Some days ago we talked about settling in the blog post HERE , and the comments got me thinking. Therefore I was totally psyched when I saw this post and I just had to share it.
I want to share my story not to show off but because I see other women facing what at one point I went through and desperately hanging on to the wrong person. Please keep my identity private as my Job is sensitive. Thank You
I started dating my childhood sweetheart quiet young, we went through school together and had a classic love story, we loved each other so much till he graduated and got a job while I was still trying to find my feet. Immediately he got a job his character changed, gone was the sensitive,Nice caring man in his place an arrogant, rude and cheating man.
Boy did he cheat. I would go to visit in the town he worked he would leave me home to hang out with other girls, when I complained he will tell me to calm down as I was his wife and they were just girls. I got 2 STDs from him and was lucky not to get HIV but I was young, stupid and misguided.
My salvation came when we came home on holiday and my Dad who had watched us both grow together and always assumed all was rosy saw us having one of our arguments, we were at a restaurant where he openly disrespected me, screamed, embarrassed me and drove off, I didn't even know my Father was there with some business partners and saw it all in shock. He left his colleagues came and instructed the driver to take me home. When he got home we had a long talk, he drilled me about self esteem.
Told me 3 "Cs" I have never forgotten till today:
Told me that contrary to the rubbish being spread by people, when a man misbehaves in a relationship I should know:
1. I didn't Cause it.
2. I cant control it
3. I cant change it
That women mostly blame themselves or society shifts the blame on them making the men totally irresponsible and unaccountable for their actions, he told me that any man who wouldn't respect me doesn't deserve to be with me and I should always make wise choices.
I believed my Dad because I grew up seeing the love he shared with my late mom,Never hurt her, always very loving, patient and caring with her.
I broke up with my Ex to his shock, but be was laughing telling me that I will come back, I "always do" I never looked back.
After him I dated a boy in a mans body who would throw tantrums at every thing, wouldn't talk to me for months, and would chat up ladies on face book and invite them to his home. I tolerated his tantrums for a while but when I discovered the cheating I left him, he believed "all men cheat" and wished me luck in finding a "saint"
After that I dated the one who felt I was too career oriented and should resign lol. I didn't even think about it, I left that control freak.
Then I dated the one who was a perfect pretender, he wanted a wife material to show off yet loved his club loose girls on the side. He even insisted on no sex before marriage and there I was thinking I had found "the one" till I found out who he really was, I left him.
Then there was the one who was so insecure, would argue for 5 hours, they say women nag but no woman had anything on this one, he would nag and nag via BBM,I would sleep off and wake up to a full phone with messages fighting over something as little as not shutting the door. Kai.
At this point I had given up on finding that right gentle man my dad spoke about, yet my dad would always encourage me to never settle for less, to concentrate on my work, concentrate on doing good to others and to still be my nice self and not to let anyone harden me.
Then I met my husband:
Hmmm, it seemed God compensated me for all I had lost, for every bad relationship I had.
He is monogamous, doesn't believe in cheating.
He is calm and kind
Very generous, spoils me silly
Loves my family
He is respectful to the least person, would never talk rudely to guards or workers
He is wonderful with kids
He is protective, never let anyone harass me
I earn a little more than he does yet he provides all our needs and spoils me silly with gifts.
The long and short of my story is DONT SETTLE FOR LESS, you may kiss loads of frogs but there are still good men out there, don't look at age and rush to marry because you feel time is going.
Marry because you have found the right man who would love you with your imperfections as the bible described.
Marry because you have found someone who makes you happy and not just because you think marriage will make you happy.
No matter how old you are it is still better to be alone and happy than be married to the wrong person and miserable.
I wonder most times how sad life would have been had I looked at age and "managed" any of my exes.
My sisters start setting standards, lets kill the desperation. Its worth it when you refuse to just "marry" and you end up marrying your own husband who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Source Stella Dimoko Korkus' blog.