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Dear Thelma, Is There Something Wrong With Me?

Hi Thelma,
I read one of ur posts on friendships and d conclusion of most pple is dat if u dont av
a friend den u must be really bad.

I've never really had stable frnds as we kept moving houses when i was
small, i went to a boarding house for secondary education(FGGC OYO)

and i didnt adapt well, + im shy so naturally nobody liked me or so i

Now im in d university and my frnds are not all as wonderful
as u guys paint dem.

The girl i call my best frnd criticises me alot.
Today its either my cloth is to short, or its 'SUish', tomorrow its
why av i not made my hair. I dont get as much pocket money as she does
but yet she keeps rubbing it in my face. Not directly but sometimes
she makes me feel somehow for not making expensive hair that i cannot
afford. She criticises almost every part of me. Even my spiritual
part. Sometimes she gives me this 'i pity u look'.

Now my oda close frnd, we are opposites. I hate being bossed around
but she specializes in bossing pple around and naturally we clash
alot. We arent even as close as we used to be.

And thelma believe me when i say i work on my self regularly, i try to
be considerate so i dont hurt them. I say sorry sometimes even when im
wrong just for peace sake.

Now, about my boy- friends (i dont mean guys i date o), dey appreciate
me. But i'm just very careful in my dealings wt d male specie and i av a
lot of reservations about 'normal things'. For instance, i wont
collect something from u except u're very close to me as a guy.

My point is i dont av frnds, pple think im unfriendly from afar bcos i
dont av a smiley face but im actually very friendly once u get to know
me. I dont judge ur decisions and if im not comfy wt dem i let u know
in d nicest manners.

 So back to ur post. Am i that bad?? Im not even
close to my sister. And we went to d same boarding house. Is dere
something wrong wt my personality? The way u guys talk about
friendship makes me feel like im missing something


Now this is totally unrelated to the topic at hand and the sender may hate me for this but I'm just going to have to say it. Please pay better attention to your written English. You were probably in a hurry and it's an informal mail, I understand. But still..... The way you wrote this whole letter in that manner, so comfortably, I worry you'll write this way in an exam or worse still, a written interview. No vex for me, just saying. 

I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you. The only thing that may be wrong is that it seems you don't choose your friends, you let them choose you and so far you've allowed yourself to be chosen by the wrong people. Don't get it twisted, those people you mentioned are not your friends. But guess what, there are far more important stuff in life than friends. Yes it's necessary and beautiful to have friends but  it's not something that should give you sleepless nights. You're young and you have enough time to meet and make true friends. 
       Regarding your relationship (or lack thereof) with your sister, that makes me wonder. Though coming to think about it, it's not so unusual, (speaking from experience) most sisters tend not to be close. 
       Just continue to work on yourself to be the best version of you you can be. 


  1. "...My point is i dont av frnds, pple think im unfriendly from afar bcos i
    dont av a smiley face but im actually very friendly once u get to know

    Having friends is part of Nature. The only thing wrong with you here is that you allow these "friends" dominate you in your territory. And perhaps they want to know you but you're too rigid. Loosen up. And as for the male "friends". Well, I'll only say that from what I've read so far, there's something not right with the scenario...your girls giving you a hard time and the guys giving you a swell time..WITH AN UNSMILING FACE??? Please don't be a learner. We guys don't make friends with girls that bone 2-4-7. Something else is attracting them. Be wise.

    Focus on yourself, your goals. Being shy doesn't deprive you from having friends, but being rigid does. Learn to exchange pleasantries with anyone you're in close proximity with, smile aimlessly once in a while, and don't succumb to anyone's stupidity towards you. Best ignore or walk away; it drives a hard, firm message about who you are. I hope this helps. Be Blessed.

  2. Nice comment Memphis. You're allowing "friends" to dominate you in your own territory.

  3. Choose ur friends my dear,don't let ur friends choose u. As for male friends being comfy around u, I can totaly relate to dis. Guys no get wahala Oo°˚˚˚°! So I don't think there's soMething wrong wiv u my dear.

  4. Friendship is a two way as much as they advice u choose ur friends,they also have to accept u in,some friends who criticize u might actually have ur best.interest at heart. I've been there before wondering why I didn't seem to have friends but now,I'm glad with the people I call and who call me Friend in turn.
    And pls girl,always wear a smile on ur face even if u have to tattoo it on and try to have a good sense of humor,it helps a long way...thank sasha later!


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