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Dear Thelma, I Have The Ring. How Long Do I Have To Wait For TheWedding?

Thelma, what if the guy had proposed and a year after, no wedding yet? See, this is my story. I met this guy when we were finishing our PG program in 2012 and i made him understand am not ready to date until i start working cuz i was enjoying my single status. We were both full time students and he swept me off my feet so i started dating him, barely two months into the relationship the guy proposed o, we had just finished school and trying to get jobs, i had reservations about the proposal but i accepted and didnt even really announce the proposal to friends cuz i know we both were not financially capable for the wedding. The proposal was december 2012, i got a job in 2013 and have been supporting him with what am earning as he is still job hunting, as i type this am so confused cuz i remember giving him an ultimatum in december 2013 that by the 1st quarter of 2014, if i dont see any commitment from him, then am leaving. I stopped wearing his ring last year, and we really fought about me not wearing the ring. I am tired of waiting and hoping... how long do i have to wait? 

This reminds me of a joke I've never really found funny; The Lord of The Rings joke. You know, the one where he proposes to you and several months or years later is still yet to show further commitment. 

I'm weary of giving an opinion in personal matters where I don't know the parties personally. You've given an ultimatum, you've made a demand and set a standard and if he doesn't do the needful then it may be the time to evaluate your relationship and move on. I didn't see anywhere you mentioned you love him and want to be his wife, your only issue seems to be time. 

Do you love him? Besides the wait, the unemployment and poor finances is he someone you want to spend your life with? How intense is his job search; is he making visible and serious efforts to better his situation and begin a new life with you? (I'm asking this because I want you to be certain you're not just his meal-ticket. Proposing barely after two months raises my brows.) If YES to all of these then I'll say give it more time, the first quarter of 2014 only just ended. Continue to support, pray for and encourage him. Help may just be around the corner. 

Otherwise my sister please do the needful. 

I wish you good luck. 


Blog readers what would you advice in this situation?


  1. I personally think he gave you the ring to have you to himself, you know tie you down. I will advise you move on abeg, except your finger na key ring then you can stay there.

    First time commenting.... check for Nigerian music critique.

    And Thelma, you're doing a good job.

  2. pls dump his ass there's no time. if he can't find a job can't he start a business or doesn't he know he's a man?

  3. In situations like this the best option is to sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him. and tell him exactly how you feel.

  4. We are not with you guys, but girl, you can dictate from his action if the delay is just because of money or he is no more interested but don't know how to say over. sit him down and ask him some questions and know his reasons. As for job, ask him to be a man and lay his hand on something that can fetch him income.

  5. Hmmmmm, am stuck here...
    Poster, U are a mature woman I guess. Handle this how Ur Heart tells u to.
    U are the one wearing the shoe, u know where & how to fix the hurt...

  6. How long do you have to wait for the wedding? Simple answer would be "As long as you wish". need to slow down and answer some of the questions Thelma put up there. I suspect that the guy will not do a wedding until he gets a job, no serious guy would do that. You wrote that he is still job hunting, so he is trying to get a job.
    He will be condemned, abused and cursed if he goes ahead to marry you depending on your income alone since there is no guarantee as to when he would get a job.

    Back to your question again, you gave an ultimatum that didn't work meaning the ball is back in your court and only you can decide. Feel free to give the ring back if that's what you want, it will save the poor guy from undue pressure and also help you grab your future with your two hands.

  7. You can only know by having that talk with him and making some hard decisions.


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He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
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See how you are serious dey read this story....!

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