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A Letter To The Soon-To-Be Former Mrs ************





Good evening Ma. 

I know work is good, I don't even need to ask. You're the boss. I've never told you this, well because I'm scared to approach you like most people are, (you're something of a god, we are in awe of you) well I've never told you how much I admire you, and aspire to be like you. I often wonder how you made it that far, and still going. How you became boss in a male dominated world. Everyone respects you. Everyone is in awe of you. Everyone fears you. Everyone including him, yes him; your husband. 


Will you ever read this? I doubt it. And if you do you may not know it's to you. But I've been thinking about you for days now. It's none of my business but .... So he, your handsome hunk of a husband, seems he's fine 'fearing' you and being in awe of you. But it seems even more than that he misses being in awe of. He misses being looked up to and worshipped. You don't worship him anymore, you barely notice him. And so he went and got someone who does. And this time I worry for you. 

You see, it's not like he's exactly been Mr Faithful in the past. I mean, it's hard to be when you're too busy, tired or uninterested to part your legs and allow him relieve his tension. So he resorted to one-nighters. He pays them when he's done and bades them farewell, till next time. But madam this time things are different. He's gone and found someone. This time it's more than rushed sex, this time it's more like love. It hurts me on your behalf that even his friends whose wives are your friends know and acknowledge her as the new madam. She gives him everything you don't and is ready to give him even more. I worry for you. 

And when a few months back he said in passing that he was thinking of taking another wife, and to show that he had given it some serious thought he mentioned that bigamy is no longer a criminal offense in Lagos  state, said it was removed from the Criminal Code of Lagos state. So that means he's free to marry Sisi. (His words not mine). 

I've met sisi. Because of you I was determined to hate her. But madam it was hard and I couldn't. She's the sweetest kindest thing ever. We became friends and she shows me love and sincere affection. Also watching Sisi and your hubby is like watching an exaggerated romantic comedy. They're too cute. She makes him young and has put back the twinkle in his eyes and the spring in his step. For the first time in a long time he looks forward to tomorrow. Madam I know love when I see it and your hubby is in love. 

Normally I would have fought him on your behalf, reminded him of his vows. Reminded him of you. But I don't because it seems like you don't care. Do you care? That's the question with which I should have started this letter. So that if you don't I could save my time and energy. But if you do... Then madam, please come 'down', come back. Madam I will never ask that you shun your job after all the sweat, tears and grit it took you to get to where you are, but maybe if you can 'worship' him just a little?

I do not begrudge you your superior career. But I find that I find it hard to begrudge Sisi either even though she's terribly in the wrong. It's just, you're too busy trying to take over the world that you've vacated your seat at home and left it empty for too long. And now your place is getting cold. Sisi smoothens the lines in the back of her skirt, she dusts off her bum as she prepares to drop her behind in that seat and make it warm again. 

Seeing as I'm only a lowly observer I cannot speak, I can only write. Na siddon look I dey so Madam. 

And now I find myself asking; can't a woman have it all; be a wife, a mother and The Boss? Or does something always have to give? I remember you in my prayers tonight, and because one day I may be in your shoes (just like anyone else) I only pray God to guide you and give you wisdom, and to show Sisi that she's too awesome a woman to be Number 2. As for him, he's a baby in need of love and attention like most of his kind, a little bit of that from you and who knows, Sisi might just become an inconvenient memory?



Kindest Regards,
Me. 

............

The above is Non-fiction.

Who else is worried about where we're going to hear Boko Haram has bombed by the time we wake up in the morning? I know I am!
My friend just returned home to Sokoto and thankfully Sokoto has not been in the news of late, still I wonder what my Christian Igbo brother is going back to look for in Sokoto? I can only continue to pray for them all. 

Comments

  1. This is serious. I think you should tell Sisi what you've written in your letter. She should go and find her own man. Why should someone settle for number 2? And no, it's not very easy being wife, mother and boss but a few do it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I sincerely believe God did not create women to work, the working woman is man made and ll continue to be a problem, call me old skool but thats wat it should be. Nature made d woman to bear children and raise them while taking care of the home while the man provides for his family but man has turned the tables. Now we see women struggle with work, children and home keeping, its unnatural and ll always cause problems, something or someone ll always suffer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *Speechless*

      Delete
    2. The Proverbs 31 woman- who is supposed to be a model for Christian women- worked, and worked HARD.
      She had a good head for business and is seen utilizing her God-given skills.

      That said, I think when it comes to career paths and really rising to the top, something's got to give.
      Sadly.

      Thelma, I wake up in apprehension too every morning and the first thing I do is check LIB to be sure BH hasn't attacked any place- its such a pity :(

      Delete
  3. Thelma I don't understand. Are you saying he's justified in cheating?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying maybe if madam paid a bit of attention he won't go as far as considering taking another wife. (I sort of think that even if she gave him all the attention he will still have his one-nighters outside once in a while. But now, his needs transcend just sex. He wants to be loved and be shown affection, be pampered and be catered to, something madam has little or no time for. Thus he found Sisi.)

      Delete
    2. Why? Why must I pander to the whims of a man? Why can't I have a career and love it? We don't raise the boy child to see a woman as anything but a vagina. Why can't a man support and accept a career oriented woman? We should continue pampering them to their graves. That's why I intend to raise my sons differently. They shouldn't be afraid of a woman who is better educated or paid

      Delete
    3. I think everyone, man or woman, wants to be loved and shown affection. I'm not excusing him because he's a man. I've got friends who aren't shown love by their husbands and when they begin to have emotional affairs with other men I do not blame or judge them.

      That said, there's no where in this post that I suggested that she earns better or is more educated than he is. They are both highly qualified professionals and earn very well.

      Delete
  4. Thelma, you shud always let us know when ur stories r fiction or true. So we can stop assuming u r d writer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whether it's real or fiction, I'm the writer. BTW this isn't fiction.

      Delete
    2. What I mean by the writer is the person narrating.

      Delete
  5. @ anon 8 :14,Nope,she is saying he is human too and deserves attention,affection and care!men,I fear them,the ones you give attention sef are not 100% faithful not to talk of the one u didn't..dear God save nigeria

    ReplyDelete
  6. Pretty serious but going with another woman is wrong no matter how painful the experience may have been for the guy.
    I do not subscribe to divorce, maybe separation if things gets crazy. To go marry another can only be justified in a situation of infidelity. But we all don't have the same beliefs and we cannot condemn those that see things differently.
    May God grant us wisdom to understand His plans for our lives.

    By the way, I am not so bothered about the BH issue anymore. Maybe this is what happened when you lose hope? Just wondering why non natives are still in the northern part of the country.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wale I wonder the same thing too! Whenever I ask they say they can't just pack up and go. Most say they have no where else to go to. My friend in Sokoto says all his father's assets and properties and everything his father has worked for all his life are there, he cannot just leave them for someone else.

      Delete
    2. @# wale/thelma,
      If they relocate to the south or the east, will you house them?
      will you feed them?
      would they receive any form of compensation at all from none?
      pls lets be realistics in our demands,
      I was originally from the south , married to a christian northerner, their entire generation is in the core north, pray tell, how do we relocate say 300/500 members of my husbands village and to where?
      Nigeria is for all nigerians, and until we take that strong message seriously, isn like this will continue.
      Truly, no where is safe in this country, if BH doesn't bomb you, you stand the risk to be kidnapped in the south , or "ritualized" (lack of better words) in the East.
      Theres no safety anywhere, except in the lord.
      Shikena!

      Delete
    3. Iyawo Mola I completely understand. I also understand my friend's point of view. I'm just worried for them that's all. We will all die but we must do what we can when possible to hold it off for as long as possible.

      Delete
    4. Iyawo Mola, while your situation is understandable, it does not change my opinion. You have a different reason to stay there but I was not addressing people like you or the 300/500 members of your husband's village that are northerners, pretty sure they know that terrain and can handle things better than most non natives; but there are non natives with no affiliation beyond economic considerations.
      Yes, I will house and feed those I can till they can find something to do. I know safety and security are of the Lord but He didn't give me brains just to fill my skull. Nobody should stay where they cannot have peace.

      Relocation is never easy but is always driven by something pretty serious. What can we do in our helpless state, keep praying?? Yes, but please add relocation to it.
      I will continue to find this option more realistic until the government is able to fix the root cause of the problem.

      Delete
  7. No justification for cheating. We always excuse men. And NO men are not babies. Men are adults and should behave as such. When men work hard their wives support them, when women work hard it's something to be discussed and talked about. If the man is sensible and reasonable, you won't tell me that the woman goes to work even on Sundays and comes back by 12 midnight every other day. They can make everytym they spend together memorable. Is marriage all about sitting down and looking at your husband's face? Doesn't the man work too? Don't they have kids? This is a silly reason to cheat. Men can be excused for this, but if a woman cheats for this same reason she is a whore.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. In addition to what u said,I'll also ask,What do Men really want?

      Delete
    2. and I wonder what else the man has achieved in his lifetime while the woman is busy achieving.
      stupid men be throwing shades at ladies everywhere,whereas they aren't fulfilling their obligations as men, they arent paying rent, school fees, et al.

      Delete
  8. Marriage is partnership which includes giving each other attention. It goes both ways.

    ReplyDelete
  9. And btw,is Sisi also a working career driven woman with kids? If Yes,and she (Sisi) still gives this woman's husband the attention he wants,then I'll (slightly) support their r/ship...

    ReplyDelete
  10. Sasha make I no flog U oh! Sisi is just a terrible air head. If she isn't paying Mr man all this attention. He'll be more focused on resolving issues with his Wifey, but We women, we are our own problem.

    As for Mrs Woman, she had better Read & Meditate on Prov 31 daily for 365days before she ends up marrying & sleeping with her career!!!

    ReplyDelete

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