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Help! Should She Marry For Love Or Money?




*Nene is in her late 20s and single. Recently she's been "seeing" two guys from her past. *Chuka whom she had a brief fling with back then in the university and *Dave whom she met after uni. Both guys are actively pursuing her and have expressed intentions for marriage. Both have introduced her to family. Nene is having difficulty making up her mind. To put it in context, she likes both of them but has really strong feelings for Chuka. 

       Chuka is a very nice, kindhearted guy, that kind of guy that would be there for you whenever you need him, he's fun and spontaneous and is constantly checking on her. He's spends quality time with
her and is very attentive to her needs. When they have a misunderstanding he's always willing to talk it over and express how he feels. 
       Dave on the other hand is quite different. Dave believes that men do not talk about emotions or feelings. Things like going to the movies or the beach are a waste of time. When they're together all they talk about is his job and politics, his idea of fun is watching Aljazeera and discussing current affairs with her. He doesn't really care to know or meet her friends and is generally rigid. And (in my opinion) is a bit of a chauvinist. However he really cares about Nene and loves her in his own way. Nene likes and respects him but can't really be herself around him because of his nature. (He's the kind of person that sees you watching E Entertainment or African Magic and looks at you like you're retarded). 

Now the problem is this.
       Both guys have a lot in common, both are 34, both are about 6ft2" and very attractive, 
both are from the same state and attended the same university but they have a lot of differences. 

Dave is from a wealthy home and is very successful at his job, he works with an oil company and mind you, he did not apply for that job, they came begging him. He lives in a three bedroom service apartment somewhere on the island and has two cars (one of which he gave Nene), his parents have landed property all over the place and daddy owns an estate in the east. Besides his parent's money Dave is someone who would always be very comfortable. He is brilliant and a hard-worker and is also very focused. He's already building his own home not to far from where he lives right now. He earns over 1million naira monthly from his job and is presently doing some contracts for a state government in the South South. 

     Chuka works with an electronics company and earns 75k a month. He lives with his parents in the Yaba axis, and doesn't have a car, he  sometimes uses his father's car to take her out. His family is not very comfortable and as the first child, he takes care of them from this 75k. He's been looking for another job for a long time but none is forthcoming. He would like to go into "business" but has no capital. 

     Both men have proven to be decent and conscientious men, neither womanizes nor have they pressured her for sex. Both are very good Christians and active in their various churches. (Chuka is a worker in his church while Dave is the head of the Youths department in his). 

      Nene (who is currently unemployed, but is doing small business of her own) is deeply in love with Chuka but knows that he can barely feed himself, talk less of a family. He says he wants to marry her but the reality is that he cannot afford a wedding or even rent for an apartment. 
      Dave whom she actually likes, but doesn't have those kinds of strong feelings for is ready to settle down and has what it takes to take care of a family.
       

But Dave... Dave doesn't give her those "warm fuzzy feelings", he's quite rigid (did I add that he thinks it is outrageous to give a woman "head", and has expressly said he would not try certain things in bed), he rarely spends time with her because of his very busy schedule, he's quite oblivious to her (emotional/mental) needs and he's not a fun/spontaneous person,  but he loves and wants to marry her and is more than capable of caring for her and a family. And did I add, very brilliant too. ( 1st class material, published articles and journals etc). 

I did not know what advice to give, naturally I would root for Chuka but is love enough? Can love put food on the table? Would love pay school fees? 

What should she do?

Comments

  1. Money all the way jare.....I married for love and look where it got me...love will fade in the face of challenges o....and when he can't provide for her she will begin to undermine his authority as three man of the house....love is only sweet when there us money o....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No offense but where did it really get u? Are u happy,sad or silently frustrated? Questtions from a single lady...

      Delete
  2. Dave sounds like a typical igbo man. But I think she should marry him, after all he loves her. If the other guy has not found his bearing at 34 then I wonder when he would. Love without money will soon turn to resentment and disrespect.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lol.....dunno what to say o.I'm even more confused than you....would've said she should marry for love but then she just may have signed herself up for a life of suffering...but then again marrying for money will also mean a different kind if suffering....my answer will be that she shouldn't marry either...she should wait and pray....God makes everything beautiful in His own time....

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hmmm marrying any of them now will be settling for less. Yes Attraction No Finance, No Attraction Yes Finance. She kept saying Dave loves her she never said she loves Dave. She is probably considering it because of the money. Like Gelo said she should wait and pray. Nothing scares me like a rigid man,he turns into a dictator.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree. Rigid people are difficult to leave with. I know just the type, they think channels like E is for idiots. Maybe she should keep searching. They're not the only two men in the world.

      Delete
  5. Hmmm, this just sounds like my story, so weird. In my case i broke up with d two jare. I pray to meet smone more balanced. I earn 250k a month and i dnt mind settling for smone with same income. Dnt want to end up being d bread winner abeg.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Very dicey! Its a no-win situation. Whoever you choose, you'll long for the other later. Even when you marry a 'perfect' person, there are times you might wonder how or why did you got married to him. No marriage is perfect. No one will tell you what really goes on in their homes. I pray God guides you. #Enjay#

    ReplyDelete
  7. hmmm I belive people can change and you can learn to adapt and find ways to do so.. My aunt always says you should find a man that loves you more and I think shes right (to some extent though). Love is wonderful but is that really enough ? but how long ? both men love her which is a good thing, so why can't she try to love dave ? I mean, he's a good man but the stick in his ass is way up highhh.. she can gradually get the stick out little by little lol.
    hmmm If this happened to me, I will consider dave and discuss with him what I do not like about him and see if he can change. Chuka may have to go because at 34 and no bearing ? ahh I'm sorry but I cannot stay with chuka. If dave can change his behavior then we are good. If he can't, I will have to be single again.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Chuka is the man that makes her happy , he accepts her and cares about her feelings. Dave on the other hand seems selfish and self absorbed, he seems like the type of man that will isolate her from ever one after he gets what he want. But sometimes you really don't know , the devil comes in an angels clothing at times . I think she should follow her heart and think with her brain at times, yes Dave is Rich but circumstances can change ( i hope not) , she really needs to pray about it.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Both is important o but I feel love is the most important...no1 knws what tomorw holds,what if chuka gets a nice job? She will never forgive herself

    ReplyDelete
  10. I think she should try to work on Dave and marry him. Money is good o! Just try to make him the man you want. You actually can.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I don't like either of them oh

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think she should use both of them as lessons, learn the qualities she can and can't live with..... Then wait for a third and better option. We get to a point in life where neither love or money matters, what matters most is compatibility. I don't agree with the idea of the "one", it's a myth. Everybody you have a relationship with is the "one" at the particular point in time, feelings change with time and maturity. Then you finally get mature enough to know what exactly it is you want to live with, that's when you settle with the person that has the most agreeable qualities.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ok! Me likey this Steele! He has opinions I agree with (Finally! A man with great opinions! *tongue in cheek*) His seems 2 b the best option; use A n B 2 find C. I'll go wit that. Ziggy

    ReplyDelete
  14. He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtain favor from the Lord (abi i get am). She might marry Chuka and gbam! everything in his life will change to positives.....
    For one we can't tell with men. What if her love for Chuka is making her see Dave in that light? There is someone to compare with. My dear, place both men before God and ask for His guidance, then table the qualities you want before you make your choice. Might be amazed none of these men is for you. There are many things that come with and in marriage and if you weigh these and see you can't cope, then don't marry any one of them. Love shouldn't fade but it does....and when the going gets tough, a once charming man can turn into a devil....In all though, I wish you all the best!

    ReplyDelete

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