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Showing posts from December, 2013

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

HELLO 2014, You're looking so good already!

Happy New Year to all my friends, well wishers, loves, family, foes, EVERYONE. It's such an awesome feeling to be alive and see the end of 2013 and the start of 2014. Congrats people, WE MADE IT! 
I wanted to do this at 12am but I'm hoping to make it to church, (all you people talking about groove get behind me!) so it's likely I won't be able to. 
God bless you guys so so so much! I LOVE Y'ALLLLLLLL. 

Comment of The Day (let's talk about STRANGE ATTRACTIONS)

Really! Hmmm. You young wives are slacking o! Lol.

Single Ladies Round Table. (The Island/Mainland Issue)

I said I'll do this on Thursdays but I've come to realize and accept that my mind has a mind of its own... Bear with me please. 





Tonia and Bisi exchanged contacts after the last hang out and bonded over the secret they shared. Pastor Chioma, their general overseer, who seemingly had the perfect life, perfect children, perfect husband, didn't have it all after all. It was strange because you could have sworn she did. Her husband was always there in church, in the front pew. Supporting his wife and doting on her like the perfect loving husband.

Location; Ocean Basket, Tiamiyu Savage, Victoria Island, Lagos.  TONIA: I told Chika we're hanging out, she'll join us soon.. Have you spoken to Sola? Have you asked her about her "boyfriend"?

Dear Bride, What Would You Do If Your Mother-in-law Makes This IV ForYour Wedding?

Well here's what I'll do

Drop That Baggage in 2013!

I'm going to give you a list of people you should not take into the new year with you. Most of them may actually be your friends. As usual I allow past experiences in my life and others' lives to inspire me. 

The Proposal

He kept calling me.
Maxwell kept calling me.

I don’t know why because after the fifteenth call, he should have given up. I stood him up last night. We were supposed to go to Cheesecake Factory for dinner but I didn’t show up. I was in one of those moods where I would fling a china dish on someone. It wasn’t PMS. My voice mail box is full. I deliberately left my mail box full because all these telemarketers would not let me see the life of day so they might as well call and not have to deal with my voicemail. Maxwell and I had been seeing each other for about nine months and he is the only man that I have dated that I treat like crap. My laundry list of men left me with too many wet hankies and he is my revenge. Unfortunately I think the fact that I am mean to him is a turn on and God knows how many beautiful material possessions I have acquired in nine months, one of which includes a $500 pair of Gucci sunglasses. No matter what I do to Maxwell he keeps coming over and calling me. Two w…

Ladies, The Wedding Ring. An Achievement?

This post is based solely on the way I see brides and newly engaged women flash their rings. What comes to mind is "YES!!!", like a team that just won the premiership. There's a look of victory on their faces, a medal won, an accomplishment. And I get this just from looking at pictures.

See pictures after the cut.

Wanderings Of A Plus Size Diva ( Christmas Crimes )

Big bird, those are my exact sentiments!       I'm meant to be on a diet, work out regularly and all that, and though I've been doing this for a while now, this isn't just the season for that. Yesterday I went to Cold Stone with a friend and she kept singing praises of the Cold Stone special so I ordered it. This was at about 8pm. Now, what makes this pathetic is the fact that all day, I'd barely eaten anything. I had a few slices of wheat bread for breakfast and some brown rice for lunch. I was doing so well. But then at night when my jaw should be locked tight, someone bestows all the good qualities in the world on a cup of ice cream and I threw away my resolve. So I watched the lady lift a very large scoop of ice cream, pour into it some chocolate and caramel thingy, throw in a very chocolatey brownie and some pecans and stir! Then place a cone dipped in chocolate into the cup and put my ice cream in. Wow! So I sat down there and gobbled it up, and believe me, it f…

Photo Of The Day

Oh my days! This picture really cracked me up. This certainly cannot be Pete Edochie! Say it isn't so! He looks so, so, so.... Help me out please. Words fail me. Every time I scroll up and see the face I start laughing uncontrollably, which is ironic considering that he looks like he's about to start crying at any minute.  To the artist, you try, but you need to work harder. (Don't we all...)

Tweet Of The Day.

I have to say, I agree with him. People should be allowed to live the life they want provided they're bringing no harm to anyone. The Bible we all swear by teaches love. I'm not advocating anything. I just simply believe in Live And Let Live.  And I never forget this "don't judge others because they sin differently than you do". 
I don't want to go into the Anti-Gay law/issues today. My question is, do you agree or disagree with Eldee?

Christmas Blues. (Being Single Sucks!)

Being single in the life of an adult sucks. Especially if this adult is of the fairer sex. But you see, from January to early December we somehow hack it. We put on a brave face. We say we can't be bothered, we don't mind, we don't care, and we actually do a fantastic job at convincing ourselves that we don't. All through the year I don't really care that I'm single, well actually I do, it just doesn't bother me so much, sometimes I even forget. Besides, I tell myself there's still time, the year isn't over yet. But as Christmas draws near, the story changes. Normally I can put on my poker face, or maybe even a joker face. But at the merry scent of Christmas my mask wears thin. I find that my wide grin takes greater effort and cracks somewhere along the way, making it look crooked and  pathetic.         I never seem to have a problem going out alone, Riding Solo, I'm fine going to have drinks by myself, or going to the movies and all those plac…

Merry Christmas!!!

Merry Christmas Everyone!!! God bless.

One of Nigeria's Hairiest Women, Queen Okafor, speaks.

26 year old Queen Okafor is one of the hairiest women in Nigeria. In an interview with Sunday Sun the Anambra state born lady said she was born without much hair on her body, but gradually began sprouting them five years ago, at age 21.

My Christmas Wish list. Seriously.

My Experience With Weed!

This is one of the most hilarious things I've read in a while. If you love to have a good laugh like me then you'll enjoy this. 

I had just moved out of my parents house and was sharing a room with my "friend". I had no idea he smoked weed, despite his suspicious movements and signature weed scent(abi na odour?) barely two weeks after moving in with him, my worst fears were confirmed as he started bringing home his weed smoking buddies and they would occassionally roll a wrap and smoke it right there in the room or mix the weed with beans or spagehtti.
Being a very curious person i always wondered what made them happy after smoking, so i decided to find out for myself(wrong move) 

Disclosure In Relationships; How Much Is Too Much?

Some time last month my friends and I had a round table discussion. One of us was getting married the coming week and we did what women usually do when they gather. This is one of the things that inspired my new series; Single Ladies Round Table. In a span of two hours there was hardly a topic we didn't touch on. We weren't all close friends, I had not seen two of the ladies in eleven years, the other two I had only seen about three times in eleven years. But at that moment, on that table, we became united in one thing; the quest to make sense of men, love and sex. There was an issue that raised its head and that's what I want to talk about this morning.

Dear Men, Reverse Psychology Sucks!

I read in Cosmopolitan Magazine, years back ,when I was way too young to be reading Cosmo, that the best way to get a girl's attention is to flirt with her friend. I thought about it, Teenage me could see how that could work. But growing up, I never actually thought any real person would try it. But I never forgot that article. So for years while hanging out with a friend and a guy comes to chat her up, I secretly wondered if it was me he was interested in.

Top Ten Best Dressed A-List Celebs Of 2013.

This is my list of female Nigerian celebrities who never failed to impress us with their style in 2013, who made us turn back and look a second time, who made us long and lust and love simply by their extraordinary style.
Enjoy!

10) Fade Ogunro (OAP Beat FM)

Question of The Night (lol)

While its still Saturday night, before we get into church mode in a few hours....  Someone very random asked me this question and I was shocked. Anyways I'm throwing it open.  My answer is

FIGHTING BACK! Her Inspiring Weight Loss Journey.

Yesterday I read what I could easily describe as one of the most inspiring stories of 2013. With her permission I'm sharing it here with you guys. This is something everyone should read, especially those of us on the seemingly endless battle with weight.


Have you ever been in a situation when you felt the next best thing would be to take a life changing decision? When Nelly Agbogu realized that her options were down to two ‘to lose weight or die slowly and miserably in the prison of my own body’ – she took the step towards weight loss. Now, the thing that makes Nelly’s story even more interesting is the complete honesty to self. We know that with body image issues, denial is one of the primary reasons why we don’t see ourselves truthfully. Nelly shares her story with an endearing candour. She admits how difficult the journey has been and says she still has a long way to go. We admire her greatly for admitting her frailties and recognizing the victories on the journey so far. We hop…

SAY SOMETHING!!!

I typed that title and then Say Something by A Great Big World started playing in my head. Say something I'm giving up on you...   
 Lol. I'm not giving up on you guys, ever! But I'm going to need you guys to friggin SAY SOMETHING! 


So my page views tell me that you guys are actually reading. What I don't understand is why y'all shy away from commenting. This is not really a news or entertainment blog ( at least not at the moment ). I'm not keeping you guys up to date on what's happening, I'm sure you already know where to go for that. This is meant to be FUN and INTERACTIVE! I'm trying to get us to talk about things here. Big shout out to Mariam, Steele, Funmi, Towseen, Ify, Ziggy etc and the anonymous's who do comment. But I would really like to hear from the others. It's been a little over a month I kicked off and as at this evening I have almost 11,000 views. Not like that's such a massive number, though its one I'm extremely gr…

Vagina Pourri. ( For The Ladies )

Ladies, apparently, vaginas are supposed to smell! I'm doing this post based on an argument I overheard a while back. ( I'm not an eves-dropper o! But just like stolen kisses are said to be the sweetest, the things people say when they don't know you're listening are amazing!). So ladies here goes! First Let me quote Eve Ensler, the Queen of the Vagina Monologues :

The Curse of A Naked Bitter Woman!

"I had a girlfriend for over five years and she did more than six abortions for me. Didn't think she could have any children in the future that is why I recently broke up with her. Abeg I didn't want to waste time when I eventually marry cos I'm the only boy in my family. I heard she got naked and was swearing for me in her compound. Please does it work. Can the swear catch me?"I've often heard of the curse of an embittered naked woman.

Nigerian Brides & Bridesmaids Who've Rocked Their Natural Hair On ThatSpecial Day

It's not very often we see Nigerian brides and their bridesmaids rock their natural hair or braids so when I saw this post on Bella Naija I just had to share some pictures with you guys. Enjoy and be inspired!

Single Ladies Round Table (1)

SLRT is a series that I'll post every Thursday. It takes you into the head of the average Nigerian single lady in her mid 20s to early 30s. Grab your popcorn and enjoy the ride.


Single Ladies Round Table





Bisi sits at the table in the corner. The waiter approaches her with the menu. Bisi wards him off with an evil look on her face and a stern shake of the head. The waiter retreats.  I'm not ordering anything till Sola gets here, I have no money to pay in this kind of place. If you had to "do drinks" with a friend it had to be on The Island. Otherwise what was the point? But this island life sef. I can't use money meant for good recharge card to buy one bottle of water abeg, she thinks to herself. Her phone vibrates. A text from Sola. Hmmm. "On my way. Bringing a friend along, hope you don't mind".
Of course she minded but what can she do about it? She has a mild frown on her face. She really doesn't have any money to pay for her drinks, these day…

"I Have Cancer" Karen Igho Tweets. (Gets some very MEAN responses)

ÖreÖluwa@itz_RAZAQ IMBECILIC >>> @kiluminati027: Awww...I wish u a slow and agonising death boo "@Karen_Igho: I have cancer. Are you guys happy? 12:25 PM - 18 Dec 2013 12 RETWEETS1 FAVORITE
ReplyRetweetFavorite

The Parking Lot Of This University Just Gave Me A CAR-GASM!!!

These are pictures of STUDENTS' cars at The American University Of Dubai.A Bentley which cost more than £100,000 is parked at the  American University of Dubai




No expense spared: Why not rock up to class in this gold  coloured Rolls Royce





A red Ferrari fit for a superstar - or a student at the American University of Dubai

Ladies, 10 Reasons He Won't Commit To You.

I stumbled upon this Right Here and halfheartedly read it thinking "here we go again, whatever jor..." But somewhere along the line it began to make some sense. I could see some of these factors in myself, my friends, acquaintances etc. Although I may not agree with all of it, I think it might be helpful so I chose to share this with the (single) ladies. I hope you learn a thing or two.



What are these reasons that men won’t commit to you? What takes you out of the “relationship/marriage material” category? I will describe a few common reasons here:

He Used To Be Black, Now He's White!..Pela Okiemute's interview aboutbleaching tempts me.

Pela TonyeOkiemute (pictured above in his before and after bleaching phase) who specializes in skin whitening and sales of bleaching product says there is no negative effect to it. He recently granted an interview to Encomium mag. Excepts below...

Silver Storms (2)

Ziggy had too many thoughts running through her head. As she drove into the street, she was too miffed to notice the black car speedily take off from the front of her house. Her day had been "totally fucked up". First she got into a huge fight with Dayo her boyfriend, over some random skank. Her friends had told her they saw him at the club the previous night with a girl who was pouring herself all over him like caramel, they also said he left the club with her. She went to his house to confront him and "the idiot" did not even have the decency to deny it! Then she stormed out of his house and headed to the spa for some much needed "therapy". Unfortunately, her regular masseuse, Francois, had called in sick that day. Her massage had ended up being rather annoying as the masseuse kneaded her flesh like it was a roll of dough. Then the pedicure she decided to get was just all wrong. In a fit she drove to the smoothie bar, she needed to calm her nerves, but…

My Top 5 Hot Pregnant A-Listers!

5) Mercy Johnson Okojie:
    In spite of some controversy surrounding her, she remains one of my favorite Nollywood actresses. Plus, even in pregnancy, she still had that allure.


Eva Alordiah, I Doff My Hat To You!

Up until today I saw Eva as just another struggling Nigerian female rapper. I've always respected her hustle. I knew, in addition to being an entertainer that she writes as well. What I never knew was that this chic is also a make up artist. Not just a makeup artist but a very talented one. 
The rapper is taking her makeup artistry to the next level. She has officially created her own makeup outfit named “MakeupbyOrsela” which offers makeup services for editorials, fashion shoots, bridals, face sculpting and special effects as well as classes to teach makeup artistry.
What you see below are pictures of some of the work she's done. Quite impressive.

This Bleaching Thing...

Bidemi and Laura sit at the bar, enjoying their cocktails and catching up on gossip. Laura taps Bidemi on her knee, "It looks like that chic is waving at you" "Who?" Bidemi asks, looking around. Sure enough she sees a light-skinned lady frantically waving at her and grinning from ear to ear. Bidemi squints, this lady doesn't look familiar to her. She gets up and forces a smile, in order not to appear rude as the lady approaches their table. Even as she comes close Bidemi continues to squint and by now her sides are aching from smiling too hard.  "Bidemi! Darling!" The lady shrieks as she gets to them and grabs her in a hug.  Bidemi is confused but there's something vaguely familiar about this lady. She smiles, trying to pretend she knows her, but then taking a closer look, she remembers. Mercy! She was in her class in high school.
"Mercy! OMG I never thought I would see you here. What happened to you? Yyyouu used to be dark!" Bidemi blu…

Danish PM Defends "Selfie" With Obama

I'm sure we've all heard of the "Selfies" of the US president, the Danish Prime Minister and David Cameron that went viral last week.




The Danish Prime Minister HelleThorning-Schmidt has defended her now infamous ‘selfie’ with Barack Obama and David Cameron, claiming the snap that sparked debate across the world was just a “bit of fun”.

GIRL CRUSH!!!

My Girl crush for the day is Tolu Oniru aka Toolz aka Sexy Mama aka Thelma's Girl Crush!

I could stare at pictures of Toolz all day. For me its like sipping on an ice cold glass of my favourite smoothie; I never want to stop! 







That pout....
My ears are deaf to those voices saying she needs to lose weight, to me she's just perfect. And no, I don't care if that voluptuous hour-glass figure is enhanced by body magic or whareva, she's still perfect to me. LOL. 





15 Incredible Once In A Lifetime Shots

1) Self-Immolation in Sri Lanka


 In protest of the slaughter of cattle in Sri Lanka, Buddhist monk Bowatte Indaratane sets himself on fire.

Hello Thelma, Am I An Introvert or An Extrovert? (23 Signs You're AnIntrovert)

After my last post on introversion (Dear Extrovert, a letter from an Introvert Here), a couple of people wanted to discuss it and an acquaintance asked me what I thought he is, he himself is unsure.  Someone else, a friend of mine, says his one thing but its clear to everyone who has eyes and ears that he's another. 


These 23 signs, though not exhaustive, sum it up in the best way possible.
So just in case you were wondering, or you want to know more about it, here goes!
23 telltale signs of introversion:

Silver Storms (1)

Silver Storms is a new series I'm working on. I hope you enjoy it!

The street was silent, no cars driving by, no pedestrians, no bike riders. Well of course there were no bike riders, Ikine thought to himself. They were usually prohibited in these parts of town. Places reserved for the elite, like it was their birthright. He and his two cohorts sat inside the black Honda Accord with the glasses wound up. The car was filled with a deep stench as their odors were boiled in the heat. They had been in the airless car for the last two hours. Patiently watching and waiting for the perfect moment to strike. They had been observing, following, watching their target for a month now and they knew the time was finally right. They watched as people left the house one after the other, but the second they saw the huge black gate open and the black G Wagon drive out, they knew the coast was clear.

The A*Hole. An Anal-ogy...

The following is part of conversation on a Nigerian blog/forum.

Hmmm. Interesting...

One Night Of Passion=Last Night On Earth?

I recently read the story about a young lady who went partying with friends earlier this week, and left with a guy to his hotel. Well apparently the next morning she was found headless, short of one breast, one hand, intestines and/or some other organs. That's the picture below, in case you haven't seen it.

VIEWERS DISCRETION STRONGLY ADVISED

Normally I would say "may her soul rest in peace" but I would be honest with you guys, those words fail me. Can someone who departed the earth this way find peace in the afterlife?

Comment Of The Day....... SMH.

The Act of Kindness That Cost a Home and a Marriage. (The Story ofAFriend's Betrayal)

The following is a true story which happened to one of my closest friends. I have changed the names, for obvious reasons.



I met Sophie in my first year in university. We weren't in the same school though both our schools were in the same state. Sophie and I hit it off immediately and she even asked me to move in with her before I got my own accommodation. Not long after, I was able to secure accommodation in the hostel but I still spent weekends at her place. We had become very close friends. I also met and became close to her friend, Rita. These two were my new family in Lagos. Shortly after I met Sophie I began to notice some things about her. Don't get me wrong. Sophie was a really nice person, after all she housed and fed me for free. I remember the first incident. She woke up unusually early that morning and said she would be back soon, she needed to go to the clinic. "Are you sick? Why are you going to he hospital this early morning?" I asked "babe, I wan …

She's Just NOT That Into You.

In plain English, Guy, She's just not that into you. Wake up and smell the coffee!
This morning, I would like to help out some (clueless) brothers. You know, the ones who see the signs but fail to recognize them, or just plain refuse to see them, those ones who choose to live in denial. And trust me, they're many.

10 High Calorie Foods You Must Avoid Before Going To Bed!

This is for people like me who often catch a bad case of the munchies at night, and everyone who would who's conscious of that waistline.

We all know that going to bed on a full stomach is a big no. After a hard day at work or school, our body needs a break from performing the functions it performs on a daily basis, and your digestive system should be no exception to this. Also eating fatty meals before bed can trigger heartburn. However, if you really need to eat do your best and eat something light, and eat at lest two to three hours before you go to bed. Top 10 High Calorie Foods You Should Never Eat Before Going To Bed

Everything and Nothing (2)

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of these two people in holy matrimony" the Minister was saying. Chioma smiled lovingly into Seyi's eyes. It all seemed like a dream. She remembered how her hopes were almost dashed a few months ago.

"I don't know how to say this, you know I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you....but I can't. I should let you go. I don't want to waste any more of your time Chioma." "Seyi, what are you talking about? Waste my time? How?" Chioma asked, beginning to panick.  "See, all my life, my parents have been all I've had. They've given me everything I have and ever asked for. So when they ask something of me, it may not always be reasonable but....but I just have to do it. They're my parents" he said "I understand, but what does that have to do with me?" "We can't get married. Apparently my parents would rather I marry a Yorub…

Truly, Deeply, Unconditionally.

These days the word "love" is thrown around so freely and carelessly that it's beginning to lose its meaning. A lot of us confuse sex, lust, physical attraction with love. A lot of us say we love, yet at the sight of a little challenge we flinch, we shudder, we take a walk. After all that's  not what we signed up for.