Skip to main content

"Don't Settle For Less, YOUR LOVE WILL FIND YOU"

Some days ago we talked about settling in the blog post HERE , and the comments got me thinking. Therefore I was totally psyched when I saw this post and I just had to share it. 




I want to share my story not to show off but because I see other women facing what at one point I went through and desperately hanging on to the wrong person. Please keep my identity private as my Job is sensitive. Thank You


I started dating my childhood sweetheart quiet young, we went through school together and had a classic love story, we loved each other so much till he graduated and got a job while I was still trying to find my feet. Immediately he got a job his character changed, gone was the sensitive,Nice caring man in his place an arrogant, rude and cheating man.

Boy did he cheat. I would go to visit in the town he worked he would leave me home to hang out with other girls, when I complained he will tell me to calm down as I was his wife and they were just girls. I got 2 STDs from him and was lucky not to get HIV but I was young, stupid and misguided.


My salvation came when we came home on holiday and my Dad who had watched us both grow together and always assumed all was rosy saw us having one of our arguments, we were at a restaurant where he openly disrespected me, screamed, embarrassed me and drove off, I didn't even know my Father was there with some business partners and saw it all in shock. He left his colleagues came and instructed the driver to take me home. When he got home we had a long talk, he drilled me about self esteem.


Told me 3 "Cs" I have never forgotten till today:
Told me that contrary to the rubbish being spread by people, when a man misbehaves in a relationship I should know:


1. I didn't Cause it.
2. I cant control it
3. I cant change it

That women mostly blame themselves or society shifts the blame on them making the men totally irresponsible and unaccountable for their actions, he told me that any man who wouldn't respect me doesn't deserve to be with me and I should always make wise choices.
I believed my Dad because I grew up seeing the love he shared with my late mom,Never hurt her, always very loving, patient and caring with her.


I broke up with my Ex to his shock, but be was laughing telling me that I will come back, I "always do" I never looked back.

After him I dated a boy in a mans body who would throw tantrums at every thing, wouldn't talk to me for months, and would chat up ladies on face book and invite them to his home. I tolerated his tantrums for a while but when I discovered the cheating I left him, he believed "all men cheat" and wished me luck in finding a "saint"


After that I dated the one who felt I was too career oriented and should resign lol. I didn't even think about it, I left that control freak.


Then I dated the one who was a perfect pretender, he wanted a wife material to show off yet loved his club loose girls on the side. He even insisted on no sex before marriage and there I was thinking I had found "the one" till I found out who he really was, I left him.


Then there was the one who was so insecure, would argue for 5 hours, they say women nag but no woman had anything on this one, he would nag and nag via BBM,I would sleep off and wake up to a full phone with messages fighting over something as little as not shutting the door. Kai.


At this point I had given up on finding that right gentle man my dad spoke about, yet my dad would always encourage me to never settle for less, to concentrate on my work, concentrate on doing good to others and to still be my nice self and not to let anyone harden me.


Then I met my husband:

Hmmm, it seemed God compensated me for all I had lost, for every bad relationship I had.

He is monogamous, doesn't believe in cheating.
He is calm and kind
Very generous, spoils me silly
Loves my family
He is respectful to the least person, would never talk rudely to guards or workers
He is wonderful with kids
He is protective, never let anyone harass me
I earn a little more than he does yet he provides all our needs and spoils me silly with gifts.

The long and short of my story is DONT SETTLE FOR LESS, you may kiss loads of frogs but there are still good men out there, don't look at age and rush to marry because you feel time is going. 
Marry because you have found the right man who would love you with your imperfections as the bible described.
Marry because you have found someone who makes you happy and not just because you think marriage will make you happy.

No matter how old you are it is still better to be alone and happy than be married to the wrong person and miserable.

I wonder most times how sad life would have been had I looked at age and "managed" any of my exes.

My sisters start setting standards, lets kill the desperation. Its worth it when you refuse to just "marry" and you end up marrying your own husband who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

..........

Source Stella Dimoko Korkus' blog. 

Comments

  1. So she had to kiss many many many frogs before she found her Prince Charming. I'm happy for her sha.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Random question ......are thelma and nwandi the same person

    ReplyDelete
  3. The 3 Cs. Interesting.

    ReplyDelete
  4. If every woman could take this advise there will be more happy wives. The number of unhappy wives I meet these days is astounding.
    I'm happy for the writer and she's lucky to have that kind of father, we often forget the roles of parents in all this. Some mothers push the daughters into unhappy marriages because they want grandkids before they die, some see it as a means to a better life if the man is rich, the list goes on. If your parents teach you self worth then there's no way you'll settle.
    Finally when setting "realistic" standards do not forget that we as men have standards set too, so work on yourself, you can't say you want a fit man with 6 pack and you're not doing anything to be fit yourself. You can't say you want a decent man who doesn't cheat but you have a rap sheet that would scare even the most forgiving man. You can't say you want a man that's well read, great conversationalist, great social skills and you are none of those things. You can't say you want a God fearing man when you don't go to church. Before u set standards ask yourself if you are "standard".

    ReplyDelete
  5. Parents need to start training their male child.

    ReplyDelete
  6. All i can say to Steele's comment is: Gbam! Iji ya! Finish!(look that up folks *wink*) Ziggy

    ReplyDelete
  7. And nice to have you back! Ziggy

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

***
This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…

#WriteRight. VIVIAN: MY FIRST SEX EXPERIENCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND

He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
Kai!
See how you are serious dey read this story....!
My…

...

Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.

One More Post...

THE ‘NEW’ SIDE CHICK: I WAS HER

A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…

Shhhhhhh....

I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 


Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.


Uyi & Tiwa

Giveaway Finale!

Happy Sunday y'all. 
This is the conclusive part of #WCG. 
All the N25,000 recipients have received their cash.
All the students have also received their N10,000. 
Once again guys please comment under any of the posts, or this one that you've received your money. Thanks. 

So moving forward, this final giveaway contains 
1. N10,000 for 5 people. 

2. 3 kimonos from Julian's dressmakers. 
3. 3 pairs of Palm slippers from WaleOnibata. (Gents) 
4. 2 pairs of shoes from Courtney's Closet. (Ladies. Size 9 and Size 11). 

5. 1 human hair wig from Gabby's Wigs'n'Weaves. You pick from one of the wigs below. 
6. 3 cakes from CakesandCream 

7. A getaway at CitiHeight Hotel Ikeja for 3 people. (Who can each bring one person along).  


As I said earlier, Kon has already won a stay at CitiHeight and Clare, a kimono. So those gifts are now available for 2 people each. 
There is no competition. We are only going to play a game. 
I have each gift item listed out in numbers. Number 1 to 100. …