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I Need A New Matty!

On Friday *Matty called me. If I'd started blogging a few years back I would have bent all your ears with stories of Matty. I met Matty on twitter. Our meeting was just so weird. Then I used to be really active on twitter, you know, it was the last thing I did at night before I slept and the first thing I did once I woke up. Matty started following me when I had a picture of a very curvaceous lady in a bikini. The day after that he unfollowed me. He then explained that the near-nude picture made him uncomfortable. I couldn't care less. I was like; please who's this weirdo *rme*? He retweeted most of my tweets but I continued to ignore him. Till one day he dm'd me and we started chatting. Then he said he had to drive and asked for my number and then he called. Immediately we fell in friendship. We gisted for hours and we found we both worked in VI (I was doing my Chamber Attachment then) so we made plans for lunch the next day. The next day at noon he sent his driver to pick me up and bring me to meet him at Chevron staff club where we had lunch and drinks and gisted. I thought he worked with Chevron but in his words; "no I don't. Chevron is one of my clients. Haha! Chevron can't pay my salary". Matty wasn't arrogant, just honest. But really you couldn't blame him if he was arrogant, he had a First Class in Engineering from one of our oldest Universities and never had to look for work. Three days into NYSC Shell came and picked him up from camp and it had been one huge offer or the other since then. So Matty and I had lunch, the first of many to come.

The next day 30yr old Matty sent his driver to meet with a hand-written letter, a Blue Ray DVD of a movie he insisted I just had to watch, and lunch from the club. There was a tiny note attached to the letter where he asked if we could do dinner that night. Check NO or YES. I checked yes and returned the note to his driver. That evening at the close of work they came to pick me up and he took me to some Lebanese restaurant somewhere in VI. In the weeks that followed he would come and pick me up for the breakfast buffet at Federal Palace Hotel (where on days neither of us were busy) we would sit outside and have drinks till lunch time and then go back in for lunch, then back out for more drinks, gist, niblets and when evening came it was another restaurant some place or the other. 

Matty just wasn't there for the good times (but the good times were many. My first time at Radisson Blu, Oriental and Four Points were all with Matty), he was an awesome friend. Wise beyond his years and the kindest individual I had ever met. Our relationship never went beyond platonic but nobody believed I wasn't sleeping with him. Whenever I needed to travel all I had to do was call him and he would take care of my tickets, and sometimes my hotel accomodation. On my birthday that year he called in the morning and I jokingly mentioned I wanted the Bold 4. It had just come out then and was selling for over 90k. A few minutes after we spoke some guy was at my office with a brand new Bold 4 and an envelope with 40k, just in case I wanted to go out after work (he wasn't in town). 

One day after I was done with Law School he took my bestie and I out, she was in law school then, so we went to pick her up and took her out with us. We were along Ajose Adeogun when she brought out three rolls of human hair and showed him and told him she was selling them and jokingly asked him to buy it for me, the hair wasn't even hers but before we finished laughing Matty cleared beside one of the Zenith Banks, came down to use the ATM and gave her 120k for the hair (since there's a limit to what he could withdraw he completed the money with cash from his pigeon hole). Bestie and I were stunned but we kept quiet as she slipped the 120grand into my bag (of course I gave her a cut later.)

Through failed relationships and disappointments Matty was there beside me, advising, consoling, counseling. He would hug me and promise me that things would get better then would give an analysis on the relationship and why it didn't work. And on a few weekends he would scoop me away to one private beach or the other where we would spend the weekend. Once we went alone, other times we went with a chic he was dating. 

Like normal friends Matty and I had a number of quarels which were usually his fault. (I've noticed that extremely smart people can be quite stupid and clueless at times, sometimes they don't know what they're doing or saying is wrong.) we always reconciled and remained friends. On my birthday the next year my friend wanted to throw me a surprise thingy and it was Matty who funded the whole shebang! Oh, did I also add that when I was looking for an apartment in my Service year he gave me the money for my house rent (without me asking), and this wasn't the usual corpers' accomodation. Matty Matty Matty....

As they say; all good things come to an end. Matty and I drifted apart (marriage/kids/life), and even though we live barely five minutes from each other I've not seen him in about two years although we speak once in a while. 

Now I'm writing this not because I miss Matty (although I do) but because I need a new Matty. PLEASE WHO WILL BE MY NEW MATTY O!!!!!!!!!! I miss that life of excess, luxury, abundance, spas & pampering, unconditional love, platonic friendship, understanding, five star hotels, exquisite cuisine and free guidance counseling and psychotherapy and NEVER needing anything. 

Now accepting applications... No age limit or gender specification; I do not discriminate. But note that like Matty above, you must do this from the goodness of your heart and expect nothing in return. 

*Big Grin*. New Matty loading...


  1. Me sef need matty, any matty dia. Pls I need u 2

  2. thelma, can u link me with one of ur female friends to be my own mitty? Not gigolo things sha o!

  3. awww. I read through smiling. There are a few good guys out there o. But Thelma, didn't he ever ask you out? I need me a Matty too abeg.

  4. Thelma!! You are slow o!! God knows I would have married that guy lol if it was me. Matty's like that don't come round often. You could have been Mrs Matty right now lool

    1. Lol. I would have been surprised if no one said this. Tolu it's more complicated than that.

    2. how complicated though??? chiaaa. I get you is important but that can't be everything one needs in a potential spouse.. it iz well

    3. Nwando, you are what we call 'slowiman'. Shuoo, na wa for you o. What's complicated in taking that guy forever. Inshort I am vexing well well. Abeg me too want Marty, as in like yesterday. Anyway, maybe he wasn't just meant for you. Don't worry, God will not only bring Matthais for u, you real matty forever will also emerge.

  5. Thelma I̶̲̥̅̊
    need my own matty too o biko,azzin serzly.I̶̲̥̅̊
    want to be pampered too♑'t believe pipo lyk dat stl exist. Steffi

  6. Hia! Me sef need Matty! Unfortunately Tee people like that come once in a lifetime. Maybe its time to be somebody's Matty.

  7. Thelma!don't tell me u guys didn't have any feelings for eachother.I know platonic relationships like that exist but even if its 1 kobo love..i guess one of u shud hv felt it o.Me sef needs my own matty.

  8. Thelma!don't tell me u guys didn't have any feelings for eachother.I know platonic relationships like that exist but even if its 1 kobo love..i guess one of u shud hv felt it o.Me sef needs my own matty.

  9. Babe,no need to answer but what are u really looking for in a man? Ur man?
    You've meet the good ones who genuiely like u,and u let them slip away,like Matty. Sometimes the shacking love might not be at the beginning but with this fairy tale living,Nne it wld come along the way.
    Hmm,I know ur article is "Application for a new Matty" but don't let whoever passes the interview slip away too...

    1. Sasha what if I'm not what Matty wanted in a woman? Not saying that was the case but just what if? I cannot put all the details of an event in my life in a post. I wrote about Matty as regards to needing that easy life again. Our relationship or lack thereof is another story entirely.

    2. Really? A guy does all that for u "as a friend" and he isn't into u? Is he gay?

    3. Haha! No, I'm almost certain he isn't.

  10. Ok,just caught my lil bro of 16 reading ur blog...its kinna bookmarked on ur phone too! Oh well...

  11. Thelms, the one that you wished you had said you wanted more when he said you should just be friends, was it matty?

    Every girl needs a matty in her life,lols!

    1. Oh, no that wasn't Matty, that one was more like "friends with benefits". Matty and I were platonic all through.

  12. Thelma oh.... See as I type ur full name this time? why art thou slow with Matty when he was single?
    Pls am so angry that u let him go, u have some explaining to do biko...Long hiss...

    I don't need a Matty jooor *rme*, I only need a Good friend who has her own Matty. LOL

  13. I reserve my comment! Aside the comment I am reserving, guys like Matty abound but don't girls have other names for people like him? Or is that the new name, Matty??

    1. SMH Wale, don't be cynical. Mind you I wouldn't have minded being Mrs Matty, so no, I wasn't using him, he wasn't my maga or anything. He was a very generous friend who just wanted to see that I was happy and well taken care of.

    2. You don't get me, I was a Matty to somebody back then when I was single but the comments I heard broke my heart so much it took me a long time to get over it.

      The society is not fair with us sometimes, good intentions are often misinterpreted; it is often believed that you must be after something the moment you start being nice to a girl.

  14. What I like about your Matty is the smooth ways in which he spent the money.

  15. Aint too sure if any matty still exist in nigeria o...but thelma u don enjoy wella o...

  16. Abeg i'm looking for me Matty...where r u Matty...bobo Matty *whistling Caro as run away. But on a serious level tho, I look back and it seems like there has been so many good men in my life that aren't anymore. And the older and more independent i become the more i miss the days when my GBFFs took care of d lil worries of life. I miss my Mattys (have had 2, lucky me)

  17. Thelma pls hook a sister up, I know he's married but since he wants nothing in return then we're not committing any sin.

  18. Hmmmm almost cried reading this,pls thelma tell me men like this still exist before I give up on guys really. God pls do my own biko.

  19. I need me a Matty experience o!!! Haba

  20. Thelma, if I knew you personally I'd have beaten you up for letting this gold slip out of your hands. Just found your blog about 20 minutes ago and I'm loving it

  21. I also want a Matty.Thelma ur blog is sooo cool.kip up d gd work

  22. Hiya.
    Been a silent reader for months. First time I'm posting a comment. Great blog you have, keep up the good work. It's different from the load of junk out there. It really is a place for matured readers, keeping it as real as it is.
    Now this Matty sounds really yummy and just too good to be true. We all need a Matty/Martha at some point, just to keep us believing the world hasn't gone completely crazy.
    Need me a Matty BADLY!!! LOL!


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Good morning people! 
Just checking in to sign the register. Lol. It's been a very busy week and it looks like it might be an even busier weekend. I was hoping to get some writing done when I got to the airport yesterday but I even almost missed my flight. It was hopeless trying to do any work on the plane as it was bumpy af, and this toddler behind me wouldn't stop screaming in piercing shrieks like he was being exorcised. 
I got into town pretty late and needed to keep an appointment ASAP. I'm heading out right now and it's going to be a long day, but thought I should drop this first. 
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He was my coursemate, crush, then my boyfriend.... he was super
intelligent, smart, tall, dark and handsome. Believe me he got
swag, but he didn't seem to notice me. (I'm a nerd but a sassy one
if I say so myself).  So oneday I decided to take it to another level..
After listening to a song "IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY TELL THEM THAT YOU
LOVE THEM and watching the season film of The Secret Life of
American Teenagers. ..when Amy Jeugerns mum told her "you are only
young once". LOL that part got me.
Hope you know what i mean?

Though I'm okay with chemistry class I approached him to coach me for
the Quiz that was coming up, we found out that we had this
great chemistry between us.. hehehe both the covalent and
electrovalent bonds....

So one thing led to another till one unusual Saturday. I invited
him to my house and he came. The guy got swag, he even came
with a packet of durex condom.
We talked for a while and and and and and and
See how you are serious dey read this story....!

One More Post...


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Is it true that EVERYBODY has a secret? 
Is there anyone here who doesn't have a secret? I'd really like to know; You're a completely open book and there's not ONE thing about you that you wouldn't mind other people knowing about? Please raise your hands up. 
And for the rest of us, what's something about you that no one knows, or very few people know? Who's got a dark secret here, or a weird one, or a funny one even? I really don't mean to be invasive but I don't want to be the only one sharing, plus I think hearing other people's secrets is quite fun, don't you think?

Let's Be Random Together! (Open Keypad).

Hey guys, a while back blog reader F said something about creating an Open Keypad post, where you can write whatever you want in the comment section. I thought it was a fun idea!
So who is interested? Comment on anything you feel like, ask me or anyone a question, talk about how your day went, your job, your interests, tell us something about you that we don't know, share a testimony with us, rant about anything you feel like, talk about your crush/boo/spouse/relationship/marriage, challenges you're facing, ANYTHING AT ALL! 
I'll only make one request; that we stay civil. 

(F it was you who made this suggestion, right? I'm not too sure and I can't even remember the post the comment was made on). 
BTW please Ejoeccome out come out, wherever you are!

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Mother & child. 

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Question of The Day.

TTB readers doesn't this tweet below remind you of something?
That mail that someone sent me a few weeks back. 
But why on earth should a man sleep with his son's fiancé? But what am I saying, some men even sleep with their daughters...

Oh well, I'm throwing the question to you. What has happened in your life that you never saw coming, you never hesperred it, you never imagined could happen, you never imagined could happen to you? 
It could be good, it could be bad, it could be ugly. Do tell!
And it can be more than one. Let me tell you a few. 
-owning a blog -week long dry fast at Prayer City (I never hesperred it).  -staying in an (emotionally) abusive relationship.
The others require anonymity. LOL. Now over to you.