Skip to main content

I Want To Write.




Oh how desperately I want to write. But I try and then I stop. What's the point? There are killings going on right now. Boko Haram is striking with a vengeance, our government celebrates Centenary awards, our leaders, as usual "condemn" the killings while they sip champagne and enjoy the high life. 
I want to write but I blink and I'm filled with horror. The horror a child must have felt to wake up and see her hostel burning, the panic, fear and hopelessness at the realization that she's been locked in and there's no way out. The struggle in the defeat, the defeat in the struggle. The acceptance and resignation, death has come. Last night's worry was I haven't done my homework, a few hours later it's I never knew fire could hurt so much. 

I want to write but I can't so I switch on the TV, like a masochist I naturally gravitate to the news channels. Ukraine isn't done with their fighting, there's still bloodshed and killing everywhere. Everywhere is red. I look down and my ink is red, I fling my paper far away from me. 

I want to write but my anus throbs. The molestation of a ten year old boy by four seniors in his school has got me clenching my anal muscles in pain. What searing pain the baby must have felt, as their organs tore into him, what pain he must have felt as he gritted his teeth and tried not to scream, tried to be a man, the man they were forcing him to become when all he wanted was to crawl back into mummy's womb. What pain and confusion he must have felt; what are they doing to me, what is happening? I want to write but my heart beats and my anus throbs and I cannot write. I want to write but my hands shake as I remember how she made six year old me pleasure her. I want to write but I can't. Lord, I want to write. 

I want to write but those pictures keep hunting me. How does one promise to love you and beats you till he draws blood but blood is never enough. As though he thinks you've not gotten the message he kicks you out of a moving car. I want to write but I feel so confused as I see her body spin out of control on the road, what's happening, what if an oncoming car crushes her? There are already wounds on her body, swollen eyes, swollen lips, cut and bruises all over, and now more pain? Is this the price she pays for love?

I want to write but I cannot. What difference do these carelessly written words make? Lord I want to write. 

Comments

  1. I know just how you feel. Sometimes all these things become so consuming. #lastdaystinz

    ReplyDelete
  2. I also want to write, but I cannot as the thought of Federal govnerment misplacing 20 billion dollars while we cannot boost of constant power supply talk more access to clean drinking water.I want to write but I cannot forcus as an aviation minister buys two bullet proof cars worth millions of naira to protect herslef while Nigerians fly with their hearts in their mouth.I desperately want to write but cannot as my pastor flies private in his louis Vuitton and Gucci esembles while I can't afford a taxi home from sunday service.oh how I want t write but what is the point

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hmmm I don't even know what to say and don't want to sound like a fool. This world can be a horrible place. Sometimes I understand why some ppl want to end it all. U keep wondering where was God when a ten year old child was being raped could he not have struck with lightning?! Where was He when innocents loose their lives and the wicked thrive. But one thing I'm trying to dwell on is that neither death or life or heights or lows, things seen and unseen can separate us from the love of Christ. This world is just like smoke disappears so fast that why we should live with eternity engraved on our hearts

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sigh, this write up got me thinking too deep! So many things we take for granted in this life, too many things....I just feel like having a good cry right now to lift this pain

    ReplyDelete
  5. You've written well. We need God's help to shield us from evil and pain as individuals . Our country needs God's help.

    ReplyDelete
  6. God bless you Thelma. You took the words from my mouth.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is deep,just this morning I thought of it all..the rape,the kidnap,the killing and so many other things that grow worse every minute of the day,am so tired hoping for a better day! I want to write too but my fingers are not supportive!

    ReplyDelete
  8. The one reason my late sister hated news. She would say " most news are bad news, I won't wake up or sit down and listen to/watch what's going make me sad." As much as evil kept happening, she had always prayed for it to be far from her. And when she died (the most painful time in my life), I learnt not to ask "why did this happen to me? Why did I have to lose my bff?" But then, if not me, then who? Everyone bears pain in different ways. Its just to show how imperfect this world is and that our stay here will not be forever. My heart goes out to the parents of those children who lost their lives, those who were injured, to the young boy who had to endure that torture, to the war-torn countries, to everyone going through one challenge or the other......THIS TOO SHALL PASS. In everything, I give thanks to God. #Enjay#

    ReplyDelete
  9. Excellently written. Keepp it up. We still hv Chinua Achebe's in our generation

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

One More Post...

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Giveaway Finale!

Happy Sunday y'all. 
This is the conclusive part of #WCG. 
All the N25,000 recipients have received their cash.
All the students have also received their N10,000. 
Once again guys please comment under any of the posts, or this one that you've received your money. Thanks. 

So moving forward, this final giveaway contains 
1. N10,000 for 5 people. 

2. 3 kimonos from Julian's dressmakers. 
3. 3 pairs of Palm slippers from WaleOnibata. (Gents) 
4. 2 pairs of shoes from Courtney's Closet. (Ladies. Size 9 and Size 11). 

5. 1 human hair wig from Gabby's Wigs'n'Weaves. You pick from one of the wigs below. 
6. 3 cakes from CakesandCream 

7. A getaway at CitiHeight Hotel Ikeja for 3 people. (Who can each bring one person along).  


As I said earlier, Kon has already won a stay at CitiHeight and Clare, a kimono. So those gifts are now available for 2 people each. 
There is no competition. We are only going to play a game. 
I have each gift item listed out in numbers. Number 1 to 100. …

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa