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"Nwando Leave Your Brother To Marry Who He Wants To Marry, You Won'tMarry Your Brother"



In December, while on our way to Cold Stone, my friend *Vivian and I had ample time for random discussions as the traffic at the toll gate was epic. One of the things we talked about was when your man's sisters are the stumbling block in your relationship. I mentioned a friend of mine who has been dating her boo for a couple of years, I told Vivian that I was worried my friend was wasting her time because I did not think the guy was going to take the relationship to the next step and put a ring on it. My reasons for saying that? The boyfriend's sisters hate my friend! They do not like her and they don't even try to hide it. In fact it's so bad that they extended the dislike to me simply because I'm her friend. They try at every point to make her look bad to their brother and they've recruited their mother into their army of hate. And you know what that means right?

Now to be honest, my friend does have some "issues" that you wouldn't exactly wish upon your own brother. Vivian began to lament frantically and anybody who looked into our car would have thought we were in the middle of a serious fight. She was screaming about how she hates girls like that. In her words "girls like that piss me off! Will you marry your brother? Why can't you 
leave him to marry who he wants to marry? Have you forgotten that you're a girl too and one day you will go to your own husband's house?" And the rant continued for a while longer. I got her point. I understood what she was saying. But truth be told I couldn't really blame those girls for trying to protect their brother. 
     We are girls, women, sisters. And we ought to have each other's back. I know. But I will be very honest with you o! I will not let my brother marry just anybody. Call me a bitch or whatever. I know girls, I have friends that I know I will put up a serious fight if my brother as much as looks at them, talk less of marriage. 

Last year my brother met someone who used to be my friend in the University. Now this friend, let's call her *Seyi, is a very complicated person. To everyone outside Seyi is the perfect "take home to mama" but to the few of us who knew her..... Seyi had/has so many issues. Let's not even mention the fact that she has severe mood swings and could go from sweet and friendly, to angry and murderous in a matter of seconds. 
      In our 5th year Seyi was engaged and during that engagement period she met *Chuka. Chuka was a 2nd year Business Admin student. She met Chuka on Sunday, slept with Chuka on Tuesday and by Thursday, she told me they were dating. This continued to go on for a while. One day her fiancée came to town, they had sex and Seyi took contraceptives immediately after. Her fiancée left town later that weekend and that night Chuka came to see Seyi and as usual they had sex. Chuka did not use a condom and Seyi did not take the pills. A short while later Seyi found out that she was pregnant. Seyi did not even flinch. She immediately called her fiancée and told him that she was pregnant and that they needed to speed up the marriage plans, knowing fully well that Chuka was the one responsible for the pregnancy. When I asked her why she was doing this, something so wrong, so unfair and unthinkable? My friend didn't bat an eyelid, she said it didn't make a difference who the father was. She actually said that! Long story short (I need to cut to details to protect identities) she miscarried the pregnancy. 
      Oh, did I add that Seyi steals too? As in the type that steals things even when they don't need it, or when they can easily afford it. Moving on.....

So my brother met Seyi, no, he did not propose or anything but I nipped it in the bud from the very start. Vivian says I should have left my brother alone. After all I will not be the one to marry him and bla bla bla. But hell no! Yes, we are women and we should have each other's backs and all that but I will not sit and watch my brother marry just anybody. Especially someone like that. Noooo. I love my brothers too much. 

Vivian maintains that regardless of how bad Seyi is I should have stayed out of it. She says sisters should stay out of their brothers' businesses when it comes to relationships and marriage. She says that one day I would go to my husband's house and how would I feel if his sisters are against me. She said "Nwando leave your brother to marry who he wants to marry, you won't marry your brother". And to that I replied "Nonsense". 
      I'm not expecting my brothers to marry saints or perfect women, my brothers are not perfect either. I cannot dictate who my brothers should and should not marry either. Yet, I will not sit down and watch them drink poison. (Sorry, that's how I see it). 

Do you have brothers? Would you interfere in their relationships if you knew that they could be headed for a disaster? Have you ever been on the receiving end of dislike from your man's family?

Let's talk. 

Comments

  1. By the time ur brother met seyi she might have been totally transformed and changed into a better person or it might be that meeting ur brother is what will change her! U never know. I have been in relationships were people perceived me a total bitch which I'm far from and unfortunately when I met my hubby found out. He knew some of the guy's friend, they told him all sorts and he said thanks I have heard and came bk and told me. That's not even bad months before our wedding some instrument of the devil person went and told my husbands family that why are they allowing him to marry 'a London girl' as he called it. That I'll just collect his money and turned him into a slave and out of all the girls in Nigeria he couldn't pick one but had to go overseas to find someone like me.went as far as calling his pastor! Men it was a battle!!! This so called person is a member of my father's church o. My husbands brothers now rose up against me but God stood up for me because he knows it was just all lies from the pit of hell.in all the my hubby never even shook once he was like u r my wife and that's it. So when my brothers are bringing girls home all I do is pray for them because only God knows the heart of a man. U see some so called good girls become agents of darkness in their home. So Thelma do not judge o or u will be judged with the same measure at which u judged.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are u saying what i think ur saying? That u might be what they said but ur husband decided not to key into the gossip/rumor/gist and stood by u till the end? If yes,lucky u. If no,lucky u still...

      Delete
  2. Really? Your friend thinks so? People are different sha. I usually don't make it my business what people do. But for a girl my brother might get married to, shut my mouth when I personally know for a fact about the girl's "gist"? Pe kilon sele?!!
    I won't allow. It's just the right thing biko.
    And if she says she has repented and changed, poor her. I already know too much to allow her home, I'm human you know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's a difference between assumptions about a girl, hearing about a girl' gist , and knowing that girl.
      I'm sure I wouldn't want her as my brother's wife when I know so much. It's plain fear! Not even judgement for me. I will talk to my brother and if he insists, well no qualms, he would bear whatever good or bad that it results to. Ccccc

      Delete
  3. I'd do the same for my sisters. It's better I hardly know anything about you or I heard "Dem say Dem say" regarding you...I can give you the benefit of doubt. But if I personally knew a Casanova, even though he claims to be a saint, I cannot allow him close to my sisters. "Yeah well, you've changed brother. Thanks be to GOD, go ye and sin no more", but that's that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Memphis u cracked me up big time... lol

      Delete
  4. Memphis and Cccc are on point...Knowing and assuming are eons apart when it comes to issues like this. If I know for certain that you have issues, there's absolutely no way I'll keep mute. When the wahala begins, they will now start to summon family meeting. It's better i said my piece from the word go abeg so that when the time comes, you'll understand when I say I have better things to do than sit down and judge case

    ReplyDelete
  5. OMG Nwando I'm in the exact same position and don't know what to do. Everyone seems to think its too late tho and that my brother has already made up his mind. But I know for a fact that he is about to make the biggest mistake of his life and it breaks my heart to see this happen soon. What exactly do I do?

    ReplyDelete
  6. The issue is when the wahala starts, you won't be able to keep mum any longer.I cannot allow my brother marry a girl that I know for a fact her past,not assumptions or hearsay, I mean I know.The relationship just cannot be abeg but if my brother insists,tooh!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I would do the same if my brother was dating a woman like Seyi.
    And if I had a brother who is ill mannered or is a player and he was dating a nice girl I would tell the girl to run to save her from a heartbreak.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I would simply give my brother hints and leave him to make up him his mind about her. But, in a case like Seyis' I'd spill out all the gory details, where she wan carry all that baggage enter?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Chai,did we go to the same uni at all? Anywho,does miscarriage mean abortion? (lol... aproko will not kill me)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Well, for me, if I can spill my brothers dirty laundry to his prospective babe/fiancee, I will also spill a babe's buhaha to my brother. Its a two way street cos am so scared of Karma after seeing what she's capable of... What's good for the goose is good for the gander. if u think a good girl can change ur terrible brother, then by all means give ur good brother the chance to change a terrible girl.... either that or feel the venom of Karma...

    ReplyDelete
  11. By the way, all i'll do is TALK. I won't take any sort of action to keep them apart or destroy what they have!!! I've seen enough in life to destroy a union when NO ones life is been threatened....

    ReplyDelete
  12. Yorubas have a proverb which I will try to translate to the best of my grammatical ability: IF A MEMBER OF YOUR HOUSEHOLD IS EATING A DANGEROUS INSECT AND YOU DECIDE TO IGNORE HIM/HER (YOU DO NOT STOP THEM FROM EATING IT), THE HEALTH CONSEQUENCES WILL NOT ALLOW ALL THE MEMBERS OF THE HOUSEHOLD SLEEP AT NIGHT. Morale: protect your loved ones from impending dangers.

    I have brothers whom I will protect as much as I can without being intrusive. In as much as I don't dictate to them and I do not want any 'sister-in-law to be' to see me as an impediment, I will not subscribe to my brothers marrying a woman with un-manageable issues. At the same time, I will never force my brothers to severe their relationships with any woman....mine is to advise and put my arguments/facts forward, theirs is to accept or ignore. Whichever way, I've got their back.
    -F

    ReplyDelete
  13. I agree with Thelma.If you are my friend and you have issues,sorry I won"t keep quiet.Keeping a friend with Issues and making that friend family is not the same

    ReplyDelete
  14. friend or not, if she's of questionable character then she can marry someone's brother but not mine.

    ReplyDelete

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