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Is Marriage Really That Bad?



I've been asking myself this question, and I'm sure a lot of single ladies have been doing the same too. I'm certain our confusion is valid. The stories we hear and read online are frightening and very discouraging. 
     To make myself clearer, I'll give examples with two comments made by two anonymous blog visitors on my post Being Single Sucks Read Here
See comments below:


"BEING PART OF A COUPLE CAN BE OVERRATED SHA!!! YOU GUYS KNOW YOU CAN BE married and lonely as fuck right? I'm married with kids and i live in the same house with my hubby but for Christmas, the only company i had was my children....i could write an epistle on being married yet lonely....so my dears, enjoy your lives as single where you still have so many options, and fashi all these married people most of them are so unhappy....as a matter of fact most of them only get taken out by their hubbys at Christmas for the benefit if the kids and the outside eye....that's why at Christmas it seems they've multiplied (the couples).....truth is they've been home all year long with only their kids and fellow mml(miserable married ladies) for company....and at Christmas time they are brought out like trophies from an abandoned cupboard, shone and put on display got the world to see...after all its Christmas a holiday for families.....some of the idiotic men still sneak out at night to be with their mistresses sef....but thats story for another day...xxx"


And below was a reply to the comment above.

"Didn't know I was not the only one at least you get taken out on Christmas. I don't get that luxury. The best I get is being called names. All pple think is that am enjoying but believe me I was betta off single than married."

Something that caught my attention in the first comment was the acronym MML (Miserable Married Ladies). To my thinking its a term that's commonly in use among some married women. From the moment I read these comments I've been asking myself Is Marriage Really That Bad?
       I've got some unhappily married friends and acquaintances, both male and female and when I do a little research some frequent words come up like cheating, boredom, change, money matters, spousal neglect (just coined that) and so on. But besides these reasons, one thing that's so real is the unhappiness that some are experiencing as a result of their marriages. 

     I'm hoping someone can help shed light on something for me. It truly plagues me. Most married couples were once in love. Most were in love before and after the wedding. (I know of a few who weren't though.). My questions are as follows:

-At what point do things begin to change? 
-And why? 
-How do two people who were once besties, bestos, lovers, everything, suddenly become two strangers, or worst, enemies?
 It baffles and scares me, honestly. 

The rate at which some married people "beg" me to stay single and not be in such a hurry to get married, because; marriage is overrated, being single is better, marriage is too difficult, etc, is very worrisome. 

That said, I'm convinced that there are good marriages out there. What ingredients do these good marriages contain that the ones on the other end don't? 



Let's talk....
  

Comments

  1. One of the major reasons marriages these days is crap is because so many people marry for all the young reasons. the struggle to me Mrs is actually very real. You marry a stranger out of desperation and when he starts treating you like trash tomorrow you begin to lament and discourage others from getting married. whatever

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  2. Something else we should understand is when the in laws come in,especially the mother in law things change,in all just pray about it.

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  3. If divorce was loudly made an option many marriages ll be happier trust me. Some men treat women badly because they feel those women cant leave and must be thr cos its a marriage. Another thing is marrying for the wrong reasons.

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  4. If u ask me,na who I go ask,d matter wey u see so,e tey wey e start..lolz,one of the reason marriage isn't working out again this days is cos most ladies don't marry for love again,they marry cos their frnds are getting married,they don't take time to understand the man involved!

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  5. This is a very weighty topic. A lot of people get married for all the wrong reasons. Love, contrary to what Hollywood potrays, is not the most important reason to get married. If while dating, 'love' blinds you to the point where you don't notice that you don't communicate, how then do you do that when married. Problems arise.
    Secondly, the word complacence comes to play. The pressures of marries life and running a family can very easily make one forget the small pleasures of companionship - holding hands, sharing meals, dating (yes, you can go on dates with your spouse), snuggling, early morning kisses, sleeping on the same be.......the list is endless. No spouse will bloom/glow without the others affirmation or assurances. As a man who has done almost 10 yeears, I tell you it is a lot of work.
    Third, when you come into the marriage relationship with an exit plan, you definitely will not give it your best shot. Once the tremors start coming (and come they will), na scatter be that!

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  6. I agree with Mariam, that's one of the reasons. Many people want to answer Mrs for all the wrong reasons. Marriage can never be as sweet as it was during the relationship. its left for the two parties to try to make it work.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The person that said marriage can never be as sweet as courtship is mega wrong. Jesus Christ is the foundation of my marriage and it's mega sweet!!!! I love him more than I did when we were dating, far far more. Even today I still asked God what I did right to reward me with such an amazing husband! I was so scared before getting married cus of all these talks about marriage I have heard but one scripture that came to is that ' God blesses without adding sorrow ' so key into the will Of God before taking that step. Dont base ur marriage only on outward things "lean not on tour own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path " I'm a living testimony.

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  8. Most marriages are bad...and that's the truth...and more often than not, the society in which we find ourselves is to blame....I could go on and on any this marriage issue but I Don tire abeg...like my Aunt said marriage is like a goody bag...when you open it, anything you see inside you take...

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  9. Hmmm.... The reasons are endless, complacency, monotony, peer pressure, pride etc but I think one thing stands above all, marrying because you think you're in love. Being in love isn't as deep as loving someone because it fades with time, the infatuation period always has an expiry date. Then the scales fall off yours, and u start seeing things as they really are, that's when irritation, hatred and all those horrible emotions set in. When you decide to love someone unconditionally, you see them as they really are but you love them with all their flaws. Its really hard to love someone that way, that's why I think marriage is hard too

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  10. To answer your question, yes. it is.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I think Steele said it all.First of all let's assume couple X married for the right reasons.....love etc,does that guarantee they will not be miserable in that marriage?the answer is no.The reason why people are miserable in marriages can be summerized thus.People just have the wrong idea about marriage as a whole.They assume that the "in love phase" aka "honeymoon phase" will last forever....SORRY IT WON'T.Our mothers were married off to our Fathers in an era where "I'm in love with him" was not in vogue yet they were happy.I'm aboutt to get married and I know these things will come up at some point....boredom,change,not going out every weekend,kids,distractions etc but the real question is how will I ensure I keep being happy and not join the MML group, answer is "Keep working at it".I'm not saying it will be easy o, but if you expect these things then it will be easier to deal with,it will not come as a shock.if you ask those women what and what theyhave done to turn their situation around you'll find out they are clueless.They expect marriage to be all rosy, whatever happened to the thorns.You have to keep working on your marriage to be happy.its also note worthy that what brings happiness in marriage changes from time to time we have to find the new thn,create it,mould it whatever it takes.if only we can put away the fantasy of what a happy marriage should be we can start being happy.I have many instances but its so hard typing with phone.

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  12. Marriage is work but being the right person matters as much as marrying tge right person. You hate apologizing first but u want a wife who will. You can't cook but u marry a man who hates eating out. You have no maternal instinct but u marry a man who doesn't subscribe to nannies. The list is endless. Choosing a partner goes beyond tribe, earnings, and looks. Observe troubled marriages, usually someone refuses to compromise. Even with our friends we sometimes let them win just to keep the peace. Commitment means that if this man is not worthy of the rest of my life, whyvshd I walk down d aisle with him. A happy marriage is a union of 2 hardworking, committed, forgivers. I tell u. (Not referring to cases of DV n so on which are special cases) . www.drnsmusings.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete

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