I had so much to do. The day was moving so slowly yet so fast. I almost yelled hurry up and end but in the same breath I prayed the clock's hands to stand still, I needed more time. Files, work, pressure, motions, lunch, noise, type, think, pressure, hurry, do, ideas, quick, breathe. They all hurled around my brain. This same brain was trying to think, do the magic, the one that thinks up the great idea that wins the client the case. Then you walked in.
I didn't see you. I felt you. It was so strong my mind momentarily ceased to function. Someone walks in and one looks up; hello, hi, welcome, good day, bye. But you, no. I willed my eyes to stay trained on the papers. Defamation. Malicious intent. Loss of livelihood. Motions. Focus. Focus. Fo... I looked up and our eyes met. Your eyes burned right through me. In a second I knew, you knew, I knew you knew. Your eyes burned right through me, through my heart straight to the depths of my soul. In a haste I bent my head low lest someone see this electricity that's threatening to set the whole building on fire.
You come in and sit in my line of view. I return my eyes back to the sheets. Focus girl, focus. Remember. You're the one who's going to think up that idea, employee of the month, a bonus perhaps. But all that was out of the window. I sit across from you and unabashedly stare. Could this be you? Could this be it? The one I've been waiting for? My miracle lover? I look at you questioningly. Somehow asking you these telepathically.
You look at me but quickly lower your gaze... Awww, he's shy. Yes, I always was attracted to the cute shy ones in glasses, but you, you're the king of them all. So answer me these, is this you, the one who'll come and make sense of it all, the salve on my heart's bruises, tears, cracks and fractures. The promised, preordained one? You raise your eyes and meet my gaze, you're just smiling your reassurances and affirmation when footsteps distract me, the annoying kricketykrak of stiletto heels on marble. She comes in.
Her grin lightening up an already over-lit office giving the 100 watts fluorescent a run for its money, nearly causing me to reach for my sunshades me and setting my teeth on edge all at once. "Hunnieeee" she calls out and just as if that's your name, you shuffle and get up. Why do you get up? Is your name Hunnie *SMH* *RME*? Boss comes out "Thelma how far have you gone?.... Ah Madam, your husband is really taking care of you, oh yes, he's here".
And just like that my hope comes crashing down just the way I saw the World Trade Centre disintegrate. At the forefront of my mind Alanis Morriset's Ironic aptly plays "it's like one thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. It's like meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife. And isn't it ironic?".
You usher her into boss man's office and some minutes later you both come out. You! You don't acknowledge me, not even a nod, not a wave, not a hesitant wink nor a regretful smile. Your eyes straight ahead, hand on the small of her back you hurriedly lead are out. Why the hurry? Why do you worry? Oh. You felt the electricity too, yes?
Goodbye my lover. The one that never was and never will be.