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I Want To Write.

Oh how desperately I want to write. But I try and then I stop. What's the point? There are killings going on right now. Boko Haram is striking with a vengeance, our government celebrates Centenary awards, our leaders, as usual "condemn" the killings while they sip champagne and enjoy the high life. 
I want to write but I blink and I'm filled with horror. The horror a child must have felt to wake up and see her hostel burning, the panic, fear and hopelessness at the realization that she's been locked in and there's no way out. The struggle in the defeat, the defeat in the struggle. The acceptance and resignation, death has come. Last night's worry was I haven't done my homework, a few hours later it's I never knew fire could hurt so much. 

I want to write but I can't so I switch on the TV, like a masochist I naturally gravitate to the news channels. Ukraine isn't done with their fighting, there's still bloodshed and killing everywhere. Everywhere is red. I look down and my ink is red, I fling my paper far away from me. 

I want to write but my anus throbs. The molestation of a ten year old boy by four seniors in his school has got me clenching my anal muscles in pain. What searing pain the baby must have felt, as their organs tore into him, what pain he must have felt as he gritted his teeth and tried not to scream, tried to be a man, the man they were forcing him to become when all he wanted was to crawl back into mummy's womb. What pain and confusion he must have felt; what are they doing to me, what is happening? I want to write but my heart beats and my anus throbs and I cannot write. I want to write but my hands shake as I remember how she made six year old me pleasure her. I want to write but I can't. Lord, I want to write. 

I want to write but those pictures keep hunting me. How does one promise to love you and beats you till he draws blood but blood is never enough. As though he thinks you've not gotten the message he kicks you out of a moving car. I want to write but I feel so confused as I see her body spin out of control on the road, what's happening, what if an oncoming car crushes her? There are already wounds on her body, swollen eyes, swollen lips, cut and bruises all over, and now more pain? Is this the price she pays for love?

I want to write but I cannot. What difference do these carelessly written words make? Lord I want to write. 


  1. I know just how you feel. Sometimes all these things become so consuming. #lastdaystinz

  2. I also want to write, but I cannot as the thought of Federal govnerment misplacing 20 billion dollars while we cannot boost of constant power supply talk more access to clean drinking water.I want to write but I cannot forcus as an aviation minister buys two bullet proof cars worth millions of naira to protect herslef while Nigerians fly with their hearts in their mouth.I desperately want to write but cannot as my pastor flies private in his louis Vuitton and Gucci esembles while I can't afford a taxi home from sunday service.oh how I want t write but what is the point

  3. Hmmm I don't even know what to say and don't want to sound like a fool. This world can be a horrible place. Sometimes I understand why some ppl want to end it all. U keep wondering where was God when a ten year old child was being raped could he not have struck with lightning?! Where was He when innocents loose their lives and the wicked thrive. But one thing I'm trying to dwell on is that neither death or life or heights or lows, things seen and unseen can separate us from the love of Christ. This world is just like smoke disappears so fast that why we should live with eternity engraved on our hearts

  4. Sigh, this write up got me thinking too deep! So many things we take for granted in this life, too many things....I just feel like having a good cry right now to lift this pain

  5. You've written well. We need God's help to shield us from evil and pain as individuals . Our country needs God's help.

  6. God bless you Thelma. You took the words from my mouth.

  7. This is deep,just this morning I thought of it all..the rape,the kidnap,the killing and so many other things that grow worse every minute of the day,am so tired hoping for a better day! I want to write too but my fingers are not supportive!

  8. The one reason my late sister hated news. She would say " most news are bad news, I won't wake up or sit down and listen to/watch what's going make me sad." As much as evil kept happening, she had always prayed for it to be far from her. And when she died (the most painful time in my life), I learnt not to ask "why did this happen to me? Why did I have to lose my bff?" But then, if not me, then who? Everyone bears pain in different ways. Its just to show how imperfect this world is and that our stay here will not be forever. My heart goes out to the parents of those children who lost their lives, those who were injured, to the young boy who had to endure that torture, to the war-torn countries, to everyone going through one challenge or the other......THIS TOO SHALL PASS. In everything, I give thanks to God. #Enjay#

  9. Excellently written. Keepp it up. We still hv Chinua Achebe's in our generation


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Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
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He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
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great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

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him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!


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