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Girl Code: Exs Are Off Limits.



Today was quite hectic for me. The last few days have been pretty uneventful, I've spent most of the time at home, in bed. But today Ada celebrated her birthday and I had to be there. Adaeze is one of those friends you don't see or talk to often but she is a FRIEND in all ramifications of the word, so not going wasn't an option. So at 2pm I headed for Ikeja, lunch was at La Mango restaurant in GRA. I have never driven myself to Ikeja before. I neither know the Third Mainland route or the Ikorodu road route. It's either someone else drives or I take a cab. I should be ashamed seeing as I was born and bred in Lagos and I've been to Ikeja a gazillion times. The traffic leaving the island (thanks to the Carnival) wasn't so bad, but it was discouraging. I made it out and kept driving straight down as Adaeze asked me to do. When I should have turned right I didn't, just kept driving down till I had no idea where I was. At this point I was sure I was lost. I immediately put my ipad on the floor of the car (no discrimination but the parole in that part of town isn't the same). It was the sort of area that looked like anyone you asked for direction would either spit at you or drag your neck and yank off your jewelry. I kept driving and then saw a sign that said I was in Shagamu! Shagamu ke? I almost peed my pants. I drove and drove and found myself in somewhere vaguely familiar. I was in Ikorodu town! Mehn I turned back and tried to find my way back home, I'd already planned calling Ada to say; Sorry, I tried but I failed. Long story short, two hours after leaving home I finally found my way to Ikeja. 

     The three course meal at La Mango restaurant is relatively inexpensive (#3,500) and it was really good. My starter was shrimp and marinara, it was oh so nice! My main course was mashed potatoes and mixed grill (steak, jumbo prawn, fish, chicken etc). Also really nice. But I found myself wishing I'd ordered 'swallow'. It looked so rich and good and the portions were very very generous. And yes! Bukky was there!


Shout out to my girl and former QC classmate who's now a Manager in one of the first generation banks. Whoop whoop! Well girlie sabi book sha, somehow graduated and started working before everyone (with a very high GP of course) and made a distinction in her Masters. Bukky is another person I don't see often but love wholeheartedly. She's sort of like a Reverand father. LOL. Right from QC she's the one person that the minute I see I start to tell everything to; the good, the bad and the naughty! And today was no exception, however because of time we couldn't have our "confessional" so we made a date for next Saturday. (I'm super excited). Yeah I had to forfeit my desert (which to be honest I did not need as this girl could really lose some pounds). 

As I got into the island *Wole called. I stopped over briefly at Pataya and we chatted for a bit. Wole is my friend's Ex. They broke up a couple of years back but neither is married now. She's dating someone at the moment but occasionally mentions him. Well.... we sort of had a 'moment' this evening, a 'connection' if you will. Hmmm, to be honest I've caught myself thinking about him several times since I got home. I've never dated a friend's Ex, neither have I ever been tempted to. I've always lived strongly by the girl code ; Boos and Exs are off limits. But now I find myself wondering, the chances of this two ever getting back together are zero to none. So is it such a terrible thing if he and I get together? He didn't mention her at all tonight and he and I became friendly only after they broke up. Will it make me a bad person if I date this guy? Errm we just had a drink and I'm already talking about dating him, pathetic I know. But I can't help but think about the possibilities as he hinted at a few things like us being more than just friends. It's quite weird because when they were dating I was never attracted to him and he never paid me any attention either. 
      If I do decide to date him I'll first ask my girl for her consent, but that's something I don't see her giving freely. 

Have you ever dated a friend's Ex? Has your friend dated your Ex, how did you feel? Is it me or does the Ex part of the girl code feel sort of High School-ish? (Ok, Maybe not.) Do the rules change if the friend is married now?

Comments

  1. NEVER EVER date a friend's Ex. Its murderous.

    ReplyDelete
  2. hmmm if she was an acquaintance then sure i will date him.. but if she's a friend and you were present in everything that did happen while they were together.. that can put you in an awkward position with her. But why is this a rule though ?. what if you guys are meant for each other. And why should this woman be mad. I mean has she not moved on yet ? sighhh

    ReplyDelete
  3. As long as neither of us had designs on each other while the relationship was existing and they are not about to get back together, I don't have any qualms about dating a friend's ex. That 'no exes' girl code existed in my head as a younger girl but died as I got older and realized u find good people in odd situations. My good friends know this and know I also have no problem with this if the table's turned. Life's too short to place ridiculous restrictions on what is already complicated enough ad it is naturally.

    ReplyDelete
  4. i would never do that.....but what if he's the one????

    ReplyDelete
  5. I never dated any friend's ex, just one of those thing I could not do. But then, I am a guy and not sure if there is a difference.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thelma you see nothing wrong in it cos u are not the one with the Ex. If it was ur friend dating your ex then all hell will break lose. I could never remain friends with a female that thinks there's nothing wrong in dating a frnd's ex. Sum women have no shame.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with this anon, Thelma dont even try it!!!

      Delete
    2. Anon I never said I see nothing wrong in it, if I didn't then I wouldn't have raised the issue, would I? I hear you all and I agree, and yes, I wouldn't be happy if my friend dates an Ex of mine. But sometimes you can't help but think of the what ifs...like what if he's the one? Just asking.

      Delete
    3. My dear, there is nothing like 'the one'. Any man or woman can b the one. Ppl tend to marry cos they feel he/she is 'the one' and den they get divorced and marry five more time. So when excatly do you find that 'the one'? Marriage is a thing of chance. There is no guarantee and a lot of luck is needed.

      Delete
    4. Are you my twin?? Thought I was alone with this idea of not believing in "the one" concept.

      Delete
  7. I would not date a friend's ex. It wouldn't feel right.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Considering there are always residual feelings between exs, its not always advisable. Though you could have a wonderful relationship with the said ex

    ReplyDelete
  9. The mind is the worse torture tool ever invented. I think you should spare her that n yourself too. She's going to keep thinking about both of you since she still mentions him. On the other hand, if you feel that sometimes we shouldn't peg our happiness on how others feel. Then, you should be ready to lose your friend to gain that him.

    Back to your question, I've never done that. It doesn't feel right. There will always be awkward moments and that's one drama I can't handle. #Enjay#

    ReplyDelete
  10. I have NEVER dated a friends Ex oh. My friend has Never dated my Ex either! Well, I have just ONE friend & ONE Ex who's married but I can never date my friends Ex cos I can't hurt her that much considering what Enjay said.

    & NO T, he's not the one cos the "ones" don't come in such horrific packages!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Been there, done that. We avoided talking about our relationships afterwards. I second Enjay, there definitely will be awkward moments. I won't wanna do that again.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I think if the ex has moved on then theres nothing wrong in it. Everyone deserves to be happy.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I don't think its right cos I won't feel good if a friend date my ex.so If I won't feel good if its done to me,I won't do it to any1

    ReplyDelete

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