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Dear Men, There Are Always Strings Attached!

This is a letter to my friend *Dayo won't can't understand why he can't seem to successfully have a f*ck buddy without her emotions getting in the way. 

Dear *Dayo,

I'm amazed at the number of times I've had this conversation with different guys. "Everything started out great, we decided it was going to be just sex and nothing more. In fact it was even her idea. The sex is pretty awesome and I actually like her as a person, we had fun. But suddenly she started wanting me to call her, or take her out. If my phone rings she wants to know who's calling. And now she's getting angry, she's saying she wants more. Mehn I just can't deal. That wasn't the agreement." 

I always want to ask, don't you know anything about women??? In all honesty she probably meant it when she said no strings attached but women are emotional creatures. We're very likely to want more ESPECIALLY if the sex is good! This is normal, it's pure science! When a woman orgasms she releases a hormone called Oxytoxin, this is the same hormone released during childbirth which is known to be what creats bonding between mother and child. So basically when you shag a woman senseless and make her come, as she comes she releases that hormone. This hormone as I just said creates (a sense of) a bond so naturally she begins to find that she's getting attached to you. She begins to feel the need to bond with you, and bonding obviously goes beyond sex. Ergo, she wants more than just sex. Her emotions are now involved. 

This is as simply as I can explain it. And that is in addition to the fact that women are by nature more emotional. 

This is the same reason why come chics stay in relationships or situations with guys they have nothing in common with. You probably don't like him and you know he's not right for you, he probably disrespects you, but there's just this thing that keeps you attached to him. You feel a connection to him that you can't explain or deny. Yes, it's probably this hormone that's got you feeling this way. I also think this is why after sex a man just wants to roll over and snooze but a woman wants to hold, be held, talk, kissed...

So men, before to start that No Strings Attached relationship keep your mind open to the possibilities that things may not go as smoothly as you intend them to. That said, it's not every chic you sleep with that's going to want more. I for one, used to be that girl that could have that sort of relationship. Straight business. Wham-bam-thank you Sir, and off I go... till the next time I have needs for your services. Some chics just have the ability to keep things under control and stick to the rules. Most don't. 

And yes, sometimes it's the reverse. I've seen cases where the guy is the one who starts catching feelings and wanting more. I've also experienced that too, so this does happen, although it's seldom the case. 

So dear *Dayo and other men in similar situations, I hope I've been able to convince you and not confuse you that... (what I wrote above.). 

I'm no expert and everything I've said is as a result of my own experiences, other people's experiences , personal research and general observations. It may not apply to everyone. 


  1. Thelma it Gladens my heart that you took down that 'S' post. 'S' bcos I won't bother completing it. I was the Anon that said it might edge others on and fucking with life.
    You are a strong woman and you will look back and wonder what you were worried about, this I promise you. Enjoy life to the fullest darling.*hugs*

  2. Its the girls that think they're gangster and go into these kinds of relationships only to end up stalking the guy that amuses me. Get real women, you arent cut out for that kind of thing.

  3. Pls,what post was deleted? *straight face*

  4. You can never force a guy to like you. If you like him and after letting him know u want more from him and he does not reciprocate, abeg sisters give him Usain Bolts hundred metre space.

  5. What a xperiece!God bless thelma for me

  6. LOOL, @ejoec ur funny...

    NO strings attached keh! What then is the attachment?
    Biko na celibacy sure pass! The only strings "unattached" to a guy who f**ks me senseless should be a double Ring on my wedding finger!

    Nice post T...

  7. @ Mariam dear, where have u been? Welcome back. :) I hope you're back. #Enjay#

  8. Ok, my background and beliefs always make me see things differently.

    Why the heck would somebody be looking for a f**kbuddy? Was that the role of Eve when God made her for Adam??? People are so lost these days and this is why we have so many people with emotional wounds that wont heal; Some end up carrying this baggage into their marriages and end up with more troubles.

    Why would any woman agree to be that kind of buddy to any man? Marriage was established for those who cannot hold body forever. A man that cannot exercise control when single will not learn it after being married.

    Thelma, please tell Dayo to reprogram his mind before he creates more problems for his victims!


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