Skip to main content

Dear Thelma, Help! Married Men Won't Leave Me Alone.

Thelma help I am disgusted with myself,I hate that men are having crush on me.

Why do I attract married men?

it's not that I am after them or
something, they just come to me! I just
mind my own business as a single lady,
hoping to get into a lasting relationship
with a 'single guy' that would some day
lead to marriage...just like any other
single lady. I am independent and hard
working, but I've never imagined myself
getting involved with a married
man...never! In fact I never get close to a
man when I notice he is married/with
family.
It has happened on several occasions,
and during this last instance I asked this
particular guy "Why does it always
happen that I attract married men"? and
he told me it's because I am
independent, mature and hardworking;
and he wondered why single men do not
notice these qualities in me!
I keep telling them that they should
know they are married, that having an
extra marital affair will only worsen
issues; that they should work it out with
their wives, but they would hear none of
that. I have now resorted to cutting off
communication links with any married
man who goes that direction (wanting a
relationship with me), just to avoid any
looming trouble/confrontations.
Is something wrong? I do not have any
flirtatious character in me...I do not send
out any signals whatsoever...I just treat
all men with due respect and keep my
distance accordingly! So what do u advice aunty thelma?

........
My advice, first off "aunty" is absolutely unnecessary biko. I'm still trying to reconcile myself with my age and then you come and add aunty on top?. LOL. 

Most married men these days practically chase anyone and everyone, so I'm not surprised about that and you shouldn't be either. 
Where there's cause for concern is if no single guy approaches you, only married ones. It makes me wonder if there's something about your lifestyle that portrays you as too high-maintenance and unattainable. Probably you give off the wrong vibe?

Generally, I wouldn't worry about it, it seems there are more married men than single men, and married men these days are more "adventurous" than their single counterparts. Truth is, there are so many single girls in this same situation as you, also wondering why. 

Stand your grounds and ignore them. Continue to stay true to yourself and be proactive; POSITION YOURSELF   STRATEGICALLY to meet single men, go to the right places, socialize with the right people, smile and be polite, and also, ASK YOUR FRIENDS, BOTH MALE AND FEMALE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO THEIR SINGLE FRIENDS, (even if you don't meet "The One" this way, there's no harm in meeting new people, they could be useful in several other ways). I'm saying this in caps because two of my friends that wed in 2013 met their hubbies this way, as did another one who's getting married later this year. 

There's nothing you can do to stop (married) men from hitting on you, but there's something you can do about the lack of single toasters.

Lastly, don't forget; prayer changes things. 

I don't know if I've spoken well, please share your thoughts on the matter if you have any. 

Comments

  1. Married men chase everybody, nothing new there.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Maybe you look like aristo chic. But like T said you're not alone.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Married men chase everyone. Its not about too high maintenance and unattainable. sometimes, it has to do with your personality and the way you carry yourself. Just stick your ground dear and ignore them.

    ReplyDelete
  4. My point is maybe that's why single guys do not approach her. And not that that's why married men approach her.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I laughed so hard on the "Aunty Thelma" was not surprised it was the first thing you addressed.You spoke well

    ReplyDelete
  6. Some married men like decent girls cos they hope u will keep d affair secret. Since u are independent, u will not ask them to marry u. Hopefully, u will not come to their home to fight wifey. See it as a compliment n move on. They are not blocking your way. So long as you don't give in. www.drnsmusings.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. @Ijeoma,

    Guess this is you posting this. You project 'high class', 'I can take care of myself', 'I know I look good/independent' aura. Also, your excellent derriere and your holding down a really good job makes the married men know you won't be a burden and you also won't confront wifey at home. What should you do? How should I know?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

One More Post...

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Giveaway Finale!

Happy Sunday y'all. 
This is the conclusive part of #WCG. 
All the N25,000 recipients have received their cash.
All the students have also received their N10,000. 
Once again guys please comment under any of the posts, or this one that you've received your money. Thanks. 

So moving forward, this final giveaway contains 
1. N10,000 for 5 people. 

2. 3 kimonos from Julian's dressmakers. 
3. 3 pairs of Palm slippers from WaleOnibata. (Gents) 
4. 2 pairs of shoes from Courtney's Closet. (Ladies. Size 9 and Size 11). 

5. 1 human hair wig from Gabby's Wigs'n'Weaves. You pick from one of the wigs below. 
6. 3 cakes from CakesandCream 

7. A getaway at CitiHeight Hotel Ikeja for 3 people. (Who can each bring one person along).  


As I said earlier, Kon has already won a stay at CitiHeight and Clare, a kimono. So those gifts are now available for 2 people each. 
There is no competition. We are only going to play a game. 
I have each gift item listed out in numbers. Number 1 to 100. …

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa