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Help! My Fiancé Doesn't Want Children.


Thelma there's a problem and I don't know what to do. Av bn dating my man for a year and some months now. I'm in my mid-late 20s and he's 31. We're talking about marriage but no definite plans yet. But we were thinking before the end of this year. But yesterday he dropped a shocker on me.
We've never discussed children and we were gisting about something when he said he doesn't want children. And even if he does, not for like three or four years after he gets married. I was very shocked and now I'm confused. I asked more question and he really means what he said and even added that he only wants one child. I really love him, he's the kindest and most caring person I know. This is the best relationship I've ever had and he's my best friend. My family really likes him too. When we started dating and I wasn't ready for sex he never pressured me for months, and he's my
biggest supporter. I really don't know what to do. I don't see myself marrying someone else but I want children immediately I get married. Hopefully this year or next year, at the latest. What would you do in my position?

........
Hmmm. I think I would try and make him understand that love and marriage is about compromise. But in my experience, people that make these kinds of decisions are usually unyielding.

Honestly I don't know what I would do. This one pass me! Any suggestions?

Comments

  1. Its good you people are discussing this ahead of time. like Thelma said try and make him understand. You guys need to compromise. If he loves you it shouldn't be so hard to persuade him. and if you can't then you may have to find someone else. not easy but...

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  2. Kaii this is a difficult one because I know how much I love kids. I can't wait to get married and start popping them out. So am imagining meeting a man, falling in love with him and realising he doesn't share my baby popping dreams. My dear talk to him, communicate tell him you've always wanted plenty kids but you are ready to make a compromise. Tell him you can have 1 or 2 and you want to start trying as soon as you are married. If he loves you he will shift ground as well.
    Best of luck!!!
    **OBY

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  3. I think you should find out the reason why he came to that decision. It's important and would give you an insight on how to go about convincing him to yield. My bf started talking about marriage and all. But said he didn't want kids for about a year. After a Lotta talk he told me he just wants to have me and do a Lotta things with me as wife before kids came. He feels kids would distract us a little. After a long talk on different occasions, he's agreed now, but I had to compromise too, no pregnancy for 6 months. I also found out that my dad said same thing to my mum!!! They didn't have kids till d 3rd year after marriage! My mum even had to "sly" him! His own reason was he wanted more wealth before kids came. So u see, pry n find out why. His reason might be more serious than the examples I've given.

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  4. I think you should find out the reason why he came to that decision. It's important and would give you an insight on how to go about convincing him to yield. My bf started talking about marriage and all. But said he didn't want kids for about a year. After a Lotta talk he told me he just wants to have me and do a Lotta things with me as wife before kids came. He feels kids would distract us a little. After a long talk on different occasions, he's agreed now, but I had to compromise too, no pregnancy for 6 months. I also found out that my dad said same thing to my mum!!! They didn't have kids till d 3rd year after marriage! My mum even had to "sly" him! His own reason was he wanted more wealth before kids came. So u see, pry n find out why. His reason might be more serious than the examples I've given.

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  5. This is a very difficult situation. You need to sit him and discuss everything with him. He needs to understand that naturally you want children, and soon. I wish you good luck o! I hope you're able to persuade him.

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  6. this is indeed very difficult, but as the anonymous poster said, find out why he feels that way, then work, and talk around it.

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  7. Ha! Very difficult situation. I don't always like to say this, but, prayer is the key. Pray to God to touch his heart. I know it may sound silly but thats what i'll do in your shoes

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  8. Hmmmm, after asking what his reason is, check his financial standing. It's not cheap to raise children these days and maybe he thinks he can't afford it right now. I agree with the man that said he wants to enjoy being man and wife before mummy and daddy, it's very important to bond without the distraction of children. But.... If you wait for too long boredom starts to set in and that's where children could actually save you're marriage because you'll be too busy caring for them to be bored.
    Most important, find out WHY he doesn't wanna born, after he's not the one going to carry them for nine months or breast feed and change diapers etc but he is the one who'll pay the bills so his reason might be financial

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  9. LOL...you are a woman and as long as you have not tied your womb, you can get pregnant..after one child, as long as you keep having sex, you will likely get pregnant again so all this one he is saying just leave am

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  10. This is a difficult one. You should talk to him and try and understand where he's coming from. If he's unyielding, then you need to ask yourself if this is something you're willing to happily compromise on. You can't go into a marriage resentful or with a plan on how to trick your husband into having more kids than he wants. Finally, you need to pray. If you are Christian, you need to ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. Sometimes we think people are perfect for us but God tries to warn us before hand. Pray for him also. That if he is indeed the one for you, he will realise how important this is to you and that both of you will handle this difference with a level of patience and maturity that will make your relationship grow stronger. I wish you the best. God bless you

    ReplyDelete

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