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Rules For The Game Called Love... (To Abide or To Break?)

I have some friends that are much younger than I am. To hear our conversations you wouldn't know that I've got about five years or so on them. You probably won't know, but I always do.
     I smile when I listen to their ideas and ideologies on so many things where matters of the heart are concerned and some times I'm too exhausted to point out the 100 flaws in their supposedly foolproof plans so I just keep quiet and allow time to teach them life lessons. 



 Based on conversations I've had with women in general, younger, older and my age mates, there's a usual recurring topic and it basically resolves around Dos and Don'ts of relationships, and how best to get and keep a man. I call these myths and tonight I shall be debunking three of those myths.

(1)The first one that comes to mind is the Three Month Rule. You know, no sex for the first three months of the relationship. While I once subscribed to this and I still do, this rule does not guarantee you anything. Basically, I adopt the 3-month rule because it helps strengthen the relationship. It reduces the chances of a relationship being based on sex. It creates room for a bond to be built, and more importantly, for (verbal) communication, which is one of the greatest factors in a relationship. Unfortunately a lot of women adopt the 3-month rule as a tool to hold out on sex. You think the longer you make him wait, the more he'll want you or the more respect he'll have for you. Well you may be right, but in most cases you'll be wrong. You see, men are willing to be patient for as long as possible when they know what they want and that chase only adds to the excitement. 
     Also so many things discredit this principle; eg people who had sex on the first date and proceed to have beautiful relationships (eg my friend who slept with his ex, not even on the first date but a mere one night stand. The duo proceeded to date for 6 amazing years and couldn't get married because of genotype issues) 
      Oh, I also know a couple of married former 'runs chics' who met hubby on the job. (This rule will be discussed extensively in a future post). 

(2) Another rule that has numerous holes in it is that men want to marry a domestic goddess. Well one thing I know is that men like a lady who's tidy and keeps her environment clean. But turning yourself into his washerman/chef/cleaner/house-keeper/errand girl all rolled up in one won't guarantee you nada. Right before your eyes Mr Man could dump your domesticated ass for someone who needs to watch YouTube cooking tutorials to know how to boil an egg. 

(3) Also, people tell you of how you must never approach a man, how it's derogatory and shameful and how he will never respect you if you make the first move. 
       In my life I've approached three guys. Ended up dating two and became close friends with the third. Obviously none of these lead to the altar, but both relationships were great and both guys are my 'boys' till now. Eventually it was I who ended both relationships, (one was too controlling, and I sort of "fell in love" with the other one's friend and it was mutual.... and love triangles are a very messy situation....before you judge, I never said I was perfect). My point is this, the fact that I was the one who made the first move did not have any effect, whether negative or positive on our relationship. 

I will stop at these three examples because I think my point is clear; There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to love and relationships. What worked for A might not work for B. And what healed C's  relationship could hurt D's relationship.
      I'll tell you a little story. *Mary and *Martha's hubbies were both misbehaving in a similar manner. Mary tried something that worked and restored peace and normalcy in her home. Martha on hearing how successful the method has been, tried it at home too and this resulted in beating, slaps, blows, wounds and stitches. Unfortunately I cannot go into details but ...Treat your relationship with your partner as an isolated case and learn what works for the both of you. Don't use another person's tape to measure your cloth. 

No two human beings are the same, likewise no two relationships can ever be the same. The rules won't work for everyone, neither would they work all the time. The rules that worked for me, might cause havoc for you. So make YOUR OWN RULES, and as long as they're reasonable, inspired and well-guided, those are the rules YOU need to live by. 

....I'm still a young student in Life's never ending school and I don't claim to be an expert on the above topic, these are my thoughts and opinions based on personal experiences, others' experiences, and keen observations. 

*I am not in any way advocating pre-marital sex or encouraging you to be loose because something good might come out of it. Please wash your brain out with Jik if you think that I am*. 


Adieus amigos. Have a blissful week ahead. 


Comments

  1. I agree with you on the 3 months rule and being a domestic goddess. I have experiences from both except the last one. But just as you suggested, we shouldn't measure our cloth with another person's tape. Some wait longer than 6months- which I don't trust anyway, dude's sure getting some not just from you. So what's the point and in some cases I've seen, the relationship proper didn't even last upto 6months.

    ReplyDelete
  2. So on point. Especially the 3 month rule. It always shocks me how some people just don't care, sleep with a guy on the first date, don't pick up a broom in his house and never enter the kitchen and the guy soon proposes. While others do all the right things and abide by all the rules only to be dumped at the end of the day.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I so agree with you. If it works for A doesn't mean it will for B

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thelma!!!! *sorry for screaming, just want to say i've repented* Will start commenting hence forth.
    To this post: Rule 1 = CRAP!
    Rule 2 = BULLSHIT!
    Rule 3: Spot on! I can totally, I mean a 100% ask a guy I like out... in fact, I did it once, he turned out to be a great friend which was all I wanted at the time.

    ReplyDelete
  5. LMAO. This your repentance should be permanent o!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Just like you said there is no hard and fast rule in relationships. Am in support of the 3months rule cos it gives room for communication,getting to know and understanding each other. Sometimes sex beclouds our judgement. One key factor to a good relationship in my opinion is understanding. If am able to understand my partner,his kind of person,temperament and all. Then I think I can know how to succesfully run my relationship.

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  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  8. I think there's one thing that works in all relationships, communication. No matter the kind of individuals involved, where there's no communication there'll be discord. If you and your partner can really communicate then no other rule is relevant.

    ReplyDelete
  9. i didn't know there was a 3 months rule.
    i agree with the domestic part.
    i disagree with the approaching a man part. I have talked to a lot of guys about this, and some say they don't like it, others say they do. But then, what if i approach the guy, and he gives in because he feels pity for me? how will i know his reasons? And then there are those who say they won't have respect for the girl anymore. Long story short, i disagree.

    ReplyDelete

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