woman asked if she was married. She told the woman she isn't and the woman replied "hmmm, it's
like you're still being selective, it's like you think you still have time." . My friend freaked out and made a decision right on the spot. She said to me "Nwando I'm not waiting again, anybody that comes, as long as he treats me well I will marry him". Now people, this struck a cord.
I remember right after law school a friend of mine who's older and married kept on trying to hook me up with different potential suitors. I was never enthusiastic because marriage just was not a priority, and no it's not like I was a spring chicken. One day, after I'd given her yet another reason why I didn't like some guy she introduced me to, out of frustration she blurted out "Nwando I know you're beautiful, but beauty won't remain forever. Women are like flowers, very soon this beauty will fade and then what will happen?". I wondered, was I to settle with and for whoever smiled at me just because (my) beauty is transient? I wondered about this. But she's not the only one who gave me this warning.
When I was in my "youthful exuberance" days, in my early 20s, there's this guy I was having "relations" with and even though it was merely relations, we were good friends. He's several years older than I am and used to take it upon himself to give me life lectures, which he still does till date. I remember him saying severally back then "when you walk along a road, many cars stop to give you a ride, today like ten cars stop for you. But soon, only five will stop, and before you know it, you will be walking for hours and only one car or no car will stop.". This was almost ten years ago and I can tell you for free that he was so right. I, who cars almost used to run into each other to stop and talk to me whenever I decided to take a walk, now I could walk for hours and no one notices. So much so that I sometimes wonder if I've suddenly become invisible?
So many of us have set standards of what we want our husbands to be like; he must be tall, he must have a good job and live in a comfortable apartment, he must be from my state, he must be a good Christian, he must like spoiling me, he must have vision, he must be an achiever, he must be well-read and a good conversationalist, he must be able to make me speak in tongues in bed, he must be family oriented etc. Yet as you become older and Mr Right is yet to locate you, you might find yourself wondering, do all these qualities I want in my man really matter? Is it not enough if a man is good to me and treats me well?
A lot of people would say it is, they'll tell you that that man you dream about exists, but only in your dreams. They'll say take whoever comes as long as he's good to you, there's really no time anymore. And while it's actually quite wise and sensible to do this because he is GOOD to me and treats me WELL, and my biological clock is ticking rather too loudly, am I to forget all those other things I know I really want in a man?
I need answers to these questions.
If I'm NOT ATTRACTED to him, am I still to go for him BECAUSE HE TREATS ME WELL?
If he's horrible in bed, am I to still go for him BECAUSE HE TREATS ME WELL?
If he's not well read and enlightened, am I to still go for him BECAUSE HE TREATS ME WELL?
If we never have much to talk about, am I to still go for him BECAUSE HE TREATS ME WELL?
If he's got horrible breath and a musty odour, if he's got poor social skills, am I to still go for him BECAUSE HE TREATS ME WELL?
If we have very different values and ideologies, am I to still go for him BECAUSE HE TREATS ME WELL?
If I just don't like him or anything about him, am I to still go for him BECAUSE HE TREATS ME WELL?
Yes, one isn't getting any younger, and what's more important than a man who treats you well? But do I drop all those things that I want in and from my man just because time is running out and beauty fades?
Please I want honest opinions and answers. Do you think it's important to let go of the reasonable standards you've set? At what point and why, should one settle for a man just because he's good to her?