Oh dear! I'm writing this memo for a number of reasons. First off its Friday night and some of us are gon' be out to night. In case you're still lost I'm referring to drunk-texting. Secondly because YOU are going to indulge in that liquid magic and use intoxication as a excuse. Thirdly, because my dear friend (name withheld) is very likely to do this and then she'll definitely ping me in the morning and tell me how she messed up and how the ground should just open up and swallow her yada yada yada.
Take it from Aunty Thelma. I've made all those stupid mistakes in the past so that you don't have to. (Yeah I'm nice like that. Lol).
I can't remember how many times I made that mistake of calling the ex after a night of drinking, and typing a text that I would never in a thousand years have sent if I were clearheaded. There's this one that I haven't forgotten. I was about 23 and in love *sobs*. I had already made up my mind to move on but I went to Swe bar that night (where I met said ex), and when I got home I didn't even know when I picked up my phone and started texting him. Hell! I sent more than ten different texts and I have no idea the nonsense I was blabbing. But I remember in the last one I said something like "it's either you're in or you're out. I won't take half because half bread and butter is better than agege bread" OMG! Till today I cringe when I remember this, it doesn't even make sense.
So my darlings, don't do it! I'll give you some reasons why you should put down that phone and slowly walk away from it..
1. You will regret it. Believe me you will. I know you might be saying, what if it's this text that brings him back to his senses, makes him love me again. Sorry babe, it won't.
2. Once again. It won't. It would only have the adverse effect. He'll probably read it and shake his head thinking "I dodged a bullet", because hard as you try to sound lucid and make sense, you'll come off sounding drunk as a skunk and thus you'll sound crazed! Imagine this, first off, the general message would be all over the place and disorganized, add to that the several typos you're bound to have.
3. It reeks of desperation. And desperation stinks. It's an off-putting foul odor that should never be found on you. Run away from it as you would a loose dog with rabies!
4. Alcohol impairs our judgement. You know that had you been clearheaded you would never say that. Wouldn't you rather do this when you're able to make clear decisions? It also loosens the tongue. You might find yourself saying things you never should have said and maybe even an embarrassing secret or two. How would you deal with that?
5. For all you know, this ex of yours might have moved on and is dating someone else. Do you really want to know how pathetic you'll look in this situation?
6. If your text is as embarrassing as most drunk-texts naturally are, can you imagine how embarrassed you'll be the next time you see your ex in person....
7. There are two likely outcomes: Your ex won't reply your messages at all. Or, your ex replies your message and is very cold and derogatory. Are these things that you are willing to deal with, a whole you?!
In reality, we all want to appear like we've moved on and we're doing much better without them in our lives. Imagine how many steps backwards a drunk-text would take you.
Ok my loves, please share your drunk-text stories with us, either those you sent, or received. I love to have a good laugh.