you decide to introduce him to the family.
Then we get to your house and see that you are very rude to your sister. She asks you for a small favor, and you snap at her “do it yourself, lazy ass!” Then later in the night you argue with your parents because they forgot to make your favorite soup for dinner, telling them “ughhh you ALWAYS forget things I ask for.”
We are only left with one assumption: you may be sweet now, but if we were to get married, eventually you’d treat US the same way.
We’re out.

3. You bring up marriage and children too quickly
“I thought I’d be married by now.”
“I want to have kids before I’m 30.”
“All of my friends are married already – do you think there’s something wrong with me?”
These are all perfectly normal thoughts to have, but definitely not good things to mention on the first few dates. If we get the feeling that you’re desperate for marriage and a family, it tells us that you don’t care who it’s with and that we don’t even matter in the question. In the early stages of a relationship, it’s all about fun and compatibility. Marriage and kids are a discussion for much farther down the road.

4. You still play “games” – even when we’re already dating you
Playing hard to get, being flaky and inconsistent, flirting with other men to try to make us jealous.. all of these and similar behaviors are big indicators of immaturity and instability. Don’t do it. If you have no problem playing immature games, we will have no problem playing YOU and moving on to the next girl.

5. You are irresponsible with money
Like having no long-term goals, being irresponsible with money tells us that you have no regard for the future. If you aren’t considerate of the future, we won’t consider you as part of OUR future.

6. You are high-maintenance
Requiring constant communication, lots of gifts and attention, and frequent reassurance are huge red flag for us. We are happy to do nice things for you to keep you satisfied in the relationship, but if dating you begins to feel like a full-time job for us, we definitely won’t stick around for long. A good relationship has a balance of “effort” – you treat each other well and to the best of your 

7. You are insecure with yourself
If there’s one thing that I see annoying guys all the time, it’s women who can’t accept compliments. He says your hair looks beautiful, you say “oh no, it looks like crap but thanks!” You just made two mistakes: you insulted his taste, and you showed him that you’re insecure with your appearance.
We all have shortcomings, and recognizing them so that you can improve upon them is a good thing. The problem is when you allow your shortcomings to define you and take away for your own confidence and security.
Insecurity is not sexy. And more importantly, insecurity leads to jealousy. You think your butt is too small, so now you get irrationally jealous every time your man interacts with a woman who has a larger butt. Jealousy is a big indicator of long-term problems in the relationship.
Remember, if we are going to commit to you, it’s because we admire and respect all aspects of you (even the ones that you might think are shortcomings). When we give you a compliment – we mean it!

8. You don’t have “your own life”
We like to date women who have some cool stuff going on – career, hobbies, friends, all the good stuff. For a few main reasons:
  • It makes you more interesting
  • It shows that we may be able to learn something from you – definitely attractive
  • It shows that we may have some fun new experiences with you
  • It shows that you won’t look to spend every waking hour with us, expecting us to make life interesting FOR you
It’s important to have your own interesting life as a single person because it makes you more attractive, and makes it less likely that you will get tired of each other. In a committed long-term relationship, it can be tough to keep things fresh and exciting. Having your own separate lives is a good way to help.

9. You are messy
This may seem petty, but it’s not. If your car, your place of living, or your appearance are messy and poorly kept, it reflects on your discipline and character. If you live a lazy lifestyle, we assume you’ll be lazy in the relationship as well – not good for long-term commitment.

10. Sex
I’ll go ahead and address the big question. No, having sex with a man too quickly does not keep him from committing to you. In fact, I more often see the opposite: men often won’t commit to a woman who makes him wait too long for sex (or makes him put in too much effort).
Honestly, the amount of time you wait to have sex with a guy is irrelevant. If a man does not want to commit to you, having sex with him will not change his mind. Likewise, if a man DOES want to commit to you, having sex with him “too quickly” won’t change his mind either. What really matters is your overall quality as a person and as a match for us.
We like sex. We want to commit to a woman who also likes sex. If we like everything else about you (and you don’t display the other behaviors on this list), and you show that you’re open to sex, this is often the right way to go if you’re hoping for commitment. If everything else is going well (and you aren’t getting the player vibe from him), go for it!
What do y'all think?


  1. I think this list makes sense and contains mistakes women commonly make. I'm sure that one about trying to make your man jealous is one myself and a lot of girls are guilty of. well, its not really our fault sha.

  2. Ok o! Thanks for the lessons Thelma. Please do a post on where we can meet Mr Right Abel!

  3. men would always find reasons why they don't want to commit.

  4. This list is 190% on point especially the messy bit. I can't stand a untidy girl cos that spells irresponsibility and I've come to learn that most untidy girls are also very promiscuous, they treat their pussies like they treat their surroundings, with little or no regard.
    Another turn off for men is pretentiousness, I've been with girls that never got angry or upset with me no matter how bad my crime was and it got me thinking, they were waiting for me to really commit before showing their true selves. Anyone who's that cold and calculating can do terrible things when they are crossed, run from them.


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