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Chinagorom Martin: When You're Gay In Nigeria


When you’re gay in Nigeria,your whole life is one colossal creationary displacement. You should have been born in Europe or some place in America, not here. Maybe he had tossed you in Africa hoping you would land in South Africa but you look in the sky and it is “green-white-green”. You go to the mirror and a square-in-a-round-hole stares back at you. You’re an anomaly, your very existence is an abomination.

 Growing up you realize you focused on your peers’ bulging crotches while they bantered about the new girls they were cutting eyes at. But God forbid you were checking them out. You were just admiring the zipper on their jeans, nothing more. Strong as you feel it, you couldn’t be one of those things they call homosexuals, those cursed, perverted, bedamned, anathemised and hell-sure lot. 
Everyone hates and condemns them so you couldn’t be a walking taboo, admiring guys’ butts. God just forbid!
For all you have heard about your forbidden feelings no one has been directly spotted to be the same as you and no one has checked in with you. You conclude you are alone and carry your ton weighing sexuality lips-sealed, it is a burden breaking your neck that you cannot put down nor mention. It is a live coal that burns in your mouth that you cannot spit out. Then you journey through a spell-casting novena and make many resolves, but six months later you are where you started. Gay!

The more you think about it the more you feel caged, lonely. You want to be in touch with what you feel, you want a sampling. But you find yourself with no canvass to paint out the emotions. Those like you keep to themselves and before long you take to porn, ignoring the females and ogling every bump of muscles, every fleck of hair on the stallions. That is the picture in your head when you go to 
the bathroom for water and soap and an addiction builds, slowly.

Soon you get your first kiss and you are relieved your feelings are twinned in some other guy. Then you hear of guys who have been kissing guys. Same folks who traded tales of heterosexual conquests? Ah. Really? In the next gathering you make your own imaginary boasts. Finally.
       After the kiss you battle thoughts of eternal damnation and do more novenas, more self-abasement but give them up soon you realise they did not make you less gay. And then a whole new world emerges on social media. You realise you have been stuck in ages past after you had those epiphanic chats on Facebook: two guys commending your looks and asking for your cell phone number. But you cannot, should not have guys making gay advances through an account where brothers and sisters and relatives and colleagues are listed and information says Interested in Women. So you create a phoney Facebook account and name it something silly, something to draw in like-minded guys. You name it ‘Fine Gboy’ and use a provocative profile picture, a headless shot of your chiseled abdomen maybe. You block out all gay suggestive profiles on your main account and request friendship of same through the phoney account where everything guys happens and information says 
Interested in Men. And there you select friends like you are picking Adani rice . No effeminate-looking/acting dude. That’s an abomination within the sacrilege your life already is. It is like contacting hepatitis B after a HIV+ diagnosis. No students, too much drama. Just working-class, safe! On your fake Facebook you are introduced to gay websites. You sign up on both and plunge deeper into the cultic hide-and-seek game being gay in Nigeria is. Soon you are meeting guys located far and near, people like you, men seeking men, and you bless the Lord for internet. Social media comes and communication is more spot-on, guys are even closer; only you are horrified by those guys who have filled in gay or bisex as their sexuality on Badoo where they could have left the row blank. This is Nigeria!, you want to remind them.

Gradually you hit the big 30 and the question of marriage becomes inevitable. Your friends tell you how they have to work up an erection to fulfill conjugal responsibilities to the ladies they have spoused. You do not envy them. You do not blame them. This is Nigeria! Everyone gets married. Everyone must have a child. (Maybe you should marry a lesbian, you have seen some on some websites). And for a fugitive moment you consider fleeing to Europe. You discard the thought. But you pick it right up when one morning you wake up and on the TV hear the debate on the senate floor. Not long after, your sanctimonious senators anathematize everything gay and slam a 14-year legislative seal on it. They have no idea they’d just poured fuel into a raging fire of gay hate and signalled an era of terror for you and your kind. Heterosexuals invade your cabalistic social media luring your brothers and experimenting all sorts of evil on them. They are brutalised, raped, robbed, blackmailed, humiliated on the streets and in work places but they take it in good stride cause it is a lesser evil than the 14 years imprisonment against which they cannot make a fuss and which their antipathetic assailants quote for justification. You hear of those stoned in the North, and of those 
whom are forcefully exorcised. Quickly you deactivate your profile and are wary of even previously trusted gay acquaintances. You get irritable at the lie you see you have to live forever.

Nigeria, all 923,769 sq km of it, becomes a claustrophobic space, it closes in on you. Now frustrated by it all you hate even the air here and wish wings to carry you across the Atlantic. You make up your mind to leave. You decide Europe. Or maybe America.

..................
        When I saw this post on Bella Naija and learnt that he has a close relative who's homosexual and knows first hand what it's like to be on the receiving end of the hate, judgement, condemnation and cyber-bullying, I just had to mail Martin myself! My interest was piqued because I often ask people so opposed to gays if they would feel the same way if their sibling or loved one was gay. No one ever has an answer, you see, because they do not know. It's easy to throw stones but for a second, put yourself on the other end. People should learn tolerance. If God almighty treats us the way we treat each other the human race would be extinct by now. Yes God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve bla bla bla. We know and we agree. But some people are gay, get over it!
This is the way I feel about it. 

Comments

  1. The writer is sick. Get help from a psychologist and stop trying so hard to justify this dirty habit of yours. IDIOT!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I actually enjoyed reading this write-up. and I sympathise with gay people. Sometimes however, I wish they would keep it to theirselves and be gay in private.

    ReplyDelete
  3. All I can do is laugh...I don't have a problem with gay people but at the same time we all know it isnt right and the Bible condemns it...I feel its wrong and no one is born gay..I actually like the poem but aslngas we concerned in Nigeria gay marriage can never happen so enough with all the noise and accept ur faith..the bill has been passed,if u must continue u can as well make arrangement to relocate abroad because our society would never accept it...shikena..sad but true

    ReplyDelete
  4. And yea there are other issues to address in this country than this and that's where I have the problem..they were so quick to sign this bill and leave other pressing issues and that's very wrong..why not handle better things like education,light issues and so on...hmmmmm Nigeria we hail thee...

    ReplyDelete
  5. i do not have a problem with people being gay..its your life, live it to the fullest! now if a relative was gay or my child, I will be worried and scared because I don not know how the society will treat him or her.. in fact, lesbians are not that stressed IMO i think the men are more concentrated on.. But hey, thank God I live in diaspora where being gay is highly acceptable! I hope things change back home though.

    ReplyDelete
  6. God is not gay,the holyspirit condemns homosexuality,Jesus walked the earth in form of man and he wasn't gay,the funniest part is there is no old religion that condones the act,not even buddhists who their god sometimes transforms into a woman,now from a religious stand point if we as humans are created in the image and likeness of God,then how true is homosexuality?if it cannot be found in God,then it is not of God or from God,therefore God did not create anyone Homo. The truth is Homosexuality is the lie of the devil and once u accept it,u automatically become it cause as a man thinketh in his heart so is He.its like saying sm1 was born a thief?? Uurrgh? Is God a thief? U learn to steal on earth and u learn it from satan,because stealing,killing and destroying are his stock in trade. Listen to me if ure Homo and ure reading this,the simple truth is whatsoever cannot be found in Christ has no place in ur life so u can get rid of it no matter how hard the devil makes it seem. Articles like this makes me feel like screaming blue murder!!! Why? Because it stuns me how people blatantly refuse to see through the wiles of the devil.....Engrace me Lord,let me not die until I proclaim ur truth to this generation.smh. Psalm 82 says "ye are gods,and All of you,not some All you are the children of the most high,but its stuff like this that makes the next line of that scripture fulfilled"all of u will die like men". Smh.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Godchic you have some points there.Banning gay marriage I support but criminalizing it I don't.if guys choose to love guys its their cup of tea and God will judge them.We will not recognise that union but if they choose that life style na their wahala.We need corrupt politicians in jail not Gay pple.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think being gay is abnormal. how do you find your fellow man attractive?

    ReplyDelete

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