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New Money; New Attitude, New Friends.



Wale commented some days back that yes, you could marry someone with all the qualities you wanted in a life partner but life could throw some things at this life partner that could show you a different side of him or her. 

So true, but I'm not talking about marriage here but life and changes in general. PEOPLE CHANGE! When money comes, when money goes, when success comes, when failure threatens, when love comes, when prayers are answered, when dreams come true, when dreams are shattered, people change. 

I remember when *Bosun and I were both unemployed. We'd spend every night together in one local bar or the other drinking #300 naira beer and eating asun. Bosun said he was in love with me and would never feel that way for anyone else. Even though for some reasons I didn't think we should have a relationship then we stayed very good friends. One day Bosun called me in the middle of the day and I could feel his vibe, he was excited about something. "I just got it, I just got it Wando. I just fuckin got a job!!!" I began to dance in excitement. Are you serious? Where? When? How? But the best part was yet to come, an oil company! The pay was very good, and  other packages too. Bosun didn't study anything related to the job, he had been waiting for call-backs from some advertising firms especially one where his start off pay would have been about 150 grand a month, and this was his dream job. Yet, this one that he didn't even apply for, he was getting paid double that and more. How he got the job? Well, daddy's friend of course. He went for the interview and they saw that he was biracial and bi-lingual, he was immediately offered the job. (He was told that they were glad he wasn't full Nigerian and that he had lived outside Nigeria, so thank God, that means he doesn't think like all these Nigerian people) Hahahahaha. I'm digressing but can you see the problem with this our Nigeria? Anyways just like that, without merit, Bosun got a dream job!

And just like that Bosun changed.

Of course I stopped seeing him every night, naturally. And on weekends he was too busy with his new friends. On the nights I saw him I noticed that Bosun's British accent had become extremely British. In just a couple of weeks it had become full of "yeah" "innit" "bloody wanker" "fuckin wasteed (wasted)" "takin the piss" "aww, aren't you adorable (in a condescending tone)", "bollocks", "completely knackered" and so on. I tried to ignore that.

       But I couldn't ignore that our Surulere bars were no longer good enough for Bosun. We were meant to go to our usual spot at Itolo off Bode Thomas one evening but suddenly he "fuckin hated that place". So he whisked me away to somewhere in Ikoyi, Ember Creek, I think. We went there and it was a taboo to order beer. My stout wasn't 300 bucks here, it was 1,500. But even at that, I dared not order it. He said I should try some red wine; Chateau something or the other. Na so I just dey look Bosun o!

Now what I just couldn't abide was when Bosun started calling me and asking about work and making it sound like there I was enjoying sitting at home, jobless. He started to treat me like I was to blame for not having a job, I should have been out on the road distributing my CV and banging down office doors instead of waiting for people to call me. I couldn't believe that this guy, who was given a job on a platter because of his foreign heritage would have the guts to castigate me for not having one. Especially as it wasn't like I was sitting idly at home waiting for jobs to come to me. 

I loved the almost broke, unemployed Bosun. The buoyant employed one was slightly arrogant, superior, and a bit of a snob to be honest. Also now that his office was having weekly events at Radisson Blu, Oriental, Transcorp Hilton, sometimes in Ghana, dinners where iPads and iPhones were part of the amazing items in the goody bags, he was meeting tons of exotic chics and he wasn't so in love with me anymore. And oh, I wasn't the only one who got left behind, you should see Bosun's new friends (the old ones have nearly become extinct). Wow! When you hang with them you feel like writing the words on your palms before saying them out so that you don't make any grammatical blunders. Yes that's how posh they are. LOL. 

I do not blame or judge Bosun at all, who knows what I would be like in his shoes?  

People do change. Some friends get married and suddenly their status in life is higher than yours. You guys are no longer equals. They replace you with other married women because they do not have much to discuss with you anymore. This is natural though as gist changes; you're still talking about first dates and heart breaks, they're talking about wedding anniversaries and the best crèches in town. The common ground is lost and you're the one who's being left behind. 

But the worst of all are the friends who feel you're no longer good enough. You don't fit into their newly acquired champagne-life status, you won't fit in well with their champagne-life circle, you have nothing in common with their champagne-life friends. And so they cut you off like a piece of cloth sticking out of the dress and spoiling its beauty. They're trying to get ahead in life, move up on the social ladder and you, you're one ugly factor that might cause stagnation or worse still, demotion so goodbye to you and your alomo-life issues. 

What kind of friend have you been? Have you changed with the good times and suddenly become too good for your former hoodrats? Do you wonder how Drake could have said No New Friends when old friends are like a palm oil stain on your picture perfect life? What kind of friend, sister, brother, colleague, lover are you?

Maybe like the picture above says, money/success doesn't change people, it just unmasks who they really are. 

Comments

  1. That picture is 100% CORRECT!!! Change in life simply unmask who people really are!!!
    But to my Awesome Family and ONE friend, Am gonna be Faithful /Loyal even to death!!! Nothing can change my Love for my Bestie Oluwabunmi.... Not even a hubby oh... babe has been my 2nd mom!

    And I'll always be here T... *shines teeth *

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. plz do u live here?

      Delete
    2. Please leave her alone if she wants to coment 20000 times its nobody's business. Dont intimidate her into silence. Ruthy my dear its a free world!

      Delete
    3. lmao.. wth man! so rude!!

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    4. Tolu plz I wasn't talkin to u, let she who the question is directd to respnd, at least I've d right to know my neighbour

      Delete
    5. Just leave her alone, you know ur question was rude and how would u know if she lives here if u weren't also a frequent and timely visitor. No fight o let us abide in peace.
      #yesimtakingpanadolforsomeoneelseheadache
      #crucifyme
      #lovernotfighter

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    6. i ve just asked her a simple qstn, does she live here? I live here nd jst askin to knw i i've got neighbour

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    7. Lolz @ do u live here? Biko who doesn't? Lol

      Delete
  2. Everyone changes after something. I used to say nothing will make me change friends or character.

    We graduated university and we were all praying for our names to be shortlisted on any of the first three list for NYSC. Uncle bundled me up when we were comfortable sharing our problems with each other and threw me to the media industry. I became the girl on teevee and the new voice on radio. There was no immediate financial raise but one *devilish pride flew in and I found myself struggling to chat with good friends that I couldn't do without before....but I gained my friends back though...

    I found love and I felt no need for friends so I started cutting them off and expected Le boo to do same. Since he couldn't, I started feeling I was putting more and couldn't catch up with him since I dumped the friends without love.

    Money, power, love, the new job or whatever just makes us think we are better than every other person. It gives you a new sense of security and makes you have the "I have arrived" feeling when you don't know how to control it. Just learn how to control whatever feeling it is. I have learnt that this old friends understand me more than any new one. We shared our dreams then. That keeps me standing.

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  3. haha thelma you just reminded me of a cousin that automatically gets a british accent whenever she gets drunk.. "fucking wasteed' "innit yea" lmao..
    sighhh change is the only constant thing in life sis. money, love, status and other things may not make us feel better than our peers. I think we may not have so much in common anymore.. a common ground. a wife & a mom not having time for her single friends, a new graduate getting a tasking job before his/her friends.. we just drift apart and adjust to the new lifestyle.

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  4. Like they say change is the only constant thing. Like Taiwo said its not easy not letting it get to your head. Success can turn the most humble person into the proudest beast. We just need to know how to curb it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thelma I think you're just overreacting and have overanalysed Bosun's new attitude too much, let me ask you something, do you still go to the bars in Surulere to drink your 200 naira stout?? Exactly. My point exactly. These days all I hear you talk about is how you can't cross 3rd mainland bridge, Lekki chic this, Island chic that. Pataya this, Sailors bar that. You use every opportunity to let your readers know you now live on the 'Island'(mind you, I put Island in quote cuz I don't Consider Lekki as Island. VI and Ikoyi are the real 'Island'). All I'm trying to say is, c'mon there aint much of a difference between you and Bosun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol. This is something close to what I wanted to say. Sometimes people change when levels change, but in most cases it unmasks us.

      I remember some years back I went into a fast food restaurant and, seeing the price of cheese burger then, told myself that nothing would ever make me buy it (#200 at that time). Two days ago I was making my order at Tanterlizer, when I saw the price of a cheese burger (#400). I couldn't believe how "cheap" it had become so I confirmed from the waitress, in case they must have neglected updating the price. She confirmed the price. I couldn't believe I missed out on cheese burgers because of #400, forgetting somewhat that I made that resolve due to circumstances at the time. Next I heard myself saying, "I'll have 3 please."

      Most cases when our status are elevated we hardly realize what we're doing, or who we're affecting. To us, everything seems so normal. Until something or someone draw us back to reality we tend to duel continually in our virtual characters. So don't blame Bosun too much. Money has most probably unmasked him, like it does to most of us.

      Delete
    2. Memphis I don't consider my status as elevated because I moved out from one place to the other. @ Anon my parents still stay in Surulere and the only reason I probably don't go to those places anymore when I go home is because *Bosun whom I used to go with doesn't. Mind you if I found someone to go with I will do so in a heart beat !

      For me it's not about the place it's about the company. I changed locations so naturally I won't go all the way to Surulere or wherever to hang. Nah, don't get it twisted, that I mention certain places doesn't mean I'm 'formin levels'. If I was staying in lere, Festac, Ikeja or wherever, I would still go out there and write about the places I go to.

      Lastly, I meant it when I said I do not blame/judge Bosun, I would probably be worse than him in his shoes. I only feel bad because I never thought his job will cause us to drift so far apart.

      Delete
    3. hmmm okay i get u. but i still feel u n bosun arent so different. bottom line is u just dont hang there anymore cuz ''levels don change''. I remember how u ''sounded'' when u told the story of how u got lost on the mainland...for a second there, i thought u had never lived on the mainland before. only for me to find out now that you even once lived and grew up in Lere. Hey, not judging u or anything but i'm just saying if u think deep, u'l realise that in a way, ur 'move' has changed who u r in the sense that u dont do the same things u used to or hang out in the same places either.

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    4. I knew that's what formed your perception. Note I said I have never DRIVEN myself there before, even if I'd driven from the mainland I would still have gotten missing. Even there in Surulere where I grew up I got missing in Aguda (inside Surulere) last month and spent over thirty minutes trying to find my way out (covers face). How much more Ikeja, Shagamu, Ikorodu town? LOL.

      Delete
    5. Dear Anon...D fact that u grew up somewhere doesn't mean u'll knw all d places there....wen u start driving it's a different ball game entirely...u'll so get lost....with Nwando's posts and her kinda person,isn't it pretty obvious she's so down to earth and wouldn't form?? she's just saying jare....at least for now she is nt d same as Bosun! as she never Hammer yet.LOL.

      Delete
    6. I know Thelma, maybe it's the posts or what she writes but she's the same person then and now, and very down to earth too. Of course the paroles have changed but she's still the same. (I know this for a fact).

      Delete
  6. Nah..pako cannot change, only buttish people do..I have most of my old soldiers reporting for duty whenever.
    I am a grassroot man, pako to the bone! We don't change, we blend with all manner of people. From boardroom to amala shitta to ojuelegba rice! Loving my life jare.

    Have got some few folks that moved on though or maybe changed..no stress, that's how life is. Priorities do change and there is no time to chase nobody.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wale @ your last sentence, I wish I can live like that; no time to chase nobody. Hmmm, you see some of these 'ride or die' friends you mentioned when they change I tend to chase them because I just can't believe it! Then the scales fall off my eyes and I move on.

      Delete
    2. You have to learn to live the way you want so you don't miss out on your journey in life.
      Seriously, nobody owes me anything and it doesn't matter what I may have done or been to them. Life is hard enough making money, cannot afford to make it worse by running after fast moving targets!

      Delete
  7. Anon on d same post thelma mentioned pataya she also mentioned la mango in ikeja. people be trying to cause trouble for no reason. and she has always said that she lived in surulere. ur d one looking at d whole thing as a big deal, its not that serious ma/sir.

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    Replies
    1. Errr, all these voltrons that don't know how to interprete simple basic statements. Actually, ure the one causing n stirring up rubbish 4 no reason. I am entitled to my own opinion and only made a comment to let Thelma c that in her own little way too, sum ppl wdnt c any difference btwn her n Bosun. And pls about her getting lost on the mainland yeh, u can read right and u did go to school right? I said it was just the way it seemed' n how she came across. Again, my own opinion. Pls stick to urs n let ppl xpress themselvz freely. I think Thelma is pretty cool n I lurvvvv her blog n in actual fact, I think me + her r alike in soooo many ways. Don't b stirring up shit where there's none. I'm a lawyer, I know my rights. Cheers

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    2. You just cracked me up @ I'm a lawyer and I know my rights. Reminded me of some of my lawyer friends when we just got out of law school. Looooooool.

      Delete
  8. Yayyy! Am back!!!
    @1st anon: YESSSS!!! I live on this blog but I don't like the tone of that ur question pls... cultivate some manners. Thanks.

    @Tolulope Thanks so much for defending me. Ehugs....

    ReplyDelete
  9. I totally agree with the anon. All that ' I can never enter bus or cross 3mainland bridge or dinner at a posh restaurant seems like a change of levels 2 me. Like Anon said, you and Bosun are d same, his new job changed him and your new location changed you. And here this, CHANGE and ADAPTATION is a good thing. It is part of life. Wen you go to Rome, act like a Roman.

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    Replies
    1. PS: when u go to rome,u don't have to act like a roman. That's called being fake. Abide by their laws but pls be ur self!

      Delete
    2. 'Acting like a roman' means blending in Sasha. I'm sure English aint that difficult hun.

      Delete
    3. Yes it is but don't misunderstand me. When I mentioned not entering buses I was working not living on the island! It baffles and amuses me how quick people are to assume it's all about levels. I just HATE entering buses, here in Lagos, when I was in Enugu, when I was in Kano! And as for the "posh" restaurants, you would feel better if I said I went to Olaiya abi? LOL. ok when I go there next I'll be sure to let you know.
      For now I will leave you to your opinions, I really can't get everyone to see things the way I do, I don't even have the energy...
      Sasha we should go out but you're always working! Please let me know when you're free.

      Delete
    4. Thelma, dat wasn't exactly my point. Don't get it twisted and all defensive babe. My whole point was 2 tell you that change is a normal and even a good thing. I just used the bus and posh restaurant as an example of the way you hav adapted. Not a fan of buses is totally your choice just like I would neva enter bikes. So there you hav it. I'm sure iv made myself clearer.

      Delete
    5. Gosh thank u Anon. My point exactly n the point I was trying to make up there b4 the voltron jumped on it. Change isn't a bad thing at all. And like I said twice b4, no difference btwn Thelma n Bosun in a way. You are so right, english is kinda difficult for some. *sigh*.

      Delete
    6. i'm with you guys on this one, that was the one thought that was running through my mind as i read the post, and as i read the replies, Thelma you are sounding quite defensive. It's no doubt you have changed and my dear it's a good thing. It hasn't stopped you from being the person that you are though but fact is just like Bosun in the post, you have changed and left certain things behind. it's part of life

      Delete
  10. As much as I respect u people's views about issues and other stuffs,I still believe that there are some people you can't just CHANGE to no matter where you find yourself in life,you know when u stop being you,you might loose them for life,you can't just despise those days of humble beginning,as hard as this look or seems,some people still find it hard to change from whom they used to be,take for instance the lagos island people,I mean some part of it,where u still see a rich yankee returnee in a room apartment,its not like they can't afford a bigger house,just that they didn't let their new level,attitude etc change them..

    ReplyDelete
  11. But, in truth Thelma, Change is inevitable and is sometimes the welcome and best step to take.
    Holding on to certain friends would either drag you down, depress you, make you feel you aren't good enough or just plain keep you at a place you strive to move away from.
    I'm speaking for the person who finds they cannot fit in any longer out of a deep sense of inferiority complex, the one who finds that they cannot fit in because they have become suprerior to others AND also those who find that they cannot fit in because the others have suddenly become uncomfortably weird around them hence making their friendship rather awkward.
    In cases like this, I think its best to either change your circle or cut away from some people- those who truly care about you will seek you out.
    If I had a friend who wasn't doing as well as myself and I realise there seems to be a certain withdrawal or distance between us, I'd reach out and tell them the way I feel and try to reassure them that the difference in our status is of no import to me as it is their friendship that matters to me- and I have done this severally but I have friends who've risen higher and suddenly cut off ties from the rest.
    One should realise that its natural for a person who hasn't attained the heights you're fast gaining to feel slightly insecure and inferior and wonder if you'd still find them relevant- they may even begin to act withdrawn- but. That is certainly not the time to leave them to their own devices but to be sensitive to whatever it is they feel ( that is if you care cos I've found some people just couldn't be bothered).
    There are also some people you just have to cut off. No need to explain away of reason away issues- just a clean break.
    Its just life......

    ReplyDelete

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