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Dear Thelma, Help! Married Men Won't Leave Me Alone.

Thelma help I am disgusted with myself,I hate that men are having crush on me.

Why do I attract married men?

it's not that I am after them or
something, they just come to me! I just
mind my own business as a single lady,
hoping to get into a lasting relationship
with a 'single guy' that would some day
lead to marriage...just like any other
single lady. I am independent and hard
working, but I've never imagined myself
getting involved with a married
man...never! In fact I never get close to a
man when I notice he is married/with
It has happened on several occasions,
and during this last instance I asked this
particular guy "Why does it always
happen that I attract married men"? and
he told me it's because I am
independent, mature and hardworking;
and he wondered why single men do not
notice these qualities in me!
I keep telling them that they should
know they are married, that having an
extra marital affair will only worsen
issues; that they should work it out with
their wives, but they would hear none of
that. I have now resorted to cutting off
communication links with any married
man who goes that direction (wanting a
relationship with me), just to avoid any
looming trouble/confrontations.
Is something wrong? I do not have any
flirtatious character in me...I do not send
out any signals whatsoever...I just treat
all men with due respect and keep my
distance accordingly! So what do u advice aunty thelma?

My advice, first off "aunty" is absolutely unnecessary biko. I'm still trying to reconcile myself with my age and then you come and add aunty on top?. LOL. 

Most married men these days practically chase anyone and everyone, so I'm not surprised about that and you shouldn't be either. 
Where there's cause for concern is if no single guy approaches you, only married ones. It makes me wonder if there's something about your lifestyle that portrays you as too high-maintenance and unattainable. Probably you give off the wrong vibe?

Generally, I wouldn't worry about it, it seems there are more married men than single men, and married men these days are more "adventurous" than their single counterparts. Truth is, there are so many single girls in this same situation as you, also wondering why. 

Stand your grounds and ignore them. Continue to stay true to yourself and be proactive; POSITION YOURSELF   STRATEGICALLY to meet single men, go to the right places, socialize with the right people, smile and be polite, and also, ASK YOUR FRIENDS, BOTH MALE AND FEMALE TO INTRODUCE YOU TO THEIR SINGLE FRIENDS, (even if you don't meet "The One" this way, there's no harm in meeting new people, they could be useful in several other ways). I'm saying this in caps because two of my friends that wed in 2013 met their hubbies this way, as did another one who's getting married later this year. 

There's nothing you can do to stop (married) men from hitting on you, but there's something you can do about the lack of single toasters.

Lastly, don't forget; prayer changes things. 

I don't know if I've spoken well, please share your thoughts on the matter if you have any. 


  1. Married men chase everybody, nothing new there.

  2. Maybe you look like aristo chic. But like T said you're not alone.

  3. Married men chase everyone. Its not about too high maintenance and unattainable. sometimes, it has to do with your personality and the way you carry yourself. Just stick your ground dear and ignore them.

  4. My point is maybe that's why single guys do not approach her. And not that that's why married men approach her.

  5. I laughed so hard on the "Aunty Thelma" was not surprised it was the first thing you addressed.You spoke well

  6. Some married men like decent girls cos they hope u will keep d affair secret. Since u are independent, u will not ask them to marry u. Hopefully, u will not come to their home to fight wifey. See it as a compliment n move on. They are not blocking your way. So long as you don't give in.

  7. @Ijeoma,

    Guess this is you posting this. You project 'high class', 'I can take care of myself', 'I know I look good/independent' aura. Also, your excellent derriere and your holding down a really good job makes the married men know you won't be a burden and you also won't confront wifey at home. What should you do? How should I know?


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