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Help! She Needs Answers. (Should she, Should she not?)

Thelma please help me cos i need answers. met this guy through his cousin that I've known since childhood last June. I live in the UK while he lives in lagos. i travelled last November to see him. I'm thinking of going in June this year but I've got a double mind. should i go or not as I'm spending Xmas with the family in Naija this year (my family and I live in the UK). is going to naija twice a year too much? Ive been thinking - I know he doesn't have the resources to come but would he come if he had the resources? should i invite him to come instead? of course he will have to pay for his flight. also, should he pay for my flight in June if he really wants me to come - i really want to see him. If he doesn't have themoney to pay and I've got the money, should i travel to see him? PLS HELP THELMA. I NEED ANSWERS THANKS

Dear poster, what you haven't said, and probably the most important thing you should have said is the relationship between the both of you. What's the relationship between you and this guy? Are you guys friends that like each other, or are you in a defined relationship? If you're not then I don't think we should even be having this conversation. 
        I'll advice you as I would a close friend, if he "really" wants you to come then he should foot the bills. If he cannot afford to then frankly speaking I think you should wait till December. Sweetheart you travelled last November to see him, I'm guessing you paid for your flights. And you want to go again in June. Hmmm. Ask yourself what he has done for you to deserve these (expensive) gestures you're making. I'm not necessarily referring to material things. If you answer this and you still think he's worth it then.... Go ahead. But in all things be honest with yourself. 

Please people, what's your opinion on this matter? I'm also curious to hear your thoughts. In my mind I'm worried for this chic that this time next year she'll be commenting on a blog about stupid things she's done for love.

Steele, Rasputin and all the other men folk in the house, I'm going to need you to weigh in on this. 


  1. The lady should allow the dude pay for his meal. If you start spoonfeeding him now, then stopping will be nearly impossible. Later now she will be complaining that he is stingy and doesn't buy her gifts. I'm just saying sha, because I can't do that.

  2. Going to see him twice is too much. if he wants to see you he should find a way. otherwise he should wait till December. no real man should be comfortable with a girl doing all the spending. Sorry but I'm sure if you check it ur the one that does the calling too, with your own credit. be careful.

  3. Babes calm down. He should do some chasing. And trust me if he wants to see you the money you claim he doesn't have will come out. Also you have to think well and hard about a man you earn more than, not to sound materialistic but trust me it becomes an issue. If you went in december with your own money, then let him foot the June bill. It's still january, he has enough time to plan.

  4. gbamest comments.dont biko i beg u personally frm ma hrt.let him come ur d lady .u did once dis june it.s his turn.make a resolve in ur mind not to.if he refuse or complain bottle ur love. Period

  5. Please don't. like Thelma said tomorrow you'll come to tell us stories that touch and be cursing men up and down. if he wants to see you then he'll find a way. otherwise since ur family is going in December them calm down! don't do something you'll regret.

  6. Don't. If he wants to see you he should find a way. worst case scenario both of you should split the cost.

  7. e be like say na small pikin dey worry you. Better use your money for something better. you'll go to nigeria with your own money, spend your money when you get there, spend on him too (seeing as he's a broke guy) then he'll still fuck you on top all that? give yourself brain. I'm out.

  8. @Anonymous 3.20pm true talk though harsh...

  9. Sometimes it pays to be harsh. Anon 3.20 spoke the truth.

  10. My dear girl, this your affair is onesided. think twice.

  11. Well we learn from our mistakes. maybe you should go, and learn from that too. because its very likely to be a mistake.

  12. Ewoooo 'Anon 3:20pm' hahahaha. Correct.

  13. Woman, know thyself! Onyi

  14. Never pay for your trip to visit any guy cos he will take you for granted. If he likes you enough he will move mountains to get you to where he is. I'm speaking from experience, your trip isn't the only thing you will pay for!!! You'll be the butt of the gist amongst his friends. Hahahaha @ anon 3:20, on point

  15. Thanks for posting this Thelma - I promise not to go. Thanks for the advice people


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