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SMH @ You. Yes, YOU! (Church, Ring-Spotting and Silliness)




SMH @ my friend for making me miss the message at mass this morning. While the reverend father went on and on about one thing or the other (don't ask me, I don't know) I was busy doing things I had no business doing. 
     You see, last night while I was trying to sort out my "church dress" my friend called and I told her what I was doing. Excitedly she launched into a sermon on how to "catch" single men in church. She berated me for "dulling" as the church I attend is in an upscale neighbourhood and as such would have many "young RICH men". She even went as far as asking me to smile and be polite to the older ones; for all I know they could have sons of marriageable age and my politeness might be so endearing that they would immediately want to marry me to one of their sons. I tried to shush my friend but to no avail. She kept on repeating that I should stop dulling and at some point, out of exasperation said "in fact stay there let pant wear you"..... Whatever that meant.

      I was relieved that she had dropped the matter but I rejoiced too soon. She then started again with how the violent taketh by force, how men are scarce, how there are 20 women to 1 man and that babes are not smiling. That while I'm there bowing my head and praying in church one sharp sister could be busy cutting eye for a man that was meant for me. Eventually the call ended and I forgot all about it. Well, not exactly. 

      This morning I went for mass and sat down in my own little corner. (Let me digress a bit. For about ten years I strayed from the Catholic Church like most Catholics do and decided to explore. In those years I've been a member of House On The Rock, Winners, Redeem and a number of others. But for some reason, without even trying to, I found myself being drawn back to the Catholic Church. It gives me so much peace. While sometimes I miss the noise and the jumping about and dancing I certainly do not miss the constant/incessant/perpetual/never-ending preaching on prosperity, I do not miss the extensive preachings on sowing seeds and tithing; I don't miss hearing how my offering or seed has to "bleed" and create a huge dent in my account before God would appreciate it, I don't miss being told to open my mouth and begin to speak in tongues, I certainly don't miss seeing people suck up to "daddy" and "mummy", I don't miss the several offerings ;general offering, church building, pastor's project etc. I don't miss watching people idolize their pastors, I DO NOT MISS THE THEATRICS in church. So I found myself being drawn back and I have really found peace. What I have learned is that it's not necessarily about where I worship, it's about my relationship with God. And when I shout to within an inch of losing my voice, God hears me even just the same as when I bow my head and whisper my prayers to him. It's all about FAITH). 

      So back to the matter... I sat in my little corner and rather than focus, I found myself ring-spotting. Every man that was in my line of view became a victim, or rather a potential husband. I would crane my neck, strain my eyes, squint, checking if he was wearing a ring or not. And if he wasn't I looked at his face, would I like my kids to have those features, what does he do for a living, does he look like a violent person? Am I sure he's potent? On and on I went. This morning I had married many men and had their kids, all before mass ended. 
      Ah, did I forget to mention how polite I was to everyone? I didn't limit it to the older ones like my friend suggested, no, I smiled at even teenagers. For all I knew they could have one single uncle at home in search of a wife. SMH @ me. 

       Dear friend, get far behind me! Never again shall I take your calls or read your messages on Saturdays. I do hope that this madness ended at mass because it's this kind of desperation that leads several women to making mistakes. 
Note to self: STOP BEING SILLY. 

I understand that there are churches that single sisters attend all in the bid to find single brothers, the flesh of their flesh. I have heard that these particularly  include COZA and Day Star. "Those are the places to visit if you're looking for a husband". I've never been to either church and I have no idea how true this is. All I know is that I've heard this several times.
        Do women actually go to (some) churches for the chief purpose of finding a husband?


Comments

  1. lol funny. and your answer is yes! women go to churches just to find husbands. I do not know about Nigerian churches in Nigeria but where I am in Canada, girls visit redeem to find a potential boo. I am catholic and I hardly find black people in my church so where will I meet my african prince ? lol

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  2. Yes. Day Star is well known for that. I can say so authoritatively.

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  3. Well, I wouldn't accuse single ladies of going to church for the sole reason of finding a man, but I can say that, even at St.Leo's Catholic Church in Toyin Street, Ikeja, 50% of the ladies wear clothes that cause ME major distraction. Hmmmmm...I've decided to go for evening Mass today. Hehehe

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  4. Lwkmd @ u married several men today and had their kids.

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  5. Loooool. Thelma it's not only you o! I ring-spot in church, on the road, at weddings, in parties, everywhere!

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  6. lmao, very funny post yet, genuine. I do know a number of girls that go to church for this singular hope of finding hubby. About drifting, I'm totally in. I'm a Baptist by birth and can't find myself anywhere else except in a Baptist church. Once I attended a church I was invited to and they told me to open my mouth to receive the gift of tongues and expected me to testify almost immediately that I had received it. I didn't just get it. Then after the pastor laid hands on everybody and most of the church members fell except me. At the first timers meeting, he told me I refused to let the Holy Spirit flow through me and so on. In my mind, I kept saying, ''no be una fault''. They called me severally to remind me of their numerous programmes until recently when I didn't bulge. I feel at home and closer to God in my Church than anywhere else abeg.

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  7. very hilarious. stop searching. he will find you.

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  8. Stop searching, he will find you.... I like that. Truth is that these days it's not only women that go to church for husbands, men go in search of wives too. I think there is a wrong mentality that someone you meet in church is a good person. Brings to mind the phrase "wolf in sheep's clothing". You can meet your significant other anywhere, it's up to u to keep your mind open and don't miss it when it happens. Going to church for anything but praise, worship and learning I think is horribly wrong. It is the same way people have turned churches into a market place. Jesus got angry and destroyed the temple for a reason, remember?

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