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"A Great Guy" versus "The Great Guy".

For the past few days/weeks/months I've been asking myself and everyone whom I thought could answer questions relating to love, relationships, marriage. To be specific, 

-Are attraction and chemistry really important in the long run; in long term relationships and in marriage particularly?
-Can love and friendship come after marriage (if it wasn't there before the marriage)?

I've been particular about this because I sincerely haven't felt any connection to anyone in a while and it's been a source of concern to me as I constantly worry that I may miss out on a good man with whom I could have a happy life and home. When I saw this post on I was relieved. I felt like someone had finally clarified things for me. See what bride2mum says below:

Have you ever been in a relationship with this guy, nice, caring, loving, perfect gentle man, better than every other one you have dated but yet you don’t just feel him, there is no connection, you try to work hard to love him and the more you try, the more it stresses you out as love and commitment becomes work?… 

There are two kinds of great guys you might meet in life, there is “A Great Guy” (not for you) and “The Great guy”(made for you),

“A great guy” versus “The great guy”

-They are both ideal men but one is great for you while the other isn’t
-With a great guy, you try hard to love him, with the great guy, love is not an issue with him
-You may think you are not worth a great guy’s love because you don’t love him back and  you pity him… You love the great guy and he loves you back and you guys may even be wondering who loves each other more
-You walk around egg shell with a great guy and may not be free to be yourself but with the great guy, you are at ease, you enjoy every moment and things are just fluid with you guys
-You would totally enjoy and look forward to hanging out and communicating with “the great guy” but most times hanging out with “a great guy” is like a chore
I am not saying that every guy you are free with, that fits into the characteristics of “the great guy” is your husband o, I am just saying if you are with “a great guy” and you don’t understand why you can’t connect with him, then he may not be the one.

Why you shouldn’t Marry a great guy

If you listen to everybody and still marry “a great guy” that you almost have no connection with aka “you are not feeling” you would most likely be

Angered easily or bitter
Most likely regret it
Bored out of your mind
Resent the people that advised you to marry him
Struggle to submit
May not have a fulfilled sex life

If you marry “the great guy”

Fulfilled and this will lead to being the best you can be
Enjoy almost every moment
Connection is magical
You will definitely get angry with him sometimes but hardly bitter
You will not struggle to submit and other things
Most likely have  a fulfilled sex life.

All I am trying to say, don’t get it twisted, for the fact he is a great guy and fits the picture of the ideal man doesn’t mean he is for you, therefore another girl “a great guy” could be “the great guy” for another girl.


This does make sense to me but I would like to hear from you guys? Do you agree with what bride2mum has said? 


  1. I think am in this right now,am with a great guy but I don't feel much connection sometyms I feel something is wrong with me. Maybe its cos I sort of rushed into the r/ship coupled with long distance,wen we meet everytin is just kind of awkward bt I love him.Anyway I have committed it to God. :) #sussy

  2. Wow!!! I no understand this one joor!!! Warrisdis? *longSigh*

    A Great Guy, The Great Guy! Anyone that treats me RIGHT, i'll love, once I love U, I know I can truly care for U. If I care, I can freaking Marry U!!!

    Women that cant see themselves Loving a Guy who treats them Right have issues with themselves. #MyOpinion.

    T, the connection should come AFTER his actions! Am drawn to a guys actions not words/looks... *Reason why most girls fall for scumbag, they get connected before he looks their way*.


  3. From ur own question,Yes! I believe chemistry constitutes 70-80% of a great relationship. Everything bout ur partner shld drive u crazy enough wanting more...
    And Yes,its possible for the love to come later in the marriage. And i always advice,its best the guy loves u more than you love him.

  4. hmmm I do not agree with ruth and sasha..
    ruthy, just because he is a great guy that does not mean he's THE great guy for you.. I mean cmon, you cant automatically catch feelings for a guy jst because he's nice and he treats you right.. if there's no connection there's no connection.. you can try to force it but eventually your actions will bring you out..
    Sasha, one should not be with a guy just because he loves you more.. I mean there are women who want to fall in love with their men and not just men doing all the loving..the woman deserves to be in love and happy just like the man and not feel like she's settling..

  5. Ruthy I'm sure there's been at least one guy that did treat you right that you didn't feel anything for no matter how you happens my dear.

  6. Lauryn my answer to ur question is NO.
    If I won't date a guy, I don't bother about connections, if am not gonna date a guy, I don't give ROOM for those "Right actions" which will eventually make me connect with him...

    If the analysis in this post is TRUE, how many "The Great guy" is a lady entitled to in a lifetime? Does it mean if a woman marries "a great guy" her marriage is doomed from the words I Do? How many women married their The Great Guy for them & is that why we have many Unhappy marriages & high rate of divorce?

    How come "Prayer/The God Factor " is NOT in this analysis...

    Nna A God fearing man who treats Me Right is both my A great man & the great Man for me biko...
    We'll be HAPPY 4eva!!!

  7. Hmmm! You beta believe dere's a diff btw "a great guy" and "the great guy" I know of dis couple.... I just feel so sorry 4 d man! I keep wondering how he got into this mess! The man is so caring he does house chores... Washes his and d kids cloths wen dey were babies he changes dere diapers in public nd all dat! He even has a hardresser come ova @ weekends to make hair 4 d wife nd kids! This man is a great guy but not the great guy of this woman. She sumtimes treat d kids lyk dey aren't hers! You can tell from her face nd actions that she is irritated by d kids nd husband sef! If not cos I saw her pregnant I culda argued dat d kids aren't hers! She told me once sef wen dey had a fight.... Dat she wasn't supposed to marry dis guy dat she doesn't love him...

  8. 4give my long epistle.... Ma point is dat this man is great! Even outsiders see him nd dey wonder but d wife is still not satisfied! She was adviced not to let d guy go dat he is a great guy and age was no longer on her side bla bla bla.... Now! Dey are at each odas throat half d tym! No mata how great he is if u aint feeling him pls dnt bother! I av seen it happen.... You will end up feeling irritated all d time! Have mercy on ur future kids!

    1. I understand ur view point but I believe marriage is for matured minds! This thing called love comes and goes. As far as I'm concerned,its overhyped and not the biggest ingredient to getting married. If ur with a great guy who's good to u and ur kids,the least a woman cld do (and the man if the reverse is the case) is to be civil and respect the person.
      That's why ii believe its uber important to have someone who has a great sense of humor cos when the. Hot pipping love cools abit,that's one thing that keeps the r/ship going.
      We all don't love our next door neighbors but because we are civil nd respect each other,we live in peace and get along just fine

  9. I believe love is a choice and we chose who we want to love, even if you didn't love the guy before, you can look at the good side of him and love him for that. The bible says we should love who we marry and not marry who we love. The fact is love is not the basis for a successful marriage

  10. Anon 7:00 u hit the nail right. Sasha, ur last viewpoint I can buy.
    Phey, have u now seen that the problem is THE woman not necessarily if the man is a great or the great man?

    Life sha...
    Happy Sunday pals. Off to Preaching...

  11. I agree with this. Not all nice people are made for you.

    Jdy last posted...I'm Running To Stand Perfectly Still


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He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!

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