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I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids, And I'm Not Sorry.



Do people really think that a stay at home mom is really on equal footing with a woman who works and takes care of herself? There’s no way those two things are the same. It’s hard for me to believe it’s not just verbally placating these people so they don’t get in trouble with the mommy bloggers.
Having kids and getting married are considered life milestones. We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them. They are the most common thing, ever, in the history of the world. They are, by definition, average. And here’s the thing, why on earth are we settling for average?

If women can do anything, why are we still content with applauding them for doing nothing?I want to have a shower for a woman when she backpacks on her own through Asia, gets a promotion, or lands a dream job not when she stays inside the box and does the house and kids thing which is the path of least resistance. The dominate cultural voice will tell you these are things you can do with a husband and kids, but as I’ve written before, that’s a lie. It’s just not reality.
You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids.
I hear women talk about how “hard” it is to raise kids and manage a household all the time. I never hear men talk about this. It’s because women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments. Men don’t care to “manage a household.” They aren’t conditioned to think stupid things like that are “important.”
Women will be equal with men when we stop demanding that it be considered equally important to do housework and real work. They are not equal. Doing laundry will never be as important as being a doctor or an engineer or building a business. This word play is holding us back. TC mark

Amy Glass. 
...................
This was published on Thought Catalogue in January but I only just saw it. 
Here are my views:
(I typed it out and it was way too long, another post entirely, so I cut it out).
 Succinctly put, Amy Glass who has never been a wife or/and mother is a very poor authority on this subject, and it is therefore unclear to me on what premises she based some conclusions. Yet I cannot deny that she has some valid points.
Do you have any thoughts on this subject? Please share. 

Comments

  1. I kind of agree, I respect and love hardworking chics.

    Baby shower is baby shower and every woman should get it. I would not downgrade the role of a stay at home mom, as long as she and her husband are cool with it. A stay at home mom is working, just not a formal job and she is not getting paid. It takes a whole lot to raise good kids in this confused world these days. And people wonder why the society is messed up, parents are chasing money leaving the kids to figure out what to do.
    Heck! I will be a stay at home dad if my wife will agree to bring the money home! I ain't got no ego that needs massaging.

    But a woman that works (hard or not) is always a turn on for me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spot on Wale,......

      Delete
  2. It's all on d men. Giv ur wife space, do stuff arund d haus - clean, wash, cook. It won't kill you then your wife can be a career woman to. I don't know about sompple but I will literally drink poison and die if I ever bkom a stay @ home mom. My career after family is my life. #IAmNina

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL.... *Dont ask why I had to laugh.

    Well, am fine with being both at different stages in my life... i'll love to be a stay at home mom for a while if my desire goes along with God's plan for me.

    Then when my last kid is about 3, I can face my career full time!!!

    Stay at home mom oh, Career mom oh... All na full time work! LMSAO!

    #SelfRighteousRuth

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. true talk sis
      been there stay at home for 5 years, Im now focused on my career and the sky is only the beginning. Dont judge except you've lived it.

      Delete
  4. If we referring to the stay-at-home mums w/o domestic help,yes,its a full-time job!
    Running a home is like running a company but the difference is its not for financial profit. Women who can balance the two (career nd homefront) hv my total respect...

    ReplyDelete
  5. A part of me wants to be greater than Oprah Winfrey....very fulfilled career wise. Have a great budding career with name known all over- the household name. Its sweet when I'm out today and some people recognise me for my work.

    Another part wants to be fulfilled family wise. Have a wonderful home with the best children on earth but I tell u......its one at a time. Even my mom says....Lola, go for your masters before marriage, do this, do that, have this amount in your account, be this, be that....even the man will fear you and just be an added advantage. She's talking as a mother will cos she passed through being the head at a demanding job and being a home maker. Sincerely, once a lady gets married, majority ends their lives. They simply stop living.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I personally will try to combine both,but I must confess its only an ignorant person like the writer that will look down on the "work"of a stay at home mom.I tried helping a relation once and at the end of the day I knew I worked.It was even more exhausting than my actual stressful work.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ok obviously this lady man has never baby sat a child for just a day. I took care of my nieces for three months while my sister was away. I swear my life stopped, I just had no life. Between being up at 5 O'Clock to get their lunchready , waking them up, giving them a bath, getting them dressed, making sure they finish their breakfast not just serving them breakfast, driving them to school, going back to their school at twelve to get their lunch to them, going to the market and getting fresh produce for lunch, making lunch (afternoon meal) going. Back go pick my younger niece that closes school at 2 and making sure she has a shower and eats her lunch and goes back to pick the second one at 4 making sure she has her bath and eats her food then comes the homeworks and making sure dinner is ready oh. Ehe then you have to force them to eat dinner send them to bed at 8:30 and getting their stuff ready for the next day hmmmmmmm what time do I have for myself? None. This was my life for 3 months without help just me and my nieces. Motherhood is a full time job and guess what? You get no leaves, you can't even afford to call in sick. I'm with Ruth oh when I start having children I shall put my career on hold oh after the children come and I'm comfortable Leaving them alone with helps and drivers then I can go back to my caree. The most I can do is have a side business so I don't start feeling insecure et al but there is no way in hell I am leaving my children in the hands of helps and drivers till I get to that stage where I feel I can be comfortable leaving them ( knowing how meticulously paranoid I can be with children and their), I don't know if that time will come oh. Feel free to judge me. I stand by this and hubby had better understand.

    ReplyDelete
  8. My Nephew who's almost 6 iives with us, his mum passed onn during child birth. My mum is advanced in age, so most times it was I and my younger sister that had to take care of him, so that mama could rest. Now, dis boy was something else growing up. Taking care of him was like taking care of a full military battalion. It was just one child!!! I use to wonder about working mums with 2 to 3 kids. I doff my hat, gele, scarf, beret...everything doffable for these women, they are superwomen. Mainwhile, my nephew has metamorphosed into a Legion.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. lmao@metamorphosed into a Legion.

      Delete
    2. double lol for "I doff my hat, gele, scarf, beret...everything doffable for these women"
      u clown

      Delete
  9. This Amy whatever is just some silly selfish bitch. permit the word. Doing laundry is work cos you have to separate colors and be skilled to know clothes that shrink and those that wont. My dear Nwando, I am a working class mum working in a multinational with 3 kids under 4 and believe me when I tell you that I prefer going to work than sitting at home. Staying at home is real work from getting up early to fix breakfast, bath, dress the kids, drop them off at playgroup, then off I go to work, pick the kids, do their assignments, prepare food for hubby ,ensure the maid cleans thoroughly cos toddlers can dirty a house for Africa then get all sexy for hubby for him to chop after eating. Then toilet train the kids at night. My dear, housewife na work now to merge both is simply God's grace. That Amy or whatever should name an accomplishment that shes done that will cry at her graveside. all these white people with their myopic and selfish thoughts.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes ooo my sister ..... prefer being at work that being at home cuz that way no child to disturb me i have my peace ....

      Delete
  10. I reason with you, dear Anon. Same case with you, just that mine are 2. No house help, just a nanny that comes at 6:39am and leaves at 7pm, Monday to Friday. You can't imagine my weekends, I prefer going to work sometimes. I keep wondering how our mothers coped. Some had 8 children! #Enjay#

    ReplyDelete
  11. WOW!!!! Enjay never knew U had kids...
    That's so cool.... I think I like ur house help arrangements. the whole live ins scare me, plus this gives u enough time with Le kids.
    Welldone!!!

    Looking forward to having my kids. Though I CANT /WONT combine being a house wife/career woman when they are all below 3-4yrs cos am not a super woman....

    ReplyDelete
  12. @ Ruthie, now you know. :) #Enjay#

    ReplyDelete
  13. I almost fainted reading the article until I saw that it wasn't written by Thelma.

    My takes:

    1. The writer is not only ignorant but confused. Quoting her "You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids"...following this will lead to human race's extinction at some point! If people stop having kids, how does the human race continue existing? I can imagine the writer's mother shaking her head and weeping reading her child's write-up cos to me, she's blaming her mother for birthing her

    2. Raising kids no be moi-moi o, believe me. However, I am an advocate of a working mother; working as in being financially independent!

    Let me share an experience: my mum who was a stay-at-home mother was 29 years when my dad died and left behind 4 kids aged 10, 6, 5 and 2 and one of us was sickle-cell-anemic (eventually died @ 21). My mother went through hell and we followed her there and back! Dad was ill for almost a year before eventual death. That sapped all the monies he had. The older kids had to be withdrawn from private schools; we had to relocate to a one-room face-me-I-face-you apartment. I grew up hawking fruits to augment whatever my mum was making. I did this till I got into a higher institution. Little wonder my mum insisted I must have education and a job before marriage.

    Now, my own life:At 33, I have 3 kids - aged 11, 8.5 and 5.5, a Masters degree and head of a unit in my place of work. I may not be earning a typical 'fat salary' but I've got prospects and over 10 years of work experience. I have had different maids with different stories but no serious negative incidents.Truth is, it's not been a piece-of-cake and if I do not want to deceive myself, I was slowed down a bit. For instance, I abandoned my professional examinations (which I am hoping to go back to later this year by God's grace). A professional certification with that number of years of experience would have propelled me far higher than where I am. But if asked, I would say I have no regrets. A lot of people have even called me 'lucky'.

    My advice is: every woman should work and contribute to the family purse. It may not be a formal job but please work and add real value.

    -F

    ReplyDelete
  14. All women are not the same and do not see the world the same

    ReplyDelete

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