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Ladies, What Happens When "The Other Woman" Is A Man (Not a "gay" post)

Many a woman, especially the married ones, spend days and nights worrying and praying against that "strange woman" trying to put a crack in their marriages. You fast and pray against that hoe, that home wrecker. You're constantly on edge, going through hubby's phone, searching for suspicious names and text messages. You do this because you know just how (potentially) dangerous these women could be. But guess what, there could be an even greater threat to your marriage than the hoe you're so worried about.

A few months back my friend found out that one of her hubby's very close friends just recently moved to their town with his family. Not just their town but to their estate. That was the first time I had seen my friend so upset in her two years of marriage. I asked her what the problem was and her reply was simple; "he's a bad influence". It was then I understood. She added that he was already becoming a thorn in her side. Her hubby who had been just fine sitting at home with his family for the last two years was suddenly keeping late nights and was out partying every Friday night and coming back inebriated early hours of Saturday mornings. 
Ladies you know what I mean. That friend that treatens the peace in your heart and in your home/relationship. That one that the minute your husband's phone rings and his name appears on the caller ID you immediately have a sour taste in your mouth. That one that when your husband tells you he's hanging out with you immediately clutch your Bible to your chest and start to feverishly mutter words to Jehovah most high, reminding him of whatever promises in the Bible that suit that particular situation. 
       You pray that your husband would stay strong and stand firm against this man who has made it his purpose on earth to do the devil's work and destroy marriages. Or better yet, that said friend should relocate to another town, or just drop dead already!

The sad truth is that there are many men like that. Too many in fact. I remember a guy saying of his friend "when you hang out with this guy your wife should just prepare her mind that you're definitely cheating on her that night". These men have no regard for women, especially the ones in their friends' lives. They hold nothing sacred, including relationships and marriage. They hate nothing more than to see a man being faithful to his woman. They ask you why, and give you reasons why you shouldn't be. After all you're a man, and it's a man's world, no?. 

While having my shower last night something very random ran through my mind. I remembered a conversation I had with a friend of mine who's married. He's an extremely brilliant, extremely successful 30 something year old. He told me of a meeting that some top execs from different cities/countries usually held quarterly. He said after the meetings, there were usually (wild) parties. A lot of drinking, dancing, and of course, sex. All the guys left there with at least one, or two chics. All the guys, except one. 
       For years they had watched this one guy just fly in for the meetings, return to his hotel room immediately after and shun their after-parties. On the few occasions he attended the parties he would have just a drink and leave. Occasionally, unlike the others, he brought his wife with him and naturally, this pissed the other guys off. They didn't like the fact that this very rich and good looking guy who could have any woman he wanted, never indulged in their games. So they planned.
       He told me how on one of the meetings which held in Lagos they decided to "recruit" some chic. The said babe is very pretty, very yellow *yimu*, decent-looking and is actually very well educated. She's also very comfortable (her own car, an apartment in Ikoyi and also runs her own business etc). Basically he was trying to paint the picture of a very savory, independent twenty something year old lady (they went out of their way to make sure that the bait did not look like your typical Lagos "aristo" babe). This chic has her side hustle (to fund her successful business that funds her expensive lifestyle). So they gave her the drill. 
     You won't imagine the length these guys went to just to ensure that this other man, slept with someone who wasn't his wife. They promised the girl a very large sum for playing her part, and if she succeeded in taking the man to bed, then an even larger sum. One of the guys even promised a car. They had it all planned out, she was to come, very unassuming, acting all innocent etc. Long story short, the babe showed up, played the part, seduced the man while making him think it was all his idea and barely thirty minutes after she started talking to him, they both got up and left together. My friend and his cohorts who had been sitting at the edge of their bar stools, waiting for a verdict, were so relieved, elated, overjoyed, excited, happy. Lol. In the morning they called her to make sure she actually slept with the guy and when she answered in the affirmative these guys were finally able to stop holding their breaths. They paid her (heavily), and that was that. 

Now imagine the careful planning (I left so many details out) and money that went into this just so that a man would cheat on his wife. Why were they so uncomfortable to see a man who's faithful to his Mrs, and who would rather live a clean life free of the booze, parties and women. And then I wondered, don't these men respect the sanctity of marriage? If you want to cheat on your wife it's all well and good but why must you make it your responsibility to ensure that another man does the same? Why do you feel threatened and uneasy because a man has chosen to be good to his woman? 

Some times these men that have allowed theirselves to be instruments of the devil are single men who won't allow their married friends to marry their wives. They still call them up every Friday evening to make Friday night plans, conveniently forgetting that this guy is now married and things are different. Then they lure their friends out and just like satan, show them what they're missing, and dare them to wonder "why can't I have it all?". 

I think these men are even more dangerous than "strange" women because for some reason, they're usually very respected and loved by their friends. They're usually alpha males, the life of the party. A man's man! They're the sort of people that friends usually want to please, and often can't say no to. They're also very smart and persuasive. And, there's no telling just what they can make your man do. 

Ladies, what happens when the other woman is your man's man? And if you've been in this situation, how did you deal with it? 

Let's Talk. 


  1. Kai! Thelma you're too much. You hit the nail on the head with this post. its something so many people don't talk about but these "friends" are bigger threats than those ashana outside.

  2. Hubby had one cousin who will come and stay hours playing PS. And while this is going on, hubby will not help out or listen or attend to things he should. Outings planned will be cancelled. Eventually, he started bringing friends too and would even come over in hubby's absence. And me being the good wife will sometimes forfeit my lunch/dinner when he comes unannounced. Soon, this cousin started taking him out to some friends place too and hubby will come in late. A friend gave me an advice that worked when all my complains didn't. I prayed him out and prayed that he n hubby get jobs with heavy work loads that won't give them time for PS. this was 3yrs ago and no issues on dat. Thankfully he doesn't keep friends. #Enjay#

  3. Hubby had one cousin who will come and stay hours playing PS. And while this is going on, hubby will not help out or listen or attend to things he should. Outings planned will be cancelled. Eventually, he started bringing friends too and would even come over in hubby's absence. And me being the good wife will sometimes forfeit my lunch/dinner when he comes unannounced. Soon, this cousin started taking him out to some friends place too and hubby will come in late. A friend gave me an advice that worked when all my complains didn't. I prayed him out and prayed that he n hubby get jobs with heavy work loads that won't give them time for PS. this was 3yrs ago and no issues on dat. Thankfully he doesn't keep friends. #Enjay#

  4. just like my ex's friend. this guy was the devil incarnate. he makes sure my ex misbehaves and carries other women outside. he even introduced him to a girl that he cheated on me with.

  5. A friend of mine introduced me to this blog. Quickly scanned through and I must commend it's uniqueness. I notice some grammatical/spelling errors though. Example: "threatens" for threatened and "theirselves" for themselves.

  6. Wow! This is really a serious issue.

  7. Wow! This is really a serious issue.

  8. That's why I like studying my bobo's friends. The ones that fall into this category are vigorously weeded through prayers and emotional intelligence/manipulations.

  9. Thank God my boo is a loner. He built his world around me and God. Onyi

  10. Seriously, the sooner wives realize that friends are more dangerous that mistresses the better for them. these "friends" can do and undo.

  11. Nice article T but you forgot one important point, sometimes these men aren't all to blame, fine they are enablers who bring out what the husbands always had in them but never had a good enough alibi to explore. Why do you think that even on days when they don't she said friend they still have their romps and lie to their wives that they were out with "the" friend. If your husband has a strong character and is well grounded no man can lead him astray. You have to pray that your husbands find Jesus, that way no man or woman can steal them away.
    Now the reason why most men go out of their way to turn the good ones is that while they are good they make them remember their guilt, they are like their conscience and that doesn't sit well with them and instead of changing themselves they try to turn the good ones, that's in the case of the married ones. For the single ones they just miss their friend and all the escapades they used to go on together so instead of growing up and settling down themselves, they make him act like he's still single. You can't change bad friends but you can work on your husbands.

  12. U can not change someone Steele. Haven't u heard of that rule whether written or unwritten. I don't understand the working on one's husband u are referring to here.

  13. Shuuu, it's not hard na. When he says he's going out you sef start dressing up to go out and make sure you come back later than him. Then say you were with your own friend too, trust me hel get tired before you. This can only work if you don't have shidren


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