Skip to main content

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days

This is my new version of how to lose a guy in ten days.


Day One: 24 hours after your first date, add him to all of your social media accounts: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Google+, etc. Start “liking” every single post. Comment on these posts with a plethora of emoticons.  Comments should consist of things like: “OMG I love this!” and “I just knew we were meant to be!". Also, start adding a bunch of his friends to your social media accounts. This last step is very important.

Day Two: Start texting his phone every 30 minutes. Texts should be short, annoying, and unimportant. Examples: “I hate traffic, how about you?” and “I hate having to pee at work.”  Also, sending selfies with the dreaded Duck Face and annoying pouts are also recommended.

Day Three: Grab his iPod and delete all of his songs and playlists, or remove the CD in his car and replace it with a new one. Add a bunch of tracks that you know he’d find annoying. On his iPod create playlists with titles such as, “Our Favourite Songs”, “Songs That Remind Me of You”. If you really want to screw it up, add a playlist with the title, “Songs for Our Wedding Day.” Once he gets into his car and presses Play, he’ll be sure to get mad. And when he gets on the treadmill on turns on that iPod he'll be sure to lose it!

Day Four: Set up a blog about your “relationship”. Start blogging every little thing about your relationship. In detail. To take it one step further, use his real name. You should also write intense lovey-dovey poems. While you’re at it, tell all his friends and colleagues about your new blog, tell them "we have a new blog" and be sure to give them the URL. 

Day Five: (If he hasn't run away by now!) Date night at either your residence or his residence. Turn on Real Housewives of Whatever and tell him you love all of the characters and tell him you aspire to become a Real Housewife. Next level: turn on The Bachelor or Say Yes to the Dress. Act like you can’t live without these shows, and emphasize that you love romantic reality TV.

Day Six: Create a YouTube video. The video can either be a compilation of all his photos, or a combination of your photos and his. Add a Michael Bolton song in the background. Then, start sharing the video. Post it on his feeds and tag him.

Day Seven: Date Night. During the entire date, do not put your phone down. Also, bring a tablet and start playing Candy Crush Saga. To end the night, be glued to Instagram and make sure you show him every picture of all the celebrities and talk in detail about their dresses and shoes. 

Day Eight: Change your relationship status on all of your social media accounts to “in a relationship”. If it's on Facebook you should include his name. Then, question him incessantly as to why he hasn’t done the same.

Day Nine: Get access to his laptop or phone. Bookmark a porn site. Then, throw a tantrum that he watches porn. Make a really big deal out of it. Start crying and tell him that he certainly isn’t “The One”. Then start posting a bunch of really annoying mantras on social media. Example: “If he can’t handle me at my worst, then he doesn’t deserve me at my best.” This will absolutely end the “relationship”. 

Day Ten: Search through his phone for his mum's number. First send her a text with wishes and prayers. Then call her and introduce yourself as her son's fiancé. Be sure to address her as mummy and tell her you can't wait to give her grandchildren. 



Hehehe. If a guy stays with you after all this then he's either a psychopath, a sociopath, a serial killer, or he's truly in love with you.....

(Inspired by a similar post in the Thought Catalogue)

Comments

  1. OMG! Tee you are wicked oooo. What guy can withstand all these? For me there is no need for all the drama,just tell him straight up it won't work. Nice blog u got keep it up.

    ReplyDelete
  2. LMAO! Guys of today? by day 3 he would have run away sef.

    ReplyDelete
  3. After Day 1 you won't even see or hear from the guy again. no need for day 2-10. lol. Nice one.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The only reason is if he's a serial killer and you're the one he wants to kill

    ReplyDelete
  5. Day one, she has to calm down after day one. Most guys don't like that kind of Social Media exposure after....24 hours??? Meehn, she must calm down o. #memoher. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ok. I hear you aunty

    ReplyDelete
  7. I won't give up till I knack her sha, we'll see who's boss like it happened in d movie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LMAO. Na wa for you o!

      Delete
  8. Lol, had me in stitches. This is more than enough to drive any man away

    ReplyDelete
  9. LOL after day2 max, he won't pick your calls again..... First time commenting here. You've got a nice blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Princess Charming. I appreciate you commenting.

      Delete
  10. Mehn even if he's not a serial killer he wld become 1 after Day 4 @ d most! N u'll most def b d 1 he wants 2 kill; as often a possible! Dis is wicked! *bbm devil smile* now off 2 find sm1 1 use dis on* Ziggy

    ReplyDelete
  11. Lmao....wikid! Am sure we won't get past day one.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa