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"I'd Rather Settle For Less Than Be Alone".



So this morning *Anna etc and I thought it would be a brilliant idea to go out for breakfast and contrary to what I'd thought, we still had a riot. As usual we covered a range of topics from friends that leave you when levels change you don't meet up to their living standards, and men that leave you when you begin to love them back. Of the various topics, two in particular things caught my attention.


The first was a statement *Anna made that has been giving me cause for concern for sometime now; "Nwando you have so many singles guys on your case, it's you that is not serious. You better choose one so that you won't be alone" (I'm probably paraphrasing but seeing as I was slightly hungover I can't be blamed). She went ahead to say something along the lines of "I'd rather settle than be alone". While my first instinct was to react with righteous indignation, I later thought about it. Seriously, doesn't it make more sense to "settle" than to be alone? (By "settle" we mean to accept someone who isn't exactly the choice we would have made for ourselves, someone who, given better options, we wouldn't have considered and/or accepted). 

       By "single" I don't mean single as the opposite of married, but single as in alone, lonely, one, mono, single. While I don't know about "many" guys on my case, I admit that there are men, but just like I told someone some weeks ago (I say this without disrespect to any of the men (trying to be) in my life), "there are so many men in my life but add all of them together you won't even get one 'sensible' man." By "sensible" I meant one that I really want to be with.

      Contrary to what some may think, I'm not looking for Mr Perfect, I'm not looking for Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome, I'm not looking for Mr Big Shot. I'm just looking for a man that I feel a (strong) connection with, one to whom I'm attracted just as much as he's attracted to me, one that I know that in days of inertia, idleness and nothingness I would be just fine with him by my side. (Besides the basic love). 
      Without meaning to sound proud/arrogant/conceited, there are in fact single men on my case. Real men; the prototype TDH, a couple of Mr Big Shots, a few "Rich Kids", some fine brothas my friends meet and say "Nwando what are you waiting for?". I'm saying this to correct the notion a few of my friends have, just so they know I'm not looking for a specific type of man. Yet while I actually do love some of them, a fact I always express, I just don't "feel" for them. 

       But then a time comes when you have to ask yourself some hard questions. I think that time has come for me, not because the big THREE 0 is looming and one has become (over) due for marriage, but because I would love to have someone to share me with; am I sure I shouldn't settle for one of these fantastic men in my life instead of being alone, lonely and waiting for someone that may or may not show up?

Have you ever been faced with this question? How did you/would you handle it? How important is chemistry, connection and attraction in the scheme of things? 

Personally even though I do not belong to the school of thought of settling for less instead of being alone, when I think about it objectively and dispassionately I do think it makes much sense. It's sensible and practical and actually quite wise. Yet, it's not something I willfully/readily subscribe to. 

Please allow me to reiterate that this topic is not necessarily in connection to marriage, especially because right now that's farthest from my mind. Right now I'm thinking about that companionship, comfort, joy and friendship that comes with having someone in your life, (something that some marriages lack). 

Comments

  1. I always say don't settle for any reason at all. But there are always exceptions to every rule.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think settling should not be the way to go. In choosing to settle one might end up with Ishmael instead of Isaac.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sometimes you meet someone and he's not exactly your "type" or you may not feel the spark or connection instantly. In cases like this I suggest you start with friendship. Plain good old friendship. Sometimes the sparks and connection come, sometimes they don't but what is life without taking chances. Take a chance, you just might be surprised.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I agree with Omalicha.Sometimes,its good to start with friendship....you know..common grounds.That spark might just come later. #Classic

    ReplyDelete
  5. omalicha supported. after 2 years I kissed a friend and never went back.....We are married now and It was not " settling". Otherwise, take your time and be true to yourself.....XXX

    ReplyDelete
  6. Women always have a long list of items on their shopping paper, no pun intended but it is not exactly the same for guys.
    I often times share with my female friends to focus on themselves first, you cannot go out there and expect to get a man until you conquer yourself. When you have done that, you start attracting the kind of men that fits your "conquered self" not the one that likes the old self.
    It is easy to choose at that point and even though you may not be 100% right with the choice, your new self can sure make up for the guy's shortcomings as long as it is not about cheating and violence.
    But again, I am a traditional man with a big touch of modern touch!

    Being alone is a first step to insanity if you cannot handle it.

    ReplyDelete

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