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Single Ladies Round Table (1)

SLRT is a series that I'll post every Thursday. It takes you into the head of the average Nigerian single lady in her mid 20s to early 30s. Grab your popcorn and enjoy the ride.


Single Ladies Round Table






Bisi sits at the table in the corner. The waiter approaches her with the menu. Bisi wards him off with an evil look on her face and a stern shake of the head. The waiter retreats. 
I'm not ordering anything till Sola gets here, I have no money to pay in this kind of place. If you had to "do drinks" with a friend it had to be on The Island. Otherwise what was the point? But this island life sef. I can't use money meant for good recharge card to buy one bottle of water abeg, she thinks to herself. Her phone vibrates. A text from Sola. Hmmm.
"On my way. Bringing a friend along, hope you don't mind".

Of course she minded but what can she do about it? She has a mild frown on her face. She really doesn't have any money to pay for her drinks, these days her owu had reached a new level. If Sola is
bringing a friend then she's likely to pay for her friend's drink right? That means she may not pay for
mine. Well Sola is a "big girl". She can afford to settle everyone's bills.
She fiddles with her phone and someone walks in, it's Tonia from church. Tonia is in the choir and is one very blessed singer. 

BISI: Tonia Tonia. Hello. How are you. (Bisi waves frantically. Tonia approaches her and they exchange kisses on both cheeks. Bisi rolls her eyes as their cheeks touch)

TONIA: darling! What are you doing here all alone. You're not having anything either. 

BISI: oh, I'm waiting for my friend, Sola, she should be here soon. 

TONIA: I'm here with a friend too. You can join our table while you wait. 

Bisi gets up with mixed feelings. She would have to make an order. Would Tonia pay? She wondered. 

TONIA: meet my friend Chika, we work in the same law firm. 

Chika and Bisi exchange pleasantries. 

TONIA: Chika was just telling me about this guy who's on her case. Apparently he's a very successful young lawyer, he lives in a very nice apartment in phase 1, he's got a lot of cheese and spoils her rotten, plus he's cute too and he's even talking marriage. But...

BISI: but? (Bisi is at the edge of her seat. What could the "but" possibly be?) 

CHIKA: I really don't know, I mean he's really nice and all. I'm just not attracted to him. I've tried. Really I have. But I just can't seem to feel anything. 

Sola walks into the bar with her friend. She immediately walks up to Bisi's table. 

SOLA: we're here!!! (She screams and hugs Bisi)

Introductions are made. Sola signals the waiter to grab two chairs for them. 

SOLA: so what's good? (She asks no one in particular)

TONIA: nothing really, just random girl talk (she says, eager to talk to this beautiful creature. Indeed God was partial. How could he give only one person this flawless caramel skin, this tiny waist and wide hips, these full breasts, this face so perfectly shaped, with lips made for kissing and cheekbones that would make Naomi Campbell jealous. Like that was not enough she was obviously very well off, the gold jewelries that donned her body was not for children! In her hands she held an iPhone, an S4 and a BBQ10. Her head supported a mass of weaves that could buy a small tokunbo car, and that watch can pay my house rent, I'm sure.) 

SOLA: hmmm. Girl talk. I like! So who's boyfriend are we talking about? 

BISI: Chika over here has every girl's dream man on her case, good job, a car, lives on the island, sends her die! But she's just not feeling him. 

ZAINAB: can I have his number please? (She speaks for the first time and everybody laughs) 

SOLA: but seriously. What's the problem?

CHIKA: I'm just not attracted to him. I mean, I like him, I respect him and all that, but I just don't ..... I just don't get that warm fuzzy feeling when I'm with him.

They all smile and nod knowingly. 

ZAINAB: but so what? You say he's every girl's dream man. He's got a good job, he takes care of you, he's good looking. What else do you want? 

SOLA: what do you mean? Did you miss the "warm fuzzy feeling" part. Sister here says she's not attracted to him. She should keep it moving. 

BISI: No o! Chika, I don't know if you don't know but we're no spring chicks. Do you really think you can afford to be so choosy? 

TONIA: exactly! But that's not necessarily my point. My question is, is attraction really that important? I mean this guy has the essentials. You've said it yourself Chika that he would make a good husband. What else do you need? 

CHIKA: you just asked the question in my head. Is attraction really important? He has everything I need in a man....., but I just don't fancy him. Yet I worry I'll be making a huge mistake if I let him go. 

SOLA: no dear, you won't. 

ZAINAB: all this talk is too much. Please help a sister out. Since you don't want him pass him on to me. Let this guy go, there are sisters out there like me who need good men like that. And I'm sure you've not given this guy a definite No. I'm sure you're giving him hope so that you can continue to enjoy the benefits that come with him toasting you. Girls like you annoy me honestly.  

CHIKA: hia! This one is taking is it P oh! (This Zainab girl is so annoying!)

SOLA: calm down bitchez! If she's not attracted to him then its pointless. There's no relationship without attraction. I mean if there's no attraction, there's no chemistry so what's the point? But I'm all for enjoying the benefits till he takes a hint and moves on sha. 

A small arguments ensues and everyone speaks at the same time. The waiter tells them they need to make orders and they do. Everyone pipes down. 

BISI: so how's work babe? (She asks Sola)

SOLA: same old. And that old fool of a boss still won't leave me alone. But I'm not complaining o! It comes with its perks, like I'm taking a couple of days off this week. Got tickets for Dubai so....

TONIA: you're going to Dubai for "a couple of days"? 

Sola: sure. 

ZAINAB: why are you looking amazed. If she can afford it, why not? 

CHIKA: your salary must be really good. 

SOLA: I guess so (noncommitally), So Bisi what's up with Dayo? Does he need to first see your grey hairs before he proposes? 

BISI: my sister, I tire o! Eight years and he's still yet to make a commitment. 

TONIA: eight years?! Babe you should take a walk. What are you still waiting for?

BISI: walk to where exactly? In a few months I turn thirty. Where do I begin from? Abeg half bread is better than none. Besides I'm praying about it. 

ZAINAB: praying ke? Issokay! Don't you think you should make hay while the sun shines instead? The earlier the better. This guy does not want to marry you otherwise he would have said something by now! The sooner you end your relationship and start looking for someone else the better for you. 

BISI: so I should be single and begin to beg people to pass on men they're not interested in, like you abi? No o! I will hold on to what I have. 

SOLA: you guys crack me up. (Laughing, to keep tempers from flaring) 

CHIKA: have you ever sat him down and talked about it?

BISI: I can't o! I don't want to scare him off. You know how men are, the minute you mention marriage they run away. I don't want to appear desperate. 

ZAINAB: but after eight years you should be desperate, no?

CHIKA: I know what you mean Bisi, but for a man you've dated for eight years, if you can't sit down with him and discuss the future, then I think you have to question the last eight years of your life. 

TONIA: Word! 

ZAINAB: a man in his 30s who has been dating a lady for eight years and has never mentioned marriage will never mention marriage. Shikena. 

SOLA: (fiddling with her phone) I'm sorry girls. But I'm going to have to love you and leave you. My boyfriend just pinged me, he misses me terribly. Anyways, he's coming to pick me up. Zainab have my car keys. I'll come pick it up tomorrow. (She snaps her fingers and summons the waiter.) The bill please? And your POS. 

BISI: hmmm. Who's the lucky guy. You haven't given me the gist yet. 

The waiter brings the bill and Sola settles it, everyone thanks her but she brushes it off and continues fiddling with her phone. 

SOLA: oh well, all I can say is he rocks my world. (She picks up her ringing phone and tells the caller to come inside). Don't you just hate it when a guy sits inside his car, waiting for you to come out like he's doing you a favour? A proper gentleman comes in and gets you. 

CHIKA: I think there are certain things one should overlook. 

TONIA: yeah. How many men are going to stick to your every rule. There are really things that one just has to overlook. 

SOLA: (standing up and making a sweeping gesture over her body) Take a real good look at me. Look long and hard. Do you see something that's easy to overlook, even a single thing? I doubt it. In that same vain I refuse to overlook certain things. Oh, here he comes. (She waves him over)

Everyone stares are the overly confident lady who's now suddenly pouting her lips and batting her false lashes as her love interest approaches. Chika and Tonia exchange a look and Chika rolls her eyes. 

SOLA: girls, say hello to my baby! 

Everyone looks up at him to say hi but simultaneously Tonia and Bisi's eyes become wide like saucers. They exchange shocked looks. Once again Tonia's mouth hangs open. She's about to blurt out something but Bisi discretely shakes her head, shutting her up. They stare in amazement as Sola gives Pastor Chioma's husband a sloppy wet kiss on his lips. 

To be continued...

Comments

  1. U don come again o thelma!!ok ok..I will have to wait till next thursday to continue abi

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yay! I like this Thelma. It's quite lengthy but I didn't mind. Waiting for part 2.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thelma, very interesting read. I'm looking forward to part 2.

    ReplyDelete
  4. that Zainab is a serious trouble maker. lol. this is so real, especially the overpriced lifestyle on the island.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I like like .......sooo much....looking fwd to part 2....

    ReplyDelete
  6. Pastor Chioma's husband ke?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Now this is a good story! Mide.

    ReplyDelete

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