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I've Failed A Friend.





I was looking for something else when I saw that quote above and a deep sense of shame hit me. I've not been a friend. 

Sometime last year I cut off someone who's really close to me, family kind of but more of a friend. In all honesty she really didn't do any wrong to me. Her only offense... Erm well, she got a job and didn't tell me. That's not exactly it. Before she got that job she would run to me with all her problems and tell me how hard things were for her. I was there through some of her serious issues, financial and emotional. I remember the day (a few months prior to that) she called me and was crying and said she was going to commit suicide. She sounded really fucked up. She lived in Ikeja, I was on the island and had a very busy day ahead but I asked; what if this girl actually does commit suicide? Realizing her blood would be on my hands I got up and rushed out. 

The problem was that it was raining heavily, the sort of rain that causes severe traffic and we were at two opposite ends. I remember having to pay the cab 7k to take me to Ikeja because no other taxi wanted to go that far (because of the rain and traffic). I also remember how I swore under my breathe because I was broke and I could barely afford to spend that money. I called her repeatedly on the way and asked her to hang in there, I'm coming. To cheer her up I told her I'd take her out that night to wherever she wanted. Finally I got there and the problem was that she saw a text from some random chic on her boyfriend's phone. The boyfriend was even there saying he told her not to bother me. Lord I felt like strangling her. I'd just been through what felt like hell and high water to reach her and all for what, a boyfriend-girlfriend spat! Hell, I didn't even have a boyfriend to argue with, in fact I couldn't remember what it felt like to have a boyfriend and I would have given anything to have one to fight with. Who had bigger problems?

I got so mad but I was stuck. I was stuck and I had to keep my words, so that night although I was broke I had to take her to "wherever" she wanted and that cost me some more money. By the time morning came my wallet was lean and I had to jump a bike to the bus stop and take a bus home, the one thing I hate most in this world. I am no rich kid but I would starve if need be to take a cab as opposed to entering a bus. And what was worse, it was raining heavily yet again. So two days wasted and all my money gone, just because of her relationship wahala, and as if that wasn't enough my hair was ruined. I don't think I stopped resenting her for that. 

Well back to the job matter, I was hurt because I had sent her CV to a couple of places (even though I was unemployed myself) and even got her an interview. Unfortunately she wasn't what they were looking for so she wasn't successful but I remained on the look out for her. So when she got a job and didn't bother to tell me about it, it pissed me off. I found out about it by the pictures on her DP and her status messages. And when I changed my Blackberry a couple of weeks later I didn't add more than half of my contacts on the new phone and that included her too. A month or so later she began calling me but I refused to pick her calls. At some point it all became so silly but I didn't know what reasons to give her for ignoring her all along so....I just continued to ignore her. She stopped calling me in January this year. 

I got a call this morning that she just had a baby boy and I felt so horrible. All the time this girl was calling me and I ignored her she really really needed me. She must have called when she was scared she was pregnant, she must have called when she confirmed she was pregnant, she must have called when she wasn't sure if to keep the pregnancy, she must have called when she decided to keep the pregnancy, she must have called during her morning sickness and the general difficulties, she must have called when she needed a friend, and all these times I'd look at the caller ID and shove my phone away. And all because of what? Some petty non-issue. Damn! 

I feel so guilty. She's not married, I heard she lost the job soon after she got it, she's one of those people who don't really have friends and both her parents are dead. And here I was, holding unto something so trivial when my friend needed me. I know it's not too late to make a difference, I'm just hoping she lets me in. 

Comments

  1. It's NOT too late indeed T, give her a CALL or pay her a visit asap! Mend that broken fence or build that collapsed bridge. Whatever it takes, REACH out.

    #HopeNoOneCussesMeOutForCommentingFirst.
    Am addicted to this blog!
    Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are not alone o. @work nd I keep refreshing. Commenting under anonn now cos my data is finished so I borrowed my colleague's fon...

      Delete
    2. Ruthy, cuss you out ke? When I'm here, I your personal voltron? Dem nor fit try am! *Wink*

      Delete
  2. Thelma, you are a good person for thinking like this.... Honestly, if I were in your shoes, my first thought could be: she only calls when she needs help. You really do have a heart and I admire you for that. Please call her and pick up from where you stopped...continue being her angel and I pray God gives you the strength to keep it up.
    -F

    ReplyDelete
  3. She contacted u only wen she needs help in u sud stil be glad she sees u as a good person dat is alwais faithful. Jst do ur best 4 ha

    ReplyDelete
  4. She contacted u only wen she needs help in u sud stil be glad she sees u as a good person dat is alwais faithful. Jst do ur best 4 ha

    ReplyDelete
  5. U have a good heart indeed! I would have concluded that she only calls me wem she needs help. Stop flogging ur self my dear!
    Follow ur heart and reach out to her. Do remember to tell us how it went Oo°˚˚˚°! Lol.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You didn't fail her,ur only human and we all sometyms get tired of giving even in friendship without reciprocation or appreciation. Just mend fences. Cheers #Sussy

    ReplyDelete
  7. awww. I wish I reason like u. I really would have concluded she only reaches out to me when in need and would pride myself for not agreeing to be used. Please contact her as soon as possible. I remember being there for a friend through many of her issues, dropping from a bus in Ogbomosho to charter a cab and paying for all passengers to get back to the airport in Ilorin because the driver was insisting on waiting for more passengers, just to get to her in Lagos on time. Being the only donor when her dad was rushed to the hospital for partial stroke - even her sister in the US had a story to tell. I was sleeping one night when the vibration from her constant pings woke me up, that I please send hundred naira Etisalat card to her n I told her I could do transfer if she knows the code and that it was raining, she simply said ''don't worry'' and I tried to catch my sleep back but I couldn't. So I picked my notebook to check other messages n pings, after some minutes, I changed my DP to something about, not expecting happiness over someone elses' unhappiness. And the next thing I saw were pings from her, telling me she knows my DP is for her, I don't feed her, she will take me off her list and so on.This was somebody that owed people she met through me and was defacing me with the act. I just deleted her right there. When I still couldn't sleep back in a while I vented my anger out on her by sending her a text, which I had never done in my entire life. I apologized afterwards though and she said she was sorry too, and we're cool now.
    There are only a few good friends out there jare.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Please as long as she's alive it's never too late. I was had a friend who all the boys on my street looked up to cos he was the best dressed then, he's dad was rich and he was the only one who could drive at that age. Most of us even used to borrow "baffs" from him to wear to parties. Then we all go into university and he lost his dad and dropped out of school cos he couldn't afford the fees. The all his friends started abandoning him one by one. Eventually he was alone and he found solace in alcohol. That's how he drank himself to an early grave. It was so bad that none of his so called close friends knew he had passed on till almost a week after, and we all lived in the same area. When everybody came together to mourn him, I said if just one of us had reached out to him he'd probably still be alive.
    So T, it's not late. Please try to make things right

    ReplyDelete

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