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Ladies, How Far Will You Go To Keep Your Man?

Let me begin by saying that love is not selfish. A man that loves you will not put you through something that causes you pain, either mental, emotional, physical or otherwise. He would not make you do something that he knows would make you unhappy.

I know that COMPROMISE is one of the most important factors in marriage and relationships but what happens when your partner wants you to do something that you would normally never compromise on. An example that easily comes to mind is SEX.
         How many of us lost our virginities to guys because we willingly wanted to? Because we couldn't wait to experience the pleasures of sex? Or, How many of us had sex because of the pressure they put on us, because we were scared to lose them, because we wanted to make them happy? 
     And so many of us are still doing this. Some of us, though not virgins would like to abstain till marriage but because we're scared of losing our men, because we want to keep them hooked to us we compromise ourselves, our spirituality, our decisions and resolves. 

Recently I watched a video, which is why I'm actually doing this post, of a girl having anal sex with a guy. It was obviously her first time. I believe the guy is her boyfriend because there's no other reason to endure that kind of pain otherwise. And the guy was too young (and broke-looking) to be an aristo that would pay for it. As the guy tried to force it in the girl was busy crying and saying "Ye, is paining me o! Hmmm, small small" or something like that. But one thing I noticed was that even though this chic was in so much pain she didn't try to stop him. When the pain got too much and she instinctively moved her ass away the guy grabbed her back and told her to bend down so that her waist would come higher, making the a.hole more easily accessible to him. The girl continued to sob while the guy was obviously in cloud 9. Is that love? (Allow me to add that the girl was obviously not comfortable with him filming it and while he kept of making sure he caught her face on camera, he never showed his). 

Recently while discussing infidelity (in marriage) with a guy, he told me that if you don't like to give blowjobs then don't be angry when your man goes outside to get it. So it follows to say that if you don't want your man to stray, you better get on your two knees and do the do, abi? 
      I have a friend who hates giving oral sex so much that everytime she finishes she rushes to the toilet to puke. Yet, she still does it for her boyfriend to keep him happy. I wonder if the fact that she finds it so unpleasant she has to throw up afterwards doesn't bother this boyfriend. I wonder if someone who really loves you would put you through that. 

Some of us have had to come down from our high horses, cook his food, do laundry, cook for his friends, do his shopping just to keep him happy. Personally I think you should only do these when you have become the Mrs..... (Doing one or some or all of these domestic works guarantees you nothing.)

Believe me people, you haven't heard it all. Some women have gone as far as cooking and cleaning for the mistresses to keep hubby happy. Some have allowed hubby to sleep with the maid just to keep him smiling. 

The one that did my head in some years ago is when my friend's boo demanded she allow him sleep with some of her friends. And well, believing it was something she had to do to keep her man, she let him! Some of you would never imagine what goes on behind some closed doors; threesomes, orgies, voyeurism.....all in the name of "keeping him happy". Hia!

Makes me wonder when men became gods....

So ladies, how far have you gone to keep your man? 


  1. Love is not selfish. Spot on. No man who loves you would put you through that shit. And if he doesn't love you then what's the point?

  2. The only thing I would do for my man is love him and respect him and if thats not enough for him then he can move on to the next one, because I can't subject myself to some acts all in the name of love.

  3. It's a cold world! For me I won't do anything I'm not comfy wth just to keep my man... A man will still stray if he wants to.. That doesn't mean I don't make effort tho.. God help us.

  4. I wonder if men ever do anything to keep the women they love. I know a few in relationships with high maintenance girls use money to keep them but besides that, I doubt it.

  5. I was in a relationship as a first timer I fell for. D wrong guy after A lot of pressure I was a virgin den so d guy pleaded wit me DAT he was gonna marry twas Dec 12 12 12 he said he wanted it to b a remarkable day I refuse him so Dec 14 I went back to him cox I love NevA wanted to lose him so he slept wit me even wit d pain I wanted to stop cox I can't bare anymore he hit me hard DAT m stupid so he slept wit by force,after which I got preggy unknown to me DAT was wen he told me it was a set up cox I was playing too hard to get so he was paid to get me down I wept mA whole life wen I found out I was preg I told he took me to d clinc where I had abortion.ever since dfen I found it hard to give out my hrt nd am carry d guilt around DAT I lost ma vjay to someone who is NT worth it .he keep disturbing me I AV to leave d town for him yet he keep sending me message cussin me awt.I dnt even knw weda to marry cuz I cnt xplain how I lost my v NT to talk of abortion.gud guys nd men v been coming my way buh I keep snubbin Dem.miserable life I cnt even sleep @night always finkin especially losin my first child AV prayed for forgiveness though.I feel like talkin wit someone abh it buh how can I trust d person I just need advice m tired of sufrin .

    1. Hello,, I do not know exactly how you feel, but I have an idea of it. And so, I believe that If you have asked God for forgiveness with a truly contrite heart, He has forgiven you. And so, you should let it go. Forgive yourself, because the person whose opinion is more important has forgiven you. Then, move on with your life. And please do not compromise on it.
      Thanks for sharing :)

  6. love is definately not selfish, and we should neva sacrifice our hapiness in d name of love. I once did dat, and i almost went back after i left. Its not worth it. And to nancy, at the expence of sounding like an 'SU', i'd say you need a deeper relation with Jesus. He has completely forgiven you, so you have to forgive yourself. Iyanu.

  7. I think this all boils down to us women realizing that we are whole, without even a man by our sides, we are whole. So many of us take a lot of crap for the fear of being alone.

  8. Hi Thelma. I love your statement about when men became gods. The truth is that men are not gods. They cannot complete you. The women who compromise their values for men are clinging to imperfect beings that do not bring lasting joy or satisfaction. I have very nearly compromised my values for a guy but thank God for God fearing people that called me out and reminded me that I am beautifully and wonderfully made by God in His own image and that He delights in me. That is the most powerful thing. That the Creator of our universe loves me in a way no man can ever love me. If we as women can trust God wholeheartedly, He will complete us and take care of us one day at a time. When His time comes, He will pick out men that love Him for us that trust Him. He will give us men that have so much reverence for Him that they will strive to love us as Christ loved the church. Don't get me wrong. Nobody is perfect and even God fearing men and women make mistakes but at the end of the day, their hearts and zeal to do what is right before God will speak louder than any empty promise a man that doesn't love you and is only after your body will make.

    This said, I need to add that a major flaw in our society is that most parents do not teach their sons to be men of integrity and honour. They spend so much time teaching their daughters how to please men and make them happy that they overlook the disservice that they do to their sons. Boys are so comfortable being boys and they never want to mature into men. This would also be a good time to add that money doesn't make one a man.

  9. Thelma, thank you so much for this. Since this year began, I've been feeling so bad that at this my age I still don't have a boyfriend, and I was almost questioning God and lamenting about to myself. But after reading this post, I know that God's time is truly the best...

  10. Thelma, thank you so much for this. Since this year began, I've been feeling so bad that at this my age I still don't have a boyfriend, and I was almost questioning God and lamenting about to myself. But after reading this post, I know that God's time is truly the best...

  11. I am a young lady and after my last relationship I have vowed never to sacrifice or even make any guy feel lik a god to me. Thats the door u can take ur walk. I would not compromise my HAPPINESS to be with any man. If he loves you he will not make you compromise or feel pressured to be with him. So ladies dont go against your standards just to please any man.

  12. Hmmm... Lemme just this, if you're in a relationship that makes you feel any form of fear, any form at all, be it fear of molestation, fear of your partner leaving you, fear of falling out of love etc, if its still possible to leave then please do so. As a man that's experienced love once before I can tell you from experience that no man that really loves you will make you feel anything but safe and pure joy. If anything, he should be the one that's afraid of losing you

  13. I'm a man and I can say that the reason most men can get away with crazy and very selfish things in relationships are primarily due to three reasons. 1. The way society has restricted, muzzled, harassed and molded our women folk into lesser humans with little or no self - confidence and the inability to know that they are whole, utterly beautiful and independent with or without men in their lives. 2. The fact that women don't hold their men accountable in relationships i.e. the fact that sacrifice, compromise and the desire to make any meaningful relationship work is not just the responsibility of the woman but that of the man and the woman. 3. Women's ignorance of the power of CHOICE and the knowledge that they can attract the men they into their lives OR have the power to choose out of the many who claim to be interested in their well being. The far reaching consequences of this power cannot be over - stated.
    I'll like to state that this, is in no way, victim blaming (because the victims here are women). It's just to create awareness and open women's eyes to the fact that they have to fight stereotypes that state that they aren't smart enough, capable and independent to lead wonderful lives without fatalistic dependence on men. Or that their men can get away with "irresponsibility" in relationships "because they are men". Who says we men shouldn't give as much as we get from our women?
    Women should, in the whole, learn to love themselves unconditionally and CHOOSE men who mirror the same love in action rather than shadows, subterfuges and mere words.


  14. shout out to you K.O.H. Guys like you give me hope.... Lol. Iyanu

  15. You're welcome Iyanu.


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