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Dear Thelma, I Think I've Made A Huge Mistake!

I have a long story but I will try and make it as short as possible.
I’m a lady in her mid twenties with a good promising job and a car, I met my fiancé in August 2012, started dating October 2012 and he proposed December while we were both in school for our 
postgraduate programs. I had reservations about the proposal cuz I felt it was too early and he’s just trying to use that to hook me down but I accepted all the same cuz the relationship was still in its ‘honeymoon stage’ lol.

Fast forward a few months May 2013 I got employed even though I have some businesses I run on the side, while my fiancé is still struggling for a balance. He’s presently not in town cuz he just got a project he’s working on.

Meanwhile, there is this guy I met recently that I really like and would have considered if not that I am engaged. The feelings we have is mutual but he respects that i am in a relationship hence, our friendship. I hang out with him a lot and we have so much in common. We talk and play as friends and he asked me to hook him up with any of my single friends. It was then the thought of one of my bestie came to my mind, she will be 29 and she has had her own up and down on relationship issues.
I didnt think twice before introducing them to each other. After the introduction, I started having mix feelings that I shouldn’t have done the introduction cuz I have feelings for this guy and even if he’s going to be in a relationship with someone it should be someone else and not my friend, between my fiancé has not been in town and he’s been the one keeping my company but ever since the introduction he’s not had my time and even though am happy for both of them I still feel kinda jealous. *cant watch*

I’m so confused right now and am feeling like am I not being stupid by introducing someone I have feelings for to my bestie? What if the guy is actually my husband to be?

 So I was not really surprised when my friend called to ask for his genotype and I was silently praying that if the guy is truly my husband to be he should be AS cuz I am AA and my bestie is AS. She found out the guy is AS when she eventually asked for his genotype. My bestie doesn’t mind going on with the relationship cuz she has fallen in love with the guy, the guy on the other hand is happy cuz there is someone showing him love hence he’s giving her attention and neglecting me cuz he’s supposed to come and see me since Sunday and he’s been postponing it cuz he’s now sharing his time with my bestie.

Everything is fine with I and my fiancé, the only reservation I have with him is his family which is saying I shouldn’t worry and that it can be sorted.

Am I normal thinking like this?
Am I not being selfish?
Is it true that even when you are married that you will still see someone you would prefer to ur hubby?
I'm thinking I should have given the guy a chance but then i didnt want to hurt my fiance even though we have our own issues *am kinda comparing both of them*

I am happy and not happy on the other hand
Now my conclusion is this 1) I should face my relationship squarely and stop doing cockroach eye lolz… 2) leave both of them and be happy for them but what if the relationship doesn’t work? Can I still have a relationship with the guy? 
What do you guys think about all these?


  1. You are simply a selfish, ungrateful moron! I really pity your fiance because I cannot see you remaining faithful after marriage.

    1. Haha...lolz...lmao...she asked for advice not a crucifixion

  2. I concur with anon 10:24 u r selfish and u should break up with ur fiance he deserves much better. U have a good job and a car! So what?! I'm really shaking my head for u. Just don't go and be professing any fake love because u will loose the guy and loose ur friend and ur fiance will find out and u will loose him too. Focus on ur relationship abeg.. And if u don't want ur fiance again please let the poor boy be....

  3. Before I comment, know that *BTW* used sometimes means *By The Way* and not *between*, as when you said "...between
    my fiancé has not been...".

    Infatuation and lust have clouded your judgment on your feelings for him, hence these envious thoughts creeping into your mind. That which you saw in your fiancé that made you fall in love with him is still visible. Leave your bestie alone with her love life.

    1. Memphis u just had to go there, lol

  4. You're actually being selfish but the way you feel is very normal. A couple of months back I introduced a guy I really like to one of my friends and immediately after, I started to regret it. But the deed had been done so I left them to each other and wished them the best. The difference is that unlike you, I wasn't in a relationship, and the way I felt for him was not mutual.

    Focus on your relationship and leave your friend and the guy alone. Find consolation in the fact that you've done something good for a friend and let them be.

  5. Dear Thelma,pls bring back that article...some people cld clearly relate with it

    1. LOL. Sasha, I told you the circumstances under which I posted that article right? I've tried to remember what I wrote several times since then, I start typing then I forget. But I'll try again tonight.

  6. We can't have it all now, now can we? You can't have your fiance and still have your friend....Well, the choice has been made,please stick with your fiance and let your friends be.....

  7. lol, I'm sure the girl was expecting some sympathy or something like that from you guys. anyway they have said it all, a word is enough for the wise . just in case you fall in the "not wise" category let me reiterate .face your relationship, if you don't want to continue break up, but forget this guy because he is with your friend now.

  8. Stop doing cockroach eye, whatever that is.
    To answer your questions,
    Yes, you are normal for thinking like this.
    Yes, you are being selfish.
    Yes, it is true that when you're married you might meet someone who you prefer to your hubby. Don't act on that feeling.
    No, you shouldn't have given the guy a chance but it's natural to compare both of them.
    Now this is what I think you should do, don't get married to anyone till you work on your mentality and yourself cos from the tone of your post you think the whole thing is a joke. Leave the guy and your friend alone to enjoy their relationship.

  9. nawa for some people o! you're not only selfish, you're greedy.

  10. Thelma, you should have written "if you think the feeling is mutual", let them know how you feel, don't let them go. Because if the feeling is not mutual, it would be a really big problem. Happened to me many times, so i stopped talking, and started letting them go. lol

    1. There are times that you don't think the feeling is mutual and it actually is. There are times you think the feeling is mutual and it isn't. It's one risk we need to take sometimes, but if you don't try then you won't know. Sometimes it's good to adopt the "what's the worst that could happen" attitude. And really what's the worst, rejection? Well at least you'll know you tried.

  11. Your chance with this guy is gone. He's dated your friend, so you really can't date him. EVER. Sorry.
    Face your relationship abeg. If things don't work with both of you then you might need to find someone else. Not that guy sha.

  12. Dear poster, there will always be a better man! You hear??? Always! But as a woman and a good woman I mean.... You have d responsibility of sticking to the one you have chosen! Shalom


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