I visited my friend at home. We were in the middle of a serious "life issues" conversation when I noticed her eyes twitch. Soon her hands were twitching too and she kept looking around nervously and swinging her legs restlessly. She stood up, sat down, stood up, paced the length of the living room, sat down, looked out the window, scratched her skin... All the while trying to focus on our gist. I watched her and waited for her to excuse herself. I knew her, I knew those signs all too well. She needed a stick.
She excused herself. I opened my ipad to check if there was anything new on my favourite blogs. In about 5 minutes she returned. Calm, relaxed and smiling. And smelling like an air-tight night club. The stench assaulted my nostrils and I tried not to hold my nose with my fingers, didn't want to be rude. Damn! Is this what I used to smell like? I wondered. Lord have mercy.
The thing about us smokers is that we never smell the cigarette smoke on us. We just never do, it's a part of us. So we don't know what we smell like to others, we're unaware of the foul stench that we often carry with us.
A couple of months after I quit smoking, I went for drinks with my former smoking buddy. This was the ultimate test; if I went out for drinks with him and I wasn't tempted to smoke then truly, I had been completely saved. And it turned out I wasn't tempted. If anything, I felt sorry for him. Smoking stick after stick, watching him made me feel sick. When he dropped me off I kissed him but I wasn't prepared for what hit me. His mouth was like a gutter of tar. Is that what my mouth used to be like? Yuck Yuck Yuck!!! I tried hard not to spit. I felt like I was going to gag. Really? I who's anal about scents and smells and odours.... This is the kind of mouth with which I kissed people? I apologize. I'm sorry you had to endure that. I'm sorry that on the occasions that it was mentioned I thought it was exaggerated, after all my breathe felt just fine to me. Here's an apology go the non-smoking men who kissed me when I was a smoker. You tried.
While at it I might as well give a public testimony. It was after I was able to stop finally that I realized that addiction is an evil spirit. One that I could rid myself of only by God's divine intervention. And when I say my prayers every morning I still thank Him because my struggle with nicotine addiction was no small thing.
But back to the matter at hand, I love my friends, non-smokers and smokers alike, so don't be thinking I'm making any judgements. This is just to say Sooooooooooorryyyy to lovers past who endured my smokers' breathe.
And to everyone dealing with one addiction of the other; addiction to alcohol, food, sex, cigarettes, drugs or what have you, I pray you find the strength to break loose and break free.