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Dear Thelma, What's A Man's Role?

Thelma please help me post this on your blog. What is the role of a man in a relationship? My car is having issues and I told him about it. It's been over a week and he still hasn't done anything. I asked him about it yesterday and he said he doesn't have to give me anything, that it's not his responsibility to give me the money for the car. Long story short we got into a big fight. I stood my grounds; he's meant to help get my car fixed and foot the bill. I shouldn't even have to ask. We're both professionals and we're both high income earners but I think it's his role as my man to take care of such needs. 
       Please help me ask your readers what they think. 

Hmmm, she didn't ask me what I think so I shall reserve my comment. 
Is it the responsibility of a man to cater to his woman's financial needs? 
My opinion:
Boyfriend-Maybe/Yes/No. (It's up to him to decide). 


  1. Seriously? Madam he is your boyfriend not your husband o! You don't even have a right to demand anything from him.

  2. Madam its ur boyfriend so its up to him 2 decide then if it was ur husband its his duty but not to cause fight anyway, if its ur husband and the both of you are high income earners u can fix it afterall u must not wait for ur husband 2 provide for everyting so madam pls repair your car afterall you bought it with your money,you shld hav waited for him 2 buy the car for you mscheeeeeewww!!!!!!

  3. A man who loves/cares for u enough,whether boyfriend,man-friend or husband wld either get ur car fixed or give u the money(or part of it) for it.
    Men are fixers,its what they do and they take pride in knowing they did something or anything to make their woman happy.
    The world over knows a wife material but how bout them defining the husband material?
    As they say,if he's not spending his HARD EARNED MONEY on u,he's spending it on someone else...

  4. Am gonna disagree a lil with U Sasha,
    A husband is DIFFERENT from a boyfriend/ManFriend/Fiance'... Esp Financial baggage-wise.

    My man can decide to help me financially or NOT. No biggie. What am I doing for him in return? Nada.

    But my husband? Taking care of me is his freaking responsibility. Though there's gonna be a common ground...

    So Madam poster, kindly fix ur car, after all u are not broke.

  5. A man's role has been clearly defined in the Bible, she will find answers in the good book

  6. Some years ago, I saw a quote "my money is my money but his money is our money". This is only applicable in marriage. Everyone has his/her responsibilities but there should be understanding and independence. In a relationship, it is advisable to handle your expenses unless he chooses to help out. Even in marriage, if you can relieve your hubby of some financial burden, please do. A good and wise man will appreciate that. To our poster -- If you are financially capable as you claim, fix your car. If not, wait till you can. If you are engaged, he could help out with some percentage. Let it be his choice. You might be lucky he'll foot the whole bill. But don't demand it, ask nicely. Before he came into your life, who was responsible for your car fixes and servicing?---- that 's your food for thought. #Enjay#

  7. I agree with Sasha's comment - "A man who loves/cares for u enough,whether boyfriend,man-friend or husband wld either get ur car fixed or give u the money(or part of it) for it.
    Men are fixers,its what they do and they take pride in knowing they did something or anything to make their woman happy."

    I also agree with Ruth's comment - "A husband is DIFFERENT from a boyfriend/ManFriend/Fiance'... Esp Financial baggage-wise.

    My man can decide to help me financially or NOT. No biggie. What am I doing for him in return? Nada."

    I think we need more light regarding this issue, as a girlfriend, is she doing what a wife does such as cooking, cleaning and taking care of his sexual needs?

    This may cause a bias and illusion that her boyfriend also has to live up to certain responsibilities.

    Personally, I think if you are not married then the car is "your car" and has not become "our car" even though you may have fully financed the purchase prior to marriage so my dear, if you really need your car urgently I would suggest you fix it yourself.

    If he decides not to chip in then at least you know he may have an irkling of selfishness lurking somewhere in his personality.


  8. Keke welcome to our blog & I Love Ur analysis BUT, a woman satisfying a man's Sexual needs is NOT a yardstick for demanding anything!!! It's NOT even a criteria for anything womanhood....

    In the process of satisfying his Sexual urges, Don't u, as a woman get satisfied too? Doesn't he gives it to u like u want too?
    It strongly disgusts me when women say he used me & dumped me! Meaning he had sex with me & left.
    Babes come on, if the sex was consensual, there was NO usage!!! It's a mutual relationship.

    Pls take sex outta evaluating relationship issues!!!

    1. You make a valid point and I agree with you. Sex when consensual is for the satisfaction of both parties. It should not be used as a yardstick to demand an act of service form your significant other.

      Premarital sex coupled with many other things complicates relationships. Personally I can not take it out of relationship issues.

      It is even known that sex and finances are the major issues within a marriage which is another form of a relationship, how then will I take it out when people are just dating or courting.

      The general point I was trying to make is, she may be playing house therefore seeing this from a "I" prospective.

      "I told him..." "I asked him..." "I stood my ground..."

      Like I said, we need more light to understand the reasons behind her sense of entitlement.

      How do they even communicate in their relationship, have roles been pre-defined in the past?

      Did she take time to check maybe he's made financial obligations that she may not be aware of and maybe he just doesn't want to tell her and would rather just say no I can't take care of this particular task?


  9. Like seriously?! And you want to be up and about claiming miss independent. Would be a nice surprise if he sends a mechanic to come and fix it. You shouldn't make a fuzz out of it. Do you even do anything for him financially in return? I'm sorry, you obviously are too expectant. I'm guessing he's already having second thoughts about you. Do something to change his perception of the kind of wife you would be and fast please.

  10. I get U Keke... Exactly Eniola... babe thinks she's doing the guy a favour dating him...

  11. Any guy who agrees he doesn't owe his girlfriend anything financially is either very single or isn't in a serious relationship.
    Take a random opinion poll on guys who are in serious relationships hypothetically ask them this Q using their girlfriend as the one with a broken car and come tell us their responses to this question.

  12. if he can not help with fixing a car as a boyfriend even after you asked..he may not fix that car or help out when he becomes a husband..When you don't want to see that person in need when you can help out..whether he is boyfriend or a if he's not bothered about what's bothering you now and you are fine with it and accept to marry him then why should he change because he has become a husband.. there is a proverb in my language that says"it is from the smell of a fart,that you will know how the shit will be'' Now go figure!


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