The first was a statement *Anna made that has been giving me cause for concern for sometime now; "Nwando you have so many singles guys on your case, it's you that is not serious. You better choose one so that you won't be alone" (I'm probably paraphrasing but seeing as I was slightly hungover I can't be blamed). She went ahead to say something along the lines of "I'd rather settle than be alone". While my first instinct was to react with righteous indignation, I later thought about it. Seriously, doesn't it make more sense to "settle" than to be alone? (By "settle" we mean to accept someone who isn't exactly the choice we would have made for ourselves, someone who, given better options, we wouldn't have considered and/or accepted).
By "single" I don't mean single as the opposite of married, but single as in alone, lonely, one, mono, single. While I don't know about "many" guys on my case, I admit that there are men, but just like I told someone some weeks ago (I say this without disrespect to any of the men (trying to be) in my life), "there are so many men in my life but add all of them together you won't even get one 'sensible' man." By "sensible" I meant one that I really want to be with.
Contrary to what some may think, I'm not looking for Mr Perfect, I'm not looking for Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome, I'm not looking for Mr Big Shot. I'm just looking for a man that I feel a (strong) connection with, one to whom I'm attracted just as much as he's attracted to me, one that I know that in days of inertia, idleness and nothingness I would be just fine with him by my side. (Besides the basic love).
Without meaning to sound proud/arrogant/conceited, there are in fact single men on my case. Real men; the prototype TDH, a couple of Mr Big Shots, a few "Rich Kids", some fine brothas my friends meet and say "Nwando what are you waiting for?". I'm saying this to correct the notion a few of my friends have, just so they know I'm not looking for a specific type of man. Yet while I actually do love some of them, a fact I always express, I just don't "feel" for them.
But then a time comes when you have to ask yourself some hard questions. I think that time has come for me, not because the big THREE 0 is looming and one has become (over) due for marriage, but because I would love to have someone to share me with; am I sure I shouldn't settle for one of these fantastic men in my life instead of being alone, lonely and waiting for someone that may or may not show up?
Have you ever been faced with this question? How did you/would you handle it? How important is chemistry, connection and attraction in the scheme of things?
Personally even though I do not belong to the school of thought of settling for less instead of being alone, when I think about it objectively and dispassionately I do think it makes much sense. It's sensible and practical and actually quite wise. Yet, it's not something I willfully/readily subscribe to.
Please allow me to reiterate that this topic is not necessarily in connection to marriage, especially because right now that's farthest from my mind. Right now I'm thinking about that companionship, comfort, joy and friendship that comes with having someone in your life, (something that some marriages lack).