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One of my Life's Greatest Ironies.

I've loved in the past, and I'm fortunate to say I've been loved too. I've had some fantastic relationships and I've had those that I would only wish on an enemy. I've met men, the good, the kind, the nonchalant, the mean, the hurtful, and yet more. It's not often you get to meet that person that was perfectly tailored to suit you, or that was made just for you.

      I remember the night I met *Obi, just like it was last weekend. No it wasn't, it was years ago. It was at Swé Bar, Obi was with his friends, about six of them and they were the life of the party, but it was him who had my attention, and my heart. Watching them it was quite obvious that they were hardworking men who had obviously had a hectic week at work and really needed to unwind. The way they danced like they just didn't care, like nobody was watching, like everybody was watching..... There was something so refreshing about watching them. But Obi, something about him, how he was the most attractive of the lot in spite of the fact that he wore Senegalese to club long before it became cool for men to wear traditional attire to clubs, something about his bushy head of hair, and how he danced and laughed with reckless abandon, so many things about him made me want him, so naturally I was pleased when it so happened that he'd been wanting me all along too. 
     Later that weekend, on Sunday, Obi came over to mine and spent a couple of hours. It was like I had found my missing rib (LOL). In the months to follow I would have what till date has probably
been my most amazing relationship.
    Our first date was on Good Friday. That night we were meant to go and have drinks but he suggested we go for evening mass instead. That would be the most memorable mass I've ever attended in my life. All through mass we held hands, and looked in each other's eyes and smiled at each other and sat so closely together and though if we let an inch between us something bad would happen. Mass ended and it was then he told me the real reason he wanted us to come for mass; he knew his mum would be in church and he wanted her to meet me. I remember how she hugged me tight and called me "nwa m" my child. She was so pleased that we were from neighbouring villages and that I was studying law. In the less than five minutes we spent together, she hugged me three times. After we left his mum, the next stop was the Reverend father's house. Obi had told one of his father-friends about me and he wanted him to meet me too. We spent the next hour having tea and biscuits with Father in their beautiful quaters. And later that night when Obi dropped me off, we kissed for the first time. My most memorable kiss till date. 

Obi and I proceeded to have a fantastic relationship. He met with my siblings and my mum and my brothers seemed to really like him (which doesn't happen very often). I met his friends and colleagues and bosses and everyone who mattered to him. I remember the first time we made love..... No doubt Obi was my most memorable lover till date. 

Obi, I remember that day you came to meet up with me at the Galleria. I watched you from the top most floor while you chatted to your friends below, by some force you felt my eyes on you and although there were hundreds of people around that day, you looked up right at me. The smile on your face when you saw me could light up a thousand cities. Your friends followed your gaze and looked up and when they saw me they smiled knowingly. I remember how I rushed down to meet you and one of your colleagues asked "is she the one?" And you looked at me and smiled so confidently and lovingly, and simply said "Yes". Immediately we left them and retreated to a world of our own, that night, at the water-side in Ikoyi where we spent hours talking about everything and nothing till midnight crept on us and we had to leave. 

But just as they say, when something feels too good to be true then it probably is. I remember that day like it was yesterday. We woke up together, when he dropped me off he kissed me and told me he loved me. He called me during break at work, as he always did, and promised to call me once work was over, as he always did also. Once again, he told me he loved me, and he missed me terribly and couldn't wait to see me.... That was the last time Obi ever called me. 

When he didn't call me at the close of work I thought nothing of it but when hours later he still hadn't called, and wasn't returning my calls, I knew something was wrong. I remember that night like it was last night, he didn't take my calls and when I had run out of credit, having called his friends wondering if my Obi was ok, I finally called him with my brother's phone, a number he didn't have. Obi answered on the first ring. 

Long story short Obi varnished from my life just as magically as he appeared in the first place. Nothing I did would bring him back and the months that followed were months of depression, confusion and my self-esteem at a new low. 

Obi has been on my mind almost everyday since then. Partly because there was no closure and the way things ended just made no sense at all. I've thought of him so much ever since and remember every minute detail of our lives together, so it's one of life's great ironies that when I ran into Obi last month, he had no recollection of who I am. (Ouch!)

An Anon commented saying "Behind your brash facade is a woman desperately searching for her fairytale love.". And while I'm not aware that I have a "brash facade" I am actually desperately searching for love. Anon do NOT get it twisted, I don't and will never hide that truth. Its one one my desires to love and be loved in return, (as is everyone else's). 


  1. wow.. this is so sad.. when shakara ends and we ladies give the relationship our full attention and 200% commitment sighh it hurts deeply when things take the left turn. I wonder what must have caused him to chicken out just like that with no explanations. don't worry, your fairy tale is coming :)

  2. At first I thought you were going to say something like "he passed away", but when I read the part he answered your call from your brother's line, I got confused myself.

    Something definitely didn't go down right after giving you those romantic #farewells# and left. I suspect someone, somewhere must've fed him distasteful info about you and he just swallowed the lot. Some guys are like that. Instead of giving their spouses the benefit of doubt they would just switch-off the relationship..LIKE THAT. This is the bane of every relationship: TRUST. I'm sorry, I suspect #Obi didn't trust you. That seems to be the only logical reason to me why he disconnected. But don't worry, every great desire like a fairytale relationship is noted by The BIG GUY Upstairs.

    Errm..Thelma..Mass isn't celebrated on Good Friday. Lol. Be Blessed.

    1. Yes God will grant us all our desires, even fairy tale relationships

    2. It isn't !? Well it was a public holiday and it was a week day, I remember he didn't go to work that when I think about it I've always thought it must have been Good Friday..... LOL. before you call me a pathetic catholic remember an older post where I mentioned I strayed from the Church for years? I've been out of the loop and I'm still familiarizing myself with so many things.

  3. This reminds me of my YB, am yet to get over him, he was everything and more.

    1. Does YB mean Yeye Boyfriend?

  4. At some point I also thought Obi had passed away.
    That is a painful experience, some men were just not wired right.
    If he had the courage to ask you out, introduce you to all the important people in his life, make love to you, then he should have had the courage to talk to you when a problem cropped up instead of disappearing like that.
    You will find love in the mean time practice patience.

  5. wow...pls tell me this isn't real....I feel your hurt!!!

  6. Chai I can imagine how much it hurts cus I had a similar experience. I almost went mad. This guy was so sweet, was a correct gentle man and after severe heartbreaks I was so sure he was the one. And one day just one day he changed completely it's like I didn't even know who he was. But he had the heart to even face me and said it was over after I refused to let go, but gave no reasons after 9 months of pure bliss! Years later when I was about to get married to someone else his best friend now called and told me he acted that way because I prophet told him I wasn't his wife and there are plenty of witches in my father's family!!!! But Thelma the truth is that guy wasn't meant for u cus a man meant for u will never abandon u no matter what anyone says. U should be thankful!! Then I thought I was going to run mad but now I could not imagine marrying anyone else apart from my hubby! GOD placed him in my life I'm so sure of it. I hope one say u get to say that about someone and u will realise the broken roads that led u to him was a blessing. X

  7. @thelma,

    I'm that anon that said you had a brash facade. I also said you're searching for love. Both statements are true about you.

    Why did he leave just like that? I can tell you at least 10 reasons I think but there's a part that I'm still chewing on: " you met him and he didn't recognise you!

    That's quite quite odd! I doubt he could have forgotten you except his memory is degrading or some other reason am sure i'll figure out soon.

    Thanks for sharing the full story, and you will get closure from Obi. That am sure of what. You're such a beautiful person(within and without) my heart hurts for you, after reading this story and from what I know of you(from reading your blog).

    Keep sharing, and if you'd like to erase Obi for good from your heart and to stop thinking about him for good, here's my BlackBerry pin: 79fb817f

    1. Hian!! Anon so ur BlackBerry pin is now an eraser. I ve a feeling u r a guy and i know ur type *not interested face*

    2. Now, this is interesting. Eraser, indeed! Some serious issue o. #Enjay#

    3. You r an idiot anon 7:27 a real big one!

    4. Hahahaha! I hate calling people names so I'll let you call yourself a befitting one... Smh @ anon

  8. Lol he just wasnt that into you. Get over it.

  9. @ thelma,haha,you made it look like obi passed away!men can be terrible,in other news,I got posted to bayelsa n d journey starts on tuesday!I might not comment regularly for 3weeks,pls bear with me bfore I redploy back to somwhere in southwest,I will miss evry1 on dis blog!thelma,enjay,memphis,and all d anons

    1. Awwww. Safe journey and Godspeed. It's a lovely 'family' we have here, all thanks to Thelma. I'm sure we'll miss u too. In fact, speaking for myself, I will. Wishing you success in all your endeavours. Do return soon, safe and sound. #Enjay#

    2. Mariam, I'm so happy for you, Bayelsa is not so bad so maybe you shouldn't be in such a hurry to redeploy, plus I hear they have about 18 hours of electricity everyday (that should be an incentive). I will definitely miss you too my darling. Go well, have a safe trip and enjoy every minute of camp and mami market *wink*.

  10. Chei, Thelma, I feel ur pain o. I loved like dat. He was the nicest person on earth, but told me later on dat all he wants was for us to be friends. I fell ill, missed work for 3 days, cried everyday, but today I'm better, stronger and still believe that God has a reason for everything. But, make I talk true, my own no reach ur own o. For a guy to just blank a babe without breaking off properly, mbanu that is reallly mean. It is well jare

  11. This is almost my story too. My loving and wonderful bf that I thought was the "one" has changed totally, though it isn't over I fear the end is near. God will sort us out thelma :D

  12. Enjay,thanks,I appreciate you much..

  13. I actually thot he passed away too. I bet him not recognizing you gave u all the closure you need hence y u can write about it now. In good time hon, u'll find 'the one'. Mind you though, meaningful relationships that last aren't always the fairytale ones we ladies dream up in our heads. I have some tips on a checklist before you say i do, u may want to read them on-

  14. Anon 4.27 must be a joker sha. Nawa 4 pipul o!

  15. Thelma your story is so touching. But I believe he's not for you that's why he left like that irrespective of how painful it is. I am actually searching for love too, i secretly have this fear that i may still be single when i clock 30 which would be next year (by the way, i'm same age as you Thelma but i'm May born) and it bothers me a lot but still, i keep the faith. #Gemini

    1. Please continue to keep the faith, there's nothing God cannot do.

    2. It felt like you were telling my story at some point just that in my own case we didn't make love. Don't know if that was the reason, cos he just went incommunicado for a long time. and when I finally got to him he said nothing is wrong,he just wants to discover himself. Like he was lost before. Mtchewww. It would ve been better if we had quarreled and this happened than happening the way it did. In all am happy,we learn everyday and am hopeful that soonest I will find that one who will love me for me to the end of the world and back.winks.

  16. Thanks a lot thelma.God bless u

  17. This is really touching. I thought he died too. Well, for him not to recognize you? Wow. As for love, you'll def find it. And that BBPin, don't mind all those cursing him out o, add him. One never knows where love comes from :)

    1. So sorry Thelma about the way he left. I just don't get it. If it were me, I'd have disturbed him till he said why, what nonsense! But then self pride might stop me. And my comment is under Myne's because I really didn't see a " bad " side to the pin the anon left o,i wasn't even thinking hook-up o!. Since he/she left it open. Shebi it's Pin openly, i might add and see the "offered help". Not useful? Annoying? Delete! But then we all see didffrently.

  18. Wait o! The part of him not recognizing you is sad. But it's also funny. Sorry but I couldn't help laughing. Chai!

  19. One day someone will come along that will make you realize why it didn't work with anyone else.... That being said, are you sure he didn't have a minor accident and suffer a concussion ? Maybe he lost some of his memory. If you go to some churches they'll either tell you it's someone from your family that doesn't want you to be happy or that spirit husband is worrying you! Lol
    I know how hurtful it is when you think all is going well then all of a sudden your significant other (in your mind) stops answering your calls. If you don't have a strong mind you could go crazy trying to figure out what you did wrong. I know it's difficult to get over such heartache but time heals all. You'll be fine, trust me I know.

  20. Without sounding cynical,does anyone believe in spirit husband? Cos this story sounds like a classic case of one...just saying!

  21. i am just going to be blunt. the fact that you are (desperately) searching for love is really bad. Why the desperation? Who/what is after you??? Yes, you are getting to your 30s, so? are you the first to be this age without a relationship? o ga o! i believe there is a reason you do not have a lover/love right now. Develop yourself while you wait, develop your relationship with God also. Then leave the rest for God to finish. ahnahn!
    And about your anon saying you have a brash facade, i don't know you, but i don't think so. but them, i only see you virtually. so ask around, ask your friends, and family, and tell them to tell you the honest truth about your disposition/facade. Ciao

  22. I was really touched by this post. I'm sorry to say this but this is very common with ibo guys. This exact thing happened to me. We were very close, we talked for hours on the phone everyday, he told his mum about me. It sounded too good to be true. One day he just stopped calling. No reason, nothing happened. Obviously I was hurt, I desperately searched for some kind of closure, but I didn't get any sensible answers. Anyway thankfully nothing happened (sexually) so I was comforted by that. Eventually, I moved on with my life. You won't believe it's been almost 2 years, and this person came back asking for forgiveness, buying pointless gifts and delivering stupid flowers to my home. Anyways I forgave him, but I never gave him a second chance. I think some guys just have issues, nothing personal....


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