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Help! She's About To Be Caught In A Web Of Her Own Lies. (No Job,NoLove)

Before I tell my friend's story, let's talk about this first. 

I don't know if this goes on everywhere, but I live in Lagos so I can only speak for Lagos. And I will narrow this down to the Island because this is where I see it happen most often. It's happened to me severally here and not once on the mainland (don't ask me why). 
      You go somewhere, anywhere; the mall, the movies, the club, the filling station, the ATM machine, church etc and you see this guy checking you out. He's obviously into you and you know for certain that he's definitely going to walk up to you and chat you up. As expected he does that and
 the first words out of his mouth are ;

"Hello, what do you do?"

Not "Hello, my name is John, what's yours?", nor "Hi, I couldn't help but notice you when you came in" nor "Hello, you look familiar". No, these days it's always "Hello what do you do?"

It seems that a woman's job has become part of her identity and the lack of one equals a lack of an identity. And if, unfortunately you are currently unemployed and you're stupid, or honest enough to say "oh, I'm actually looking for a job right now" or even if you try to make it sound classy and wrap it up with a pretty pink bow and say "I'm currently between jobs at the moment", his eyes immediately glaze over and you can literally see him lose interest. Sometimes you can actually see yourself downgraded from girlfriend-potential to one-night stand in his eyes. 

In January someone saw my friend's picture on my DP and he pinged me to tell me he's interested in her. He asked to see more pictures and he was very excited by what he saw. I asked and she said it was ok to give him her pin. I did so and before he added her he asked me one last question; where does she work? I explained to him that she got back late last year after her just concluded Masters program and hadn't found a job yet, and that was it o! He never added her on BB, never asked about her again.

I was part of a forum where guys were asked which was worse, a girl that had slept with 7-10 guys, or one that didn't have a job. You'd think the answer was pretty obvious right? Well a lot of them said a girl without a job was worse. 
      Also on this blog I did a post on Wife Material, where the writer said that a woman above 27yrs of age without a job is not wife material. Oh well... 

So back to my friend. She's been dating her boo for some months now. she met him under one of the above circumstances and it was pretty obvious that he was one of those guys who thinks its a pretty big deal for a girl not to have a job. It occurred to her to lie that she does one business or another, but she didn't know when she blurted out that she works with a Mortgage bank. My friend was, and still is unemployed and has spent the last four months telling one lie after another to support this lie, seeing as she's now dating said guy. In order to give her lie some credibility, she doesn't answer his calls during the day, she takes pictures of herself in corporate clothes, she tries to sound stressed and tired at night and she has to tell fictitious stories about imaginary colleagues.
       Now the problem is this, he's been transferred from Ikeja to Victoria Island (where she claims to work) and he's been suggesting they meet up for lunch, or have drinks after works, or worst still, he wants to come see her at the office. My friend is now at a crossroads. She once had to get dressed in work clothes and join him at a bar after work hours (obviously she went from home, but to him, she came from the office). She's scared that she can't keep up with the lies much longer and is confused about what to do. 

Should she come clean and tell him she never did have a job?
Should she tell him she just lost the job or quit? (This will lead to many more lies)
Should she continue to stick to her lies and hope he never finds out (till she gets a real job) 

There are a few other options but nothing sounds good enough. What would you suggest. (Yes, she was wrong to lie in the first place but no judgement please.)

Guys, can you shed light on why a girl's worth in your "eyes" drops the moment you find out she's unemployed?


  1. Lol. Your friend should not come clean o! Four months. There's no way the guy will still feel the same if he finds out she's been lying to him all along. He will definitely wonder what else she's been lying about.

  2. make she say she just lost her job.... restructuring and it affected her

  3. Lol,how long can she keep up with that lie. If she goes with the I just got fired story, and the guy wants to help her get another job and asks for her CV,will she also include the non existent job under work experience???? Coming clean is the best options. Option 2, "the bank" should transfer her to their branch in sululere while we pray she gets the real job pretty quick.omo see wahala

  4. LMAO! She should forget him, i.e stop picking his calls and double the intensity of her search.

  5. Coming out clean is actually the best option. But if she can't, she should just tell him she quit, and for her CV it's not necessary she includes anything concerning the the FAKE JOB.

  6. Oh. I thought I was the only one who noticed this what do you do that's very prevalent on the island. It's like a way of weighing the person to know whether the person is even worth your time.

  7. You can't afford to come clean in some situations. She should say she was laid off. If she wants to come clean as well, she can. If the guy loves her, he will stay. If not...

  8. She should come clean if he loves her he will stay.
    About the issue of most guys opting to date women who have jobs only, I think its fair because most women want men with jobs too and will never give a jobless guy a chance.

  9. She should not come clean ooo no need for it. She should just ignore him completely if he is so bothered that he comes to her house she should form depression that it's cus she got fired after a fight with her boss and even said he won't give her reference for a new Job. That she is sorry just being thinking of her life really lool! If he wants to go then he can take his shoes and walk at least her ass is covered. The truth is the guy will do exactly the same thing.

  10. Eeya. She shouldn't have lied in the first place. I think she should pretend she's quitting the job, I don't see an easy way out of this one o!

  11. lolll i suggest your friend should just break up with him.. with no explanation because I don't know how she can get out of this one without being will she even keep up ? he will soon find out. So yea.. she should text him saying "its not you, it's me... bla bla bla"

  12. Hmmm. Wahala dey o! She should keep lying and intensify her job search. My opinion.

  13. What I understand by a man asking if u r working or not is that they don't want someone that will be dependent on them for money all the time. Its mostly stingy men that ask such questions. They want an independent woman that they will spend little or no money on, afterall she has a source of income.

  14. In as much as I'm a feminist I can't help but wonder if this case was told in reverse...well she cld say she got fired and doesn't wanna talk bout it and she cld/shld pick up any job that the pay covers her basic expense of t.fare and feeding. Doing something is better than doing nothing!!!!!

  15. Am just imagining if it were a guy that told same lies how we ll be crucifying him by now. My advice is that she should come clean and then break up with him, and the lies she told should be the reason for the break up. If the guy loves other things about her, he might forgive her and take her back but if he doesnt he wont but either way its a lesson for her. She needs to get a job or stay truthful, u never know who ll link u up with a job.

  16. Well, this is the first time I'm hearing such a thing, maybe because, as you said Thelma, it's prevalent on Lagos Island. The truth is a lot of guys prefer a girl who's got a job or some kind of business but we hardly make it a priority for dating them or tagging them #girlfriend or #wife material. The reason for preferring a working-class lady is quite simple: the demands will be minimal. But, like I said, it's hardly a priority.

    1. As for your friend's predicament, I would advise she cease all communication with this guy to save her pride; she must be quite prim and proper so she'll surely get another admirer, hopefully a better man. But seeing as this isn't one of the options listed, I'm guessing she's unfortunately already into him, so....good luck to her.

  17. My christian mind says she should come clean, but I think she loves him too much to do so. Unfortunately, I don't think he loves her that much... I digress... She should just form "i was fired, or down-sized", yes he would still leave her, but she would still have her pride.
    Or as others have suggested, she could stop taking his calls lool

    1. So true! My Christian mind said to come clean as well, but the way e be...she might just have to go on lying...the sad thing with lying is that it gives birth to more lies...since she already walked down this path, na to continue to waka ooo

  18. She should just come clean abeg. It can never go on foreva. What if she gets a job in yaba that's not a mortgage bank ? In short no point stretching the possibilities. She shud jus tell the bloody truth


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