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I Have A Confession!





I'm about to admit something to you guys. Something I've never openly admitted. Talking about this takes more courage than I'd thought I would need.


All my life for as long as I can remember I've had friends, boyfriends, lovers, relatives that only I know about.

Because well, they're all in my imagination. Ok I said it! I have imaginary friends. I know it's weird for a 29yr old to have imaginary friends but what can I say...? Its involuntary but I find myself creating these "people" and weaving out their minds and fates. At every point when I was younger I always thought I would outgrow them but I never did. 

I remember Olaolu. He was my boyfriend when I was in QC. He was in Atlantic Hall and when he got to SS3 he was made Head Boy. He lived in VI and his parents loved me. Whenever they took vacations I was sure to get loads of goodies, he also bought me my first mobile phone, this was in the 090... era, before GSM. Olaolu was so real to me, he was both friend and advisor. I talked to him about everything and always felt better after I did. I never thought I would outgrow him but after secondary school he sort of fizzled out. So yes, just like Olaolu they all have lives, careers, jobs, relationships, pasts, futures, regrets ... Everything. 

 At this point I don't know if I'll ever fully outgrow them. They keep me sane. My current boo is called Bolade and he's the most amazing individual in the world, unfortunately his mum isn't particularly fond of me. (For some reason most of my imaginary boos are Yorubas. Things never work out with the Igbo ones. I dunno why). My bestie is Taylor, she works with Citi Bank and is the most loyal friend a girl can ask for. I can't talk in details about my current imaginary friends because they're still so real to me and it's all too personal. Last two years I found out on one of my fav non-gossip blogs (bisodunwrites.blogspot.com, she doesn't blog anymore though) that she also has imaginary friends, just the same way I do. And guess what, a number of her readers admitted to having them too. All in varying degrees. But a few people just thought we were either mad or possessed. One called it Ogbanje




The above is an excerpt from Bisodun's post. Through the years I was ashamed and thought there was something wrong with me but not anymore. My imaginary friends have done so much for me. In times of loneliness, confusion, frustration, they've advised, talked, consoled, hugged and loved me. I run most of my decisions through them and usually get good feedback. But then, not all are good as I've quarreled with a few over time. 

No, I'm not schizophrenic or depressed and they're not alter egos. I didn't experience any trauma as a child and I've always had friends and people to talk to, so unlike some people they weren't born out of social anxiety, loneliness or depression. I've tried but I can't help but create these people and on a few occasions someone has walked in on me talking to one of them. They'll ask "why are you talking to yourself" and I always say I was just thinking out loud. 

I hope I don't get judged for this, it's not something I have any control over. It's also not something I'm ashamed of, although it isn't exactly something to be proud of either. On the upside having imaginary friends has made me creative and some of my stories are based on experiences I've had with one or some of them in the past. 

I think I'm slowly outgrowing them. I don't have as many as I used to and even the few I have I hardly talk to or spend any time with. Sometimes these days I forget they're there; except my Bolade. LOL. 

So there you have it! Is there something that no one knows about you that you're not very proud of?

Comments

  1. ogbanje tinzzzzz

    ReplyDelete
  2. I won't lie. I have imaginary friends. I think it's fun and it keeps me entertained. Never told anyone either. I think most writers do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh dear! Thelma thanks for bringing this up. I've never told anyone before, but I often create a whole new world in my mind- my happy place, i can be whoever I want to be and go wherever I want to go. I have imaginary everything....and no people, it's not Ogbanje syndrome biko.

      Delete
    2. Omalicha, exactly! "my happy place" best describes it.

      Delete
  3. Ah! You need deliverance o!

    ReplyDelete
  4. haha, i do talk to the holy spirit like one-on-one
    my daughter is always freaked out like mommy who are you talking with ?
    can't help it.
    People that have imaginary friends and talk to them are more confident in real life.
    Thanks

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You just reminded me of closest friend in law school; always conversing with the Holy Spirit. The day we got into law school (the first time I met her) while we decided to explore the grounds when she wasn't talking to me she was mumbling to herself. When I got closer and strained my ears I could hear her saying "I take possession of this land, I take possession. This ground will favour me. Spirit speak to me" etc. and boy, did she take possession of that campus! I love that girl like my own flesh (just spoke to her like a minute ago LOL) but watching her publicly talk to herself could be scary.

      Delete
  5. In Nigeria everything is spiritual. Sorry to burst your bubble but not everything is. Most children have imaginary friends, some people just don't outgrow them. I think it's quite common but people are too embarrassed to talk about it.

    T sorry for my long absence. Very busy with work.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I used to have lots of those when I was younger. I even got married to two of them and we had kids but once the kids come, I create someone new yes, a new lover. The funny thing is I was in primary 5 when I married the two of them and I actually never had sex cause I seriously didn't know that was how ppl get pregnant but we did kiss alooooot.
    Then I had an imaginary family and throughout my childhood and through my stepmother's evil reign, they kept me safe and always promised me that the sun will always come out tomorrow. I believe I out grew them but when I did I cannot remember. I do try to create them sometimes but now I really can't. However I have fantasies about my perfect husband but he hasn't got a face, sometimes I could swear he's Caucasian. I think imaginary friends are therapeutic.

    ReplyDelete
  7. And I thought I was weird 'cos I had imaginary friends and lives. Lol. I think these crazy imaginations happen to most of us who love reading and writing articles and/or novels.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True. That's why most creative people are tagged eccentric. #Enjay#

      Delete
  8. I've been thinking for over an hour!
    I don't think I have any imaginary friend, the weird thing about me (that's if it's weird) , I can go back to bed at anytime, any day & continue my dreams from where it stopped before I woke up, till it has a desired end... LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you don't say?
      how do you do that? You're in complete possession of your dreams, pls how do you do it? help a sister out here, I have some unfinished business in some dreams

      Delete
  9. In my own situation, I don't have imaginary friends, I have an imaginary ME, family and friends. The imaginary me is a young American acting/singing sensation with a pent house sumwr in newyork. This imaginary me keeps me SANE. I can't wait to get home from work to lie on my bed and LIVE this life. I think I started this imaginary stuff cos I wasn't enjoying and still not enjoying my real life family. I love this period of my imagination cos I get to gist with my mummy abt sex and boyfriends (which I can't do in real life, me and my mum are on a Zero level). I get to travel and spend quality time around the world visiting my sis and her kids.I won't stop this imaginary, its my life and I thoroughly enjoy it. Lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha. This comment made me giggle.

      Delete
  10. I like your imaginary becos it has a purpose of keeping you sane.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ok so after some thorough search, I am married in real life and have absolutely zero problems with my husband however in my imaginary life, I am married with another man who i see in real life on the regular, he's married too and we have never exchanged more than HI/HELLO.
    Its sickening how do i stop this, its been years now, I know he fancies me but this is just wrong, luckily despite him being my imaginary husband in real life, we've never gone sexual , we are just the best buddies and hang out a lot.
    After reading this post and the comments, thank God Im not abnormal .. but pls Im ready to quit this.
    p.s this imaginary nonsense started the first day I spoke with him and he said jokingly that I was his second wife, this is a man I have been fancying from far for years thus causing an addiction.
    Pls Im not crazy, and pls don't judge me, despite having loads of married toasters through the years and even till now, Ive never had anything to do with a married man.
    help Nwando. I know some ppl will say this is committing adultery, however I argue contrary cz theres nothing sexual, I just know in my heart of hearts that we are meant to be bests in real life and we are both holding back.
    pheeeeeeew this confession sure helps.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Omo this made 'us' laugh! Its a crowded town up in my head and has been since i could put words together! i currently have five 'family and friends' living with me in my lil room and my neighbor n friend has gotten used to walking in and finding me talking 2 no one! 'They' have kept me safe, entertained, focused, confident, consoled and high on life at different times (my 'friend' Valerie, who 4 sm wacky reason looks like a doppelganger for my baby sis, n I got drunk on my late dad's bday and by that i mean 'she' got drunk n gave me reasons to laugh after I chatted wit T dat nite), Thanks to 'them' I'm great company and I'm also very ok being on my own too. I Stopped being bothered abt 'them' and whether 'they' were wrong or right a long time ago, thot it was a family trait i picked up tho (my mama, grandma n lil sis r mumblers too. Ironically we are also d ones most likely to b found with noses in books too). Nice to know i have partners in wacko-ness! And here's to the people in our heads that make us fabulous!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Plenty weird ppl in this world eh...lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Honestly. Nawa o! Imaginary what? Hell no.

      Delete
  14. I had imaginary friends as a child. @ ruthy I often have that experience. And anytime I do, I feel "one kind."

    ReplyDelete
  15. I never had an imaginary friend but i have an imaginary life, full of G-wagons, red soles and all the designers you can imagine. The prefect relationship, body and family and we all know that is far from reality.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Guess everything is normal these days! My childhood was too busy with chasing and stoning lizards in the village that I had no time for any imaginary stuffs. You people wont kill me!

    Hope you all had an awesome weekend like I did.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha Wale. YOU won't kill me @ chasing lizards. The weekend was fine, thanks.

      Delete
  17. Sounds borderline new-ageist to me. Scary stuff

    ReplyDelete

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