I once dated a guy, Let's call him *Deji. Deji was this tall, buff, hunk of a man. The kind that made heads turn and made girls swoon. Dating him was me constantly swatting girls off like mosquitoes whining in my ears. Deji was one of the nicest people I knew, very generous, and very skillful too. LOL. But there were some things I could not make sense of. I recall the first incident. He went out that day and came back unusually late with no good explanation for where he had been. At some minutes to midnight his phone rang. I gave him the evil eye; "who's that bi*ch calling at this time of the night" but he immediately assured me that it was a guy. However the conversation that ensued made me just as uncomfortable as it would if it were a girl. In a low tone, the type usually reserved for the ladies he said "hey, guy, what's up?" ..... "Yeah it was nice seeing you again"......."me too, I've missed you too"...... "Seriously, …
Hey! So if you've got dstv and you love to watch TV like me, or even if you don't, you must have at least heard of Ebony Life TV. Well in case if you haven't, its Mo Abudu's TV channel that has claimed the spot (pun intended) of channel 165 on DSTV. Mo intends to change the way Africa is viewed by showcasing the posh, sorry, positive side of Nigeria and Africa as a whole. Its targeted at a particular demographic,18-34, but my opinion is that it further targets the (upper)middle class in this demographic.
The alarm went off as though it had vengeance in mind. It seemed unusually loud that morning. Biola tried to open her eyes but they remained shut. She wanted badly to continue what felt like the best thing in the world at that moment. Sleep. Unfortunately her alarm won't quit. With force she parted her eyelids and immediately, just like it had been waiting for the perfect moment, the marching band in her head began to perform. Biola squinted and reached for her phone to turn off the alarm. It was Monday morning and her entire body felt like there had been a bull fight on it. Her room was cold and dark and she shivered a little. She considered calling in sick but she immediately decided against it. The moment she stepped out of her car, even the security man knew something was wrong. She staggered into the office and walked straight to her seat, no energy or time for pleasantries. At the sight of her Soji rushed to the kitchen…
The drinks flowed freely like water in a Greek fountain. But the liquor, unlike water was top notch. The DJ obviously knew his onions and kept our heads bobbing. The girls.... Hmmm, it was difficult to describe the girls, they came in all shapes and sizes, all heights and complexions, but one thing was indisputable, they were HOT! The party was in full swing and I could barely stand still. I leaned against the bar, pouring what was left of the Ciroc vodka into our glasses. I was about to signal for another bottle when I saw her walk towards us. My hand hung mid air as I prayed to God, let her be coming to me. Jeez. She was something!
Yesterday a very dear friend of mine got married. Classy venue, fantastic food, beautiful guests, a fantastic band and a very funny MC. The MC was one of the few funny ones I've been opportuned to witness. However there was this statement/joke he kept on making. I'll have to paraphrase. "Married women here hold your husbands very tight o! Because all these single girls, you can never tell what they're capable of" and "Wives, there are many single girls here o! May God blind the eyes of any single girl eyeing your husbands". Maybe it's the fact that he kept making this joke over and over again, or the fact that I am indeed single, but at some point I felt like I was going to get up and scream SHUT THE HELL UP.
The rain fell heavily and each drop felt like small rocks slamming against the windshield of her car . Cursing heavily under her breathe she pressed hard on the throttle, not caring if she skidded off the wet road or if she was run over by an oncoming vehicle. She just didn't care. It was after 11pm and the roads were free as she sped from lekki phase one to VGC. She was already in bed when her phone rang. She considered allowing it to ring through but taking a closer look at her phone she saw that the call was from Soji. Soji rarely ever called her this late so her first thought was that she left work without completely discharging her duties. "What did or didn't I do?"she said answering the phone, sounding exhausted. "Madam you've got some real nice manners you know? Where are you by the way?" He asked. "Soji I'm home. What's up? What's this about?" Biola said cutting out the small talk. "B, what's the deal with you and…
So, I recently stumbled upon a dating guide for single women in the '90s. I'll share them with you guys.
1. Do your dressing in your inner room to keep your allure. Be ready to go when your date arrives, don't keep him waiting, greet him with a smile.
2. Men don't like girls who borrow their handkerchief and smudge them with lipstick. Makeup in private, don't let him see you.
3. Don't sit in awkward positions, be alert. Never look bored even if you are. If you must chew gum (not advised) do it silently, mouth closed.
This picture came with an addendum blaming this ................ (Fill in the gap) on ASUU. But on a serious note, what could possibly be going on here? They all look so young especially the second from the right. As I always say when I'm at a loss for words "It is well!"...
I floated peacefully on my cloud. It was a beautiful day, everyone was happy and at peace. Everyone had smiles on their faces, well we always did. we all floated around on our clouds while some were jumping around, laughing and playing. Up ahead I could see those two, skipping on their clouds and giggling as usual, with a smile on my face I was falling into peaceful blissful sleep when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and saw a beautiful angel. They were all beautiful but this Angel's beauty was astounding. With a smile I was told "it's time, time to go. ".
The day had been a lousy one. Broken promises and disappointments. Difficult clients and evasive debtors. I was generally in a foul mood. I'd just gotten home and rushed up for a bath and a quick meal. I look at my phone and no missed call, no messages. Totally annoying, I left my phone an hour ago and in my head when I got back to it I would have at least eight missed calls,two texts and six BB messages. But Alas, nothing. Not even one of those annoying messages from my network. I scroll through bbm updates, nothing new or interesting. Yawn. I check my credit balance and I have over
2k credit on my phone, however I have no one to call. It's barely 6pm and I'm already feeling this way. Suddenly a light bulb goes off in my head and I get a brilliant idea to go see a movie. So I go get dressed. I look in the mirror and I'm "second look worthy". I smile, get into the car and head for The Palms, to see a movie, alone, again!
Biola pried her eyes open trying to remember where she was and what had happened the previous night. She squinted and saw him and as disappointment flooded over her she toyed with the idea of pretending she wasn't awake yet. After the hugely disappointing incident of last night she wasn't sure how she was going to react to him and desired to put it off for as long as possible. Unfortunately it was too late. "Good morning sunshine" Seyi said, placing a little kiss on the tip of her nose.
That guy called clement.....
Clement, such an outdated name
I've heard a few but this takes the prize for lame
Everything about him is just wrong
His very existence is a satirical song
I really can't stand his whiny voice
When he speaks I confuse it for mosquitoes noise
With his nose, so wide and big
I bet when he sleeps he snorts like a pig
Clement's belly resembles a drum
I often advice he feed solely on crumbs
At the sight of his hair I get a fright
Clement is manageable only in the dark of night.
This guy called Clement.....
Clement, such a sweet sounding name
All mothers should name their sons the same
Everything about him makes my heart sing
I live for they day he'll bless me with a ring
You should hear his voice, so thin, it's cute
Reminiscent of an angel playing the flute
Clement's nose should be in a portrait
The magnificence of its size almost makes me prostrate
My Clement has got belly like a bear
No one can provoke us or even dare
You amaze me. Your outgoing friendliness, your capacity for life and people, your sheer energy! I’m fascinated by the way you can go from engagement to engagement without taking a break. And how you never seem to be at a loss for words.
I must confess, when I see the ease with which you operate in the world, I am often envious. You just don’t seem fazed by all that happens. And you command attention so easily. I’m jealous of how you can move so quickly and accomplish so much in a day. The world does seem to be made for people like you.
It comes as no surprise to me when people judge others who are plus size or overweight or obese, as the case may be, without even getting to know them. We live in a world where we are judged by our appearances first, before who we really are or what we're capable of matters. This is actually not limited to size or weight. That's why packaging is said to be very important and you hear things like "image is everything". You go for an interview and you're already being assessed the minute you walk in. Your appearance matters. Sometimes however, appearance goes beyond neatness and how well put together one is. It could also go as far as including your dress size.
I sit before my African Blackwood desk, on my Limbic chair, looking out of my window, at the picturesque view of the mountains. In the course of an involuntarily twitch of my neck, I glimpse my calendar and I see... It's November. Naturally I begin to reminisce, to evaluate, to assess, to call to mind... I ask myself, Thelma, what doest thou in .....Lol. I cannot keep this up. What I'm trying to say is this, it's November, one month away from another year.
Naturally I think about how my year has been so far. Right now, I'm not thinking about the resolutions I made at the beginning of the year, I'm not thinking about goals I set and those I have or have not achieved. No, I'm not thinking that deep. Not because I don't want to, but because all I seem to be able to think about when I think about 2013 is WEDDINGS! I guess this is because I attended more weddings in 2013 than I ever have in my entire life. Maybe because I'm at that age where everyone is get…
Biola saw him the minute he walked into her office. He was hard to miss really. He walked to her desk and luckily for her, he approached her partner, Soji. Luckily for her, because she was sure anything she would have said to him would sound like a tongue twister. She tried to look nonchalant and unaffected, really hard to do as it was a boring day with little or no work. In fact he was the most exciting thing that had happened to her that day. From the corner of her eyes she stole glances at him, while trying to look like she was busy on her computer. He must have been about 6"3. Biola had a weakness for men with broad shoulders and a slender waist and this guy was the poster boy for that. He was bald headed with bushy eye brows and well groomed beard. He looked like a slightly younger Boris Kodjoe. Soji noticed that this young man had his colleague in lust so he decided to "help out a sister". "Mr Cole, my colleague, Biola, would be of more use to you. This is h…
So here I am, trying to figure out what I want to do with my blog. I've been writing articles and poems and my general random thoughts and observations and/or rants to be posted at later dates, before I tell anyone about the blog and more importantly, editing a story I've been working on for months, to be posted weekly, I just got to the twelfth part. Then two days ago, I went to see a late movie, passed up on going to the club afterwards, because was thinking, I should go home and work on my posts and my story so I can get this blog off her tiny feet. I get home, get undressed, get in bed, grab my ipad, open NOTES..... It took me a few minutes to figure out what was going on, at first I couldn't find a poem I had written earlier that day which I was totally excited about. I just wanted to read it to cheer myself up but Alas! It wasn't there. Then while trying to figure out how to undo delete (I thought I must have mistakenly deleted it), I thought, let me check again…
Hublot wristwatch, check. Ralph Lauren shirt, check. Zara pants, check. Gucci loafers, check. Tom Ford cologne, splash, splash, check. Deji took a long, hard look at his reflection in the mirror and grinned in satisfaction. Thinking about what lay ahead that day, he smiled unabashedly. He had found "the one". Just as he was thinking it was about time he settles down, but also worried that all the good girls were taken, he found the last one. Tessa was every man's dream. The kind of girl that made you want to be a better man, the kind who pushed you to succeed, with her words and prayers; yes, she had prayed with and for him a number of times over the phone. The kind that made you suddenly understand what Joe meant when he sang 'don't wanna be a playa no more". The kind you pictured yourself holding hands with and mopping sweat off her face as she cried and screamed expletives at you and pushed forth your beautiful children into the world. The kind you immed…
It was my first time out of Areke. The town of my birth, home of my parents. In all my years in Areke my siblings and friends had dreams of one day going to the big city, especially my sister, Agada. Agada believed she did not belong there. Our village was a very small one, one of the few towns which had not felt the exciting touch of modern development.
Unlike Agada, all I ever wanted was to finish my secondary education and receive the sewing machine papa had promised me for being the best student in my class. In our village, academic excellence was rewarded and therefore every year, the village came together and contributed and sent the best student from that year to the polytechnic in a nearby town, (in hope that years later that student would come back and contribute to the community in their own way). Unfortunately, Agada, who had big dreams, was not intelligent enough to be considered for this scholarship. I would have been chosen from my class but that was not what i had plan…
I had a dream, I was fat. Woke up, still fat.
LOL. Anyone who is, or has ever been overweight would understand the vexation I feel sometimes when I wake up in the morning. Now, let me give you guys my early morning routine when I wake up everyday, that's my routine before I get off the bed o! Let's call it my train of thoughts.
1. Think, what did I eat yesterday? What did I have for dinner? What did I have after dinner? What did I have after what I had after dinner? How thick was the warm chocolate I drank after convincing myself I just couldn't sleep without?
2. How many calories could it all have been? 5000? 10,000?
3. Why do I do this to myself?
4. Haven't I heard the saying "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels"?
5. Today I shall begin a diet.. Think, JUICE FAST. Yes!
Then I jump off my bed, determined and enthusiastic.
Thirty minutes later I'm rummaging through the fridge. Just feeding my eyes I say. Then my belly rumbles. I think; I would ne…
Hey loves, so occasionally I'm going to be doing posts titled WANDERINGS OF A PLUS SIZE DIVA. Because I'm one. *big grin*. There I'll share a lot with you guys like diets I've gone on, lengths I've gone to to lose those pounds, stuff I encounter sometimes because of my size, my current diet plan and any other thing related to being plus size that I might want to talk about, I would also like to hear your thoughts too.
Hey All! I'm really excited to do this. It's been on my mind but I've spent weeks second guessing myself. Well, finally, here I am.
I love writing. Unfortunately though, sometimes its unrequited love and I suffer the occasional writer's block, but, I'm not letting that stop me. I'll be doing posts on an unlimited range of topics, stories; fiction and otherwise, some poetry (when my love for writing is reciprocated. LOL), maybe some gossip, sharing bits of my life with you, and lots more.
My goal is to get you all as addicted to my blog as I am to red velvet cakes and I look forward to hearing from you, reading your comments, opinions, thoughts and constructive criticism.