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Showing posts from May, 2014

Flash Fiction (TTRWT) - By HAPPINESS OKAFOR

Everywhere was dark. i shouted for help but no one could hear me.i was so scared. It was like I'm in a tunnel and all i could hear was the echo of my voice. I tried remembering what led me to this dark place but I just cant.then it hit me;what if im dead and this is where dead people go to?what happens to my future,my imperfect yet wonderful life,my family. I pictured my mum crying uncontrollably being consoled by her friends, my dad jst being my dad (trying so hard to hold back the tears)my 6 siblings,their eyes are red and swollen,my honey pot confused as hell and still trying to understand what is goin on .

Thelma Asks... (The Penis Helmet)

I read about the new condom yesterday. It's called the Galactic Cap Condom or Penis Helmet. The new condom sits only on the very tip of the erect penis, which leaves the shaft exposed for those who complain of the lack of sensitivity with regular condoms.

Just In Case I Wasn't Sure Before... (The Cookie Has Well And TrulyCrumbled).

So I told you guys that he was Offshore and he said he will like us to meet when he gets back to town. Friday (last week) was that day and he came to pick me off from the office. This was at about 5pm. I was starving and I just wanted to eat. I wanted the moi moi, vegetable soup and croaker fish they sell in the Calabar kitchen just beside my office but he had more Five Star plans. Who was I to complain, especially as I have a favourite in the restaurant he suggested. Barely five minutes after picking me up, (remember that this is the first time we're seeing since the day we met months ago, the first date...) he asked me about my love life. I told him I have none, my exact words were "nonexistent". "So if there's no love life, what do you do about passion?" He asked. I instantly felt a bit sick. I dunno what about the word "passion" instead of 'sex' irritated me. I shrugged. That wasn't first date topic as far I was concerned. We still…

Fairytale Moments...

Hey guys! So I'm going for a run but I just had to do this first. No I'm not oblivious to all that's going on around me in the world, all the deaths and killings, they're the reason why sometimes I live in a bubble of fantasy and perfection. 
This is oh so random but Malcolm just gave Keisha the most romantic proposal I've ever seen and I'm all teary eyed. (Single Ladies 3)

Thelma Asks; Would You Rather Be Feared Or Loved?

Last week something happened which lead to a conversation I had with a much older friend who's been in the workforce for longer than I have been. He said "Nwando to get by in this life, especially at work, you have to be a bitch. Stop trying to please people or trying to make people like you. It won't work to your advantage."

What I Experienced From A Bad Relationship (TTRWT)- by Angela David.

What I experienced from a BAD relationship (and how
hard it is to recover)

Whenever I come across people who endure in painful relationship.i
shiver as I thought back to a time when I was in a
terrible relationship.
It was like I decided to be with the least suitable,
least attractive, least supportive, least well-adjusted, least honest,
least inspiring person I could find (seriously).
Now, I can’t fathom why I stayed with this guy.
We quarrel constantly. We had little in common.
We were always on the brink of disaster. It was
the worst experience in my life, and it took me a
long time to extricate myself from the
relationship.
I still carry a lot of bitterness,grudges and anger from that
time; and complex feelings that I haven’t properly
worked through. I see myself as a strong,
confident person but I let this guy take
advantage of me,see the part of me that weren't that pretty,he weigh
me down emotionally,

Phenomenal Woman, Maya Angelou Lives On.

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

The Straw That Broke The Camel's Back.

"My SO (significant other) was not happy with the amount of time I spent with my friend, resulting in a few fights. He had been in a pretty bad motorcycle accident a few months prior, and was still working on recovering from a broken femur. We were arguing about my division of time and she says, “I wish your friend had died in his accident.” Our relationship had been on a downward spiral for a while prior to this, but it was limping along because we were both still trying to make things better. This was the straw that shattered the camel’s back, I immediately ended the relationship."

I Slept Off Talking About It, I Woke Up Hearing About It. (TiwaSavage's "Art")

Of course it's Tiwa Savage's new music video I'm referring to. I slept over at a friend's last night (as per  there's no work today) and that was all we talked about before we slept. My friend thought the video was utter crap and said she should stop trying to be Beyonce. My friend also thinks Nigeria isn't ready for this kind of music and thinks we're still too in love with our club bangers. I on the other hand beg to differ. That song is just what I've been waiting for from a Nigerian artist (I mean I love Asa and the cute Miss Chidinma Ekile, yet...) I think Wanted is one of the best songs to come from a Nigerian female artist in a long time and Tiwa should be applauded for it, but the video which her husband describes as "art" stole a whole lot from the beautiful piece of music. It saddens me that after creating that awesome piece Tiwa still thought she had to go naked, that is so fucking SAD! But hey, that's just my opinion. Like I t…

Announcement! Announcement!! Announcement!!! (TTRWT)

Hellllllllllllooooooooooo!

What It Truly Means To Love a Woman- by Nkem Akagbogu

hi Tee, i must commend you, your blog is something else. keep it up. just thought i should share this with you.


Until you have taken the time to invest into her and experience the little things that make her who she is. Laugh with her, tease and play around with her, cry with her, see her and comfort her at her worst, enjoy her at her best, observe her as she's laughing her heart out and living life like no one's watching. Seen her cry and let it all out, fought with her, fought for her, made up with her, opened up and shared the pain and the smiles of the secrets of life you both hide.

Noticed all the little imperfections about her that make her beautiful. YOU can not say you know her at all and not capable of loving her no matter how long you have known her. And I tell you a good girl notices when you take time to invest in all these little things and that is where she looks when she needs answers. 
It's not by how big your  pocket is, what you drive, how many women want yo…

The Deceitfulness Of Modern Day Beauty. (Some Shocking Before&AfterShots)

I just like to have funwith some titles. It's not as serious as I just made it sound but that sounded super smart and deep, no? LOL  


Oh well... Guys tell us honestly, how will you feel if you meet a chic just the way she looks in the After pictures and then when you go pick her up on the first date she's looking like the Before pictures?
I think I will feel cheated and deceived, if I'm a guy. And a little disappointed. However if I like this chic then I'll try to move past the disappointment and get to know the real person, the person she is inside, which is what actually counts. 
More pictures below:

On Super Powers and Mood Swings.

*Dee called at 2pm. Let me come and get you from work, then you'll take us to the movies. I told him OK, knowing fully well I had no money to spend, but God forgive me, I needed a ride home. I'd been wondering all day how I would get home as my colleague whom I usually go with wasn't at work. Dee came at 5 and I told him sorry, boss man was meant to pay today but he didn't. Dee was super pissed but seeing as he's always forming "always in control of my emotions" he calmed down and seethed in silence. 

My Reply To Ikechukwu Onyemelukwe (On Taking Down The Bride Price App)

Take down the app that promotes objectification and misogyny towards women.
Petition by Ikechukwu Onyemelukwe; Loughborough, United Kingdom
"Misogyny is a central part of sexist prejudice and ideology and, as such, is an important basis for the oppression of females in male-dominated societies. Misogyny is manifested in many different ways, from jokes to pornography to violence to the self-contempt women may be taught to feel toward their own bodies." - Allan Johnson
Bridepricecheck is a web app that assigns virtual monetary value (in Naira) to women in an attempt to calculate their bride price based on factors such as their level of education, skin colour, nationality, weight, beauty, physical features, spoken accents, country of residence, employment status etc.
A bride price is a practice popular in many Asian and African cultures, which involves the payment of an amount of money, or property, or wealth by the groom or his family to the parents of a woman as a symbolic &…

Thelma Asks... On The Rape Of Men.

Maybe I'm a tad ignorant but I think the right word should be clueless. I'm clueless in this regard. Last night while I was struggling to stay awake till midnight and say (fire) some prayers LOL, to keep me awake I decided to scheme through my ever faithful Thought Catalogue. I read an article on why feminism isn't about gender equality. The writer made some arguably valid points but no, that's not what this post is about.

Ladies Come Right Here!

Where are all the Ada-Adas and Caros?

I Need A New Matty!

On Friday *Matty called me. If I'd started blogging a few years back I would have bent all your ears with stories of Matty. I met Matty on twitter. Our meeting was just so weird. Then I used to be really active on twitter, you know, it was the last thing I did at night before I slept and the first thing I did once I woke up. Matty started following me when I had a picture of a very curvaceous lady in a bikini. The day after that he unfollowed me. He then explained that the near-nude picture made him uncomfortable. I couldn't care less. I was like; please who's this weirdo *rme*? He retweeted most of my tweets but I continued to ignore him. Till one day he dm'd me and we started chatting. Then he said he had to drive and asked for my number and then he called. Immediately we fell in friendship. We gisted for hours and we found we both worked in VI (I was doing my Chamber Attachment then) so we made plans for lunch the next day. The next day at noon he sent his driver t…

It's Monday!!!

It's such a beautiful day The sun's come out to play And I just dropped by to say May your week be blessed I pray May all bear fruits on which your hands lay May tears and troubles be kept at bay May efforts and plans this week pay May it be bright and colorful that which was gray  May your week be filled with "Yes!" And "Yay!" From the path of grace may you not stray May your joy and blessings know no delay May peace visit your home and forever stay May God be with you always and today And on this beautiful day what more can I say; Thank God for Life, thank God for Love, thank God it's Monday!
With love from me to each and every blog reader. *hugs and kisses*. 

(I will catch up with you guys soon. Lemme face my work first. LOL.)

On The Death of Love And Romance... and a little randomness.

Yesterday evening, before the supermarket debacle I joined my friend and her boo in his friend's mansion. Yes, I had to say it, the house is a freaking mansion! They were at the poolside and as I'm not a great huge fan of the outdoors and sandflies I thought I would make my visit brief and keep it moving. But the conversation that ensued kept me glued to my seat for two good hours.

Dear Married Women, Not Every Girl Wants To Snatch Your Husband!

Look I get it, I know he wasn't easy to come by. Who knows how many months of dry fasting you had to endure? Can the seeds you sowed and the tithe you paid not fill a drum? Who knows how many nights you did 'tdb' studying the Kama Sutra just to clinch the deal and finally get him to put a ring on it? Well we can never know but believe me when I say, I understand.

Big Bold and Beautiful Amani Terrell Walks The Hollywood Boulevard InJust A Bikini

A Los Angeles resident, Amani Terrell, wore a bikini along Hollywood Boulevard as her little way of promoting healthy body images. Amani Terrell says she lives in a city where being thin is "in"; however, Terrell wants to show that you can be beautiful no matter what the scale says.

Terrell explains, "I came up with this idea because I live in Hollywood and there's this mass hysteria of perfection in this town. There's a misconception that big women have low self-esteem. I don't have low self-esteem. I'm 260 pounds. I know I do need to lose some weight. However I still love myself regardless."
Photos below:

On In-Laws, Excuses And Decisions.

Blog reader Sasha Bone requested I do a post on the outrageous excuses/reasons (prospective) in-laws have given their sons (daughters) for their reluctance/refusal of them marrying (you).  
In her own case they said she was too tall, although he's slightly taller than she is. 

Photo Of The Day.

Just when I thought I'd seen and heard it all, I saw this:

I Have A Confession!

I'm about to admit something to you guys. Something I've never openly admitted. Talking about this takes more courage than I'd thought I would need.

Dear Thelma...

Dear Thelma,
I just recently started seeing this guy. We really click. He is just my kind of man except for the fact that he smokes like hell. Anyway, he wants us to be in a committed relationship, something serious. I want to date him because I really like him. The problem is that he has a girlfriend. Their relationship is on the rocks. He is trying to break up with her. He said he doesn't love her, and I believe him. But I feel guilty. They have been dating for 2years. She has fibroid, and she is 31years old.  I am way younger and feel as though am stealing from her. Is it a bad thing to snatch her boyfriend even though I don't know her. Is there anything like boyfriend snatcher? Will karma work against me? Should I tell him to go back to his girlfriend?  Please help me.

A Letter To The Soon-To-Be Former Mrs ************

Good evening Ma. 
I know work is good, I don't even need to ask. You're the boss. I've never told you this, well because I'm scared to approach you like most people are, (you're something of a god, we are in awe of you) well I've never told you how much I admire you, and aspire to be like you. I often wonder how you made it that far, and still going. How you became boss in a male dominated world. Everyone respects you. Everyone is in awe of you. Everyone fears you. Everyone including him, yes him; your husband. 

I'm Dating A Short Guy. So What?

But is it really a big deal? Let me answer that. Well, yes. Sort of. When every lady describes her dream man he's TDH; tall dark and handsome. And then fairy tale stories don't help either. Prince Charming is never short. No, he's very tall, with broad shoulders and a strong jaw. As are the heroes in Super Hero stories. An easy example is Thor. Isn't Thor (Chris Hemsworth) just the perfect man? Especially if you're inclined towards the Caucasian male, and well if you're not then I give you Idris Elba.... Or Will Smith or RMD (let's bring it closer home). You know those men, manly men. The ones we presuppose a man ought to look like.

What's Your Love Language?

The five love languages was written by Gary Chapman in 1995. In it he allows five ways people experience and most importantly express love. He argues that this list is exhaustive ie it applies to everyone where love is concerned. 
When I mentioned it in yesterday's post a couple of people asked what I meant and just to shed some light on it I decided to do this. It's necessary to know your love language as well as your partner's. Your emotional love language and that of your partner may be as different as Mandarin from English – no matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse only understands Mandarin, you’ll never understand how to love each other.


THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES: 

Dear Thelma...

Hello Thelma,  I just posted a long comment and if it's not a problem i would want you to share this on your blog. I am constant reader and I want to say that you are doing a great job and also the people who post comments are really honest with their opinions..same goes to you as well.I want to know what you and your readers feel about my situation. 
I don't know if i'm going to regret my decision .. I broke up with my ex because i don't think I trust him. I was done with uni and moved back home which is 5 hrs away. He will be done soon and he is going to a different city and we will have to fly if we become long distance lovers. we had hiccups in our 4 yr relationship (he used to chat with random girls but he never slept with any as they were at other countries smh ). He says he was just talking to them and never meant harm but I never liked it which he eventually stopped doing. All through uni he never said he loved me because he thinks the word has been over used and…

Regrets Anyone?

When I'm out with someone and they ask "What are your regrets?" I'm always quick to say I have no regrets, and then I add that every bad experience is a lesson learnt and not a regret. (I don't even know if that makes sense but it always shuts people up). 
In truth I do have regrets and I hope that by talking about a few of them I'll let them go. These are some of the regrets I never acknowledge I regret:

Dear Thelma, ...

Dear Thelma, I have been dating this lady, a fresh Medical School graduate, for 2 years. I promised to buy her a new car as soon as my finances get on the right footing. She tells me she loves me and has been quite nice to me. Recently however she has been telling me "I won't leave you until you buy my car". I'm confused Thelma, is she still with me because of the expected car? Please help. 

Sexual Harassment At The Office. (We Should Talk About This)

Good morning Guys! I hope your weekend was beautiful. 
This morning I received a mail from one of our readers. She told me she quit her job a couple of weeks back because her boss was persistently sexually harassing her. My first thought was I hope she had another job waiting when she left that one because we all know how difficult it is to come by jobs these days. But then I once left a job for that same reason. It got really tiring; someone trying to fondle my boobs as 'good morning', grabbing me and trying to kiss me on the lips at any given opportunity, grabbing or smacking my bum when no one was looking, sending pornographic pictures and videos to my inbox and bbm, sending me very sexually explicit messages of what he'd want to do to me, asking me to accompany him for meetings but afterwards making a detour and stopping at a secluded place where I'd have to fight him off while still trying to respect him as the boss. At some point going to work became very dreadf…

A Few Pictures From Saturday.

Yesterday two awesome couples got married; DJ Big N and Chioma, and my bestie from my first secondary school Ronke Adejugbe and Leke. I pray God blesses both unions. 

That's my friend Ginika, whom I lurvvv so much. This was after the weddings, I took her with me to see another friend of mine while we waited for evening to come. Saturday night Latasha Ngwube had a house party and I'd looked forward to it all week, considering that I hadn't been out in a while. 
We got there and after a while Latasha announced that the Cool Kids Room was open and I thought it would be a good idea. The place was a bit too "star"-studded for me. Omawumi was a sweetheart as usual. Michelle Dede was up and about, Waje was straight faced (as she always is when I see her out), Noble Igwe was looking surly in a corner. Everywhere I turned there was the face of a public figure so the darkness of the Cool Kids Room appealed to me. 
My adorable friend Yoko and I. Yoko is Latasha's sister an…

Confessional. (A TMI Moment).

Yesterday as I drove along the road with *G, my mind was in a tumult, all over the place. I was angry about something. I wasn't even sure what. G said I'm going mad; why are you so angry? I gave her a list of reasons but none of them were good enough in her opinion. Well, sorry I reserve the right to be angry if I so choose. And in the middle of that anger I burst into laughter. This time around the look on her face was priceless. The babe was scared. 
I didn't want to tell her why but just so I could convince my friend that I wasn't losing it right in front of her I explained it. This is a TMI moment so I would use the words mildly. So after several months of getting none on one day during the week when I came home early I found myself alone. And then I remembered that a friend of mine who deals in the sex toy trade once left a sample here (it's not news what the devil does with an idle mind). Long story short at the end of that experience I could swear the groun…

You Could Check These Out....

Our blog reader says I should say a big thank you to you guys for the kind words and encouragement. She really does appreciate it. 



 I've noticed that not everyone is keen on gossip blogs, or they would like to read something besides the usual gossip (that was one of the reasons I started this one). Well there are some really cool blogs out there but these are the ones I know of, and I guess you could give them a shot too (in case you haven't done so yet). 
Romance Meets Life

Donna's Diary

Bride2mum

Omalicha Speaks

Dr. N's Musings

SINGLE IN GIDI

Literal Diva




Ok I think this pretty much sums it. I probably forgot a few, sorry I'm in a hurry for 11am mass. If you've got a non-gossip blog you'd like us to check out then just let us know in the comment section.

Have a beautiful Sunday guys!

Dear Thelma... Blog Reader Is In Pain.

Dear nwando.I just lost my boyfriend to a car accident two nights ago.6yrs and its jst too long to try to forget. My life is literally in pieces. How do I get over this?do people ever have this same experience?

............ When I got this mail my heart literally broke. I really don't know the words to say, I don't think there's anything I can say. A friend of mine had a similar experience a couple of years back and it was not easy at all so I can only imagine what this blog reader is going through. Have you had a similar experience? How do you deal with the pain? 
May his beautiful soul rest in peace.

Poor Faithful Husband vs Rich Unfaithful Husband. (Are There Any RichFaithful Men?)

Some people say you only know the true character of a woman when she has no money and the true character of a man when he has money. 



This morning on Beat fm on a show that discusses marriage and relationships a guy called in and said that when he makes money he's not going to settle for just woman. The host asked how many he'd want? Ten? He said no, maybe two or three and his wife should be prepared to share. One of the guests said ; don't make your wife pray for God never to bless you. A little conversation ensued and then the caller backtracked and said he was only joking. 
I gave it some thought and I realized that there must be wives who wish God had never blessed their husbands with money because it must be hard to believe that this uncontrollable creature was once their loving, faithful and attentive lovers.

My Week In Review.

Erm, I just like the way that sounded, my week was not in any way eventful. I just missed you guys and wanted to touch base. 
So yes, my week was uneventful. Work during the day, work out at night. Work is a bit chill'd at the moment. When I resumed work someone had recently joined the firm. She wasn't there when I left. When I saw her we both eyeballed each other in obvious displeasure. We were in the same class in Uni and you know those people that you never talked to and you never liked, and you were always certain that feeling was mutual. Well, she's one of such so when I saw her I was like God, why?

Misplaced Indignation.

Last week most of us had the best laughs we had had in a while, all thanks to the First Lady Dame Patience Jonathan. Yesterday at work someone played the video of the white woman who mimicked the First Lady. It was a very poor attempt but I laughed nonetheless (more out of trying to be polite to my colleague who showed it to me than genuine amusement).        While we laughed a couple of people expressed outrage and righteous indignation.  Basically their grievance was how dare she? How dare a white woman/foreigner make fun of our First Lady!? She should be sued, this is defamation (LOL). This is outright disrespectful. Would she dare do this to the wife of the President of the United States?

Selfish People Live Longer!

That Is one of the quotes from the movie The Other Woman. 


Earlier tonight I chatted with someone from the past. I remember I did a post last month about someone I friendzoned whom I thought will wait for me forever till he sent me his wedding invite and I almost fainted. Well that was about three years ago and last night was the first time we've conversed at length since then.

Blog Reader Has Questions And Needs Your Advice.

One of the reasons I'm thankful for the blog is because I've gotten to meet some really amazing people. Earlier today I chatted with one of our blog readers *Fope and she shared a problem with me. We decided to put it up on the blog and get your thoughts and opinions, and possibly your advice. 

There Are Still Good Ones Out There!

My life is a testimony, the enemy has aimed for my life several times, but God has always pulled me out of darkness. No matter how many times I'm struck down, I rise again. Then God blessed me with the most amazing life mate. My husband is really one that defies the norm, I truly believe I'm the luckiest girl alive. This man loved me as a size 10 and also as a size 18 when I blew up in pregnancy, he never made me feel anything less than beautiful. At the end of all that pregnancy weight and hormones I lost my baby at birth and this man has cried with me, prayed with me and prays for me. He ached as I ached. When I told him I can't go thru it all again he told me children or no children it's me he married and me he loves. He fightes my battles and fights for us. He is a hardworker and a provider. I can't think of him and not be overwhelmed with intense love. He is not perfect but he tries he damn hardest. He always ask me what he can do to make me happy. Even when h…

The Things He Said...

"Husband no dey Lagos, all na film trick". 
"Cold dey o! Everybody needs 'blanket' "
"You're getting too old to be doing like this" "Men are very sensitive, we are like babies" "Men are very afraid of marriage, every man is, it's scary. That commitment is scary, so understand that sometimes it's not personal, it's just fear".  "Thelma stop trying to control things. If you take this your attitude into marriage then you might ruin it."  "You don't submit. Thelma you need to learn to submit. Do you know what submission does? It makes your man serve you."


These were some of the things he said to me. Who's he? My boss's friend, a lawyer, 'senior counsel', relationship/marriage counsellor *Barr Bayo. And what happened? you might ask. Well he came into the office and sat with us and at some point *David called me and I was short with him; why are you calling me? You called me this morni…

Ironic. (Heartbreak at Midday)

I had so much to do. The day was moving so slowly yet so fast. I almost yelled hurry up and end but in the same breath I prayed the clock's hands to stand still, I needed more time. Files, work, pressure, motions, lunch, noise, type, think, pressure, hurry, do, ideas, quick, breathe. They all hurled around my brain. This same brain was trying to think, do the magic, the one that thinks up the great idea that wins the client the case. Then you walked in.

Thelma Asks...

This is based on thoughts in light of yesterday's viral video of Solange assaulting Jay Z. Of course I was shocked (and I'll confess, mildly amused) as I watched the theatrics. I think part of my entertainment/amusement was borne of the fact that Beyonce's mask of perfection just fell flat on the floor. Anyways in our entertainment, shock, horror, delight, amusement, wonderment most people looked at the video and wondered what in high heavens Jay could have possibly done. A lot of us concluded that he had done some dirty and Solange was defending her sister's honour and without even knowing the facts we supported Solange. 
Now this is besides the point. The point is that we all say NOBODY deserves to be physically assaulted and abused. Is this more acceptable because this time a man was the recipient of the assault and not a woman. 
Would you have felt the same if it was JayZ beating Solange?
Why does JayZ get whooped and nobody cries foul, nobody even seems to acknow…

Ladies, Must Your Man Be Mr 'Going Somewhere'?

Earlier today when we weren't doing much at work I dropped by a friend's office very close to mine and I joined in a bit on the girl talk that was brewing. Now the person at the centre of this discourse, my friend's colleague *Dupe, is engaged. But unlike most brides to be she's soooo reluctant that you'd wonder why she hasn't called the wedding off already. It's not that she doesn't love him, she just has certain concerns.