Dear Friend With Benefits,Hello and Good bye dear friend with benefits. I should have known from the start that when we part ways there won't be smiles, yet I can not cry, because I'm not allowed to, because you were merely a friend with benefits.
Did you really think that those nights we spent, making love... No, sorry, having sex for hours, while you made me come again and again, sating the almost insatiable tiger within me, till I was almost mad with pleasure... Then we'd cuddle up and chit chat about work and gossip about life, and I'd tell you about the guy stalking me, and you'd tell me about that girl who won't stop texting you... was just to pass time?
Do you remember those days we went for pizza and ice cream, then to the sports bar to watch your team play, where we'd drink bottle after bottle of beer and then go back on home to catch up on our "benefits"?
Although at the start we agreed it was solely for the benefits, both of us being single, when you eventually started calling me every night after work, telling how your day was and how your boss was a slave-driver and how you wished I was there to watch the latest episode of House of Cards with you.... I began to wonder.
When I fell ill, you rushed to my side and gave me back rubs, kept my pot of tea full and fresh, persuaded me to have a bit of soup, kissed me on the forehead when I felt desolate, paid my hospital bills and took me back to your home and nursed me to health... I no longer wondered, I began to know.
Those days that you'd take me to your parents' crib that your mum and I would bend heads in gossip over pots bubbling with nsala soup, and your dad and I would play Chess and you'd cheer me on and tell you dad I was a world class champion and your dad would say I'm the daughter he never had.... It became clear to see.
And when months later you got that huge promotion I was the first person you called to share the news with. I rushed over to yours with a bottle of champagne which we popped immediately and drank with relish, then tore off our clothes and we had sex, no, we made love... And then you held me tight when we were done and you said I was the best person in your life.... It was certain we were in love.
So when you asked me out for dinner the next night at that Five Star restaurant and I got there and saw you waiting, with a nervous look on your face, I knew you had something really important to say to me, I was excited. I realized that I'd been waiting for this moment for months, the moment you'd tell me you're in love with me and wanted us to become a couple officially. I was to busy practicing how not to look too excited when you finally said the words that I didn't notice her walk up to our table. I only saw her when she sat down. I was slightly confused as I saw you take her hand in yours and smile happily at me, with a bright twinkle in your eyes you said to me "meet Sunshine, the lady that gives me reasons to smile each day, the lady that I'm hopelessly falling in love with" and to her you said "meet my very good friend. She's really been there for me and I'm sure you guys would get along." My hands began to shake uncontrollably and I immediately hid them under the table.
And Today I sit a few rows away from the alter, watching you, you look so sharp in your navy blue suit and smooth hair cut, and she, she looks resplendent in the beautiful Vera Wang dress I picked out for her. Her face, like that of a sensual angel, thanks to the make makeover I'd done on her...but the most beautiful accessories you both have are your smiles. The love you two share radiates through the church and lights up even the stained glasses, but it crushes the thin walls around my heart and breaks me down to pieces.
I look at you, my friend with benefits of yesterday, never did I think you would have taken the word "friend" so seriously not to have seen me as something more. Stupid me to have thought things were more than they were. The coward that is me never spoke up and expressed her feelings, for if I had it could have been you and I on that alter, not you and Miss Sunshine. And you can be sure of one thing; I would have loved, honoured, respected, protected and adored you, because, though we were friends with benefits, we were friends most importantly, and that's what friends do, especially a friend that loves you. I'm a friend that loves you.
*if you're in a similar position make sure you tell him/her how you feel. Don't leave things to fate. Don't let him/her assume. Don't presume that things will be what you want them to be. Open your mouth and express your feelings. One can never tell how things will turn out; whether good or bad... But if you never speak then you'll never know.
Good night lovers.