He used to post his progress on a blog for people trying to lose weight, but he doesn’t anymore. When he started trying to get in shape, he weighed a little over 350 pounds. He told me all about his plans and his goal weight and how he was going to do it, and I could feel a little piece of me die inside. I wanted him to be successful because I loved him, but I knew that — at my weight, about 280 pounds — a fit and attractive boyfriend would not stay with me for a long time.
I’m sure you’re thinking, “Why didn’t you just lose the weight with him?” And for a while, that’s exactly what I did. But I knew that between my compulsive eating, my medical problems (yes, there are actual problems that contribute to weight gain or retention), and my depression, it wouldn’t last long. And it didn’t. I hurt myself during a class at the gym in front of all the fit people, and comforted myself by ordering half the menu at KFC and eating it in my car while listening to tHE radio. It wasn’t pretty, and I had to spray cologne on myself before I walked in the house so that he wouldn’t know where I was or what I was doing.
When I started to fall off the wagon, I knew that he had to, too. I started cooking nice dinners and guilting him into eating them because I “spent so much time cooking them.” (I would load them up with butter and cream when he wasn’t looking.) I brought bad foods back into our cupboards that I knew he couldn’t resist. When we had our scheduled classes at the gym, there would always be something extremely important that we had to go to. It only took about three weeks for him to be done with the weight loss, to abandon his online journals and stop talking about it to friends. Now, he’s back on his side of the couch, eating fast food and watching TV with me.
I know this makes me a bad person, and I know that you are going to hate me for it. I would hate me, too. But when you have made a relationship with someone as a certain person, and with them as a certain person, if one of you changes — it’s over. No one says that it’s over. No one tells you, “I’m going to transform my life, and when I’m there, I will leave you.” It’s just what happens. The fact is that we are all with a certain kind of person because they fit who we are. They can relate to us, they can understand us, they can even make us feel normal (or beautiful). Being fit and slim in the eyes of the world is a huge change, one that makes you feel like you deserve more.
And maybe you do.
I posted this story I found on the Thought Catalogue some months ago and forgot about it till I was chatting with a friend earlier today and she brought it up. She "Nwando remember that post on your blog about the girl that was stuffing her boyfriend with junk so that he won't lose weight and become too good for her? You won't believe that's what I'm doing".
My friends story is this, she's been dating this guy for sometime and is hoping marriage is the next course of action but she has concerns. First off she thinks their age might be an issue, she's 29, he's 30. Not an issue for them but it might be for his mother. According to her someone introduced his 30yr old girlfriend to his mum and his mum freaked out, she said there are young 22 and 23 year olds fresh out of the university that her son can marry, why marry an old woman? According to my friend this is typical of Igbo mothers.
To make matters worse she's on the chubby side. Her boo occasionally likes to keep fit. Recently she's been trying to make sure he doesn't renew his gym membership and has been feeding him with carbs ; garri, poundo, egusi, and oily foods. It's bad enough they're almost age mates, if she begins to look older than him then that might mess things up for her (especially with his mother).
Yes we know she can join him at the gym and go on a diet but for now that's not happening.
What do you guys think about this?
@ the first story do you agree that if he loses weight and starts looking better he'll become too good for her?