In all honesty I could be telling anyone's story. This particular incident happened to two of my former classmates from QC and one very dear friend from Uni (who thankfully is married to her dream man now). You'll have to admit its baffling and I really need someone to shed some light on this.
Guys, how do you spend several years with a chic, one year, two years, three years, four years and on and on and then one day suddenly break up with her, then two months later we see your traditional marriage pictures to one random chic?
Actually that's not what this post is about. That is topic for another day. As I was saying jare, so dude ended things and wed Miss Z, life has gone on as usual and everyone tries to move along. But then just as soon as Miss Ex puts the pieces back together and is starting to make sense of her life, he then re-enters the picture.
He starts with brief, polite text messages. He's "just checking up on you" he says. You respond equally politely. You hate yourself for it but you actually felt a tingle in your belly when you saw a text from him, after all he's the bastard who caused you so much pain and humiliation and you hate him...so why does your heart skip a beat when he text?
He's encouraged by your reply and then starts to call. In all honesty, you didn't expect to hear from him again. After all he was only just checking on you and besides he's now married. Yet he starts to call. It goes from asking how you are and how your day went, to telling you how he is and how he hates his new boss. Then he starts to bring up old memories, nothing scandalous as such, all very innocent.
Next thing he's calling to ask you what you think about this or that and suddenly wants your opinion on everything. You know you shouldn't indulge him but how can't you? After all he's the same man that you shared so much with; your time, your love, your worries, your fears, your dreams, your joy, your accomplishments, your disappointments, your bed and your body.... and truth be told, you never stopped loving him. Yes, you hate him, but you never stopped loving him. So you indulge him. It's all very innocent anyways.
But not so innocent. Suddenly he says he misses you and how things used to be between you. Hell! He may even go as far as saying he should have married you and made a huge mistake marrying her (while still very happily married to her and flaunting her around town). Most other women are, but you're not strong enough to ask him to lose your number for good.
Next thing you know, you went from being his girlfriend, to his Ex, to an enemy, to a friend, then a confidante, and now you're more than all these things, even more than a mistress (you're probably not having sex with him after all). You're now,.. The Secondary Wife.
The one who everyone has forgotten and no one knows, the one who's kept hidden, yet, who although invisible, somehow looms larger than life, at least in your eyes and his.
Like I said, the secondary wife is more than a mistress, yet she's worse off than a mistress. Her position is even more pathetic. Why? Because she could have been the wife! Because they had history and she contributed a huge deal in making him the man he is today. Because she sowed and sowed and sowed and was thrown out of the field just before harvest time. Because when he was still a confused scraggy young man she helped him stand, with her words, encouragement, money, prayers, food and ultimately LOVE.
Men, why do you move on and start life with someone else then come back to the Ex and make it difficult for her to move on? You've done enough damage already, no? If she was such an amazing person that you can't let her be (even after you've wed someone else), then why did you let her go in the first place?
I in no way blame an Ex chic for granting an Ex boyfriend who's moved on audience, because love is a mystery among many other things. Even the wisest of men are yet to understand it.
There are a few exceptions to matters like this, eg health reasons (genotype etc) that may prevent a couple from getting married. I not referring to matters where these are involved. (Topic for another day. LOL).