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Does The Cookie Really Have To Crumble? (*Pensive*)

A few minutes ago I was writing a post on 'Loving The One You're With' with my new resolution to begin to appreciate the men who're interested in me and look upon them for those things I want. I reflected and thought, they might even be of more value than those one I think I like, I might find that even though this might not be what I thought I wanted, it might turn out to be what I actually need. And I said to myself, if I never try then I'll never know. 

With that final thought I began to feel very optimistic. Now here's the thing. I told y'all I'll be going out tonight. Everything was ready, I knew where I wanted to go and we had already made plans; we'll start with drinks at Sailors Bar, move on up to Facade and then go with the flow after that. My dress was laid out. I'd had a shower and done my make up but just before I headed out I totally lost interest and I changed my mind. An hour later he started calling and after about four calls I picked and gave very lame excuses; Friday nights are too crowded, I was dozing off, I had a long day etc. He kept calling and asking that we go anywhere I want, do anything I want, have whatever I want but I said No, I want to sleep. I suggested that we shift plans to tomorrow. 

This is probably the 25th time (at least) I've cancelled on this guy between February and now. But tonight, when I said tomorrow I genuinely meant tomorrow. In fact I did something I never do, I said he should come visit me at home tomorrow. So that even if I don't feel up to going out we'll still spend time together and he agreed. 

Then I started writing the post with him in mind. Suddenly I thought about it and for the first time since I met him I decided in my heart to give him a chance. Why not, Nwando? He's nice, young, good looking, great job, caring, very comfortable, he basically has most of the essentials. I began to feel rather excited and optimistic and then I got an alert on my phone:

I feel like the universe is sticking its tongue out at me right now. 

I'm wondering; should I apologise and ask for a second chance? Or should I just let it go? Am I losing out on something good here? Or will he have turned out to be another waste of time?

Does the cookie really have to crumble? 

Basically dude just broke up with me before we even started dating.... I can't say I blame him sha, I'm surprised he held on this long. And I've just made my mind up, I'm not a proud person, but I'm not going to call him. And with that final thought I'm off to bed. 

 I already know how old I am, but if you still feel the need to remind me (especially the ones that will ping me when they see this post) my guest. Goodnight lovers!


  1. T you didnt sound sorry. Personally I dont think you like the guy but maybe you should apologise and ask for another chance. After all you've been standing him up.

  2. Thelma, you just broke two hearts! Yea, doesn't look like you really like the guy but did you have to do that?
    I am on the guy side on this one..

  3. Oh wow...hmm.
    Girl,u did a post on a guy cancelling on u twice but u didn't on u cancelling on someone for the 25TH TIME???
    Well,shake it off ND move along...ce la vie

  4. Maybe ur scared of trying something different,sometimes u have to go with the flow

  5. Hmmm. He just realized himself after the 25th time of asking? Abeeeeg...

    I had a friend in school who chased a lady for 3 years...3 Y-E-A-R-S! What on earth...? And she always gave excuses why they couldn't date, but my guy no gree o..until when we left for our 6 months IT in our 4th year before he finally accepted that the lady just wanted to be friends.

    Anyman who asks a lady out more than 5 times after getting polite excuses from her is just lost. He may be nice, good looking, caring and all that, but there's no need throwing your heart at men who fit such description. If he truly held you in high esteem he would realize that you didn't want a date but still, not irritated by his presence, and this message he sent you won't be there. It's another way of knowing men who respect the decision of a woman, even through hints like lame excuses. You don't force your heart on anybody, the chemistry comes easy. Don't blame Thelma. Be blessed.

    1. Fuck you Memphis. You're such an ass and I hope sweets doesn't take to your advise

    2. Lol...different voltrons for different folks

  6. Its obvious u don't like the guy from start but eventually when u want to give it a try,he left,maybe he's not meant for you..
    Shake it off n let it Go,its part of it JO

  7. I believe Thelma is indeed sorry and well the guy is also tired. My advice would be to be a friend, no need asking for a date cos the guy will now feel like james bond. With friendship, you guys might just hit it off or settle for just casual friends. Don't let anyone make you feel uneasy about your age abeg. Marry in haste, repent at leisure. All will pan out right there

  8. I once dated a guy simply because of how persistent he was, needless to say, it only lasted less dan 2months I just wasn't feeling it no matter how nice, caring, generous, comfortable et al he was/is. But when I met hubby haaa he was chasing me I was chasing him back :x the chemistry was and still is that raw. My dear don't be too hard on your self the heart wants what it wants you cannot force some things.

  9. Thelma I can understand his frustrattion. Just let go of proud or whatever and call him. Of course he will do shakara at first so expect that. But call or text and apologise for everything and see how he reacts. He may have a change of heart.

  10. If the chemistry isnt there dont do it. However dont lead anyone on while u are trying to figure it out.

  11. Sweets, call him or text him or mail him:just let him know you're sorry and offer him anything from 1-3 dates to makeup for the 25 dates you cancelled. After 3 dates, see how things go from there

    1. Is that right? Unless I missed something, I don't see why there should be a "Sorry" after all these cancelled appointments. It's not as if Thelma disrespected him in anyway.

      "Every lady deserves being around a man that holds them in high esteem"...after 25 times of asking? Maybe you don't understand the fact that chemistry between two people is never forced. Couldn't he just appreciate a platonic friendship after getting the first 3 to 5 negative reactions from Thelma? And now, ontop of these messages, she now has to say "Sorry boo, let me make it up to you. How about the movies this weekend and The Palms next weekend"? And you wonder why alot of women are taken for granted and have their hearts broken in pieces. Issorite...

      Left for me, they've given themselves clear closure messages and that is that. If Thelma decides to take your advice and apologize/make-it-up to him for reasons I can't fathom, it's up to her. But I'll advice you Thelma, DON'T GO FURTHER THAN THIS.

    2. Well said. No is no. If theres no feeling, don't push it.

  12. I think I agree with Memphis on this. You shouldn't force chemistry at all. Don't call him, don't text him. He is one of those things that happened 2 u. Move on dearie. Nice blog.

  13. U see why i like Memphis?! Clear-cut and simple. As much as it hurts being the guy (or girl) on the receiving end, hints and lame excuses r just a polite way of saying exactly where u are comfortable with n a relationship at any time. And we are old enough to know what we want and if there's chemistry. And i know for a fact that persistence is not always a good thing in trying to start a relationship. My two cents; ur messages said it all and u guys can move on as friends if possible. If not, c'est la vie! Life's too short to start running around seeking a placatory date for someone u have subconsciously "friendzoned" already.

  14. Thelma pls hook a sister up. All these men in your life and ur single. Hmmm.

  15. Memphis i am suspicious of you. You better make your intention known and be fast about it.

    On the topic, even if you dont want to date him, you can still be friends with the guy. The guy felt huurt and i think the best you can do Thelma is to call him and talk things over like adults noy neccesarilly apologising.


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Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
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