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Going To Bed With A Heavy Heart...




I first noticed that I have a delayed response to things when I first saw the 9/11 pictures. I saw it in class and looked at it as I would my English text book. Forgot about it, crossed over to the hostels, went for my meal, went for siesta and then suddenly broke down in tears. I remember how my dorm girls gathered around me like I had just received some bad news from home, many could not understand it when they heard its because I saw some pictures, in fact I'm sure they didn't believe it. 

Tonight I watched Love Lounge with Oreka Godis, Dr Lanre Olusola and another host. The topic was abuse but this time they delved into a form of abuse we don't often hear about or speak about enough. Sexual abuse in children. Abuse by their peers, abuse by their parents, abuse by their relatives, abuse by their care givers, and anyone else imaginable. I watched it as I would anything on TV but on getting to bed my heart is suddenly heavy and there's a lump in my throat as I remember some of the stories:

Dr Lanre Olusola read out letters from children as young as 7yrs of age who are presently being sexually abused at home. One 7yr old wrote him saying that he caught his father having sex with the maid and his father has been begging him not to tell his mum, and while still dealing with that the maid has started touching him and fondling his privates. So now he does not know what to do.

Another story from another 7yr old whose classmate keeps touching him when they visit the loo. His classmate (a boy) tells him that his penis is too small and that he needs to start having sex so that his penis can get bigger, and he's since been looking for someone to have sex with. These are 7yr olds. 

A 9yr old girl also wrote and said that she lives with her mother and her boyfriend, her mother's boyfriend touches, fondles and has sex with her. In addition to abusing her sexually he also abuses her verbally, telling her things like she smells and that her panties are always smelly. She once told her mother but her mother beat her and asked her to stop lying. 

Then the story of the 3yr old who's Sunday school teacher had been molesting. (The message here was that no matter how young you child is, teach him/her the correct names of their body parts. State clearly that this is a penis and this is a vagina.) apparently when they come back from church the little girl of 3 who could not speak clearly yet will say "daddy... Teacher, my kokori" "daddy, teacher played with my kokori". Daddy never LISTENED to what his daughter was saying beyond the words she used so he thought that she was either joking or Kokori was a toy. Till one day during service he looked back and saw his little daughter walk by with the teacher. By the time he found them the teacher was having sex with his 3yr old daughter in the toilet. 

Similarly a 2yr old girl who had been raped by an uncle. She would say "his nail... my bumbum". No one understood her till they found out 3 years later that the uncle had been all along putting his penis (nail) in her vagina (bumbum). The mother was devastated for not understanding earlier what her little girl meant. 

There were several more stories but by now you get the gist. Abuse in children is very real and one needs to be very watchn. This is coming from someone whose own didn't leave her traumatized but almost sexually confused (which is why I never judge homosexuals).

Earlier on this evening I went grocery shopping and this man wouldn't leave me alone. He came to me, started chatting me up, gave me his card and then continued to hover around me. I needed to buy two standing fans and I had to wait for them to go bring them from the store and assemble them. All in all I was at that place for about an hour. For this whole period this man followed me around and was practically slobbering all over me. Now why this was weird, he not only wore a wedding band but came with his 3 children. So while he walked behind me, they walked behind him. It was like walking with a train. I was wondering what kind if father will do this in front of his children, even one of the guys who was assembling the fan kept on mumbling insults at him under his breathe. When time came to go he insisted on carrying TWO standing fans and following me to my car with his three tired and confused children walking behind him. It was very awkward and nothing I did made him leave. I didn't want to insult him in front of the children so I tried to be as polite as possible. When we got to the car he tried to kiss me, in front of his kids! This time I shoved him away and shut the door. I just couldn't make sense of this. What kind of man acts the fool in front of his three young children (I think ages 9 to 13)? Makes me wonder about this world we live in. 

My take home from Love Lounge tonight was this:
-It's never to early to educate your children about sex, educate them as early as possible. 
-Use the proper words when teaching them, point out parts that are private and parts that are public and make sure you use the proper words for the privates, eg Lips, Chest, Vagina, Penis and Anus. 
-Everybody is a potential predator so don't trust your children with anyone, your house help, relative, neighbour, in-laws etc
-Watch you children closely for red flag, if they suddenly become afraid of someone, or suddenly become rude to someone or uncomfortable when that person is around, that's a red flag, watch that person closely. 
-Be weary of uncles who always offer your children sweets and always ask them to sit on his laps. 

These are what I learnt and I'm sharing, if you want to know more about this matter all you have to do is google it. 


Goodnight. I may be MIA for a while. 

Comments

  1. NO!!! T. No MIA things pls...

    I've been up anyway. Movie things! Devious maids is the New desperate housewives! Still ROTFLMSAO!!!

    But reading this post just made my eyes teary....
    Heavenly God Jehovah, please I hand over my unborn kids to U. I'll try & do my part as their mom but HELP ME...

    Parents DO NOT shy away from sex education pls! Teach ur kids according to their age....

    As for that Obscure Cockroach in ur cupboard, shoving him wasn't enough...
    U should have landed that Stars producing slap on his dumb head! Some men shouldn't be husbands let alone fathers!

    Off to bed biko...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know sexual child abuse is real (cos I did see a pix on twitter of a dude who had his cock in a 2yr old girl's mouth and had the gut to take a pix of it) but I still don't believe they would WRITE to complain bout it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sexual abuse in children is soooo real. My sister has this tailor so one day she goes to look for her and finds that she had moved so she asked the land lady where the tailor moved to, the landlady then proceeded to flood her ears with gist. So this tailor never had a child of her own so she and her husband adopted a girl child. This girl child who as at last year was 6 according to the tailor is being sexually abused by her adoptive father who is 65yrs give or take. One time she saw the man washing off blood on the girl, she asked, he said she fell and hurt herself. Another time while passing by their window, she heard the little girl crying and begging saying in their native tongue, "daddy please don't do this to me". This lady tailor is obviously aware of what is happening because when the landlady called the police and had him arrested, the wife bailed him out with 70k and then they moved out because the landlady was threatening to gang up street boys on the husband. Such evil and the devil in this story is the wife for bailing out that demon of a husband. In another story. My sister on mothers day this year took my my five and soon to be seven years old nieces to see their paternal grand ma. While there my older niece said she wanted to go do "poopoo" and my sister asked her to go use the bathroom in her grandma's room and asked the younger one to go with her. While the older one was relieving herself the younger one was in the room waiting for her then in comes their distant cousin who is about 14yrs and did what he did then walks out. My 5yrs old niece who doesn't look five but older and who is very vocal just had to tell her mum the, Ejike pushed me on the bed, raised my dress up, kept his tummy on my tummy and told me to shut up. Before she could finish the boy jumped out and said I pushed her away because she was scattering grandma's clothes. My niece just isn't a liar (she owns up whenever she does anything) and at 5 couldn't have made this story up. My sis just held herself Bcos her mum in law had visitors. She came home and told me the story, she was mad. She told her husband but she got no reaction. So the next day she went and bought a canes and waited for the boy in front of her mother in laws house to return from school and unleashed her fury on this boy his screams called out neighbours and his grand aunty my sister's mum in law. After my sis told her why she flogged him she said, please leave him they are siblings oh. Imaging that. So now my sister had to enroll my nieces in one enlightenment program where they go to and get educated on sex and big uncles and cousins. Sexual abuse is real and there is no Young age for children to be enlightened on this issue. Dazall. Please Nwando forgive the epistle. I really don't know how to leave short comments.

    ReplyDelete
  4. People should educate their children on sex education and be very vigilant on who they come in contact wit. I was abused as a child, my mum used to run a restaurant so we had male n female workers who happen to live in our home. Unfortunately I couldn't open up to my mum cos I ws scare and been threatened, am 29yrs and am also getting married soon bt I can tell u ve neva enjoy sex 4 once. Getting married to a good guy who love n understands me n appreciates me bt during sex all I do is pretend I enjoy love making. This is the cross I ve to carry for being abused at 5yrs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG!!!so sorry!i think u hav to open up to someone,if not for anything at least to get this burden off ur chest.

      Delete
    2. Your story is so pathetic but I advise you seek counsel. Good luck with your marriage

      Delete
  5. Wow

    @that point when I got to how the father who happens to be a total stranger tried to kiss you in front of his 3kids, I was started shaking, What kind of person does that?

    ReplyDelete
  6. hello Thelma, ive missed your short stories. please post some more. thanks in advanceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    ReplyDelete
  7. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww (LOL). Thanks. Soon, I hope.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I know a girl whose cousins wife brought her 18 years old male cousin to live in her house with her husband and 3months old baby. Anytime madam house goes to market she lives d baby withh male cousin. In no time baby refused taking normal baby food from mama, but will return well fed from male cousin room cus lazy mama will always pass baby to male cousin wen she's crying and refuses tto read. So one day after passing babby to male cousin, she went to d bq to check on dem, only for her to see baby sucking vigoriously on male cousins penis, oh, I can't continue abeg

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dear Sasha bone and Lauryn, please don't tell me you haven't heard of this before. If not, welcome to the real world. Nobody is to be trusted. You can't be with your children all the time, but you can watch, observe and pray. I heard of a male children teacher in a church who was molesting male children within a church premises. And this was someone who was like an orphan, relied on the church to survive. #Enjay#

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dis is very real, I can't let a male family members stay with my kids even female fam sef ehnn. I ve bin meaning 2 ask. Wat apined with d engineer working @ Addax dat kept on cancelling out on d date

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anon I never said the Addax guy and the date guy are the same person (unless you know more than you should. LOL). In any case nothing happened to him/them. Not everyone gets the be leading characters in the book of one's life. Some people's roles are peripheral and then they fade away.....

      Delete
  11. The world we live in is really sick. No one can be trusted...NOT ONE PERSON; for even some mothers molest their kids. There's no lasting solution to this great evil order than drawing real close to The BIG GUY Upstairs, because if we try being PIs and CIAs for the sake of our beloved ones without serious Divine backup, we surely will delve into abnormal, unhealthy, and unhappy life styles. For instance, the precautions listed above are great, but does that mean we should start suspecting every single person who don't appeal to your kids (some kids just don't like some people, no matter how hard they try to please them), or being weary of relatives who give out sweets and carry babies on their laps, or even show harmless affection in most cases? I'm an uncle, and at every given opportunity I show real affection to my nephew. If my sister starts to feel uncomfortable with that, it'll surely change our lives for good.

    The world is sick, but we shouldn't become paranoid over some things we see and conclude hastily. Like I said before, serious prayers must be involved to protect kids from this great evil in our world, or our lives will be cocooned in unhealthy and unhappy states. Some of us who are lucky not to have been molested as kids should look back and note that we were shown affection by relatives in most cases, spent time with them even without our parents around, and even avoided some of them for reasons we can't explain till date. It's mostly with prayers our parents used to protect us, and we should do likewise for our kids, because GOD loves them FIERCELY. Be blessed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. concerned newbie6:44 pm, April 30, 2014

      Memphis i take god beg you pls change your picture
      That picture reminds me of something dark, sad and eerie all of which I know you aren't.

      Delete
  12. Dear Lord,

    Please save me from becoming a murderer.

    I am pleading because I am almost as certain as the rising of the sun that I would kill any moron that sexually abuses any of my children! Dear Lord, You know I have no patience for this sort of thing and I never did nor shall ever do it to others' children; therefore, I deserve you listen to this plea and prevent any moronic, devilish child abuser from the pit of hell from touching any of my beloved kids. My kids are my weaknesses! I am ill when they are and happy when they are happy, well and making progress.

    I am trying my bit as a mother. I teach them sex education. I let them know the truth about sex and virginity. I don't fail to remind them that they cannot lose anything by abstaining from sex but they may lose a lot by having sex if not done according to your prescriptions. However, I know my acts are just not enough without your help/divine guidance and protection.

    Therefore I ask: HELP ME LORD!

    Thank You Lord for answered prayer.

    Me, Your Beloved Daughter

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen
      Pls what ages are your kids
      I am so scared of starting sex education with my kids
      I always chicken out oh!
      help, any pointers here?

      Delete

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