Skip to main content

I Hate This Part Right Here.

So here are the ramblings of a mildly intoxicated woman. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I know this should make a proper post, with the formalities; the preamble, the body, the conclusion and all of that but quite frankly, that's not gon' happen tonight. 

I'm going to rant just as it is on the tip of my tongue. I really do hate this part right here. This ritual, this dance, this weird awkward dance where you wait for him to make his move before you make yours, and the move he makes determines which one you'll make. It's rather frustrating. You want to let your hair down, let go, let loose, be free. You want to lose all control and dance. But you can't. Because if you do (you're worried) he'll wonder if you're ok upstairs. You're worried he'll freak out and run away. You're worried you'll scare him away. 

So you stay and while you want to lose yourself in the feverish moves of the Rumba, you stay dancing a tentative slow dance. So tonight I rant about *Marcus, who pursued me with such eager tenacity, yet the moment I began to reciprocate his affection, he lost his balance and fled. 
    Damn I hate this whole weird dance! Why can't I love and express my love? Why must I be subjected to suppressing my feelings, or concealing them? What's up with guys who go all out to get your time, love and affection and the minute they have it they suddenly cannot stand the very sight of you and then they flee? 

And when he fled my heart became hardened. It's been sometime and now he tries to thaw my frozen heart, to worm his way back. He's gone some extra miles and made some grand gestures. Friends say give him a second chance and I find I'm no longer so averse to it. Those old feelings that I put to sleep are being awakened. But I'll be honest I'm worried. So now I have to dance his dance even though it kills me:

When he calls I should sound disinterested and bored, act like he's disturbing me. 
When we go out I'm to act like I'd rather be somewhere else, with someone else and I'm just doing him a favour. 
When I miss him I'm never to show it. I dare not call him, or if I must I'll have to say it was a pocket dial; "oh sorry, my phone dialed your number by mistake". 
When I want to see him I .... oh no, I'm not supposed to want to see him. My bad. 
When I crave some human contact I better look else where because I'm not supposed to have needs. 
When I need that companionship, a listening ear, a warm body, a soft touch, a long slow kiss, a hug, and I need these from him, I better numb the feeling because I'm not supposed to have feelings. Feelings are a sign of desperation, neediness, weakness... And those are unattractive traits which would ultimately shoo him away. 

If I fail at any of these then I lose him again, yes? 
You know what? Fuck it. (Whether or not you pardon my French) I'm so over things like that. I'm over playing games and acting like I don't care. I'm over counting how many characters are in my text; less than 10 is appropriate, 20 or more makes me seem desperate. 
I'm over acting like I don't care when I really do, or acting like I don't want to be with him when I really want to. I'm over acting like he doesn't mean anything to me when he does. 
I'm so over all of it. 

And because I hate this part so much, I'm grown enough to realize that I don't have to deal with it. I need and deserve someone, a real man, who's willing and able to deal with, handle and appreciate the feelings of a woman. Yes, that much I deserve. 

And with this final thought I can sleep easy. Moving on....

Goodnight my loves. 


  1. Yes nwando go and sleep lool. Every situation looks better after a good night sleep :)

  2. Great! Stay true to yourself, games are is said that gold is sold to those that values it.

  3. True! True!! True!!!

    1. MIDE! Hmmm. Where have you been? Welcome back boo.

  4. Lols...ur french is indeed pardoned!

  5. Hmmmmm, T am sure ur one if those women who just go out there and "grab" what u deserve!!! So pls... french on but get that nigger to Rumba or Tango with U whether he likes it or not... life is short biko!

  6. Omg, i can so relate, Why r guys so insecure??? The moment u start feeling n showing , they run 440m like u're some kinda wierdo

  7. Reading this reminds me of a lot of stuff that has happened to me. But then, i decided to do my own stuff, stop waiting for the guy to call, text etc. I am probably crazy, but these days, if i like a guy, and he´s to shy to do all that, i do it. I find it more liberating to call or text a guy when i like him, and feel it is requited. And i have learnt that if he becomes intimidated, thzen he isn´t man enough for me.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Turia Pitt Suffered 65% Burns But Loved Conquered All...

Amazing Story Shared by Dr. Ben Carson on Facebook, i thought it is inspiring and i decided to share;

The Australian ex-model Turia Pitt suffered burns to 65 per cent of her body, lost her fingers and thumb on her right hand and spent five months in hospital after she was trapped by a grassfire in a 100 kilometre ultra-marathon in the Kimberley. Her boyfriend decided to quit his job to care for her recovery. 
Days ago, in an interview for CNN they asked him:
"Did you at any moment think about leaving her and hiring someone to take care of her and moving on with your life?"

His reply touched the world:

"I married her soul, her character, and she's the only woman that will continue to fulfill my dreams."

This made me very reflective. I just wonder; if the person you love today encounters an incident or accident that transforms who they are physically, it could be amputation, it could be paralysis, it could be severe burns that scald their flesh beyond recognition, w…


Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
Have a splendid day. Im'ma be back soon.


He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!

One More Post...


A side chick is commonly known as a mistress or a woman that’s romantically involved with a man who is in a committed relationship.  However after doing some reflecting, I realize that’s not the only type of side chick.  I want to discuss “the new side chick”–a woman who decides to stay by a man’s side after he has expressed his lack of relationship intentions with her through his words or actions.  So many women have made this mistake at least once in their lifetime, and unfortunately I’ve done the same thing. I like to think of the new side chick as an appetizer.  You’re there just to satisfy the immediate appetite of the man, but as soon as that mouth-watering entrée comes out to the table, you will get pushed to the side, literally.  Why?  Because that entrée is what he really wanted; he went to the restaurant to order steak, not hot wings.  You were just a placeholder, fling, temporary commitment, or  maybe even just a “good ol time” until what he really wanted was presented to hi…


I'm in an amebo mood tonight. Don't ask me, I honestly don't know why. Also I'd like to share too but I'd do that anonymously in the comment section. Tonight I want to talk about secrets. It's ok, we can all be anonymous. 
Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

Adventures, Fun, Friendship & Laughter at the TTB Hangout (Lekki Conservation Center).

Nicole to Clare: mummy lets go. I want to climb that ropy thing!

Isn't Clare beautiful?!

Uyi et moi. Clowning. 

Mother & child. 

Scary af! Trish on the ramp. The chica loves the outdoors so much, she was like a kid in a candy store. She and Uyi took this walk twice! More power to them, you can't pay me to do this a second time.

Uyi & Tiwa

Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.