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"Yes I slapped her, No I don't regret it"

Last night I spoke to my friend. I guess he needed someone to "confess" to and I'm a lot of people's go-to girl for that sort of thing. I guess I'm one of the least judgemental people you'll meet, plus I never speak carelessly. However, I'm not sure how unjudgemental I can be about last night's convo. 

Something happened between him and his girlfriend. Their relationship has been tumultuous from the very get go. It's one of those intense, extremely passionate relationships that feeds off on drama and loud screams. (The type I imagine Chris Brown and Rihanna had). You know how exciting those can be, right? For those who don't..... Well it's not really worth it. 
      Now the problem with this particular relationship is this, she's a bit too much. She's the kind of chic that thinks the way to encourage you is by kicking you when you're down. She thinks the best
way to get your attention is by flirting with your friends and even goes as far a sleeping with a couple of them. She thinks it's ok to disrespect you in front of her friends. She loves to nag and nag over
every little thing, just because she knows she can get away with it. Yeah. They're both in love, yet several times he's tried to back out of the relationship. But she always comes to beg, and not just beg but shed a tear or two, along with promises to change and be better. 
     However last night was different. She took it a bit too far and after two years of enduring her nagging, screaming, disrespect and emotional abuse, he finally lashed out. He slapped her. 

Now, he feels bad about losing control but according to him, it wasn't his fault. He's only surprised that he was able to restrain himself because he wanted to do more than just slap her. And in his words, he has even "tried" to control himself for this long. 

Are you this chic? This neck-rolling, finger-snapping, teeth-baring "I don't take no shit" chic? 
      Because there are actually a lot of ladies who are. You push and push and push a guy till his back is up against the wall and then when he lashes out and maybe hits you, you scream domestic violence! (Seen?)
      And mind you, I do not condone domestic violence, either by the man or the woman. In a perfect world, when someone provokes you to a point of no return, you just keep your calm and walk away. 
But, we don't live in a perfect world. What happens when your control is no longer within your control and and your reflexes take over? 

      I remember some years back I dated someone who pushed and pushed me to the wall. The emotional abuse knew no bounds. Try as I was to be the perfect girlfriend it was never enough. He made it his life's purpose to ensure that I was miserable and that I lost every bit of my self-esteem and self-confidence. (Please don't ask why I didn't just leave, topic for another day). In spite of this I tried to be good, oh Lord, how I tried. But one night he took it too far and that night.... this is me, one of the calmest, least dramatic people you'll ever meet, I didn't know when I raised my hand to woaz him slap, in public. It's that God-given calm, and people's shocked stares that stilled my hand, midair. Now, if it wasn't for God, I would have slapped this guy. And if you'd heard why, you'll slap him for me too. 
       Reverse roles, if it was a guy going through this kind of thing, and eventually got to the point where his only reaction was to get physical, I'm sure we would all crucify him. (I know I WOULD). Mind you, I'm not selling you that piece of men having big egos and their egos have to be respected, pampered yada yada yada. I'm just speaking from the point of view of men being humans, and humans react in certain ways when faced with certain circumstances. 

That said, I would repeat that there's no excuse for domestic violence, and my advice to any man faced with this kind of situation, in this kind of relationship is this, WALK AWAY. End it. You really need to, before you do something you'll regret. 

       As unjudgemental as I am, I told my friend that he messed up big time and ought to be remorseful. My advice was this, for the 1000th time, such relationship is unhealthy! Remove yourself from it. 

And for us women, and people in general. Please learn to be respectful to your other-halves. Some of us are more highly strung than others but it would be good if we can exercise some restraint, no? 

I would really love to hear your take on this matter. 
Do you think my friend should be "crucified" for slapping his girlfriend? 
Have you ever been faced with that situation where you had no option but to lash out? 
Are you that headache-inducing girlfriend, if yes, Why? (Lol, I just remembered something. I used to have a friend who is, and when I asked her why, she said she sometimes intentionally provokes her boo because she really likes it when he beats her. (Long story, topic for another day. SMH.)


  1. First off, kudos to you Thelma. No one has ever said it quite like this. Not every man that has laid his hands on his woman is a beast. Some women their own too much. they can make you want to kill yourself

  2. Woman ehn,am far from bin in support of domestic violence but I have a frnd that alwaz provoke her man to the extreme..even when the guy tries to walk away to control his anger she will lock the door and throw the key outside tru the yuu see? Thou some men are born beast. But sometimes the lady also is the beast.about ur frnd,I am indifferent!

  3. I'm with you on this ThelmA...its an unhealthy relationship....they do not have any biz together....that said, there is no excuse for a man to hit a woman...I can be that woman you described in your write up..I will yell and scream ask the while telling my hubby how much of an ass he is and just when I know I've gone too far, he gets up and leaves the house...he doesn't come back til he is sure we have both calmed down....that's what your friend should have done...

  4. @ Gelo people react differently. If I'm your husband I will definitely whoop your ass to hell and back. And I'm a girl. WTF!

  5. @Gelo,this story should get you sobre,remorseful ....actually it's for people like you to learn. mind you, if you continue like that one day you will get it.

  6. Really Gelo. was that comment meant as a joke or what? SMH. I sympathise with your husband.

  7. Lol. Again Thelma, I'm impressed by your open mindedness. When you're with someone that drives your bp so high that you nearly explode its better to just leave before LIB will carry a story about a man who stabbed his wife, maybe even in her sleep. And that man will be you. I had an ex that was like that and I thank goodness that I've always almost being in total control of my temper, my thinking was since she wasn't strong enough to hurt me physically she'd use the only power women have, their tongue and body. She'd say shit and openly flirt with other guys. When it almost reached its peak I told her that we better end it before I do something I regret and end up hating her and myself for the rest of my life. She cried and begged that she'll change but I'd really had enough.

  8. Honestly, some people need to be slapped. at least once.

  9. Haba...Ify, the fact that you said you sympathize with my husband surprised me greatly....reason being you are not a member of my household, and as such don't have first hand knowledge of what happens therein....So you really shouldn't be saying things like that....for themas sake,I will handle this like an adult and not cuss you out the way my mind is telling me to....I will like to refer all you people feeling sorry for my husband and asking me to take this as a warning to the part of this write up where Thelma said"are you that chick? The teeth baring...............I don't take no shit chick".......and I will refer you to where I said I CAN(UNERLINE THAT) be that girl....not that I am but I can be...that means that I am not that girl, but there are times when I can be that "I don't take no shit "...Reason being there are times when my husband pushes me and I don't have any choice to fight back and the only weapon I have to fight back is my do I sometimes say more than I should?Yes....but you know what? You probably would too....Sometimes one gets Fed up and explodes....So please, y'all next time read the comment properly and try to understand what it is the person is actually saying rather than reading haphazardly and forming unwarranted opinions.....everybody who knows me knows that I am peaceful but there are times.....I rest my case
    Oh and ThelmA I would appreciate it of you made this a post as Ify and her, friends may not come back here...

  10. Oh and anonymous "Whooper".....if you were a man I would tell you there is no reason whatsoever why a man should hit a girl....if you can't take the heat in the kitchen, get the hell out!!!kmt
    But you're just a girl.....

  11. Gelo, I read your second comment and I scrolled back up to read the first one, in case I was wrong. Guess what, I would still whoop ur ass!

  12. Lmao....I choose to see the humor in really are funny anonymous...why do I get the feeling I know thing is clear from your comments seem to like violence...and you know what anonymous? You sound interesting and as such you deserve to have a name...o hereby christen you"the Whooper" innit...
    In totally unrelated news, who knows where they sell nice cheesecake in 9ja

  13. "Your control is no longer within your control". Thelma you really have a way with words.


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